Illusions

Author's Note: I got the idea for this after I read an interview somewhere that Tara was originally supposed to be come back as the First and talk to Willow instead of Cassie (but Amber Benson said no b/c she was afraid the fans wouldn't be happy to see an evil Tara) and so I wrote this . I thought it would be interesting to see how it would've gone if Tara was the First and the idea wouldn't leave me alone (in some parts I used lines from the episode). I hope you all enjoy it.

Willow sat in the library at U.C. Sunnydale trying to study for an exam the next day. She could barely keep her eyes open as her eyes scanned over the page and while she slouched over the book. It was very late and night and most of the other students in the library had left, so Willow was all alone in her area. As time went on, Willow started feeling an unsettling presence as if someone was watching her from behind the bookshelf.

"So, studying huh?" She heard a familiar voice in from of her, snapping her out of her trance.

"Well, yes. I have an exam tomorrow-" Willow's voice caught in her throat when she looked up and saw who was standing in front of her.

"Tara?" She gasped.

Tara smiled. "Yes, baby it's really me."

"Oh my God, but how?" Willow was shocked and slowly stood up. "You're dead though, Warren killed you."

"Well, yeah, of course he did," Tara rolled her eyes.

The memory of that fateful day flashed back in Willow's mind. The gunshot outside, the shattering glass, Tara's blood splattering on her shirt, Willow holding her dead body, and the chaos that ensued after…

"What's with the long face, baby? I thought you would be happy to see me," Tara's voice sounded hurt and she crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry, I am happy to see you," Willow realized that she had been staring blankly at Tara while tears were starting to well up in her eyes. "It's just that - I'm sorry I couldn't save you," Willow whispered and looked down, as tears started to spill down her checks.

"Aw, baby, don't cry. There's nothing you could have done to save me," Tara stepped closer to the table.

"I'm sorry," Willow wiped her eyes and smiled slightly at her. "This is a just lot to take in at once. How is this happening? Did I fall asleep?"

Tara laughed. "No silly, I'm really here. Well not here, here, but you get the idea. It's hard to explain."

"Yes, I understand," Willow nodded. "But what brought you here? You must have a reason for coming here."

Tara sighed. "I knew this would freak you out, I shouldn't have come. I should go."

"No wait! Please stay, I'll listen, I promise!" Willow begged Tara.

"Alright. Sit down and I'll explain," Tara pulled out a chair and sat down while Willow did the same.

"What's going on?" Willow asked. She was starting to feel uneasy again.

"I was sent here to talk to you, it's very important," Tara answered. "I don't have much time and this will be the last time you will be able to see me."

"Why? Who sent you? What are you talking about?" Willow was growing more anxious. "And why can't I see you again?"

"I just can't after this," Tara sadly looked away. "It was hard for me to appear to you now."

"But you were able to manifest yourself now, then why can't you-" Willow's voice cracked.

"It's because of what you did," Tara looked back at her.

"What did I do?" Willow was confused.

"You don't remember? You killed people." Tara shook her head.

"But Tara-" Willow was starting to cry again. "I'm sorry, please can I hug you-" Willow started to stand up.

"No!" Tara shouted, startling Willow who sat back down. "Sorry, I shouted at you," she said in a softer voice. "But you can't see me again after this. I'm sorry but that's just the way it is."

Willow was sobbing even harder now and put her face down on the table in her arms.

"Shh, don't cry Willow," Tara whispered.

"I'm sorry I keep crying," Willow sniffled and sat back up. "It just hurts so much. Everyday, it's like a giant hole is inside me, and it's not getting better."

"It will and it can," Tara reassured her.

"But how? You're gone."

"But you're not," Tara replied. "I miss you too but you can get through this. You're strong, remember?" She smiled a little at Willow.

"I do. I remember," Willow slowly smiled back.

"So should we start this over and continue where we left off?" Tara grinned.

"Alright," Willow agreed. "I just don't know where to start. After Warren shot you, what happened? It was horrible. I lost myself, the regular me."

"Well, you were grieving."

"A lot of people grieve. They don't make with the flaying. I hurt so many people." Willow shook her head, disgusted with herself.

"It was the power. That's why I warned you what it could do to you," Tara said.

"Tara, I am the power. It's in me-" Willow was cut off.

"Well, the power is bigger than you are," Tara replied.

"I know but-"

"Trust me, things are more clear where I am. This was part of the reason I came because of the magick's," Tara explained. "I can see your path, and you have to stop. You can't use magic again, not ever."

"Not black magic, of course," Willow protested. "But Giles says it isn't as simple as quitting it cold-turkey."

"It's too dangerous," Tara shook her head. "You can't take the chance that you'll lose control."

"But I won't! I can't! I never want to cause that kind of pain again." Willow's voice shook.

"Of course you don't."

"And I won't. I'm going to be okay," Willow replied.

"That's the problem," Tara shook her head. "You won't be. I saw your path. You're going to kill everybody."

"I'm gonna what?" Willow gasped.

"Again, this is why I came, I had to warn you," Tara said.

"You said you saw my path? What do you know? What did you see?" Questions bubbled up inside of Willow.

"Trust me, you don't want to know what I saw," Tara replied.

"Oh God!" Willow buried her face in her hands.

"But if you stop completely, no more magic, it won't happen."

"Right. Right. Stop." Willow took a shaky breath and removed her face from her hands. "But what about Giles? He made it seem like it was just as dangerous for me to quit completely, like I'll go off the deep end again."

"You can't keep doing it. If you do so much as another spell-"

"I tried to stop!" Willow cried out. "What if I can't do this?"

"Don't think like that," Tara tried to reassure her.

"How can I not? You're telling me I'm going to kill everyone," Willow was exasperated. "I'm not strong, I'm just me."

Tara was silent for a moment. "Well, there is one thing you could do to prevent it."

"Yes, anything!" Willow pleaded. "What can I do?"

"And you could see me again. This wouldn't have to be our last conversation."

"Really?" Willow whispered.

"That's what you want isn't it? To be with me?"

"Of course!" Willow nodded.

"So go ahead then. Come be with me. Everybody will be safe, and we'll be together again," Tara told Willow, who was shocked. "It's not that bad. Really. It's just like going to sleep."

She was stunned once it all came clear to her, what the entity wanted her to do. This wasn't Tara. It couldn't be. Willow realized the creature in front of her wasn't Tara and had been stringing her along the entire time.

Willow jumped up from her chair. "Who are you?" She demanded to the entity in front of her, as she backed away from the table. "You're not Tara, she would never talk to me like that!"

The being smirked. "Sucide was too far, huh?" It snickered. "Too bad though, you seemed so ripe."

"Tell me who you are!" Willow demanded.

She leaned forward. "I stand by my opinion. The world would be a better place if you took a razorblade to your-"

"Stop!" Willow shouted.

The being slowly stood up from the table. "I can see it now," She taunted. "Candlelight, the Indigo Girls playing, picture of your dead girlfriend on your bloody lap."

"Stop it!" Willow hissed.

" 'Oh, baby, you left such a big hole. It hurt so bad,'" The being mocked her, before rolling her eyes.

"You don't know hurt. This last year's gonna seem like cake after what I put you and your friends through, and I am not a fan of easy death," The being continued. "Fact is, the whole good-versus-evil, balancing the scales thing—I'm over it. I'm done with the mortal coil. But believe me, I'm going for a big finish."

Willow remembered what she had heard from the others had told her earlier. "From beneath you, it devours," She whispered.

"Oh, not it," The being smirked. "Me." The being's skin rolled back on her face while it turned inside out and became a floating ball before it disappeared into thin air.

Willow was left standing alone by the table in the empty library, horrified by what she had just seen. "My God…" She whispered.