Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. No profit. Damn...
AN: Got bored. Listened to Pitbull. This is what happened. It's a silly little one shot, so if you're looking for plot, look else where. Sorry if the lyrics are wrong. Enjoy:)
Puck slammed the door to his locker shut as the first period bell rang. He shrugged his shoulders and pulled a thread off of his shirt. Oh well, History was dumb. Who cares about the past anyway? He was more of a "live in the moment" guy.
Puck walked the empty halls slowly, running his fingers through his mohawk. He heard a locker close behind him. He turned around and his eyes were met with the sight of a very pissed off, and a rather disheveled, Kurt Hummel. He wondered why. Ever since Puck joined Glee, and more specifically had a daughter, he had stopped picking on people. Unless they deserved it… like that asshole Jew-fro kid. What a prick…
Being the totally smooth and awesome guy he was, Puck swaggered over to the little soprano and leaned against his locker.
"Morning, Hummel." Puck threw one of his best sexy smirks at the smaller boy, but it was knocked down by Kurt's death stare.
"Hi." Kurt spat out before turning on his heels and strutting away. Puck wasn't so easily put off though.
"Woah, Princess. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" Puck had to do a slight jog to keep up with the other boy. Kurt scoffed.
"Your football buddies threw me in the dumpster."
"Oh that's what that smell was!" Puck joked, but his light smile was removed when he saw Kurt's face.
"Fuck you…" Kurt said meekly and Puck was taken back by his response. It was really unlike the soprano to lack a fiery comeback. He felt sort of guilty.
"Sorry…" Puck said awkwardly. He cursed himself for it. He hated awkwardness.
"S'ok." Kurt smiled a tiny smile and Puck felt a giant weight lifted off his shoulders. He would have felt awful if he really hurt the boy's feelings. He wasn't really sure why though… Eh, fuck it.
"Let's clean you off." Puck winked as he pulled a bowtie noodle out of the boy's hair. Kurt looked at the pasta, horrified, and Puck chuckled.
"Hungry?" Puck waved the noodle in front of the boy before flicking it away. Kurt blushed. It was pretty cute, if Puck said so himself.
The two boys walked together to the nearest bathroom. Before stepping in, Puck pulled his Spanish notebook and a Sharpie out of his backpack. He tore a blank sheet out of the notebook and scribbled OUT OF ORDER on it.
"Got any tape?" Kurt asked and Puck rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. I'll just pull some out of my ass." Puck was relieved that Kurt cracked a smile at his sarcasm, "It's cool, I got it."
Puck reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick of Big Red. He popped it in his mouth and chewed for a minute or so. He blew a giant bubble, making Kurt giggle. Once, he was satisfied with the gum's consistency, Puck spat it out and stuck it to the back of the sign, which he stuck to the door.
"That's disgusting." Kurt eyes the sign distastefully, but Puck just shrugged.
"You do what you gotta do." Puck held open the door, "Shall we?"
Kurt smirked and stepped in and Puck closed the door behind them. Kurt scanned the bathroom to make sure no one was in there before he got started. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a fresh pair of pants and navy blue sweater. He set them on the sink, but picked them up and handed them to Puck.
"I don't know what's on those sinks. Can you hold these?" Puck nodded and watched the boy get to work.
He reached into his bag again, this time pulling out four or five bottles of cleaning detergents. He also pulled out a hair dryer and numerous hair styling products.
"God, Kurt, you're like fucking Mary Poppins. Is there a lamp in that bag, too?" Kurt chuckled.
"You never know.' Kurt smirked and raised an eyebrow.
"Do you always have this much shit with you?" Puck stepped forward and peered into Kurt's messenger bag of mystery. Kurt closed it quickly and wagged his finger.
"A purse is a portal to the soul. No one sees but me." Puck rolled his eyes.
"It's just a place to put your crap. How is it that special?"
"I don't know… Mercedes said it once." Kurt shrugged and Puck chuckled.
"So, what do we do first?" Puck laid Kurt's clothes onto Kurt's 'portal to his soul' which was laying against the wall.
"Well, first we get rid of any garbage that can be pulled off, then we pre-treat, wash the hair, dry the hair, dry the clothes, clean and moisturize the face, and finally walk the hallway like the sexy ass I am."
"That sounds really boring….minus the last step." Puck leaned against the sink and crossed his arm.
"How do you suggest we spice it up?" Kurt asked and Puck smirked, "Forget I asked."
"Let's sing. You like doing it, I like doing it. And your dad won't beat me if he finds out." Puck raised his eye brow and Kurt blushed seven shades of red.
"The sun on the meadow is summery warm. The stag in the forest runs free. But gather together to greet the storm. Tomorrow belongs to me." Kurt sang out and Puck wrinkled his nose. Although the little flamer's singing was phenomenal, he wanted something more his speed.
"No. No musicals."
"Fine. What do you want?" Kurt continued to dab some sort of cleaner onto the stains on his shirt. Puck smiled.
"What would the music be with out the sounds?" Puck said as he started to waggle his hips, "Young Boss, Miss Trina, Pitbull. Let's show 'em how we get down."
Kurt laughed at Puck's song choice as he started to move his hips as well. Puck was pleased as he launched into the first verse, his personal favorite.
I party like a rock star
Look like a movie star
Play like an all-star
Fuck like a porn star
Baby, I'm a superstar
Always posted at the bar
Always with a couple broads
Maybe I'm just that, that raw
Puck started getting more into his dance moves as he continued singing. He watched Kurt smile in the mirror. They made mirror eye contact and Kurt's cheeks tinged pink. Puck smirked.
Dawg, check your resume
I hit something every day
Ask about me and they'll say
That chico run MIA
Pitbull, Young Boss, that's fire
Go girl, work it out til you tired
Just tryin to pay tuition? Liar
My corner is like HBO's Wire
Puck turned around and gave Kurt a nice mirror image of his ass. Kurt laughed as Puck started shaking it, kinda like the girls in Diddy music videos. Kurt shook his head but he couldn't get rid of the broad smile that was plastered on his face.
So please don't play no games
And, baby, don't say no names
And we can do this one more again
Next time you can bring your friends
So get your friends
And I'll get my friends
And we can be friends
Do this every weekend
The ass shaking stopped and Puck slid up behind Kurt. He started grinding and Kurt yelped. Puck chuckled. He took a second to analyze the situation: He was behind Kurt, grinding against his ass, singing his favorite song, and he was really enjoying himself. Last time he checked, that was really gay to do. Huh, imagine that, Puckasaurus a homo. Nice. Kurt turned around and faced a smirking Puck. He winked before taking over the vocals.
We can hit your place
We can hit my place
She's on my top 8
I backed her off of Myspace
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Puck laughed as Kurt dropped the cleaner and started dancing with him. That boy could move! Puck took control of the song once again.
Shake them dice and roll em
Shake them dice and roll em
When they ask you what's that dance?
You say that's the hustle, man
Puck backed off of Kurt a little, afraid he would get too into it. He was surprised by his sensitivity. God, he was such a good guy.
Girl, I wanna know your name
Girl, who you be?
Don't care with who you came
Long as you leave with me
What's you sippin on?
I'll buy yo drink
Get you one of them shiny things
Yo grill be pink
Puck's voice became deeper and his eyes darker. Kurt was getting to him. And Puck was pretty sure the kid knew it. Good. Puck wasn't embarrassed, he's a fucking stud. Where's the shame?
I see those Jimmy Choos
Those Vera Wangs
I love the way you work
Girl, do your thang
You seen my stunner shades
I'm like a star
My clique is full of ballers
We at the bar
Puck pushed a piece of hair out of Kurt's face and his fingertips felt like they were on fire. Kurt gasped softly at the contact but, it sure as hell didn't throw off his game. Kurt sung as Puck's hands traveled to his hips.
So go get your friends
And I'll get my friends
And we can be friends
Do this every weekend
We can hit your place
We can hit my place
She's on my top 8
I backed her off of Myspace
Kurt's voice was lower than before, but it was still higher than Puck could even bother trying to hit. He remembered Kurt singing that Madonna song for the Cheerios, which was also quite sexy. It just didn't register then. Puck sang the next part
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Shake them dice and roll em
Shake them dice and roll em
When they ask you what's that dance
You say that's the hustle, man
The cleaning products lay forgotten as Puck's hands made their way to Kurt's ass. Fuck chivalry. Kurt squeaked, but didn't say anything. He didn't look uncomfortable, in fact, he looked thrilled. His satisfaction leaked into the next verse.
Diamond princess
I make em bust quick
When I back it up
Like a Mack Truck
Don't talk about it, boy
Be about it, boy
I got them girls, boy
Turn out your gross, boy
Puck growled despite himself. Kurt was damn sexy. Puck removed one of his hands from Kurt's perky ass and ran it through his brunette locks. Kurt continued singing as Puck's roaming hands made their way down his body.
I'm talkin freak, nig
I'm talkin freaky shit
Cause I'm a freaky bitch
Puck felt his cock twitch as the last lyric poured from Kurt's lips. The shock almost made him miss his cue.
So get your friends
And I'll get my friends
And we can be friends
Do this every weekend
We can hit your place
We can hit my place
She's on my top 8
I backed her off of Myspace
Puck could feel Kurt breathing on his neck, in, out, inhale, exhale, matching the beat to his singing. He sang the last few lines in his ear, heat radiating off of the smaller boy's skin.
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Go girl, go girl
Shake them dice and roll em
Shake them dice and roll em
When they ask you what's that dance
You say that's the hustle, man
Kurt took a sharp breath of air in and it sent shivers down Puck's spine. Their hips stopped moving and Puck breathed out the last "Are you ready for this?" Kurt collapsed against the sink and raised an eyebrow at Puck
"That was fun." Puck let out a short laugh.
"Yeah, no shit." He scratched the back of his head, "We should have fun more often."
"I agree. Wanna have fun tomorrow night?" Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and blushed, obviously embarrassed.
"Hmmm… Sure, I could go for some fun tomorrow night." Puck closed the distance between the two of them and ran his thumb across Kurt's cheek, rubbing off a streak of mustard, "You missed a spot."
Kurt rolled his eyes and turned back to the mirror, his attention back on his precious clothes and hair. Puck snorted.