Author's Note: Here's another one-shot for DivaliciousDooL! I hope it came out okay... Do review and enjoy! :)
"Yes Phil… Don't worry. I'm on the subway heading home… See? I didn't need Amy to accompany me after all!"
Mara looked at her watch, holding the phone between her face and her shoulder, "I should be home in time for you to skype me."
She smiled hearing her fiancé's reminders again. Ever since she got pregnant, it was hard getting Phil to go back on the road. He constantly worried that she wouldn't be able to handle on her own, even when Amy, their close friend, promised to constantly come over to take care of her when she gets bigger.
She heard a PA call his ring name, 'CM Punk' and she knew he had to go.
"Listen babe, I'll see ya later."
"See you, Phil."
"I love you."
Mara smiled to herself, "I love you too."
As soon as she said that, they both hung up. Seeing that it was her stop, she was getting ready to get off the crowded Illinois subway since she was 4 months pregnant and wanted nothing more than to put on Phil's sweats when she arrived home. Even though she was wearing flats, she still felt her feet throbbing.
As the train pulled to a stop and the doors opened, Mara readied herself to step out when she felt someone push her hard from behind. Losing her footing, she fell forward and hit her swollen belly against the pole she held onto earlier before falling onto the floor.
Everything came as a blur to her as the pain coming from her belly area was getting to her. She felt a pair of motherly arms around her and looked up to see a middle aged woman holding her.
"You're going to be okay. Hang in there. The ambulance is on its way." She said
Mara couldn't register what she just said as she felt another rush of pain shoot through her. She tried to look around her and realized that there was a crowd around her now and the train stopped moving. Just as she looked back at the woman who was holding her, she felt the wet and sticky fluid beneath her bottom. But, before she could ask what that is, she felt pain again and this time, it knocked her out cold.
Mara woke up feeling a warm hand wrapped around hers and she opened her eyes to see who it was. Phil was by her side, sleeping with one hand holding hers and the other propping his head up. She tried to move to sit up but a dreary pain came on and she felt weak.
"You're awake."
She looked at Phil and realized that he was now awake.
"P-Phil… What are you doing here?" Mara asked, her voice very much like a whisper.
"You had an accident. I came as soon as I heard." Phil replied
"A-Accident? What accident?" Mara asked
Phil's jaw tensed for a moment before saying, "You should get some rest. We can talk about it in the morning."
Feeling that he was keeping something from her, she shook her head and said, "No. I'm feeling okay now. Just tell me. What accident are you talking about?"
Phil looked at Mara and wasn't sure how to tell her. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked down which only made her not want to believe the answer she already had.
"Did we…" Mara spoke softly, unable to complete her sentence.
He squeezed her hand, "I'm afraid so."
Mara closed her eyes as she let the reality of what happened hit her. They lost the baby. In the blink of an eye, she lost the child she had been carrying for 4 months. She blinked and felt her tears run down her cheek. Phil's heart broke seeing Mara act like this. Using his free hand, he reached over to clean them despite the tears constantly falling after he's cleaned them. Still holding onto her hand, he moved from the chair to her bed and as soon as he held her close, she started to cry. With each stroke she felt on her hair, she could only think of the child they just lost. Phil leaned in and kissed her head as they both held onto each other, grieving the loss of their unborn child.
The next day, Mara was discharged from the hospital due to her reluctance to carry on staying in that place for one more day. But, she was to be on strict bed rest and not allowed to do anything manual.
Phil wheeled her into their home and she was greeted immediately by Amy and her mother and father who rushed to her as soon as she entered.
"Mom… Dad… What are you doing here?" Mara asked
"We heard… So, we flew out immediately." Her father replied
"We wanted to go down to the hospital but Phil told us to wait at home." Her mother said
Amy looked at Mara, "How are you feeling?"
"Okay." Mara replied
Just then, Phil's iPhone rang. Mara looked up at him just as he looked down; completely ignoring the ringing.
"Aren't you going to get that?" Mara asked
"Nah… It's not important." Phil replied
"Yeah… Says you. That's the fifth time it's ringing. I think you better answer it." Mara said
Before Phil could protest, Amy took a hold of Mara's wheelchair and wheeled her towards the living room. Mara's parents followed behind, leaving Phil with his ringing iPhone. He looked at the caller ID and answered it in an annoyed state.
"Speak, Mike."
"Phil? Are you coming for the tour?"
"I don't know. In case you didn't realize, my fiancée miscarried just yesterday and we she just got discharged today. You tell me if I'm coming for the fucking tour."
"I understand what you're saying but you can't back out now…"
"I can fucking do what I want. If Vince has a problem with it, he can look for me."
"It's not that, Phil. People paid good money to see you. You can't just drop your appearance as and when you like. Could you just come for your appearance and then we'll cancel the rest of your appearance after today?"
Phil paused for a moment, thinking of how he could reject this without jeopardizing his career. He turned around as he thought and saw Mara standing not too far away from him.
He immediately said into the phone, "I'll call you back."
As soon as he stuffed his iPhone back into his jeans pocket, he hurried over to Mara.
"What are you doing out of the wheelchair?" Phil asked
"I'm not so seriously injured that I need a wheelchair. I'm fine. I have the strength to walk and stand." Mara replied
"But you're still weak. And you should be starting your bed rest now." Phil said
"I'm okay. Anyway, was that Mike?" Mara asked
"Yeah." Phil said
"So what are you still doing here?" Mara said
He looked at her, "I'm not going on the road."
"Yes, you are." Mara said, "I'll be fine. Amy's here and my parents are here… I'm in good hands."
"But… I don't feel comfortable with going on the road when you're still not feeling well." Phil said
"We promised not to look at it this way, right? We said we would go back to how things were before this…" Mara said
He looked at his fiancée for a while and seeing that she looked better than yesterday, despite her puffy eyes, he nodded.
"Alright. I'll call Mike." Phil said
Mara smiled and kissed him on the lips just as he took out his iPhone to call Mike back.
With Phil on the road, Mara tried to get her life back on track. She did her normal day to day routine and kept all thoughts of her miscarriage behind her. That was until one day, she finally hit her breaking point.
She was at Whole Foods, shopping for groceries with Amy when she saw a woman who was about 5 months pregnant. She was picking a fruit when her husband came over and told her that he'll do it for her since he didn't want her carrying too much stuff with her condition.
Mara tried not to think too much into it but just as Amy tried to stop her from looking at them any longer, Mara's face fell and she stopped talking. Amy thought that it was just for that moment but when they went home, all Mara did was go up into her room.
6 months on and Mara still hasn't spoken a word since that day. Figuring that they couldn't keep Phil from wondering why Mara always sounded weird, they finally told him the truth. Without a word, Phil stopped all his WWE appearances and left the tour to come back home.
"How long has she been out there?" Mara's mother asked Amy.
Amy looked at the balcony where Mara was and sighed, "An hour."
"Is she going to get cold?" Mara's mother asked
"Don't worry. I passed her a shawl already." Mara's father replied
"Do you think it's a good idea that we told Phil about this?" Amy asked
"He ought to know. We tried getting her to speech therapists, doctors and psychiatrists but she never went into their offices. It's better that we tell him now instead of him finding out about it last minute." Mara's mother said
Just as they paused for a while, they heard the front door open. They turned just in time to see Phil standing at the kitchen doorway, with his bags in his hand.
"Phil! You're back!" Amy said
"Yeah. I rushed back as soon as I could. Where's Mara?" Phil asked
"Balcony." Mara's mother replied
Phil looked at through the glass doors to the balcony and saw Mara standing there, with a shawl around her shoulders, staring out at the Illinois skyline.
"How long has she been standing there?" Phil asked
"An hour." Amy replied
"We've tried getting her to come in but she just won't. She just protests without talking." Mara's father said
"Have you sent her to see a doctor?" Phil asked
Mara's mother sighed, "That's the problem. We've sent her to many of them but she never enters the office. She just leaves."
"That's why we called you to tell you what has happened these past few months…" Amy said
"These past few months? I thought it just happened…" Phil asked
"It's been going on for half a year… I was the one who told Amy to tell you that." Mara's mother said
She looked at Mara who was standing outside before looking at Phil, "Mara's always known how much you love wrestling. The last thing I want to do is do something that might agitate her and make her condition worse."
Phil looked at her and knew for a fact that what she said was true. Just then, the glass door to the balcony opened and Mara came back in. As soon as she saw Phil, her face lit up and she smiled.
He smiled back, "Hey babe."
The two walked up to each other and closed the gap between them as he embraced her, kissing the top of her head. Mara held onto Phil tight, wanting so much to say things to him but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
"Sweetie, it's time to head to Dr Lina." Mara's mother said
Mara looked at her mother before looking at Phil.
"I'll bring her." Phil said
His warm hand found her slightly cold hand and held it. He gave her a reassuring squeeze as they walked pass the concerned faces towards the front door.
They arrived at the psychiatrist's office and Phil sat Mara down as he headed over to the reception to let them know that she was here for her appointment. As soon as Phil turned away from her, Mara sought out her exit strategy and when the time was ripe, she stood up and left the office.
Phil turned around just as he saw her slip out the door. Not wanting to lose her, he hurried out the office after her.
He managed to catch up to her and held her wrist, stopping her.
"Mara. Where are you going?" Phil asked
She didn't respond but tried to wriggle out of his grip. Seeing the sudden look of fear in her eyes, Phil loosened the grip he had on her wrist. As soon as he did that, she hurriedly walked away from him. Realizing that she was walking further away from him, Phil decided to follow after her.
Instead of quickening his pace to catch her, he opt to shadow her. After seeing what transpired earlier when he gripped her wrist, he realized that he must have frightened her. So, the only thing he could do now was to ensure he doesn't do that again.
Mara walked towards the park a few blocks down from the psychiatrist's office. She knew that she must have worried Phil doing what she did but it was the only way she could get away. What she was feeling wasn't something that psychiatrists or doctors could help with. She wasn't mentally unstable or emotionally unstable. In fact, she just felt angry. The frustration she felt with herself caused her to clam up and stop talking entirely. But, it didn't mean she stopped feeling. She knew how her actions were worrying everyone and it was making her feel bad but she was unable to convey it… Not right now.
She settled down on the bench overlooking the playground where there were kids running around, laughing and playing. Mara smiled at the kids and couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness come on to her.
Phil was watching her from afar by the entrance of the park, not too far away from her bench. Seeing her reaction to the kids in the playground made him realize that she hadn't forgotten about the loss of their child. He felt stupid for thinking that this was going to just go away like they thought it would. Mara had tried to pretend everything was alright but it wasn't and she didn't want to say anything about it because she didn't want it to affect his job.
Mara felt a football land near her leg and she reached over to pick it up just as a little boy came running up to her.
"Sorry!" He said
Mara merely smiled and handed the football back to him.
"Thank you!" He said, before running back to his father.
His father gave Mara a smile before going back to the game he had with his son.
Upon seeing the interaction that the father was having with his son, she couldn't help but smile and think of Phil in that scenario. Some part of her decided that maybe she should try and put in some effort into really moving forward from what happened.
Just as she turned around, getting ready to leave, she spotted Phil. She just about smiled at him when he suddenly turned to leave. Not thinking too much about it, she watched him leave and proceeded to do so herself.
Mara arrived back home to see that the house was empty. Normally, her parents would immediately stop what they were doing to coax her or talk to her but strangely, it wasn't the case. In fact, her parents were not even in, even though the lights in the house were turned on.
She dropped her keys into the bowl not too far from the door when she heard a loud sound of glass cracking, coming from the room she shared with Phil. She hurried up the stairs and into the room where she saw Phil standing by the bathroom, his hand bleeding and forming a small pool of blood on the ground. Seeing him hurt himself sparked Mara off and almost immediately, she opened her mouth.
"PHIL! What the hell are you doing?!" Mara exclaimed
Despite the pain he was feeling in his fist, he looked at Mara, who now closed the distance between them and was surprised by her appearance and the fact that she just yelled at him.
"I-I thought you were out with Amy…" Phil said
"What? I wasn't with Amy. I left after you left the park." Mara said
"Didn't you get Amy's text?" Phil asked
"No." Mara said, "Now stop talking and let me get your hand bandaged up."
Phil watched as Mara cleaned up his wound. The old Mara that he knew and loved so much was back. It wasn't his plan to get injured so as to get a reaction out of her. But, he was sure glad it did.
"Done." Mara said, tightening the knot on his bandage.
She looked at him and realised that he must be looking at her because of her new found voice.
"You're speaking again…" Phil said
"Yeah… It seems like it." Mara said
"I wasn't thinking this would happen when I injured myself but I am sure glad it did." Phil said
Mara stopped packing up the first aid kit and looked at Phil, "Why did you do that to yourself?"
"I was frustrated. Pissed." Phil said
"With me?" Mara said
Phil looked at her, "No. Why would I be pissed with you?"
"Because I stopped talking and started worrying everyone around me." Mara said, "I pushed everyone away… Including you."
He chuckled softly, "Yeah… That was one of the reasons but not entirely."
"Then what was?" Mara asked
"I was pissed with myself. And the stupidity that came with believing that nothing would go wrong." Phil replied
She sighed, finally deciding that it's time to let it all out.
"I was frustrated and angry with myself. I thought that we could go back to normal and try to forget about the child we lost but it was just something I had to come to terms with sooner or later." Mara said
Phil held Mara's hand in his good hand, "I'm sorry, Mara. I shouldn't have left you when you needed me the most."
She shook her head, "It's not your fault. I told you to go."
"But I should have insisted on staying. It didn't occur to me that you were just letting me go do what I loved to forget about what happened. You wanted to bear all the responsibilities." Phil said
"Which I should. I lost the baby! I was careless! I shouldn't have left the house without Amy! It's all my fault!" Mara said, her voice getting louder with each statement she made.
Each time Mara shouted those facts, she felt herself crumble inside. These were the truth that she was hiding from ever since she got the news of her miscarriage. She had put all of them at the back of her mind because she didn't want to believe that she was really the cause of it. If she had just gotten Amy to accompany her like her parents told her and what Phil told her, this wouldn't have happened. Mara had really no one else to blame and be angry at except for herself.
She felt Phil put his arm around her but feeling the guilt rise within her, Mara pushed him away.
"No! It's all my fault!" Mara exclaimed
Just as Mara tried to get out of the area, Phil held onto her hand.
"Stop, Mara! This isn't your fault!" Phil exclaimed
When he felt like she wasn't going to move, he closed the gap between them and let go of her hand to cup the side of her face with his free hand.
"When are you going to understand that you're not in this alone? That was OUR child we lost. I should have taken a leave of absence like Randy did but I thought it was fine. I put work before you. If there is anyone that should be blamed for this, it should be me." Phil said
He stroked her cheek with his thumb, "I shouldn't have left you alone. I should have been with you."
Mara blinked away her tears as she saw the pain in Phil's eyes. All along, she only knew of her own pain but she never realised that Phil had been going through the same thing.
"You have no idea how much it hurts to see Ted and Randy with their kids. They think I've gotten over it but in reality, I was just hiding how I felt. I wanted to be strong… For you." Phil said, a lone tear sliding down his face.
Mara reached up and cleaned the tear away, "And you are."
Phil took her hand and kissed the centre, "Please don't push me away again. I am your husband to be, and my duty is to love you, support you and protect you."
He looked her in the eyes, "Don't let me fail."
Mara shook her head before kissing him on the lips, "I won't."
A month later, Phil and Mara were out shopping at their local grocery store. He had gotten 6 months off since he told them that he wanted more time with his fiancee. Since she started talking again and there was clearly nothing wrong with her, Mara didn't have to go to the doctors or psychiatrists again. But, she did however pay quite a few visits to another kind of doctor, without Phil's knowledge.
"Could we get another box of Twinkies?" Mara asked, walking down the aisle.
"Another one? I thought we just bought 2 boxes last week!" Phil said
"Yeah… I kinda finished them already?" Mara said
Phil looked at her, "Already?!"
Mara gave a sheepish smile as she walked towards another aisle. Phil picked up the box of Twinkies and put it into the push cart just as he started to wonder why Mara had been craving this for the past month. Not to mention, it was making her put on weight since she's been buying clothes that were a size bigger. It suddenly dawned on him that there could only be one possible explanation.
He turned the push cart round the aisle just as he spotted Mara trying to reach for a box of biscuits on the top shelf.
"Oh no you don't!" Phil exclaimed, hurrying over to her.
She chuckled softly as she stopped reaching for the biscuits and turned to face Phil.
"Why can't I?" Mara said
"Because you're pregnant." Phil said
Mara folded her arms in front of her, "Took you long enough to realise."
"When did you know?!" Phil said
"The first week of this month." Mara said
"And you didn't tell me?" Phil said
Mara shook her head, "I wanted to be certain and I kinda wanted you to guess."
"So… It's confirmed?" Phil asked
She nodded, "Yup. Today's the full month."
Phil broke into a smile and immediately lifted her up in a hug. He planted a kiss on her lips before putting her back down.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this day to come… Again." Phil said
"Me too." Mara said
He held her hand and kissed it before saying, "And we're going to do this together."
Mara smiled as she felt Phil kiss her hand one more time before they walked together hand-in-hand towards the next aisle.