Title: Nightmares
Author(s): FelsGoddess
Timeframe: Immediately after Invincible
Characters: Jaina Solo, Luke Skywalker, Tenel Ka, Jacen Solo
Genre: Angst, Supernatural
Keywords: angst, challenge response
Summary: Our minds torment us. Our anchors bring us home.
Notes: Response to the First Line/Last Line Challenge. The quote reminded me of the song "Welcome" off of the second disc of Christina Aguilera's album Back to the Basics and the music video for her song Hurt.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to violence, the word and the act." Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Life was a circus.
Her Jedi robes were a costume gown. She stood in a prison of her own mind, waiting to be pulled once again by her puppet masters. Her hair was pulled tight against her scalp; pins holding it in a complicated bun. The corset of her costume cinched her waist impossibly small while a stiff gauzy skirt flares from her hips. Her feet were bound in tight shoes.
The lights dimmed as she stepped onto the stage; her hands were held out for balance and pose. A dark being entered from the opposite side of the stage. The audience watched in fascination as she drew her sword and they began to dance. Applause sounded through the room as she thrust her blade through the heart of the man. The overwhelming applause exploded into jeers, criticism at the death, at the loss of life. She tried to escape, but was pushed by the hands that forced her back into the spotlight. Tears rolled down her pale, bruised cheeks. Blood trickled from the corners of her mouth. The crescendo of hatred swelled, growing louder and louder until the ceiling and windows began to crack. Pieces fell to the ground. One shard sliced open her once pristine cheek.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to violence, the word and the act," a cold voice said mockingly.
The ceiling came crashing down, knocking her to the floor. Glass exploded, carving tiny rivers all over her body. The blood stained her dress and shoes. The audience began to express empty sympathy. Rain poured from the exposed sky, washing her skin clean. It was cold, like death. Death would not claim her today. It taunted her, like a child on a playground. She must live, it said. There is more for her to do.
What, she demanded into the silence of her mind. What will you take now? She had already lost her younger brother. She had already killed her twin. She had lost her aunt. She had lost her youth, her innocence.
The sympathy turned into catcalls and insults. Murderer. Killer. The pieces of ceiling were not pushing hard enough to kill her. The glass did not cut deep enough. She pushed the debris aside and stood. She looked around frantically. There was nowhere to hide. Her mind and the audience became one, taunting and cutting her down.
She fell to her knees, hands pressed against her temples. It was lost. She couldn't find her way out. That flicker of strength was rapidly dwindling. She clawed her scalp with her nails as she tried to rip out the pins. She began to shake as she stared at her bloody fingers. She smashed them to her face.
Warmth began to chase away the cold. Two hands pried hers away from her face. She blinked once, twice, but could not see.
A voice called over a vast distant for her, telling her that it will be okay, that she needed to fight. She recognized him. She opened her eyes and saw his green ones staring at her. She grasped his hands and stood. Her hands trembled as they found his cheeks. He pulled her lips to his.
And she woke. The smells of the Med Ward assaulted her. Her eyes searched frantically for him, but he's wasn't there. She closed her eyes and reached out. She could feel his lingering presence. She could feel his concern, some distance away.
A soft smile graced her lips as she clutched her anchor and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
Her red hair cascaded behind her as she floated through the grotto. Foamy bubbles outlined her body. She suddenly sank into the water. Her eyes stared over the surface at him, beckoning him forward. She turned and swam, the moonlight glistening off the water on her bare back.
He reached for her, but he couldn't touch her. She drifted away from him, laughing lightly. She continued to swim, stopping occasionally to beckon him forward. She swam until she reached the stonewall. She stood, and the water was no longer deep. He stared at her naked form. It was clean; all injuries absent.
Luke shook his head. No. This wasn't real. Mara was dead. She wasn't here. This was some kind of nightmare.
"Come get me, Skywalker," she purred, crouching down. She crawled through the water until she in front of him. She stared up at him through her thick, red hair. She bit her lower lip and reached to take his hand.
He jerked away, "No! You aren't real!"
"But I am, Luke. I'm real. Real out and feel," she purred.
"No!" he screamed. He pushed away from her, fists ramming into his temples.
Her hand wrapped over his shoulder. She leaned to his ear and whispered, "Don't fight it."
Luke whirled around, glaring. Her face began to change. It morphed from his perfect wife into Lumiya. "What's wrong, Luke? Don't you love me?"
Luke knocked the Sith over. He grasped for his lightsaber, but it was gone.
"Wake up! Wakeupwakeupwakeup!" he growled, jamming the heels of his hands into his eyes.
"You'll never wake up," a male voice snapped.
Luke's hands dropped from his face, "Jacen."
"The nightmare will never end. Even in death," Jacen said as he approached. Lumiya had disappeared. "Failures will haunt you until the end of time, Master."
"You. Aren't. Real."
"Oh but I am. I am every failure, every mistake you ever made. Remember when you lied about the speeder accelerate and Beru crashed? Remember when you didn't listen about Cloud City? Remember Callista? Remember Anakin? Do you remember having to face my parents after the mission you approved caused him to die? Remember me, Uncle Luke? Do you remember how I fell? Do you remember that I killed your wife? Do you remember that you killed Lumiya out of anger? Do you remember what I did to Ben? Do you, Uncle Luke? Failures don't go away. They are with you forever."
Luke backed up and tripped. He fell into the water. Jacen was right. He was a complete and total failure. He stopped resisted and allowed the fluid to fill his lungs.
"DAD!"
Luke jerked from the water. Ben's hand gripped his arm and pulled him up. Luke coughed as he surfaced. He looked around, but he was alone. His son had disappeared.
A familiar presence nudged his. Luke could see a light ahead of him and grasped it, pulling himself from the water.
Luke eyes opened with a jolt. Ben was there, looking concerned.
"Dad? You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, son, fine." He smiled weakly at Ben. He was his one success.
She sat at her dressing table in her bedroom in the Fountain Palace. She ran her fingers through her red hair, gathering it to the side and fastening it with a clip. She picked up her make-up brush and dipped it into a small jar of matte lip gloss. She applied it to her lips, turning them berry red. She glanced over her shoulder. He was standing there.
Jacen ran a hand over her hair, gently tugged her head to face him. He leaned down and brushed his lips over her collarbone.
"Don't Jacen," she said as she pushed away from the table. She stood, underskirt rustling. He grabbed her wrist and yanked her forward. He wrapped an arm possessively around her, clamping her to his chest.
"You have time," he growled, eyes full of lust. He ran his mouth down her neck to her bare shoulder.
"For Jacen" she whispered, caressing his cheek. "You aren't Jacen anymore."
"I don't know what you are talking about," he said. "I'm Jacen. You're Tenel Ka. Same as always."
"No!" she snapped. She shoved away from him. His hands grabbed her corset and she moved away from him. It tore in two. She held the torn material to her chest. "You aren't the man I fell in love with. You aren't my baby's father."
"Allana, like you, is mine," he growled. His eyes turned a fiery yellow as he stalked closer to her. "You'd best remember that, Your Majesty."
Tenel Ka ground her teeth as she turned and faced him, "I belong to no one and you will never take her from me."
Jacen reached into the Force and shoved her into the wall. Tenel Ka pulled herself slowly to her feet. Her arm held the ripped corset in place. She spat at him, "Get out. Get out now!"
Jacen stalked over to her. He grabbed the hair on the back of her head and forcibly kissed her, "You can't get rid of me, love."
Tenel Ka awoke with a startled gasp. She was in her bed, alone. Jacen was dead. He couldn't harm her. That confrontation had never taken place. It was her fears screaming at her in a literal way.
She rose from the bed and slipped through the nearby door. She hurried to the small bed where Allana lay, blissfully asleep. She sat on the bed gently and caressed her daughter's hair.
Allana's eyes flickered open, "Mama?"
Tenel Ka scooped the child up to her chest and held her. She whispered into the top of her head, "My beautiful baby girl."
Allana's grey eyes blinked and she fell back asleep. Tenel Ka held her to her heart. She was her light in the dark, her savior.