Title: Singing Christmas Cockroaches
Pairings: none
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG13 for cruelty to carolers
Summary: There is one thing about the Christmas season that Don Flack simply cannot stand: Carolers. So, he and Mac get their revenge!
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: New York. I don't even own the computer I'm tying on right now. So if you sue, you ain't getting shit.
I don't hate Christmas. I don't hate the fact that Thanksgiving goes entirely overlooked, I don't hate it when my desk gets covered in tinsel and candy canes every time my back is turned, I don't hate kids screaming their lungs off when they see Santa ringing a bell in front of the five-and-dime, and I don't hate all the Christmas specials on TV. I mean, seriously. You can't hate Frosty the Snowman. Especially when no one in the room knows how it ends and you all come up with different ways to murder the snow people.
But one thing I cannot stand about the whole holiday season is carolers. They're outside on the streets every hour of the day and night, and range from the halfway decent adults that want to feel young again to the dreaded little kids who can't carry a tune to save their life.
Though, I will admit, they do have a way of brightening my day on my way into work. Especially when I drive through puddles and soak them. That always makes me laugh.
"Why the hell did you do that?" Danny exclaimed in shock.
Oops, forgot he was there. "Relieving stress," I said simply. "They keep me up all night with their racket, I get revenge."
"They were kids!"
"They were annoying." Danny would never admit to pouting, but I could see right through his angry façade. "Why? You like carolers or something?"
He shrugged. "I like hearing Christmas songs."
"Then I'll turn on the radio. Let the talented people sing that shit."
When we arrived at the station, I saw the singing Christmas cockroaches once again. "Sheesh, they're here too?" I exclaimed in exasperation.
"Aw, come on!" Danny said, nudging me in the ribs. "Let's listen!"
"No!" I replied in disgust.
"Please?" he begged. "Why do you hate them so much?"
I didn't answer that question. "Fine, I'll keep you company. But you need to get over that separation anxiety."
"Shut up."
-----
Danny and I sat on the bench as far from the carolers as I could manage. I had no idea why he was insisting on making us late just to watch some women we didn't even know sing 'Jingle Bells'. But then, speaking of women we didn't know…
"How'd we sound?" Stella asked, as the song drew to a close.
"Who is this woman?" I asked Danny.
Stella rolled her eyes. "Knock it off, Flack. Was I that terrible?"
Before I had a chance to reply, Danny had to open his cavernous pie-hole. "Well, he thinks so," he said, obviously joking. "He kept calling you and Lindsay the 'tone-deaf sirens' and stuff like that."
Lindsay's eyes widened. "We practiced all day yesterday!" she exclaimed. "That was a horrible thing to say!"
"It would have been if I actually said it," I replied. "Danny's a pathological liar. I'll call the loony bin."
Danny snatched my phone. "No you won't!"
"Either way, can we get inside now?" Stella asked. "I'm freezing."
Lindsay pulled out a pad of paper. "Bets on how many layers Adam's wearing?"
-----
I felt like smacking myself in the head the minute I walked into the station. Our most recent victim had been a caroler (I refrained from outwardly expressing my joy), and now, as Sid and Hawkes wheeled her body into autopsy, all her little buddies were gathered in the lobby singing 'Silent Night'.
"What's wrong with you?" Mac asked as I slumped into my chair. "You look like hell."
"Yeah, well, I didn't get any sleep last night."
"Was it that cat again?" called Adam from the lab. "If it's a stray, can I keep it?"
Mac rolled his eyes. "I want the trace analysis on my desk in twenty minutes, Adam."
Adam gulped and got back to work. "It was the carolers again," I explained. "Don't make me out as some sort of Grinch. I'm not. I just can't stand hearing the same music for two months straight."
Mac grinned, and I immediately knew this was no longer Detective Mac Taylor I was speaking with. This was my new partner in crime. "Well, if they're giving you problems... I have a few ideas."
I smirked. "I'm listening."
Author's Note: Well, this is one of my many Yuleistmaskwannzakah presents to everyone on FF.n! Thank you all for being such an inspiration to me throughout the year! If you have any great ways you got back at carolers, please drop me a line! I'd love to hear your stories and ideas! See y'all next chapter!