Note: This is a follow up of my one-shot "Until You Disappear From Me (From You). It won't make sense unless you read that first. Also, the title comes from the song That Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.
xxxx
The Windows Are Breathing in The Light (The Rooms a Collection of Our Lives)
Felicity has yet to wake up.
It's been a week.
The doctors have run their tests. Drawn their samples and administered their scans. Felicity didn't suffer any brain damage. There's no swelling or inflammation accept for what is present in her spine. Her brain is free of destruction.
They call it a psychogenic coma. Her body has decided that its best coping mechanism is to cease all functions accept for those that keep her alive. This reaction, apparently, is caused by a combination of both physical and mental distress.
Sara has been in and out of Felicity's room, trying to give Oliver the space and time he needs. It's as much for her benefit as it is for his. Various faces have been coming and going from the private room Oliver paid to have Felicity stay in. Diggle, Roy, her father, Thea, even her sister came once; although that was more for Oliver and Sara than for Felicity. The vase Oliver had thrown against the wall has been replaced and every few days there are different flowers sitting on the bedside table.
The constant in all of this is Oliver. He sits vigil at her bedside, clinging onto Felicity's remaining light harder than Felicity herself might be. He holds her hand, caresses her cheek, plays with her hair. He talks to her in hushed tones, giving her a connection back to the real world and trying to prevent her mind from falling so far down the rabbit hole that she can't find her way back to reality. Back to him.
Sara feels like an intruder when she witnesses these moments. So she tries to match her visits with Oliver's breaks for food and basic hygiene. The first two days she's pretty sure he doesn't eat a thing and the only time he leaves Felicity's bedside is for necessary use of the restroom. Diggle and Thea started forcing him to eat and shower after that. Felicity wouldn't want him to waste away to nothing because of her.
In those few moments she has to herself and Felicity, Sara can't stop the flow of apologies from her mouth. She's sorry for how her arrival made Felicity second-guess her place on the Team. She's sorry how her relationship with Oliver must have hurt both of them. She's sorry she couldn't keep Felicity in that safe house and away from Slade. She's sorry Felicity is lying comatose in this hospital bed because the blonde took a bullet meant for her. She's so, so sorry. And in this time Sara realizes something…
She's finally run out of tears.
xxxx
"Why isn't she waking up?" Sara pauses at the door when she hears the familiar voice just barely under control. The anger and frustration are evident in his tone.
"Mr. Queen, this is a defense mechanism her-"
"I'm aware of what a psychogenic coma is. My question is, why aren't you doing anything to bring her back?"
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do but wait. Her body and mind will bring her back when she's ready."
"And how long will that be?" Helplessness begins to slip into his voice.
"We can't say for sure." Of course they can't. They never can. "However, after analyzing the results of Ms. Smoak's latest tests, it seems the inflammation in her spine has become considerably smaller. Her lower body function may be salvageable. This is good news, Mr. Queen." Sara attempts to quell the spark of hope that arises in her. Everything in her life has taught her to prepare for the worst.
The doctor steps out of the room and Sara maneuvers around him to get in. Oliver is leaning over Felicity, hand cupping her unmarred cheek and forehead pressed gently to hers, eyes screwed shut. She knows he's trying not to get his hopes up as well.
"Ollie." It's the first time she's spoken to him since they found out about Felicity's condition.
"I just need her, here, Sara. I need her here." She walks over to rest a hand on his back in support.
xxxx
"Sara…" She's suddenly snapped out of her daze, everything in her alert at the sound of that voice.
"Oh my God, Felicity." The girl lying in the bed, unconscious for the past ten days, gives a weak uptick of her lips. Felicity is awake. Felicity is alive. "You're awake."
"You-" A coughing fit cuts her off and Sara immediately grabs the water from the bedside table and holds the straw to Felicity's lips for her to drink.
"Shhhhh… It's ok. Don't try to talk. You've been in a coma for the past ten days. Let me call the doctor." Her hand flashes out and hits the call button on the wall then takes the cup back from Felicity when it's empty.
"You're okay?" Of course the first thing she would do is check that Sara was okay. Of course.
"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks to you."
"Felicity." Both girls look up at the sound of his voice, all the air leaving his lungs. He stands there, frozen in shock and disbelief.
"Oliver." All of the sudden it clicks and Sara jumps out of the way as he rushes forward, not stopping until both hands are framing Felicity's face and his is an inch away from hers. Their breaths mingle in the air between them as they look at each other. The expression in Oliver's eyes is more intense than any way he ever looked at Sara. He's not just looking at Felicity. He's looking at salvation.
Sara takes a few more steps back and realizes there's someone standing in the doorway. John Diggle witnesses the scene with something akin to relief, thankfulness, and adoration. But there's also respect. Respect for the privacy of the pair that has gone too long without the one thing they need the most. Each other. It's then that Sara realizes that she's not the only one who has noticed the bond between Oliver and Felicity. Diggle has, too, and it looks like he understands it better than she does.
The doctor enters with an attending and breaks up the moment. He is all business as he quickly describes Felicity's physical condition to her. She tries to be brave but Sara can see the catch in her breathing and the shine of tears in her eyes when he mentions the possibility of losing her mobility.
Oliver's hand never leaves Felicity's.
"Alright, Ms. Smoak. We want to assess the damage to your spine so I'm going to ask you to follow a series of commands. Can you do that?" Felicity nods her head. "Okay, can you wiggle your toes for me?"
Sara holds her breath. A look of concentration comes to Felicity's face and she stares down at her now uncovered toes. There's no movement. With a huff, Felicity tries again. This time worrying her bottom lip as frustration leaks into her posture. Still nothing moves.
"Why isn't it working? You said she would be okay." Oliver is growing uneasy.
"It's not uncommon for this kind of injury. Especially after her body has been doing minimal necessary work these past few days. Keep trying, Felicity. Can you feel anything?"
"I… I think so, it sort of tingles. Is that good?" She's still trying her damn best to wiggle her toes as agitated tears pool in her eyes and spill over.
"Sensation is a good sign, yes. Don't exhaust yourself. You've just woken up after some serious trauma." The doctor's words are encouraging but not inspiring. "We can try again tomorrow."
xxxx
"Why can't I do this?" The shout travels from the room into the hallway. Sara sits on one of the chairs that have been placed against the wall across from Felicity's door sometime this past week.
"You heard the doctor, Felicity. He said that sensation was a good sign and he's right. When I was in the war, we saw guys come in with limbs nearly severed off, some salvageable, some not. Eight times out of ten those who said they felt sensation gained back at least some degree of mobility."
"My legs weren't severed off, Digg. I was shot. My legs are still completely attached to my body. I should be able to wiggle my damn toes!" Sara hears Felicity let out a small sob. "I'm sorry. This isn't your fault. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm sorry." Her voice is weak and from her seat Sara can see Felicity start to silently cry. Diggle takes a step towards her, around Oliver, and places a kiss on her cheek.
"Don't apologize. We've all been on edge for a while now. We just had more time to deal with it than you have. It's going to be okay." He gives her a soft smile that she returns with a sniffle and one of her own. "I think I'm going to go pick us all up some food. Any requests?"
"Big Belly Burger?"
"You got it. The usual?"
"Yes, please. And maybe a mint chip milkshake? Extra whip cream?" Felicity looks so small and fragile in that bed, Sara thinks, eyes slightly glassy and hair free of its usual ponytail.
"Anything for our girl." Digg squeezes Felicity's hand, glances at Oliver who only nods, and heads out, stopping to ask Sara if she wants anything. She quickly thanks him but declines. She just had lunch with her father, who had come by again to check on both Felicity and Sara. As she's about to get up and go home for the evening, Sara hears Felicity speak again.
"You don't have to stay here all hours of the day you know. I'm clearly not going to be running off any time soon." Oliver doesn't respond. "Okay, bad joke, too soon. I'm just angry and frustrated and this is how I'm dealing with it. But seriously you don't have to stay with me. I know for a fact that you haven't been to QC since…" Slade. Since she got shot and went into a coma. Since the shaky foundation they built their world on was rattled and broken so thoroughly. "That paperwork is going to come back to bite you in the ass. I bet Isabel is just having a field day. Oh God, Oliver, what does she think about you being here? What does everyone think? I can just hear the rumors now-"
"I don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks. All that matters is you." There's so much conviction in his voice that Felicity chokes a little bit and even Sara is thrown by his confession. "All I care about is that you're okay. I'm not leaving you."
"…Okay." Felicity's reply is so soft it's barely audible to Sara.
"Try moving your toes again."
Five minutes later, as Sara grabs her bag and stands up to leave, an excited shout escapes Felicity. Sara peers into the room and can just barely make out the movement of her big toe wiggling back and forth. It's a start but there is still such a long way to go.
xxxx
Felicity is released from the hospital exactly two weeks after the accident. She leaves in a wheelchair. After days of testing and minimal physical activity, her mobility has still not returned completely. It's possible that it never will.
Sara has offered to stay with Felicity during the first part of her recovery. Some of her stuff is still at the apartment anyway. It's nothing. Nothing at all compared to what Felicity is going through. Nothing compared to the sacrifice she has made in order to save Sara's life. The guilt hits her yet again. Felicity wasn't supposed to take the bullet for Sara this time.
Felicity insists that everyone tries to resume his or her normal routines and they do, while still making sure someone is with Felicity at all times. Roy picks his job back up at Verdant, both jobs. Diggle helps train him at night while still posing as Oliver's driver during the day. Sara goes out on patrol and takes a couple of slow shifts at the club, but promises that if anything comes up she will be back at the apartment in a heartbeat. Still, it's hard to go back to normal when a huge part of what's normal is missing, the absence serving as a vicious reminder.
Oliver is the exception. He goes in to QC for the minimum number of hours necessary to maintain his CEO facade. Isabel as good as owns the company currently. Besides that, he's at Felicity's apartment. Sometimes Sara thinks he's there more than she is. The only time he sets foot in the foundry is when his anger and grief over what has happened threaten to consume him. Then he gets lost in himself and the rhythmic pounding of his fists against the training dummies or the clank of the bar on the salmon ladder as he moves up and down until his body begs him to stop and he's exhausted himself enough to pass out for a few hours. Sara's been witness to some of these sessions. There's so much anger and pain emanating from him that sometimes she flinches for him. What's worse is that it is all directed at himself. She's pretty sure that if anyone is to blame here, it's her. After all, she was the intended target.
Staying with Felicity is Sara's punishment and her penance. Watching Felicity struggle to do simple things, like change clothes, shift her position in bed, go to the bathroom, pierces Sara almost as well as the bullet would have. But if providing Felicity with the assistance she needs is all Sara can do, then you fucking bet she is going to do it. It will never make up for what has happened. It will never make everything better or bring things back to the way they were. Their world as they knew it has forever changed. Now, they have to find a way to live in this new one and Sara is going to do everything she can to make sure what they do can be called living instead of just existing. Because Felicity Smoak was meant to live.
Xxxx
Sara walks into the apartment to the smell of tomatoes and garlic and the sound of sizzling in a pan coming from the kitchen. She can faintly hear voices from that direction and turns the corner to see Oliver kneeling in front of Felicity, who is currently sitting in her wheelchair. Their faces are close and Felicity has her eyes closed, cheek leaning into Oliver's hand that is gently cupping it. His other one holds onto hers in her lap, thumb stroking back and forth across her knuckles. Sara can't make out what he's saying to her but she can deduce that this is something they don't want an audience for. She makes herself known, bursting through the bubble surrounding the pair and keeping the rest of the world out.
"What are you making?" Felicity jolts away from Oliver's hold so fast Sara is worried she's given herself whiplash, another injury that would be her fault. Oliver slowly stands and gives Sara a look of annoyance at being interrupted.
"OH, Sara, hi! I thought you had the late shift at Verdant tonight." A blush spreads across Felicity's cheeks and down her neck. She's still so cute.
"It was a slow night. Thought I'd come back and see if you wanted to order some take out, watch one of those ridiculous sappy movies you like." During their time as roommates Sara had quickly learned of Felicity's odd love for both cliché romance movies and slightly nerdy sci-fi shows. When she had a particularly rough week, Felicity liked to crack open a bottle of wine and immerse herself in the fictional world to forget about her problems for a while. "Looks like Ollie beat me to it."
"Your dad stopped by while you were working. He wanted to check up on Felicity and drop off his recipe for chicken cacciatore since she loved it so much when he came by last week." The annoyance quickly goes away as Oliver replies and he gives Sara a small smile before walking over to the stove.
"Wow, my own dad drops by and doesn't even tell me. I'm beginning to think he would adopt you if he could, Felicity."
Sara has been trying to lighten the mood ever since Felicity came home. She's nowhere near as good at it as the other girl, especially when her heart is only half in it, but she can tell that Felicity appreciates her attempts. Sometimes it brings her back to earlier days when she could smile and laugh with the people around her. Pre-island times when her biggest worries were what she was going to wear on her date with that cute boy in her Euro Civ. Class or which party her and her friends were going to that weekend. She forgets that there was a time when she was the lighthearted one who just had fun and enjoyed life, who loved with a heart and a soul that weren't damaged beyond repair.
"Oh stop it! Detective Lan- Quentin loves you!" Lance has insisted that Felicity call him by his first name during one of his visits.
A ringing starts and Oliver reaches for his phone but quickly realizes it's in his jacket, which he had thrown on the counter before he rolled up his sleeves to start dinner. He grabs it and checks the caller ID.
"It's the office. We have a meeting about a merger tomorrow. I have to take this." He looks like he wants to do anything but accept the call.
"I'll be fine. Sara can take over the cacciatore. Right?" Sara nods her head in agreement and walks over to survey how much damage has been done to the Italian dish. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Oliver answer the call, then quickly lean over to kiss the top of Felicity's head before walking out of the kitchen and into Felicity's bedroom.
"So, uhm, how was work?" Felicity seems flustered at Oliver's actions and Sara can't help but find it adorable. Lord knows Felicity has walked in on her and Oliver in much less innocent acts before.
"Like I said, slow. Thea hired a new bartender for the weekends and he's been learning the ropes this week. Figured I'd let him take the reigns on a less hectic night."
"That's good. I'm glad you let someone take control for once. You know, of the bar. Not you. Although, if you're into that stuff it's totally cool. I had a boyfriend once in college. He had a thing for leather but I didn't really see the appeal. I always figured it would get really hot and sweaty. I was right. The one time I tried it the leather kept rubbing against itself and making this awful noise. Now that I think about it, it was probably cheap pleather. But I'm definitely coming around to it. Oh God why couldn't my mouth mobility be impaired instead?" Felicity's rant is full of levity but her last comment sobers Sara up some from the laughter she was trying to hold back. However, a slight smile remains on her face.
"I understood what you meant." She turns back to the food and goes about preparing the rest of the meal. Oliver, surprisingly, hasn't completely ruined it. After a few minutes of silence Sara can feel Felicity's gaze on her. She's worrying her lip between her teeth and looks like she's deciding to say something or hold it back. "What is it?"
"Are you okay with this?" Sara doesn't understand the question. Okay with finishing dinner? She would cook for them every few days when they were roommates, on those rare off nights when the city didn't need saving. Okay with her temporary living arrangements? This was her idea. Felicity tried to protest but Sara stood strong in her decision, her small way to make up for Felicity's very large action of selflessness.
"Okay with what? Making dinner? I used to love helping my dad before the island." It doesn't seem such a big deal to Sara. She checks the sauce to see if it's done and takes the pan off the stove so it doesn't burn.
"No, uh, okay with how Oliver has been acting." That gives Sara pause. She turns around to look at Felicity.
"I'm not really sure I understand what you're asking."
"Well, I mean, he's in and out of here all the time. More in than out." She watches as Felicity cringes slightly at her use of words before continuing. "And you're here. But obviously there's not a lot of privacy in my tiny apartment. I mean I only have one bedroom and the couch is kind of small. Things have been… overwhelming for lack of a better word but I don't want you two to feel like you have to put anything on hold because of me."
"Felicity, that's not happening."
"Obviously it's not right now. I'm sure you would like your privacy for, uh, that. What I'm saying is, feel free to take a night off. Digg can keep me company and make sure I'm tucked into bed all safe and sound. I don't thing either one of you taking a break for a night will set my physical healing back. After everything you've done for me, you deserve some time to yourselves to relax and, uh, unwind." By the end of Felicity's little rant Sara is laughing and Felicity is beyond confused.
"Wait, you are telling me that you want me and Oliver to take a night off so we can have sex?" How is it possible that this girl is sitting here, unable to walk, and feels bad because her injury, which she got saving Sara's life, is infringing on their sex lives?
"Not just for sex. You guys could watch a movie or trade off kung fu ninja techniques or beat up some bad guy together. I don't know, whatever it is that you guys like to do together. I don't want my immobility to cause anyone anymore problems than it already has." Sara can tell that Felicity is being sincere and she's struck again by how much this girl cares for the people around her.
How has Felicity not noticed? How has she not realized that Oliver's whole world now revolves around her? How has she not seen that being any distance away from her where he can't reach out and touch her terrifies him, like he thinks something is waiting in the shadows to rip her away from him again? Then again, Oliver has always kept a close eye on Felicity.
"Oliver and I are not together." The words sting a little on the way out but there's no gaping hole in her chest from the admission. She still has Oliver in her life; just not in the way it started all those years ago before the island. If anything, this might be good for them, healthier.
"Oh…"
There's a minute of silence as Felicity processes that information. Sara can hear Oliver's rumbling voice from the bedroom and he sounds agitated. The call must not be going very well. She assumes it's with Isabel. Conversations with his co-CEO tend to escalate quickly.
"I'm sorry. It isn't because of me is it? I've told you before I'm okay with it. Not that you need my permission or anything. Really, it's not suddenly going to become too much to bear and cause my condition to get worse."
"It is because of you." Felicity opens her mouth to respond but Sara continues. "But not for that reason. When we were in the hospital, that first night when we didn't know exactly what was wrong or if you would wake up… I've only ever seen him that wrecked a handful of times. He sat there and held your hand and pleaded with you to stay with him. It broke my heart. It's also when I realized how much he cares about you." Sara doesn't use the word love. Oliver's never outright admitted that he is in love with Felicity. She knows he is, but she'll let him be the first one to say the words out loud, hopefully soon and to Felicity. "If Slade had given him the chance to choose, he would have saved you."
"You don't know that, Sara. He cares about you, too. He chose you before."
"I don't think he did. When Ivo forced Oliver to choose, between me and Shado, Oliver wouldn't do it. He begged and screamed at Ivo to leave us out of it, that we had nothing to do with it. But then Ivo counted down and the gun was aimed at me and he just reacted. Oliver dove in front of the gun. He was going to take the bullet for me, like you did. He wasn't choosing anyone."
"Still, you have been through so much together. Sometimes I think you understand him better than either John or I do. You know his past and his present. All I know is what's necessary for our mission and the little things he lets slip now and then. I wish I could understand that like you do."
"That's true, but he doesn't need someone as damaged as he is. He doesn't need someone plagued by the same nightmares and the same pains. Oliver needs somebody who can bring light to his life. Somebody who can bring him back from all the bad in his life and help him see the good. You do that for him. You inspire him to become a better person. You make him smile and laugh and you fit in all the broken places inside of him. I noticed it before but I didn't realize just how true that was until you were lying in a hospital bed while he sat next to you and refused to leave."
It really is amazing to Sara how absolutely blind these two are when it comes to the other. Even before she realized the depths of his feelings, Sara knew there was something between Oliver and Felicity.
Heavy footsteps and a few mumbled Russian curses reach her ears then and the conversation ends abruptly as Oliver walks back into the kitchen.
"Sorry about that. Some of the numbers aren't matching up from the quarterly report and accounting wants me to run through it, see if I notice anything. It's probably just an outdated copy that someone mislabeled but with the merger offer tomorrow they want me to oversee it. Isabel insisted."
He would know. There were days when Sara listened to Felicity let off some steam about how, 'For someone who is CEO of a company with his name plastered to the side of its building and who attended three Ivies and a highly esteemed private college as a business major, it's amazing that he can't even double check the dates on a sheet of paper.'
"I can call them back and tell them you need me here." His hopeful comment is aimed at Felicity.
"So now you use the injured girl as an excuse to slack off on the job? I don't think so, Mr. Queen."
Again, Sara wonders how two people who are so aware of each other can be so blind! Where Felicity jokes that he is stalling to get out of a late night meeting, Sara can see that the real reason Oliver said it is because he doesn't want to be away from her. How did he ever keep her at arms length before?
"Fine. I'll be back soon, okay?" He walks over to where Felicity is sitting and runs his fingertips along her cheek. She nods and gives him a smile.
"I'll be fine. Sara can keep me company and listen to me babble while you're gone. Don't worry, we'll save you some food." Oliver gives her one last smile before he stands up, rolling his sleeves back down and grabbing his jacket off the counter.
"Take care of her. I'll be right back." Oliver says this so only Sara can hear him as he passes her and walks out the door.
Of course, she thinks. It's the least she can do.
xxxx
It's a month after her release and everything is going well.
Until it isn't.
"All I'm saying is that Gwen clearly loves Peter more than Mary Jane ever could and she's definitely better for him."
"What? Mary Jane is the red head, right? Oh come on she totally has dibs! He's had a crush on her forever. Gwen just comes in and tries to take him from her."
"In the first movie trilogy, which is completely inaccurate! Gwen is his high school sweetheart, his true love. Until-" Felicity and Sara are interrupted from their movie watching-turned-debate by a loud knocking on the front door.
"Ollie must have forgotten his keys again. I'll go let him in." Sara stands up from where she is seated on the bed and crosses the room to the hall.
She opens the door to find both Oliver and Diggle standing in the doorway. Digg is holding two pizzas and a six-pack of beer in his hands. Oliver has another pack in his and a brown paper bag in the other. She looks at them questioningly.
"We heard you were having a movie night and thought we would bring food in hopes that you'd let us join." Diggle grins at Sara as she assesses their offer.
"What's in the bag?"
"Mint chip and Rocky Road." Oliver isn't exactly smiling but she can see the corners of his mouth tilt upwards slightly.
"Alright, I guess you can come in. Bring that stuff in the kitchen and we can dish it out."
"Sara?" Felicity's voice calls out from the bedroom.
"It's just me and Digg, Felicity." Oliver answers before Sara gets a chance. She can't help but smile.
They've avoided any sort of fanfare before now. Felicity has been dealing with a lot and they didn't want to overwhelm her even more. But it's been a month without incident and Felicity is getting stronger. Her physical therapy is going well and she stood up the other day with Oliver's help, although she had to hold onto him the entire time. She only had enough strength to stay vertical for a few seconds to a minute before Oliver caught her as her legs gave out. Still, it's progress. They've been working on her standing ever since.
Sara leads Oliver and Diggle into the kitchen even though they both know where it is. The apartment is pretty small and they've been here enough times to know by now. Digg cracks open the beers while Sara starts putting pizza on plates. Oliver grabs the ice cream scooper from its drawer and some bowls and begins scooping it out.
"How is she?" Sara seriously considers punching Oliver she's heard that question from him so many times.
"You mean as opposed to how she was when you were here two hours ago?" He gives her a look and she relents. "She's fine, Ollie. We started marathoning the first Spiderman trilogy and we were debating Peter Parker's lady loves when you guys showed up."
"Is that even a debate? Gwen Stacy is clearly the winner."
"That's what Felicity said." Sara rolls her eyes. "I guess it's just a coincidence that Gwen is a gorgeous blonde with a genius IQ who serves as a source of strength and light for the hero?" Really, could he be more obvious?
"Purely coincidence."
"Huh, right." Digg snorts in reply and exchanges a look with Sara.
There's a loud crash and a thump from the bedroom and Felicity cries out. Oliver shoots out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell and is in the bedroom in seconds. Sara and Diggle run after him. Felicity is nowhere in sight.
"Felicity!" Oliver calls out as he walks further into the room.
"Over here." The sob comes from the other side of the bed and they all rush around it.
The sight brings tears to Sara's eyes and a tightening in her chest. Felicity is crumpled on the floor in a mess of limbs with her tablet lying shattered next to her. Her arm gives her support as she pushes her upper body off of the floor. Her glasses have fallen off and tears slide down her cheeks. Little, helpless sobs escape her and cause her shoulders to shake. Oliver drops to the ground by her side in a second and frames her face with his hands, his thumbs brushing away her tears.
"Felicity, what happened?" His voice is soft and Sara can hear the pain in it.
"I-I was just…" She lets out a small cry before continuing. "I wanted to pause the movie. I just wanted to pause the movie."
"Shh, shh, shh. Come here." Oliver pulls Felicity into his arms and Sara watches as she buries her face in his shirt. One of his arms secures itself around her waist while the other reaches to stroke her hair. "It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"I thou-" she breaks midsentence with a little hiccup. "I thought I could do it. I stood this morning for a full minute. You guys were in the kitchen and-and Sara was missing the movie."
"Felicity." Oliver whispers her name softly, like all the secrets of life can be solved with just her name. He pulls her tighter and kisses her hair, eyes tightly shut.
Sara's gut twists and she thinks she might be sick. Felicity tried to stand to get her tablet to use it to pause the movie for her. A simple act, pausing a movie so she wouldn't miss it, has brought Felicity to her knees. Sara wants to scream. She wants to hit something. She wants to resurrect Slade so that this time she can have the satisfaction of killing him herself. She wants to find whatever force of the universe brought this upon them and give it hell. What kind of world is it that things like this happen to people like Felicity? Sara's hands tighten into fists and she wraps her arms around her stomach. There's a weight on her shoulder and she looks to see that Diggle has placed his hand there to comfort her. She shouldn't need comforting. She's not the one who lost her mobility saving someone else's life.
"I'm never going to walk again." A month without incident has come with a price.
"Don't say that." Oliver's voice is rough with emotion.
"You've been receiving treatment and going through therapy. Felicity, I've seen guys with less severe injuries than this who went a month without even trying to gain back their limb function. From what I've heard and seen, you're doing the best you can. Incidents like this happen."
Digg is always the rational, levelheaded one. He keeps his calm and thinks things through and sees the situation for what it is. Thank God because without him they would all be a mess. Sara dealt with her pain and sadness in that damn hospital and now reacts with anger. Oliver is a wreck. He stays strong for Felicity but Sara's seen him fall apart multiple times. She's come back from Verdant more than once to find Oliver bent over on the couch, head in his hands and shoulders shaking, while Felicity sleeps in the other room. That image and the one that first night in the hospital won't ever leave her head. Neither will the scene she's currently witnessing.
"I can't even stand on my own without falling. I need someone to help me leave my bed. I'm useless." Felicity doesn't shout the words or let them escape harshly. In fact, they're barely a broken whisper, muffled even more by Oliver's shirt.
"You are not useless. You hear me? You are intelligent and talented and beautiful. We could never do what we do without you." Oliver has picked up the hood a few times these past two weeks after Felicity questioned him on it. He didn't tell her he stopped patrolling and that Digg has been the one going out under the guise of the Arrow. She would only blame herself.
"Oliver, I haven't been in either the office or the foundry in over a month." She's been doing some Arrow work from home and helped Oliver out with a few of his QC projects, but nothing major.
"You've been doing more than you should. What's important is that you rest and go to therapy and take care of yourself. You need to heal. I need you to heal." These declarations have become so common that Felicity only stiffens slightly when Oliver says that.
"I wish I…"
A sob escapes Felicity's mouth and brings with it another round of tears. It rings in Sara's ears and burns into her memory. Felicity hasn't really cried about what's happened. There was the initial shock and the weeks of frustration and exhaustion but she's never broken down. Her fall was the catalyst.
"I know. Let's get you back in bed."
Oliver shifts Felicity in his lap so that he has one arm beneath her knees and the other cradling her back. Sara watches as he stands up, his jaw tightening imperceptibly at the strain it puts on his bad arm, then lowers Felicity onto the bed before toeing off his shoes and joining her. His arms immediately secure themselves back around Felicity and he pulls her against him. Her hands reach out to clutch his t-shirt and pull herself further into his chest as she cries. Oliver sighs and closes his eyes, holding her tightly to him. A tear slips out of his eye and runs down his jaw to disappear in his stubble.
Sara and Diggle silently leave the room and close the door behind them.
She can still hear Felicity's sobs down the hall.
xxxx
Sara decides that it's time she starts living in her own apartment again. It's only a couple of blocks away from Felicity's, they both live on the outskirts of the Glades and ten to fifteen minutes away from Verdant. Plus, Oliver has all but moved in since Felicity's fall two weeks ago. He usually stays the night on the couch while Sara sleeps on a blow up mattress in Felicity's room. Usually.
More than once, Felicity has woken up screaming with her duvet and pillows thrown about and tears streaming down her face. The first time it happened, Sara had passed out on the couch. She woke with a start and sprinted to the bedroom, petrified of what she would find. Had they not killed Slade? Had he returned to exact his final revenge? Her thoughts pushed her feet the last few inches towards the room and she swung the door open. Her heart had stopped at the sight of Felicity tossing and turning, screaming out in agony.
Sara had tried to calm the still sleeping Felicity without waking her but it hadn't worked. She sat there helpless as Felicity cried out for Slade to stop and sobbed Oliver's name over and over and over. Sara had been reaching for her phone to call Oliver when he burst through the door. One look at Felicity and he climbed right into bed with her, cradling her against his body and making soft soothing noises. Sara had left them then and found the pair curled around each other in the same position the next morning.
Since then Oliver had made it a habit to stay with Felicity after her tougher days. But as Sara stayed out later and later, she noticed him taking advantage of her absence and spending the night in Felicity's room. It was quickly becoming clear to Sara that she wasn't needed around the apartment as much and she hoped that her official departure would be the push that Oliver and Felicity needed to finally own up to their feelings for each other. She couldn't believe that after all that had happened, after all the pain and uncertainty and loss, that Oliver was still holding himself back.
It's when Sara returns late from Verdant one night to pick up a few of her leftover things from Felicity's that she hears them. She doesn't exactly plan on eavesdropping but she left her shampoo and that lotion she really likes in Felicity's bathroom, which is conveniently located across from the bedroom door that has been left slightly ajar. She quietly sneaks into the bathroom and neither Oliver nor Felicity notice her.
"Sara said something to me a couple weeks ago that I can't get out of my head. And you know me, once something is in here there's no escape." Felicity's words are casual but her tone is full of nerves that she tries to joke off.
"I'm surprised you've kept it in there for so long." That earns him a playful slap on the shoulder from Felicity. But then she starts to worry her lip and Oliver can sense that this isn't easy for her. "What did she say?"
"She said that if you had had a choice, if Digg hadn't taken that shot and caused Slade to take action, if you could have chosen one of us to save, it would have been me." There's a beat of silence. "Was she right?"
"Felicity." Sara doesn't know if he's realized this, but Oliver says Felicity's name as if it's responsible for everything good in the world. No one has ever said her name like that, except maybe Nyssa, and she thinks she would like to find someone who would. "Yes. Yes, I would have saved you. I would have done everything to avoid making that decision and to get you both out alive but if I had to, it would have been you." He pauses. "There was no choice to make."
Sara considers leaving then. Hearing Oliver's confession is painful, even if she has already come to terms with it. If she hadn't been witness to just how much Oliver needs Felicity these past two months, she would be hurt. But she has seen it and she knows Oliver would be even more broken and hollow had Felicity died that night.
"I don't… You can't say stuff like that to me. It makes me believe that Sara was right. It makes me hope for things you've already been pretty clear aren't going to happen, not with the life that you live."
"What if they could happen? What if I've decided that I can't keep you at arm's length anymore?" Sara hears Felicity's surprised inhale and watches Oliver shift to grasp her hands in his and bring them to his mouth for a kiss before holding them to his chest, above his heart. "Felicity, that night in the hospital after Slade… All I could think about was you. Your smile, your babbling, that look you give me when you call me out on my bullshit. I thought about all the late nights out on a mission, how coming back and seeing you in your chair behind your computers always made things a little easier to bear, made it easier to breathe. I thought about QC and how impossible it would be without you there in a position I know you hate and are vastly overqualified for, but took for me because I needed you. And I realized that you fit. You fit in every aspect of my life more than anyone else ever could. Not only that but I want you there. I want you there by my side, always. The thought that you could disappear from me forever… Felicity, I need you."
"I don't… I… What?" The confused look on Felicity's face is utterly adorable and Sara can see Oliver smile down at her, a smile he only uses around her.
"I'm saying that I love you."
"I'm sorry I think my brain must be short-circuiting because I'm pretty sure you just said you loved me." Oliver laughs and his hand moves to her jaw, fingers sinking into her hair, thumb caressing the shell of her ear. The other one slides down to her hip and pulls her close.
"I am in love with you, Felicity Meghan Smoak, and I'm tired of ignoring it. You're brain isn't short-circuiting and you're not hallucinating from your aspirins. I'm in love with you and I want to be with you." Suddenly he looks hesitant. "If you want to be with me, too, that is."
"You know for someone who notices every detail in a room, sometimes you can be completely oblivious." Felicity closes the gap between them and presses her lips against Oliver's as he tugs her close.
Sara takes this as a sign to grab her stuff and go. Her shampoo and lotion are easy to find and she quickly stuffs them in her back before heading out. One last glance shows Oliver hovering over Felicity, her fingers running through his hair as he kisses down her neck.
"Maybe you should ask Sara for lessons in observation and social cues." Sara can hear Felicity's comment from her place by the door and can't help but smile.
Maybe, just maybe, the fractured pieces they have been slowly putting back together can be filled after all.
xxxx
Author's Note: Thank you so much everyone for reading! This is my first adventure into writing and the reception has been great so far. I didn't plan to write this follow up but I had a lot of requests after posting "Until You Disappear From Me (From You)" and then this happened. This will be the final piece written for this 'verse but hopefully not my last piece of fanfic.
Also, I have never ad experience with paralysis or anything close to it. I wrote this based off of what information I could find on the internet. So if something is off please just bear with me. It's fiction, haha :)
Please, please, please review and let me know what you think! Reviews were the reason I wrote this to begin with and they make me so ridiculously happy.
Again, thanks so much for reading!
- B