Following my assassination of President Coin, and my subsequent acquittal on the charge of murder, I was numb. I no longer cared if I lived or died. My purpose as The Mockingjay had been fulfilled and now I felt alone and empty. Prim was gone. Prim – the reason I had volunteered to go into the arena in the first place, the person I was willing to sacrifice everything for. Peeta – the person who was willing to sacrifice his life for me – was now still in the care of Capitol doctors, still considered a threat, still confusedly balancing between his true self as I knew him and the hybrid mutt the Capitol had turned him into.
Haymitch had already told me earlier in the week that I would be set free soon; now it was just a matter of some paperwork. Considering the things that went through my mind and attacked me in my nightmares, I was no longer sure "free" was a reality I could aspire to. After the bombing near the President's mansion, I had been remade by quiet yet determined stylists to beauty base zero and then rebuilt into a reasonable facsimile of my former self. I still had patches of thin, reddish skin where the burns caused by the explosion were healing, but I looked 20 times better than I did just a couple weeks ago. Some of my hair had been singed off and even I could see the dead look in my eyes that reflected back at me on the rare occasion I looked in the mirror. The internal fire I was famous for was extinguished. I didn't even care.
One day, I found myself peering out the window and humming softly to myself. I didn't even realize it until I was at the second chorus of a District 12 folk song my father used to sing and hum around the house. It was a happy tune, uplifting even … I surprised myself so much I immediately stopped and laid down on the bed, eyes closed and willing myself somewhere else – except there was no place safe left to go, even in my imagination. A few hours later, I found myself singing the same song – softly, but out loud. I felt guilty for not being suicidal and depressed for even a few moments. How could I sing when Prim was dead? I crawled back onto the bed yet again and napped, hoping to escape into a dreamless sleep. Instead, I dreamed of her; I dreamed of Prim. She was standing in the meadow of District 12, near the fence designed to keep people out of the woods, looking at me with a gentle smile on her face, shaking her head.
"What?" I demanded of her, not liking the look on her face. "YOU!" she answered and laughed softly to herself. I just looked at her quizzically. "You got what you wanted, Katniss – what you fought for. You saved Panem. You should be happy."
"How can I be?" I demanded angrily. "I couldn't save you!"
"No. You couldn't," she answered. "Everything happens for a reason, Katniss. You have to accept that."
I awoke with a start, drenched in sweat. For the first time in weeks, I actually wanted to get out of bed. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I also didn't feel like thinking or analyzing things too much. Not 10 minutes after I woke up, there was a loud knock at the door, immediately followed by "Rise and shine, sweetheart!" Haymitch. I opened the door, hesitant to be bothered with life and the people that came with it that could alter my new mood.
"Well, you look quite … disheveled," he stated. "Rough night?"
"Something like that. What do you want, oh great mentor of mine?" He smirked, seemingly amused by my irritation as usual.
"Just an update. We got the OK to leave the Capitol. We're going home this afternoon. You and me. Get yourself together and pack your things." I stayed silent; he understood my unspoken question. "No, Peeta isn't coming with us," he stated in a defeated-sounding tone. "His doctors don't think he's ready to be on his own, to be able to function as a normal person would. Katniss, I don't know how else to say it. They still consider him a threat – to society as a whole, possibly to himself … and to you." I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. It wasn't a surprise and I wasn't even sure if I was upset or relieved; I'd have more time to process that later. I had more questions, but I frankly didn't think I could handle the answers, so I just accepted Haymitch's quick hug and watched him back out of my room, closing the door softly behind him.
I'm not sure how long I stood there, but finally I processed the fact that I was going to be leaving the Capitol soon and going home. Home. The thought of 12 seemed very different now, and scary in its altered state. The fear couldn't compare with the thought of staying in this place, though, so I finally turned and grabbed a duffle bag from the closet. I moved quickly through the room, packing my few meaningful belongings that I wanted to take. When I was done, I headed toward my bathroom to shower away the Capitol, to shower away the nightmares – if that was even possible.
The amount of buttons in Capitol showers had always been intimidating to me. Even after two rounds of living in the Training Center, I still wasn't sure what all the fancy-sounding names of soap and shampoo scents written in small type on those buttons were. I usually just went with the ones marked "Default," which wasn't anything overpowering, just what seemed a basic soapy smell to me. Now, as I stood with the soothingly hot water streaming down my body, my eyes came to rest on a button in the soap section marked "Lavender." There was also a corresponding "Lavender" button for a combination shampoo/conditioner. I remembered my father telling me about the flowering plant on one of our walks through the woods long ago. It was, he had stated, a scent associated with relaxation and was often made into lotions like the ones wealthy town people used to keep their skin soft and smelling good. I was bordering between excited to go home and terrified that I had no idea what to do now with my life, so I figured anything that could help relax me was welcome.
Stepping out of the shower once I was done, I quickly wrapped my thin body in a fluffy, cream-colored towel. I had been avoiding seeing my naked body in mirrors as much as possible since I had first been imprisoned here in the mansion. At first because of the remaining burns and scars the doctors couldn't completely fix, and then also because of how scarily thin I had become from my suicidal hunger strike. I had gained some weight back and my skin was almost totally healed, but I still considered myself hideous. My outside had come to match my inside - my true, ugly self that was responsible for more deaths and destruction than I could even keep track of anymore.
This seemed appropriate to me. Today, though, I decided I would make some effort with my appearance. I didn't want to leave this place looking how I felt: defeated, depressed, unmotivated. There were still a lot of Capitol citizens around that had supported Snow and were angry and blamed me personally for the destruction of their homes and comfortable way of life. I didn't know what the chances were of me being seen making my way to the hovercraft that would take me back to 12, but I refused to let them see me looking like the mess I believed myself to be. I would look strong, unemotional … I would not look weak and miserable. I also didn't want to be pitied by the rebels and anyone else that may have heard about my breakdown. I had plenty of time to look and feel like hell once I was back in my house alone with nothing to look forward to. Even though Haymitch was returning with me, I knew I wouldn't see much of him. He had his own demons to wrestle with. I would bet what was left of my sanity that he'd go on a drinking binge as soon as we were back and he could get his hands on something with alcohol in it.
The stylists who had been helping me in weeks past had left a variety of makeup and sundry toiletries neatly arranged on the bathroom shelves. I had never had much interest in, or use for, makeup. I only ever wore it when it was put on me for the cameras. I associated it with the Capitol, with the unnecessary extravagance of rich, fake people. Since I had no idea who I even was or would be now, being fake for the day just seemed right. I wasn't used to applying makeup myself, but I had had it done to me enough to remember the basics of application. I went slowly and was careful not to use too much of anything.
When I was done, I dried my hair and combed it until it was smooth and all the tangles were gone. It was too short now to put into a braid, but that was OK with me. It seemed appropriate for the new life I was embarking on. I felt older and now looked older. That finished, I just stood in the bathroom, mind drifting to I don't even remember where. It's like I was in a trance. I was eventually brought back to reality by a soft knock at the door. I wondered what Haymitch could possibly want now, but then I realized his knock was always loud and usually followed by him bellowing at me through the door before I could even reach it. I slipped on the lacy black underwear I had pulled from my dresser drawer and the silky, dark green bathrobe that hung on the back of the bathroom door and walked through the bedroom toward the door.
Cressida stood on the other side of the door. She had come to my room, but she looked surprised, as though she didn't recognize me. I thought for a moment maybe she was looking for someone else and had gotten lost amongst the long corridors. Then she smiled at me – a slightly lopsided, genuine smile that completely altered her normally serious, tough looking appearance and lit up her stormy blue eyes. I hadn't seen her in a while and was glad to see she was well. I knew I would be eternally grateful for her devotion to the cause and willingness to go along with my plans after Boggs' death. She did nothing but try to help me and her trust meant a lot to me. Looking at her, I recalled Haymitch had mentioned in passing a few days ago that Plutarch had offered her a lucrative long-term contract with his new entertainment company.
"Hi, Cressida! How are you?" She hesitated a moment before speaking.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Katniss. I ran into Haymitch and he told me you were leaving to go back to 12 later today."
I nodded but stayed quiet because she had a look on her face like she had more to say. Then, suddenly, she looked like she wanted to cry, yet there were no tears in her eyes and her voice did not waiver when she spoke again a moment later.
"I came to say … goodbye, and … well, there's something I promised myself I would tell you if we made it through the rebellion." She went quiet again, and stood still, staring down at the plush beige carpet. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, but still did not begin to say what it was she wanted to tell me. I begin to realize I had been really selfish, even more so than I had thought I was. Cressida was probably as broken and traumatized as I was. How could she not be? She had seen the mutts and heard the sounds of screams and gunfire and explosions. She saw friends and Squad 451 members die. Not once did it occur to me to think beyond myself and go see her and ask how she was. I felt guilty - and worried about her.
"What is it, Cressida?" I asked softly, reaching out and putting my hand on her arm. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. We've been through a lot together."
She finally looked back up at me. Her lips parted as though to speak, but nothing came out. Then, in one quick step, she moved closer to me, cupping my jaw with one hand while her other hand came to rest on my hip. She kissed me. Softy, but firmly, Cressida – my director, ally, female squad member – kissed me. I was too surprised to move at first, but finally I had the presence of mind to close my eyes and press my lips back against hers. I didn't understand why she was kissing me, but after everything she had done for me, who was I to deny her this kiss that she seemed to want? Plus, I had to admit, it felt nice. It was more affection that I had gotten from anyone in a long time, and I felt an unexpected flicker of desire flame up between my thighs that I hadn't felt since Peeta had kissed me on the beach during the Quarter Quell - and I honestly never expected to feel that again. After what must have been only a few seconds - although it felt longer - she stepped back, slowly pulling her lips from mine.
Cressida's cheeks were bright pink and she was looking at me shyly, as though expecting me to object. I couldn't speak even if I had known what I wanted to say. There was something else in her eyes, though; it looked like pride and relief. I thought about what she had just said, about promising herself she would tell me something. It slowly dawned on me what she was trying to say, even if she wasn't able to get the words out verbally. My mind was reeling and I felt confused, excited, and surprised all at the same time. Cressida not only liked girls, she liked me. That's what she must have promised herself she would tell me.
"Look, Katniss, I … I'm sorry if …" she began. Then, surprising her and myself, I silenced her by moving forward and pressing my lips firmly against hers. After a moment, I pulled back slightly and slipped my arms up and around her neck. As I kissed her again, I felt the need to press my body closer to hers and so I pushed her gently backward until I had her up against the door with my upper body pressing against hers. Parting my lips slightly, I ran the tip of my tongue across her lower lip. Wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me even closer to her, Cressida opened her mouth slightly, allowing me entrance to press my tongue against hers. I continued to kiss her, hoping I was doing it right since I had so little experience. I moved one of my hands up to gently grasp a handful of the soft, wavy blonde hair just behind the shaved, sexy, tattooed side of her head. Sexy? When did I start thinking of her – or anyone - as sexy?
The fingers on both her hands began to dig into my hips and I lost the ability to keep trying to think about it. Finally, shocked at my actions and slightly out of breath, I pulled my face from hers, gasping a little for air. She looked quizzically into my eyes and smiled. I was surprised at how natural this felt, how elated that moment had just made me feel. I smiled back and then slowly took my hands from around her neck and stepped back. Never letting my eyes leave hers, I lowered my hands to the belt of my robe. I may never have this chance again. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure Cressida could hear it. Slowly, but deliberately, I pulled one end of the belt, loosening the knot. I felt the silk fabric slowly part and fall open. Cressida's eyes now broke my gaze and looked down at what the gaping robe exposed, which was really just a little skin and a peek of my underwear.
"Katniss, I want to kiss you again. I want to touch you, to feel you close to me … revel in every moment we have. If you're uncomfortable with anything, anything at all, I want you to tell me."
I actually found it odd that I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I felt completely alive and awake for once. I had never been good with words, and this moment was no exception. I couldn't tell her what I was feeling, so I showed her. Grabbing the hem of her gray, long-sleeved shirt, I slowly began to pull it up – past her waist, up to her full breasts and finally over her shoulders and head. I stood looking at her, making sure now that she wasn't uncomfortable either. Once she smiled at me and nodded as though agreeing to something I had silently asked, I dropped her shirt on the floor and stepped close to her again. I momentarily touched her stomach with the palm on my right hand, feeling her flat stomach, and then dragged it across her body until I was reaching around her and using that hand to lock the door. She let out a breathy laugh.
"This isn't what I expected when I came here today," Cressida said.
"It's not something I ever expected, either, or even thought about." I admitted. "But I am glad you're here." With that, I kissed her again, softly and deeply. With what seemed to be a new confidence, Cressida pulled her lips from mine and moved them down to my neck. No one had ever kissed me there before. The licking and gentle sucking she was doing felt amazing; a quiet moan escaped from me. It was a sound I don't think I had ever made before, but Cressida seemed very pleased by it. I felt her smile against my skin before she continued kissing a trail down to my collarbone.
She brought her hands up to the fabric of my robe on either side and slowly slid it down off my shoulders and held it there as she kissed first one side of my shoulder and collarbone and then the other. Still holding onto my robe, she stopped and looked at me, raising one eyebrow questioningly. What I was feeling amazed me and I had to know what else my body was capable of experiencing. I was really nervous now, but nodded my approval to her. She slowly slid my robe down the length of my arms and then let it drop off my body.
Clad only in my underwear, I now felt self-conscious. No one had ever seen so much of me in so little before. Cressida was older than me and surely more experienced; I had no idea what to do next and looked down, trying to gather my thoughts. I felt a dampness in my underwear that I had only felt a handful of times before in my life. My instinct was to cross my arms over my exposed breasts, but that seemed a silly thing to do at this point. After a moment, Cressida pecked me on the lips and then stepped back slightly as she looked up and down the length of my body.
"You are so beautiful, Katniss." The look in her eyes told me she meant it. She unbuttoned her pants and slid them down, stepping carefully out of them as she kicked off her boots and socks at the same time. She now stood in front of me, wearing only light pink underwear and a white bra. She didn't move, just allowed me my turn to now stare at her, to look up and down the length of her scantily clad body. She was curvier and more muscular than me. She was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. I suddenly wanted to rip the remaining articles of clothes from her body and kiss every square inch of her skin. I felt my entire body blush and the ache between my legs intensified.
We moved back into each other simultaneously, lips fighting for dominance, hands tangling in hair. Suddenly, Cressida's hand slipped between my legs, cupping my aching sex and rubbing gently over my underwear. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. Instinctively, I broke away and stepped back, stumbling slightly. Cressida looked horrified.
"I'm sooo sorry, Katniss. I went too far too fast. I didn't mean to upset you." Now I really could see tears in her eyes.
"No, no. I … I'm not upset," I assured her. "I don't know why I did that. It felt great; everything felt great. Really. I just … ummm … I'm not used to this and it surprised me. I've never done anything like this before." I took a step toward her again to try to reinforce that I wasn't upset with her.
"Peeta never touched you like that?" she inquired.
"No. I've only ever kissed him. And Gale a few times," I admitted.
"Oh. I really am sorry, Katniss. I watched the Games; I know you and Peeta were close and I saw how concerned you've always been about him. I guess I just assumed … things I shouldn't have assumed I guess. Can you forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive you for, Cressida. Like I said, I was just surprised. And really nervous. If it's ok, I'd like to, umm, go back to what we were doing."
Cressida looked at me but didn't move, like she wasn't sure if I meant what I said. I was nervous and confused, but one thing I was sure of was I did not want her to leave. I did not want to let this moment escape me. I reached out and grabbed onto her wrist. I brought her arm back toward me and guided her hand to where it had been before I freaked out. Her eyes widened as I pressed her hand down onto me. My body wanted more, so on instinct I began moving myself back and forth against her hand. I took my hand off hers, but she kept hers in place and began to rub me gently again, making one finger glide up and down right over my pulsing clit. Wrapping my arms around her neck, I leaned in to kiss her. Our kisses increased in speed and intensity again and I heard myself moan as she moved her hand from my crotch to my breast. At first she just palmed it, then Cressida began to squeeze gently as she used her other hand to guide me backward toward my bed.
I felt the backs of my legs touch the bed. Cressida moved both her hands to the waistband of my panties and slid her fingers under the elastic material. She kissed me again – forcefully – before looking down as she slid my underwear down my legs to the floor. She raised her eyes up at me and I caught on to the fact I needed to lift each leg to step out of them. Grinning up at me, she tossed my panties backward over her shoulder and shot back up, pushing me gently back onto the bed until I was sitting, with my hands behind me supporting me. Cressida lowered herself down onto me, straddling my lap.
Placing both hands gently on the sides of my face, Cressida put her mouth back on mine, where I wanted it. Our tongues wrestled one another slowly and I felt her start to grind her pelvis back and forth against me. I felt my entire body flush, like I was about to burst into flames. Using the strength in my arms, I pushed my hips up to meet her center a few times. Taking my weight from my arms, I leaned forward and reached around to her back and unhooked her bra. The thin straps slipped slightly down the slope of her shoulders. I kissed her in the same places she had kissed me as she had lowered my robe from my body. After a moment, Cressida pulled back slightly and removed her bra completely. I couldn't help but stare at her breasts, now free and right in front of me. Placing both hands on her ribs, I started to slowly inch my hands up, up, up until I was gently caressing the sides of both her breasts.
Cressida then took my hands and guided them so I could feel her boobs in their entirety. Going on instincts I didn't know I had, I started to move the tips of my fingers gently around and on her light brown nipples. Cressida slid down so that she was straddling my left leg and started rocking her hips back and forth against my thigh. I could feel how damp her underwear was. Thinking it only fair that she should be as naked as I was, I dragged my hands down her body until I was tugging at the offending material. Realizing what I wanted, Cressida stood up and swiftly removed her underwear, before quickly repositioning herself as she had been and resuming her light grinding. She let out a quiet whimper before bringing her lips back to mine. I felt her finger rubbing my clit, first in slow circles and then more quickly up and down over it. I couldn't believe how great it felt. I had gotten myself off a handful of times before when my body seemed to require it, but I had never felt as turned on as I did now. I already desperately wanted to come, but I also didn't want this moment to end.
"Cressida, I want …" I began and then stopped. I wasn't even sure how to finish the sentence. Cressida looked at me a moment and then moved off of me.
"Lie back on the bed," she commanded in the tone of voice she used when she was telling me where to stand when filming a propo. I moved further up onto the bed and did as she said.
The look in her eyes was turning me on even more. I had seen wanton lust before in Gale's eyes and I had seen selfless adoration in Peeta's eyes, but I had never seen the two combined before. Cressida began crawling on her hands and knees up the bed, up my body. Once she reached my chest, she lowered her head and took one of my nipples into her mouth and began gently sucking on it before then using the tip of her tongue to trace circles around and over it. One hand was supporting her weight, but she brought the other up to slowly stroke my hair. I realized I was just lying there, enjoying what she was doing without reciprocating. I wanted her to feel like I did, so I began stroking and rubbing her clit the way she had mine. Her hips jerked forward a little and she gasped.
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked. She laughed.
"No, definitely not. On the contrary, it felt amazing and my body reacted to it. Please don't stop, Katniss," she said as she moved her mouth back down and over to my other breast. I resumed touching her, now moving my finger down a little to her glistening wetness. I made sure to coat a couple fingers before moving them back up to rub her clit again. She was rocking her hips against my fingers now and had stopped what she had been doing, so I figured I must be doing it right after all if I was able to distract her from what she had been doing to me.
I slid my fingers back down to her increasing pool of wetness. I moved my finger in circles right at her entrance, trying to decide if she would like it if I was inside of her. She must have known what I was thinking, because she took my wrist and held it still as she guided herself down onto two of my fingers. She groaned slightly as she moved up and down on them. After a moment she came down all the way and just sat there rocking back and forth a little. Her eyes were closed and she was biting down on her lower lip. Seeing her like that made my entire body twitch involuntarily below her. "Katniss … this feels so good! You have no idea how long I've wanted this with you. I'd like to try something else now, something I think you'll really enjoy. Would that be ok?" I wasn't sure what she meant, but my body was aching for her touch again so I nodded.
"Of course. I trust you, Cressida. And I love everything you've done so far," I assured her. She inched backward on all fours just as she had crawled up minutes before, stopping when her arms reached the area of my knees. Wrapping her hands under both my knees, she jerked them up and out until my feet were flat on the bed and my legs were spread open in a way that made me feel very exposed and self-conscious even as I trembled in anticipation once I realized what it was she wanted to do. Cressida paused and looked back up at me with a wicked grin and teasing eyes.
I held her gaze. She licked her lips seductively and then dipped her head down between my legs. I felt the tip of her tongue move painfully slow around where I needed it most. Then suddenly it was right on my clit. I had never imagined anything could feel like this – not after all the physical and mental pain I had experienced over the last couple years. Cressida kept her tongue moving in a steady rhythm around, then up and down and then in circles again. When I felt like I was about to come completely undone, she actually pushed her tongue inside of me and thrust it in and out a few times. It felt warm and nice, but I really, desperately wanted it back on my throbbing bundle of nerves that was screaming for release. She must have read my mind - or my writhing body - because after a few moments, she went back to licking me up and down, now with more pressure than before.
I was suddenly aware someone was gasping, whimpering, and breathlessly repeating the word "please." It was me. My body couldn't hold off any longer. As the first wave of my orgasm began to crest over me, I moaned and gasped out "Yes! Right there, Cressida! Ohhhh…"
As I was coming, I felt Cressida slip one finger into me. My hips bucked up involuntarily but Cressida kept her strong tongue moving against me and now began to slide her finger in and out of me. I rode her finger and tried to angle myself against her mouth even more. As the contractions of my orgasm started to slow down and lessen, I collapsed back onto the bed. Cressida continued to hold her tongue flat against my center, moving it and licking me only a little, which brought me down nicely. Finally, I put one hand on her head and gently stroked her hair to let her know it was over and I was good. She looked up at me with a huge smile on her face that quickly became a concerned frown. She bolted up to a sitting position next to me.
"Katniss, you're crying! Did I hurt you? It was just one finger; I figured you were wet enough and turned on enough that it wouldn't hurt…" I hadn't even been aware of the tears sliding down the sides of my face from each eye.
"No, you didn't hurt me – at all. I'm sorry, Cressida. I really have no idea what caused the tears," I admitted as I wiped at them with my hand. "That was absolutely amazing. Sorry – I feel stupid."
"Don't feel stupid! I'm just glad I didn't hurt you. Honestly, I'm kind of proud I made you come like that and caused that kind of emotion. Especially since it was your first time." I smiled at her and she laid down next to me and started rubbing her hand slowly over my stomach. It occurred to me that I had finished, but she hadn't. I wanted her to. I wanted to make Cressida come. I wanted to hear her gasp out my name.
In one fluid move, I rolled on top of her and pressed my breasts against hers as I laced my fingers with hers and attacked her neck with my mouth. Using my thighs to push hers apart, I got both my legs between hers and started to rub my slippery pussy against hers. She seemed to enjoy grinding on my leg earlier so I figured this would feel even better. I must have been right because Cressida moaned and grabbed my ass with both hands to help establish a rhythm for us. Even though I just came, I started to feel aroused again as well.
Remembering my goal was to give Cressida her turn at an orgasm, I lifted up a little and fondled first one breast then the other as I passionately kissed her lips. I then backed down her body and started going down on her. As I did so, I moved one hand between my legs so I could touch myself and try to relieve the desperate ache I was experiencing so I could keep my main focus on Cressida. As I licked and kissed her, more liquid began to seep out of her. I licked it up and raised my eyes to see if I could tell by her expression if I was doing it right. Cressida's eyes were closed and she was squeezing her breasts with both hands. I rubbed myself harder. She opened her eyes and met mine.
"Katniss, I'm getting close," she informed me. "This feels wonderful but I'd like to finish with you laying on top of me, rubbing against me like before … if that's ok." I flicked my tongue against her a couple more times and then quickly repositioned myself back between her legs.
Cressida lifted her knees and hips as she moved with me. She was sweating now and asked me to go a little faster. Increasing my speed not only made her moan, but I was now practically dripping slick liquid down my leg again.
"Katniss! Oh … fuck. Katniss, I'm coming!" Cressida practically shouted. I pressed down harder against her as I moved and after a few seconds, my second orgasm began to ripple through my body. Our bodies were jerking against each other as we both moaned and gasped each other's names. I realized Cressida's orgasm must have subsided, but she thoughtfully kept moving against me until my own orgasm was complete. When it was over, I collapsed down on her with my head on her shoulder. Cressida put her arms around me and held me gently as she placed a soft kiss on my temple.
It couldn't have been long that we laid there, but those was the most peaceful minutes I had known in a long time. Cressida was softly stroking my hair and I was placing soft, lingering kisses on her chest and shoulder when three loud knocks reverberated from the door through the room. We both froze. A moment later I heard my name being yelled through the door. I sighed. Haymitch. Again.
"Almost time to go, sweetheart! You going to be ready soon or what?" I looked at Cressida and we both snickered quietly; I didn't even know how much time had passed but I knew I must now be looking a mess again. "Katniss!" he bellowed when I didn't respond. The doorknob jiggled and I was thankful I had thought to lock the door.
"Yeah," I yelled. "Almost ready, Haymitch. I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes." After a moment, I started to laugh again but then suddenly stopped. This was ending. I had to leave. Leave Cressida. Leave the only person who had made me feel happy and wanted and truly alive in months. I turned back to look at her. I said her name but couldn't continue … I didn't even know how.
"It's OK, Katniss," she assured me. "When I came here, I thought this would be a quick and awkward goodbye. Instead, it will be a beautiful memory I will carry with me the rest of my life!" I kissed her softly.
"Will you be traveling for your new job with Plutarch?" I asked.
"Sometimes I think, yes."
"Well … whether you come to 12 for work or just maybe if you want some vacation time … I'd love to see you again," I told her. "You don't need to feel like you have to if you're busy or anything … just, you know, if you want to and have some time."
"Of course I want to," she said. "If you mean that, I will definitely try to get to 12 to see you as soon as I can."
"I do mean it," I assured her with another kiss.
"Katniss, I could lie here and kiss you all day long, but we both know Haymitch is waiting and our time here is up," she said sadly. I nodded and got up from the bed.
I thought about taking another quick shower but I just didn't feel like it … I wanted to carry as much of Cressida and this memory as I could with me back to 12. Then I saw Cressida's pink underwear on the floor. I picked them up and dramatically held them up for her to see. Then I leaned over and slowly pulled them up and onto my body. She looked surprised and then grinned at me. Still smiling, she slid out of bed and then located my black lace panties. She pulled them on and stopped to come over and kiss me. She then began putting on the rest of her scattered clothes as I quickly pulled a random outfit from the closet. When both of us were dressed and I had quickly brushed my messy hair, we stood together at the door holding hands.
"I'll miss you, Mockingjay," Cressida said sadly.
"I'll miss you, too. But … hopefully not for too long," I said as I tried my best to smile at her. Giving up, I leaned in and hugged her tightly. When we separated, she kissed me quickly, but passionately.
"Ready?" Cressida asked as she positioned her hand to unlock the door. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded and picked up my duffle bag. She turned the lock on the door and slowly opened it and stepped out.