Ondalium
"This is how we'll dance when
They try to take us down.
This is what will be,
Oh Glory."
-Let the Flames Begin, Paramore
Shepard
Shepard stood in front of the frosted-glass paned doors, checking her reflection one last time. She sighed anxiously when she caught sight of herself. Commander Shepard had never been a vain woman, but she found herself nervous as all hell right now.
Sure, squads of biotic krogan battlemasters, hordes of geth, and swarms of giant cockroaches (as she liked to refer to the rachni), and she could be lulled into a sleep by her calm and focused composure. But dinner with Kaidan Alenko…
She fought the urge to shake her head at the thought of how silly she was being. This is why they had chosen this little obscure resort planet of Ondalium.
Ondalium was small, mostly used for family vacationers, looking to escape the winter season of their own homeworlds. It was mostly rented bungalows and stretches of white sand, but there was a tiny villa of native asari about ten miles away from this particular enclave. The planet was littered with them, mostly run by the asari. When humans began to make ships for longer distanced journeys, there was a territorial grab for land on the beaches of the planet, everyone looking for an opportunity to hook the new race into a tourist trap. And it had worked for a long while; humans flocked to the tropical climate, though most preferred the planet of Klanon, much closer to the Sol system.
But with recent raise in criminal activity, let alone the recent attack on the Citadel, the hotels and tourist spots of space were left with little but vacancies.
Which is why when her and Alenko had decided to sneak away during mandatory shore leave, they chose 'little, out-of-the-way' Ondalium; which remained, like all the other vacation spots, desperate for customers in current times.
It was for the better in the end. Their fraternization continued to be a secret for the time being. In fact, the only person who actually knew where they were right now was Captain Anderson. He was the one who had, in fact, suggested that they should disappear for a few weeks until the craze died down a little bit before returning to the public spotlight again. When they would return, they'd face the public, who waited impatiently until then for a press conference with the first human spectre, and their savior, though very few even knew from what they had been saved.
Until then, Anderson and Udina would handle the press, occupying them with vague implications and fancy side-stepping while the initial shock wore off.
The captain had not expected though, that when he proposed the crew of the Normandy should do a disappearing act for a few weeks, that the lieutenant and the commander would be disappearing together.
Though, Shepard thought, turning slightly to the side to examine how her silky, navy blue dress dipped down her back, she couldn't have imagined a more fitting way to dedicate her time off duty. In the last week and a half, she'd let herself not only get physically involved with Lieutenant Alenko, but also more emotionally than she had ever intended.
And then those few days ago, when their own deaths had been within hugging distance on the Citadel…. Well, they needed time to be together. Maybe to figure out what it was they had, or maybe to ignore the labels all together and just enjoy the company of a warm body. She wasn't sure which yet.
But, as she smiled to the unfamiliar feminine form grinning back at her, part of her knew that this was more than just the comfort of a warm body. There was something about Kaidan.
Something that caused her, begrudgingly, to buy herself the first dress she'd owned since the black one she'd worn to the Mindiorian Memorial Service.
Her appearance, though never important to her before, was all of a sudden a point of attention. She'd managed to do something with her hair which, due to the lack of time for a haircut in the last six months, had actually grown into some kind of style. She wanted to look good for Kaidan; which in itself was ridiculous, since the man had somehow managed to fall for her while seeing her covered in her own sweat and everyone else's blood.
Well… he'd seen her in nothing at all as well and didn't seem to have a problem with that either, she thought deviously. But that thought only proved she shouldn't be too concerned about how she looked tonight.
She made herself stop checking her reflection in the frosted glass of the wood-lined doors that lead into the palm-tree snuggled restaurant. She breathed deeply, running her hands down her dress once more to deter any wrinkles, and nodded to asari hostess, who smiled knowingly at the commander before opening the panels.
Shepard stepped across the threshold, the hot tropic air of the night giving way to temperature controlled dining hall.
The inside was cozy and small, identical to its cuisine siblings speckling the countryside between the individual pods of beach bungalows. The tables were covered in a fine white cloth Shepard couldn't name, and little red flowers and glowing candles centered the tables in an intimate setting. She could hear instrumental music playing from somewhere, and it sounded sweet and soothing, but she couldn't place the name of eerily beautiful asari instruments.
It was anything but hard to find Kaidan in the near abandoned floor. Shepard habitually noted an asari and her turian partner speaking closely in a corner over their own plates, but other than that the place was completely empty. And Alenko sat somewhere in the middle. She only caught sight of him unaware only for a moment, drumming his fingers nervously, before he noticed her.
She stopped walking when he looked up. The smile that lit up his face upon her arrival demanded a halt to her movement. She smiled herself as he stood from his seat to greet her.
When the bright smile melted into a grin she remembered how to breathe, and her manners, and continued her journey to his side, giving him a kiss on the cheek before indicating that they should sit. She sat adjacent to him, reveling in how easy it was to be close to him.
"You look, umm…" He started, somehow managing to keep his eyes on her face. But he lost the sentence somewhere.
"You don't look so bad yourself." Shepard offered, saving him. It was an understatement to say the least, but if Shepard had allowed herself to fully admire his beauty, then neither attempt at conversation would've been successful.
"Well, I'm sorry." He apologized quickly. "I was trying to make up a new word for 'gorgeous' to truly capture you, and that didn't work out so well."
Shepard snickered lightly. "Do you actually say that kind of stuff to women?"
Kaidan smiled. She got slightly distracted in the way the candlelight danced on his face with delight. "Well, sometimes it's either that or nothing at all." He admitted.
"Ah."
An asari waitress in a tropical wrap came to the table, smoothly offering a variety of seafood and fruit meals. All exotic, all expensive, and none of which the two humans understood. Shepard rested her hands thoughtfully on the tablecloth while the asari cooed over what she was sure would be 'perfect' for the two. When the waitress floated off again to get something to quench their thirst, Shepard turned back to her date.
She couldn't help but smile. And he only grinned back expressively. Shepard wasn't sure just how so many things could be implied amid that row of teeth, but it made her fluttery to think about it.
It was nice to see Kaidan try to loosen up a little bit. She was pleasantly surprised when he scooted her chair closer to hers and boldly took her hand in his. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, contemplating their interlocked hands thoughtfully.
"You had me worried there for a second." He said looking back up at her with playfulness. "When you told me to 'go ahead and get our table' and that you'd 'follow in a minute', I actually thought you'd meant a minute, at the most five." He teased.
She smiled. "It took awhile to scrub all the sand out of my hair."
He laughed. "Well, maybe we should invest in a beach blanket."
The fact wasn't lost on her that he had so easily said the word 'we'. Neither was it lost on her how much her heart enjoyed it.
Had she gone so long without feeling this? She'd fought for her life a hundred times over by now. And yet, she never remembered feeling this alive.
"I think today was worth a little inconvenient sand, don't you?" He slowly lifted her hand to his lips, gently kissing her fingers and returned their hands to the table. She nearly giggled at how quickly the blood rushed to her cheeks. "Kaidan Alenko," she said lightly trying to mask her reaction, "Where did that come from?"
Kaidan smiled and let go of her hand, reaching for the near empty glass in front of him, where something fruity and yellow rested at the bottom. He swirled it around. "I think from whatever is in this." He laughed. "I didn't think it was spiked."
She shook her head at him and reached for his glass. "May I?"
He nodded and nudged it closer to her. She bravely drank what was left in the bottom, out of curiosity more than anything. "I wouldn't want you to feel unfairly vulnerable." She justified sarcastically.
At first it was like any other cold drink she had tasted, and it ran refreshingly and flavorfully through her mouth and down her throat. And then she felt the warming sensation, like fuzz that blossomed in her head and poured over her, down to her toes, quickly followed by a soothing coolant. She felt instantly calm and comfortable, but not in a way that felt out of her control. Yet.
"Oh, yeah." She said slowly, watching Kaidan's cheery eyes dance. "Definitely… spiked."
Just then the asari waitress reappeared with two glasses of matching yellow-spiked-something. Shepard swallowed carefully. She should've been more nervous about drinking. She hadn't in such a long time, and she remembered that it didn't take too much to get her at least tipsy, but she felt exceptionally safe with Alenko.
She smiled at the thought, meeting his eyes with sincere expression. He leaned over and kissed her, and she offered him a smirk in return. Could so much be said without any words?
He released a short breath of laughter. "There it is. That damn devious smile."
She laughed. "You're not scared of me, are you?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "No, but that-" he said pointing to her lips, "is the smile you gave me after that slip up I had in the wards. That's when I-"
He stopped talking and looked at her, his cheeks darkening.
She took a sip of her yellow juice and leaned in. "When you 'what', Lieutenant?"
He cleared his throat. "Well, put in the most gentlemanly and appropriate terms…" he said slowly. "I suppose that's when my subconscious conceded that if flirting produced that kind of smile from you, it might be worth the court martial.
"And," He said, leaning in further, "worth all the physical training I'd be put through if you didn't like it. Or hell, if you did. "
"Ha ha!" she laughed. "That last line it total bull!"
He shrugged, but continue to smile. "Okay, yes, I was trying to make it sound better than 'decided it was okay to stare at your ass as long as it was discreet and no one else knew what I was doing'."
"Yeah, no, I knew." She laughed. "And umm, I'm pretty sure Harkin knew. I think that's why he put on such a show of hitting on me."
She took another swallow from her glass and felt the warm effects, this time not noticing the cool after-swell. She glanced in her hand to find she'd nearly drained it while Kaidan had been talking.
"Alright, alright." He said sweetly, moving the empty glass to the other side of the table. "Not too much of that or I might have to take advantage of you later."
Shepard took a second to sober up and realized how strong that stuff really was. "I think it might be too late for trying to be gentleman." She said scrupulously eyeing the juice with surprise.
Kaidan smiled. "Drunk enough dance, yet?"
Shepard looked around the room. There was no dance floor. "Here?"
Kaidan looked around too. "Well, I mean, if you think we'd get in the way of all the other customers…" He chuckled, already pulling her to her feet.
"I think maybe you've had too much to drink, Alenko." She said, letting him pull her hand to the aisle.
"Maybe." He grinned and spun her slowly into his arms, catching her and holding her close.
The music wasn't anything you could really dance to, but as they spun in tight little circles, it was exceedingly obvious that the music was that last thing on their minds. Shepard felt unbelievably free to snuggle against him rest her head in the crook of his neck. His fingertips rested gently on her spine, his other hand holding hers against his chest.
He began humming along tunelessly and she smiled, pulling her head back to meet his gaze.
"You know something?" She started quietly.
"Hmmm?" He leaned his forehead on hers, their lips separated only by the lengths of their noses.
She breathed deeply. "I've never told you this, but when I confronted Dr. T'Soni about those rumors… I told her you were 'special'. And that I cared about you. A lot."
He smiled.
"I just, never thought I'd actually use that term 'special' to describe what someone meant to me."
"I think we are special." He said running his fingers down her back soothingly. "And I think it's important that we say that aloud. Especially when we aren't running from death. I mean, the whole galaxy is a mess right now. It's easy to forget that, when we're way out here. But this is going to be hard when we get back."
"I'm scared." Shepard whispered. Her heart clenched even as she said the words, hardly admitting to them herself. Just letting Kaidan know she was afraid was dangerous to her heart.
"Hey." He said, finally stopping their endless and slow circle. "Look at me."
She met his brown eyes with apprehension, but she saw only tenderness in them.
"I would never, never do anything to hurt you. " He said holding her in place. "Do you understand me?"
"I'm not saying you would ever mean to-"
"Then give me the chance to show you I won't." He argued softly. "Let me try. Give us a chance."
The asari came by the table, set their food down, and left. But they didn't move.
"I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to give us a chance." Shepard pointed out. "But you said so yourself, here it's easy to pretend it's just us. But when we get back… everything is going to be so complicated. We've waded in so far that going back now would be just has hard as trying move forward."
Kaidan sighed. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll follow. Can I just say something first?"
She nodded.
He leaned forward and kissed her slowly, wrapping his arms further around her.
When his lips released her she didn't make moves to separate their bodies. "If we didn't have this vacation, and were back on the ship right now, would you stop wanting me to do that, even if it weren't permitted. Would you stop wanting it?"
Shepard slowly shook her head no.
"So what difference does it make? These two weeks are a gift. We've been counting down to shore leave for weeks now."
"So you really want to try this? You want to be together. Really together."
Kaidan sighed as if he were surprised that they were even having this conversation. "Shepard… You know that first night we were together, before Ilos? I didn't come to your room just because I wanted to get laid again before I died." He said solidly. "You could've sent me back out of your room with a kiss, or hell, even a slap and I would've been fine. I had just wanted you to know how much you meant to me, whether you accepted it or not. You don't do that to someone you're just 'kind of fond of', or just 'like flirting with'. We knew we were taking that step that night, and it was because of something we felt very strongly about. Don't tell me now that you didn't really mean it, or just didn't want to be alone that night."
"No," Shepard said defensively. "I did it because I loved-" Shepard froze. Kaidan's forehead creased with intensity as he realized what she was saying.
"I've never said that before." Shepard realized. She pulled her face closer to his. "I love you, Kaidan." She kissed him as fiercely as she dared in a public setting, and when they broke away breathlessly moments later, he pulled her body up into his in a hug that left her delightfully suffocated.
"So we're doing this?" He verified.
"When we get back, I'll turn myself into Hackett and Anderson. About past, current, and future fraternization I intend to have." She said slyly, "I'd rather them find out from me."
Alenko looked nervous for a moment.
"They won't reassign you, Kaidan. They can't replace your spot on the Normandy, and you know too much about the galactic situation. As much as I do in fact."
"I'm going with you to break the news." He said.
Shepard smiled. Then like a cold splash of water she came back to the real world. "We've been standing here holding each other for ten minutes." She said awkwardly, looking around the restaurant. The turian-asari couple was gone. And Shepard and Alenko's food was no longer steaming on the table.
He laughed. "Ah well." He stepped away from her and offered her his hand. "Now if you would be so kind as to allow this man to escort his woman to her seat."
"I like the sound of that."