DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters – they belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just don't happen to agree on how she used them.

A/N: This story begins in the middle of Breaking Dawn, right after Bella has the freaky hybrid and is turned into a vampire. No imprinting on the demon spawn for Jacob in this story. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a real woman. In this story, he gets one.

CHAPTER 1

Jake POV:

The night closed around in me as I ran through the forest, the wind whipping through my fur. Relishing the darkness, I ran harder, trying to fade into it as I had no idea where I was going nor did I care. I willed the wolf to take me far away from here . . . away from the crippling pain that was quickly swallowing me. I should never have come back here. I had made the transition to wolf and was finding some peace. Why did I give into the urge to come back and go to her wedding? What the hell was I thinking? And I stuck around, torturing myself day after day, giving up everything for her . . . my family, my pack. Loving Bella had brought nothing but gut-wrenching pain to my life, and yet, I ran to her over and over. And now, she is his . . . forever. Searing pain ripped through my chest yet again at that thought. My Bella is gone . . . forever.

Phasing out of my wolf body, I stumbled over to a small stream and fell to my knees to dip my hands in the water to wash away the blood . . . Bella's blood. It was still clinging to my hands where I had tried so hard to keep her heart beating. Suddenly I felt like it was burning me as I scrubbed my hands trying hard to get it off of me. Hot tears slid down my cheek as I rubbed and rubbed . . . why? Why, why, why, why? That word haunted me and kept repeating itself over and over . . . why did she do this? Why didn't she pick me?

Shaking the water from my hands, I finally pushed myself to my feet and stumbled around, wondering what I should do now . . . where should I go? Not knowing where else to go, I gave into the exhaustion I felt and fell to the ground. I wanted to be numb. I wanted to die.

Leah POV:

I was patrolling along the border of the coven house when suddenly Jake flew by me like he was on fire! What the hell? Where is he going? " Jake! Jake, stop! Come back!"

Just then, my brother, Seth, came up beside me. "Where's he going?"

"I don't know. What happened in there? I take it Bella had the monster?" I tuned into Jake's thoughts and saw the whole bloody mess play out before me: Jake and Edward standing over her as this thing came out and was taken away. Jake trying desperately to keep her heart going . . . and then Edward plunging a huge syringe into her heart . . .

Seth added, "Edward put vampire venom right into her heart to save her. She's . . ."

"A fucking leech now," I finished for him. Well, at least it was over and we could get the hell away from here. I had no love for the leeches. I was only here because I had to be. Jake was my Alpha now, and where he went, I had to follow, even though I hated being here and watching Jake put himself through such pain, day after day, all because of her. Jake . . . his heart had just been shattered into millions of tiny pieces.

"I'm going after Jake. Seth, you go to Sam and tell him what's happened."

"I can't go to Sam. I belong to this pack now, just like you, Leah. I'm going with you."

"Don't argue with me! I'm giving you a Beta order to go and tell Sam. I have to find Jake. NOW GO!"

"Damnit, Leah," Seth grumbled, but he went. He had to follow my order, even though it pissed him off. Seth hated the fact that Jake had made me Beta instead of him. He was a part of this pack first, so I guess I could see his point, but whatever . . . shut up and deal.

Taking off into the dark where Jake had disappeared, I ran hard knowing I had the speed to overtake him. As I ran, I connected to his thoughts and could feel his pain consume him. "Jake. Talk to me." Suddenly his thoughts were gone and it was quiet . . . too quiet. Assuming he must have phased out to keep his thoughts and his pain to himself, I quickly picked up his scent and followed it into a small clearing in the woods where I found Jacob lying naked, in human form, curled into a ball on the hard ground. Padding over, I nudged him with my nose. "Go away, Leah. Just leave me alone," I heard him mumble into the dirt.

Never one to do what I was told, I nudged Jacob again. "I mean it! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" he screamed.

Ignoring Jacob's wishes once again, I lay down behind him. I couldn't leave him. I was his Beta. I would stay and wait.

Jake POV:

Somehow, time went on. The moon rose and showed itself just above the trees as the forest came alive with sounds of the night: crickets, bull frogs . . . and unfortunately, I was still breathing. I had no idea how long I had been lying here. With my eyes closed, all I could see was blood . . . the scent of Bella's blood was still hanging on me. The hole in my chest ached until I couldn't stand the pain and I was shocked as this horrible wail escaped from my throat and pierced the night air.

Suddenly, I felt hands on me, pulling me up and arms surrounding me and holding me. I clung to the soft, warm body as lips touched my forehead then my cheek then instinctively I turned my head to meet those lips and they moved with mine then opened to my tongue. There was hot skin against mine and I reached out to run my hands over it. I had waited so long for her to come to me. To let me touch her like this. Moving my lips to her shoulder, I bit into it as she cried out. Hands moved and grabbed and grazed and touched . . . before long, I was rock hard and throbbing, desperate for a release. Rolling her to her back, I plunged into her and rocked frantically trying to find it. A shudder went through me as I emptied into her and I collapsed, letting out a sob. Those arms stayed around me and held me tight until I could finally catch my breath to roll off and lay on my back. My face was wet with hot tears as I finally opened my eyes and the realization of what just happened sunk in.

I was staring into the night sky at the stars as her breath brushed my cheek. Turning my head, there was Leah, lying on her side, her black hair covering part of her face, watching me with wary eyes. It really happened. It wasn't just a dream. Not Bella. "Leah," I said hesitantly.

Leah touched her finger to my lips and whispered, "Jake, don't. I understand."

"I don't," I admitted. I had never felt like that . . . it was almost . . . primal.

Reaching out, Leah touched my cheek and I could see tears in her eyes. "Jake, I could feel your pain. It was . . . tortuous. What you went through . . . ." Her compassion surprised me, but I didn't deserve it.

Feeling so guilty at how I had just used her, I rolled away from her and stared out into the darkness to try and make sense of everything I had just been through. But it made no sense to me. Bella was everything to me, my whole world, even though she never belonged to me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to make myself believe that she was one of them. She belonged completely to him now. I had known it was coming . . . she told me over and over, but I always held on to that dream that maybe . . . just maybe she would change her mind and pick me. But she married him. I saw her, after the wedding, and she was so beautiful, and we danced and I felt her heart beating with mine and I knew she loved me. She finally admitted it to herself . . . but it wasn't enough. I could feel fresh tears run as I wondered, why was I never enough for her?

And then I let her talk me into staying and watching her day after day as that fucking thing inside sucked the life out of her. My body tensed and my hands curled into fists as the memories flooded my mind yet again . . . at the end. . . it was so violent, so much blood. Bella sacrificed everything for that . . . freak of a baby! My stomach suddenly began churning and a shudder ran through my whole body as I rolled to my side to puke my guts out.

"Jake? Are you alright?" Leah touched my arm and I froze. Oh, God, and then there was Leah. So shocked at my behavior, I couldn't look at her. I just gave up my virginity in one frantic moment. Not that it was that important to hold onto now since the girl I loved and was waiting for was now married to someone else.

I swiped my arm over my mouth and let out a loud belch then lied to Leah, "Yeah, I'm OK. Sorry."

Rolling again to my back, I stared at the sky as Leah sat up to say, "Jake, let's just go. Let's get the hell out of here. There's nothing holding you here now. Remember what we talked about that day in the woods? We could be a pack of two. Maybe head towards Seattle and blend into the city for awhile. I can go my way and you can go yours, or we can stay together, it's up to you. But I can't stay here any longer and neither should you. You've been tortured for way too long. It's time it stops. You don't deserve this, Jake."

I just wanted to lay here and die. Why couldn't she leave me the fuck alone? If I did leave here, I would go wolf again, not human. Blending into the forest was easier than blending into society.

"Jake? Tell me what you're thinking. Please . . . just say something," Leah pleaded quietly.

I finally turned to look at her and was thankful to see she had pulled on a pair of black gym shorts and a worn yellow tank top. Realizing I had shred my clothes when I phased on the run, I sat up and covered myself as best as possible before answering, "Leah, I don't know what I want to do right now. I know I can't stay here, but there is no reason for you to leave. I never wanted to be the Alpha of a pack, you know that. You don't have to follow me."

Leah lowered her head then I heard her say softly, "It's not so much a pack thing as it is a Sam thing. This gaping hole in my chest is never going to close as long as I am here, watching him shack up with my cousin." Then lifting her head, she said angrily, "I can't take it anymore, Jake. I can't fucking take it! You know that's why I joined your pack in the first place. I needed to get away from him and his thoughts, and his orders and his never-ending presence in my life." Grabbing my arm, she pleaded with her dark eyes, "Please, Jake, I can't go back to that."

I got what she was saying, but before I could answer, Leah added, "Look, I have money in the bank. When Dad died, he left me some. It's not a lot, but it's enough to get us started. I can sneak home, pack a bag, grab the money and meet you back here. We can just disappear."

God, that did sound tempting. Just disappear. No expectations on me. Leah stared into my eyes and I knew she could see me wavering. "Jake? Please?"

I hung my head as I thought, I really have nothing to live for, so what was the point? With a sigh, I told her, "Look, Leah, I just want to lay here and die, OK? I have nothing left. Do what you want. As your great fucking Alpha, I release you from my pack. Now please just leave me alone." Laying back, I rolled away from her again, hoping for once she would just listen to me. Of course, I should have known better.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Grabbing my shoulder, Leah pulled hard so I landed on my back then she quickly straddled my chest and looked down at me to yell, "Like hell I will! I am not leaving you here in the dirt to wallow in your self-pity. And believe me, I am an expert in self-pity, so I recognize the signs. Do you have ANY idea how many times I laid on the ground just like you are now, wishing to die? Please." I tried to look away, but she grabbed my face to say evenly, "She's not worth it, Jacob. You have a father and two sisters that love you very much. I think they would be pretty pissed to hear you say you have nothing left. And whether you think so or not, you have friends that count on you. Me, for one. So get your ugly face out of the dirt and quit being such a fucking drama queen! Let's go, Jake. Let's get the hell out of here. Get off your ass and find yourself a life that doesn't revolve around her."

Wow. Where did that come from? After taking a few seconds to think about what she said, I finally looked her in the eye and asked, "If I say yes, will you get the fuck off of me?"

Leah actually grinned as she answered, "Yes. But you will have to mean it."

Closing my eyes, I sighed, "Fine. What the hell. I'll go with you." It was better than staying here and watching Charlie go through hell . . . and dealing with the Alpha shit.

Leah surprised me by dropping a kiss on my lips then she smiled and crawled off of me before saying, "Alright, stay here for now. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Sitting up, I grabbed Leah's arm as I told her quickly, "Hey, make sure Seth goes home. Once he explains what happened and how it happened, hopefully Sam will back off. And I know that Sam will take him back into the pack. Seth needs to stay in LaPush."

"I will," Leah promised as I released her and she turned to go then came back. "Jake? Thanks. This will be OK, I promise."

Having nothing more to say, I just nodded and watched as she ran off, shaking my head as I thought about the decision I just made. I wasn't sure I was in any shape to make a decision right now, especially one as important as leaving La Push. Laying back, I put my arm over my eyes and decided I guess if I couldn't die, I could at least hide. But going away with Leah . . . I somehow didn't believe that was a good idea. Especially with what just happened between us. I had never done that . . . I was a virgin before tonight. I always wanted my first time to be with her . . . with Bella. But, it was so primal, so . . . there was something about how that felt . . . no, I will not go there. Not now. I was sick of all of this wolf and vampire shit. I wished so much I could go back to those days when I was just a happy-go-lucky kid, trying to scab parts to fix up the Rabbit. I hated my life right now and wanted so badly to escape it. All of it.

Rolling to my side, I felt the grief roll over me again and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt this wail come from my gut. I just let it go and before long, sobs wracked my body and I shook and writhed with the pain. I have no idea how long I cried, but it thankfully came to a stop and I slowed my breathing and wiped my face. Rolling onto my back, I looked up at the sky and realized I hadn't cried like that since my mom died. Why was it the women I loved more than anything in my life didn't stick around for long? At least Mom was in a better place, so they told me. But Bella would be living out eternity as a . . . well, that was her choice. Fuck it. It's over.

Leah POV:

The house was dark as I trotted up to it. After willing my body to phase back into my human form, I dressed quickly and snuck in through the back door that leads into the kitchen. Walking as quietly as I could across the kitchen and out to the living room, I snuck up the stairs and into my room, where I eased the door closed and took a duffle bag out from under my bed. First, I peeled off the filthy clothes I was wearing and put on some clean underwear and bra then a pair of blue track pants and an old red Nike t-shirt that had been Seth's. I quickly slipped on some socks and my running shoes then went to the drawer and threw some underwear and clothes into the bag. Grabbing my bank book, I left the bedroom and snuck into the bathroom and took my toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant and tossed them into the bag. At the last minute, I decided to take the shampoo and soap and a clean bath towel and toss them in as I gazed longingly at the shower, wishing I had the time for one. It had been way too long since I had one. But I didn't so I left the bathroom and ended up standing in the hall for a moment as I thought about Mom. I knew this would kill her. It was hard enough for her when Dad died then Seth and I both left her to go with Jake to guard the bloodsuckers. Turning back into my room, I picked up a notebook and a pen and wrote her a quick note trying to explain why I was leaving, promising to call her as soon as I could to let her know I was safe. I also begged her to make Seth stay here. I signed it, "I love you, Leah," and put it on my pillow and snuck back downstairs.

As soon as I closed the back door, I quickly made my way over to Jake's house. It was dark, too, but I knew that Billy and Rachel would want to know what was going on, so I knocked on the door. I had to knock two more times before Rachel came to the door in a worn pink robe to ask sleepily, "Leah? What's wrong?"

"Um, can I come in? I need to talk to you about Jake." Rachel nodded and quickly stepped back to allow me to walk by her then she closed the door and led the way to the kitchen where she turned on the light over the sink. "Sit down," she invited as she pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. "Is he OK?"

I sunk onto the chair to say, "No, he's not." I tried to briefly explain what had happened at the leech house tonight.

"Oh God, this must be killing him," Rachel said as she put her head in her hands.

"He needs to go away again . . . he can't stay here right now. But this time, I'm going with him. I just can't stay here either."

Her head popped up in surprise. "Really? He disappeared before as a wolf. Is that the plan?"

I shook my head. "No. We are going to stay human and head toward Seattle. That's why I'm here. Jacob has no clothes. I want to get some of his things for him, and I wanted you and Billy to know where he was."

Rachel nodded then stood up and said, "Come with me." I followed her from the kitchen into Jake's tiny room where I put my duffle bag onto his bed as she opened the dresser drawer and took out some underwear, shorts, t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I shoved them into the bag then asked her for a pair of shoes. Rachel handed me a pair and some socks then left the room for a moment and came back with Jake's toothbrush and I added it to the bag and zipped it shut.

"Oh wait. He might need his wallet with his driver's license. I think he keeps it in here," Rachel said as she opened a small drawer, found the wallet and held it out to me.

I unzipped the bag and added it to the pile then zipped it shut again and picked it up to leave. "Um, do you know where he keeps his car keys?" I asked. I figured it would be better to have a car with us in the city. Rachel nodded and walked back out to the kitchen to take them off of a hook on the wall. As she handed them to me, I said, "Thanks, Rachel."

"When's the last time you guys had any food?" she asked with concern.

"I have no idea."

Smiling as she moved to the fridge, Rachel said, "I made some sandwiches earlier tonight for Paul, but he went out when Sam called and he hasn't come back yet." She took out four sandwiches and put them into a sack, then threw in a few apples and added a bag of cookies. "Here, take this."

Taking it from her, I again thanked Rachel then turned to go, but she stopped me by putting her hand on my arm. "Just take care of my little brother, OK? And make him call us. And . . . tell him I love him." The look in her eyes showed me how much she cared for him.

Smiling, I promised, "I will. And look out for my little brother, will ya? I guess I kind of care about the little runt," I told her.

Rachel chuckled and promised, "I will," as she walked me to the door and opened it for me. "Call us, OK?"

Nodding, I walked out into the night, letting her close the door behind me. Soon the porch light went off.

Quickly I jogged toward the garage, hoping the Rabbit had gas in it. I unlocked it and threw the bag into the back seat, and put the food on the front seat then I started the car and looked at the gas gauge. Yes! Three quarters of a tank! Things were starting to go my way – finally. Pulling out of the garage, I sunk my foot into the accelerator as soon as I hit the road.

As I drove, I found myself replaying what happened earlier in the woods between me and Jake. I really didn't see that coming. I just wanted to hold him and comfort him, but it turned into something so different and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I knew it sounded bizarre, but it was almost like . . . our wolves connected in that moment. But, it was just sex. Just a release. Just taking and giving between two people in pain. Jake had been a virgin until tonight . . . I suppose he was waiting to have his first time with her. Well, that would never have happened anyway, no matter how much he wanted it. I guess it was good for him to get it over with, but I wished it would have been in different circumstances. Everyone's first time should be something to remember . . . which took me back to my first time. I had been dating Sam for over a year and we decided to have sex for the first time after the prom. Yeah, right, prom. So, after the dance, we ended up at the beach, as it was actually a beautiful clear, warm night in May, which was really unusual for Washington. I remember Sam smiling as he spread a blanket on the sand and then invited me to sit with him.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Leah," he said as he moved my hair from my shoulder so he could lean down to put a soft kiss there. Already shedding his jacket and tie in the car, I noticed he had left the first four buttons of his shirt undone, and my hand itched to run over his tan chest underneath. We quickly slipped our shoes off and left them sitting in the sand then I turned to look at him and he captured my lips with his own. I loved kissing Sam! Of course, he was the only guy I had ever kissed so I really had nothing to compare it to, but that didn't matter. Our tongues danced with each other in perfect unison, as we were very practiced in the art of making out. We had gone a little farther than that, but not all the way . . . yet.

Sam slowly reached around and unzipped my dress then pushed it from my shoulders. That's when he discovered I wasn't wearing a bra. With a sly smile, he ran a finger ever so gently over the nipple closest to him and as I shivered, he whispered, "Are you cold?"

"No," I smiled. "Quite the opposite. You are making me very hot." I quickly unbuttoned the remaining buttons on his shirt and slid it down his strong arms then leaned in to kiss his shoulder and put a little bite there. With a little shove, Sam encouraged me to lay back so he could pull my dress all the way off. I wiggled out of my panties and handed them to him with what I hoped was a sexy smile. He held them for a moment then put them aside and quickly took care of the rest of his clothes. Finally, we lay there naked on the blanket, nothing else between us. This was the first time we had been completely undressed in front of each other, so we took it all in and touched and explored, all the while kissing each other on the lips, neck, shoulders . . . and everywhere else.

"Leah, are you ready?" Sam asked breathlessly. I was. He had taken care of that. "If you want me to stop, tell me now, baby."

With a shake of my head, I said, "I love you, Sam." Smiling, he moved over me then kissed me as he entered me very slowly. I was wet and ready, but it still hurt just a little as he broke through and I gasped, digging my nails into his shoulders. As he began moving, I could feel a heat burn all through my body. It was like a fire that had started and I had to move with him to put it out. The feeling built and built until . . . I was shaking with a sweet release I could never have imagined. I cried out as Sam came and he shuddered then asked anxiously, "Baby, are you alright?"

I was breathing heavy, but managed to get out, "Yes, Sam." He rolled to hold me in his arms and as we laid there looking at the stars, Sam promised to love me forever.

Yeah, what a crock of shit that turned out to be. I hadn't thought about that in a very long time. I had done my best to bury all of those memories in the last few months. But we were young and in love and it was everything it was supposed to be, I guess. I felt sorry that Jake didn't get to experience it that way. I should have stopped him when he began kissing me. I'm not sure why I didn't.

Slamming the Rabbit into park, I climbed out of the car and jogged back into the clearing with a pair of Jake's gym shorts and the bag of food. I found Jake stretched out under a tree and I thought maybe he was sleeping, but as I walked closer, he turned his head to look at me then push himself up as I held out the pair of shorts. Giving me a small smile, he pulled them on as I reached into the bag and then held out a sandwich. Taking it, he just stared at it. "Jake, I know you're probably not hungry, but you have to eat. I'm not carrying your ass to the car when you pass out from hunger."

His head popped up as he asked, "Car?"

"Yeah. I had Rachel give me the keys to your car, along with some of your clothes and your toothbrush. Oh and a pair of shoes. She's the one that insisted on giving me the food. She made the sandwiches for Paul, but he hadn't been back yet to eat them, so she sent them for you." Jacob actually smiled at that then raised the sandwich to his mouth and took a bite. "Yeah, I thought that might make them more appetizing to you." Sinking down to the ground beside him, I took a bite of my sandwich then added, "She also told me to tell you to call her, and that she loves you."

With a nod, Jake said nothing, but took another bite of his sandwich. As I ate, I tried to get a read on how Jake was doing, but he wasn't showing any emotion. As soon as he finished the sandwich, I held out an apple. Giving me a look that told me I was mothering him, I took his hand and put the apple into it.

With a roll of his eyes, he took a bite as I told him, "I figure we can grab a couple of hours of sleep then we can drive into town and I'll get the money from the bank as soon as it opens then we can head out. OK?"

Again, Jake just nodded, but I felt some relief. I was afraid maybe he had changed his mind while I was gone. I watched him as he finished his apple and chucked the core into the woods then looked over at me to ask, "Is that enough?"

With a sweet smile, I answered, "Yes, that will do. Now, get some sleep."

"OK, Mom," he threw back sarcastically as he laid back and crossed his arms behind his head to look up at the sky.

I laid down next to him then said softly, "Jake?" He just grunted as a response, so I went on, "About what happened between us? Don't feel guilty. I'm not . . . expecting anything from you. Do you know what I mean?" Turning his head, Jake just stared at me and said nothing, so I added, "I was just here for you. Nothing more."

Then slowly Jake moved his arm out and nodded to me to move over toward him. Smiling, I scooted over and let him put his arm around me as I rested my head on his solid bare chest. "Thanks, Leah," he said softly.

"Sure, boss," I answered. And then we slept.

Jake POV:

I woke up and realized there was a warm body next to me, something that only happened once before . . . in the tent on the mountain. What the hell? Bella? Then I noticed where I was . . . in the woods, on the ground and it all came back to me. No asshole. It's Leah. Bella . . . all the blood . . . the baby . . . Edward plunging that syringe into Bella's heart . . . running . . . and then what I did to Leah. Shamefully, I felt myself go hard just thinking about it. It had been like a dream, but I clearly remembered the feeling of driving into her. That is not going to happen again. Quickly deciding I needed to get some distance from her, I forced my eyes open and saw that the sun was up. Good. Now we could get the hell out of here.

I gently shook Leah to wake her and watched as her eyes fluttered open and as she looked at me. I could see her running things through her mind, too, then realization hit her and she sat up to say with a small smile, "Hey. I'm not used to waking up human anymore."

"Yeah, I know how that feels," I told her as I stood up and stretched out my aching muscles then made my way off into the woods to take my morning pee. Glancing back, I saw Leah do the same on the other side of the clearing. When I finished, I walked back to wait for her and when she returned, I grunted, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Giving me a huge smile, Leah replied, "Let's go."

I followed her out of the clearing and through the woods to where she parked my car along the side of the road. She walked around to the driver's side, so I opened the passenger door and noticing the bag in the back seat, I asked, "Are my clothes and shoes in this bag?"

"Yes," Leah answered. "I just threw everything into one bag. Your stuff is on top."

I unzipped the bag to reach in and pull out a gray t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and my shoes. Seeing my wallet beside my shoes, I grabbed that too and threw it on the dashboard. I knew I had a little money in there, but not much. Leah had climbed into the car and was buckled and ready to go, so I slipped the shirt over my head and sat down on the car seat to put my shoes on. Once I was done, I slid into the passenger's seat and closed the door as she started the engine, asking, "Is it OK if I drive?"

I just nodded, still not sure I wanted to do this. I wasn't sure I wanted to do anything. Leah drove us in silence into town and pulled into the parking lot of the only bank. Opening the door, she said, "Be right back."

I slumped down into the seat and kept watch, not really wanting to see anyone right now. Especially any of the pack. I didn't want to give any explanations or see any of their "Poor Jake" looks. Placing my hand on my chest, I rubbed back and forth . . . I still couldn't stand this fucking pain in my chest. I had a feeling I might as well get used to it. I was sure it wouldn't be going away anytime soon.

Before long, Leah walked out of the bank with an envelope in her hand and got back into the car. "OK. Ready to go?"

"I guess."

Smiling, Leah buckled up as she said, "Alright. Let's do this." Cranking the engine to life, she pulled out onto the highway and drove off toward Seattle. I just slumped in the car with my head against the glass, watching as the world went flying by in a blur. That's exactly how I felt, like everything in my life was out of my control and it was just whizzing by and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Leah drove for over a couple of hours before she stopped for gas. After filling the tank, she went inside to pay for the gas and use the bathroom then she bought us some drinks. Before we got back on the road, she handed me another sandwich, along with the Gatorade she bought me inside, giving me a mean look that meant I better eat, so I did. I really didn't feel like arguing. Opening the bottle, I drank some and then asked grumpily, "Did I miss a takeover or something? I thought I was the Alpha of this pack."

Leah laughed at that, something I hadn't heard for awhile. "Yeah, some Alpha. I'm just letting you slack off so I can feel what it's like to be in charge."

"Believe me, if I could give it to you, I would," I told her.

"No thanks, boss. It's all yours."

I snorted as I took another bite of my sandwich then she asked if I wanted to drive and I nodded my head. I realized I needed to concentrate on something other than my shitty life, so I got out and we changed places. As soon as she was inside, I started the car and pulled back onto the highway.

After she finished her sandwich, Leah leaned back and closed her eyes. We hadn't had much sleep in the last few weeks. I was exhausted, but I didn't think I would sleep soundly for a very long time. I was surprised to see that Leah actually napped all the way there. We were on the outskirts of Seattle when she finally woke up. "Are we in Seattle already?" she asked wiping her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm not sure where to go. What do you think?" I had taken the interstate into the city and I had no idea where to go from here.

"Um, I don't know. Let's just take an exit and see where it takes us." I glanced over at her and she smiled. Leah actually looked excited about this. I wished I could be.

I took the next exit and drove into the city. We drove through downtown and Leah rolled down the window to look at everything. It was pretty amazing to see it for the first time. Definitely a long way from La Push. The big buildings of downtown faded into smaller buildings and houses and as we were driving through a little neighborhood, Leah yelled, "Stop here!"

I stomped on the brakes and whipped into a parking place. "What the hell, Leah? You scared the shit out of me!" I yelled.

"Sorry," she laughed. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just kind of like the look of this neighborhood. And I'm hungry. Let's go into that little place there and get something to eat. Maybe someone will know if there is something available to rent nearby."

"OK. Apparently you're giving the orders now," I grumbled.

Climbing out of the car, I stretched my long legs then joined Leah on the sidewalk to look up at the sign over the door: Rusty's Diner. Leah opened the door of the little restaurant and I followed her inside to sit down at a booth by the window. The waitress made her way over quickly to bring us each a glass of water and menus. Leah ordered a cheeseburger and fries and a large coke, and I told the waitress I'd take the same. Leah looked at me as the waitress walked away and said, "Nice place."

"I guess," I shrugged. Looking around, I had to admit it was kind of nice. The room was long and narrow with a row of tables and a row of booths along the wall, and it had an old-fashioned counter with stools. But it was clean and was decorated with old pictures and metal advertising signs. The waitress brought us our Cokes, so I picked mine up to take a drink then ask Leah, "So, bossy woman with all the answers, how are we going to find a place to stay?"

Leah looked around then turned to me to say, "I'll be right back." I watched her get up and walk over to the counter to our waitress and stand there for awhile talking before she disappeared into the back with her for a few minutes. Soon, Leah was back and as she plopped down in her chair with a smug smile, she explained rapidly, "Carol, our very cool waitress, told me there is a place for rent one block over from here. It's an upstairs apartment and the landlord eats in here every day for lunch. His name is Joe and she gave me his number, so, I called him and asked if we could take a look at it. He told me that he would meet us there in a half hour."

I just shook my head and had to smile. "Well aren't you efficient?"

"Apparently, I am," she returned with that same smug smile. Just then, our "very cool" waitress, Carol, delivered our food to the table. "Carol," Leah said, "this is my friend, Jake. Jake this is Carol."

Carol was around 30 to 35, pretty, but a little rough-looking. I noticed she was blonde, but I was sure that wasn't natural. Carol looked me up and down then smiled and said, "Nice to meet you, Jake. Leah, you done alright for yourself, girl."

I'm sure I turned all shades of red as Leah laughed, "We're just friends, Carol, but thanks." Carol threw a wink at me then left us to walk back to the kitchen. Once she was gone, I gave Leah a look that said I was more than a little embarrassed.

"Oh, lighten up, Jake. Seriously, have you never noticed how girls check you out? Especially in that t-shirt. Shows off your muscles. Believe me, girls love that." I just rolled my eyes and took a bite of my burger as Leah grinned at me.

We finished our lunch, and Leah left a huge tip then walked to the register to pay the bill. I held the door for her as she called goodbye to Carol, then I waved and we walked outside. "Which way?" I asked.

Leah pointed and I walked with her until she stopped in front of a two-story brick building. The bottom floor was a bakery, and apparently the apartment was above it. A heavenly smell was hanging in the air from the bakery and I thought how I could wake up to that everyday. There was a small door beside the bakery that led upstairs, so Leah opened it and we made our way up, where we found an older gentleman standing there at the top of the stairs. He was maybe 65 or so, balding, and he was wearing a bright tropical print shirt. "Are you Joe?" Leah asked.

"I sure am. You must be Leah. Nice to meet you," he said as he held out his hand. She shook it and pointed at me saying, "This is Jake."

I held my hand out and he shook it and said, "Nice to meet you, Jake."

"Same here," I answered as he unlocked the apartment door and then we followed him inside. I thought right away it had to be out of our price range. Then I realized, I wasn't even sure what our price range was! We walked into a large room that served as the living room, dining room and kitchen. It had a large bay window that looked out over the street, which was cool. There was tile in the kitchen area and a brown color of carpet through the rest of the apartment. It was furnished, too, so that was a plus. There was a couch, table and lamp in the living room and a small table and three chairs near the kitchen. There was a queen-sized bed and a dresser in the bedroom off of that, and a full bathroom. It was very clean and Joe was proud to show us how everything worked. Leah looked it over and then walked back to Joe and said, "Do we need to sign a lease or can I pay you a deposit and go month-to-month from there?"

"Well, I usually have tenants sign a 6-month lease, but if you're willing to give me a deposit and first month's rent right now, in cash, I guess we can go month-to-month."

"Deal," Leah said then she pulled the envelope out of her pocket and shocked me by handing him several one hundred dollar bills. Shit! She said she had a little money, but I had no idea she had that much!

Joe had a paper for her to fill out so Leah sat down at the table and started writing. Joe took two keys off of his key ring and put them on the table as he explained things like, where to take our garbage and how the thermostat worked. When she was finished, Leah handed Joe the paper and he said, "Thank you, young lady. Here's my card. If you have any problems at all with anything in the apartment, give me a call."

Leah stood up to say, "Thanks, Joe. We will." He shook both of our hands again and walked out, closing the door behind him then Leah looked at me and said, "Wow. That was easy." Then she laughed. A wonderful, light-hearted laugh! Something I don't believe I had ever heard from Leah Clearwater!

I couldn't help it . . . it was contagious, and I found myself laughing with her. I couldn't believe we just drove to Seattle, ate lunch and found an apartment. I told her that and she said, "Yeah, you would be living out in the woods, sleeping in the dirt if it wasn't for me. " Then she slapped me on the butt and walked into the kitchen to check things out.

"Yeah," I said quietly. Waiting to die. Way to kill the mood. Turning to Leah, I offered, "I'll go get the car and park it out front."

"OK."

Jogging down the stairs, I opened the door to the street and slowly walked back to where I parked the car, still amazed at everything that had happened in the last few hours. I drove back to park right in front of the building then took the big bag out of the back, locked the car and walked upstairs to our new place. Our new place. Man, that sounds weird. I had to wonder again if this was such a good idea. Us living together. Maybe I should have just stayed in the dirt in the woods and willed myself to die.

Opening the door, I walked inside to find Leah sprawled out on the couch. She smiled at me when I walked in and then took a deep breath and asked, "Do you smell that?" I gave her a curious look and then sniffed at the air. I didn't smell anything . . . except me. Man, I need a shower.

"That's the smell of sweet freedom!" she exclaimed. "No orders to follow, no patrols to run, no looking after my little brother. Man, this is fucking awesome." Then Leah closed her eyes with a big smile on her face.

Well, at least one of us was happy. I smiled and shook my head at her as I put the bag on the floor then plopped down on the floor beside the couch, laying my head back to rest it on the cushion behind me as I closed my eyes. For some reason, I felt Leah's hand on my head and was surprised as she ran her fingers through my hair. I wasn't sure why she did that, but I was too tired to care and I actually kind of liked it. "Thanks, Leah. For finding this place. And for everything. But I feel really bad about you spending your money. I'll find a job as soon as I can and pay you back."

"Don't worry about it, Jake. I always intended to use it to do just this. Move away and get my own place."

"Well, I insist you take the bedroom. I'll crash here on the couch," I told her firmly.

"Are you serious? There is no way your huge werewolf body would fit onto this couch. You take the bed and I'll take the couch. No arguing."

I turned my head to look at her. "You know, you sure have gotten bossy. I may have to pull an Alpha order on you."

"Don't you dare!" Leah cried as she sat up. "Come on, Jake, don't be a fucking idiot. This couch is fine for me."

I could see that I was once again going to lose an argument with her. "Yes, ma'am." I drawled.

Smiling, she patted my head and said, "That's better." Then she swung her legs over my head and put them on the floor to stand and pick up the bag with our clothes in it and announce, "I'm going to take a shower."

"OK." I watched her walk across the room to the bathroom and close the door. I was glad for the break as I had been trying hard for hours to push the pain away and I just didn't have the strength to do it any longer. I felt it envelope me and I decided to lay on the bed so Leah would think I was sleeping and leave me alone. Walking to the bedroom, I fell face down onto the bed then surprised myself by actually falling asleep.

Leah POV:

It felt so good to let the hot water run over me. God, I couldn't remember the last time I took a shower. Living like an animal for the last few weeks left me feeling disgusting! I scrubbed my hair three times until I felt like it was finally clean then I washed my body and shaved my legs and pits and then got out and dried off. I put on my clean underwear and clean clothes then brushed my teeth. Ahhhh. I finally feel human again.

Opening the bathroom door, I walked out to an empty living room. Where's Jake? Then I heard snoring. I turned and looked into the bedroom to see Jake's huge body sprawled on the bed and I smiled. God, he's exhausted. He really needs to sleep. At least he wouldn't have to feel the pain for awhile.

I set the bag down outside the bedroom door and noticed that there were no sheets on the bed or pillows. Looking around, I started thinking of all the things we needed for this place. I decided while Jake was sleeping, I would go out and do a little shopping, so I grabbed the envelope with the money, took some out and put the rest in a drawer in the kitchen then I shoved the money into my shorts pocket and picked up the keys from the counter and headed down the stairs to the car. I stopped when I got to the sidewalk and wondered where I could find a Wal-Mart or Target. Turning around, I walked into the bakery and introduced myself to the girl at the counter as the new tenant upstairs. She was very helpful and told me there was a Target not too far away. She gave me directions and I thanked her and walked out to the car.

I drove right to the store and spent a good hour filling a cart with everything we would need. I bought sheets, pillows, pillowcases, a couple of bath towels, dish towels and dish clothes, laundry soap and dryer sheets, and some basic groceries to hold us for a couple of days. I spent some time smelling men's deodorant sticks for Jake because I forgot to grab his from home then I picked out a skillet and a saucepan, a couple of plates, glasses and some cheap silverware, and a few cooking utensils. I also picked up a pay as you go cell phone. I knew I needed to call Mom and let her know I was OK, and I promised Rachel that Jake would call, too.

Once I loaded all of my purchases into the car, I made my way back home. Home. I smiled at that as I parked the car and then made three trips up and down the stairs to carry everything inside. Jake was still dead to the world.

I took a tour of our little kitchen by opening up all of the cupboards and putting things away. I was very happy to find a small washer with a small dryer stacked on top behind a door at the end of the kitchen. I never liked the thought of going to a laundromat, and now I wouldn't have to! This day was getting better and better.

While I was shopping, I had decided to make a meat loaf and mashed potatoes for our first dinner here, so, I set to work and soon had the meat loaf in the oven and then began peeling the potatoes. It was my favorite meal, and one of the first things that I ever learned how to make. I had the potatoes on to boil and then I set our little table. I glanced in at Jake and wondered if I could even wake him for dinner. He hadn't moved at all.

Later, when dinner was ready, I put it all on the table and then walked into the bedroom to wake Jake. I touched him on the shoulder and shook him. "Jake! Hey, I made dinner. Jake? Wake up!"

He jerked awake and looked at me, his eyes in slits. "What? Where am I?" Sitting up, he ran his hand through his hair then looked around.

Seeing that he finally realized where he was, I said, "I made dinner. Get your ass out of bed and come and eat." He nodded and grunted, "Mkay," so I walked back out to the table and sat down to load my plate. I had already started eating by the time he finally shuffled out to the table.

"Man, something smells really good," Jake commented as he sat down. "All of a sudden, I'm starving!" I almost laughed when I looked at him. His hair was a mess, shooting out in every direction. He looked like death warmed over.

I smiled, telling him, "I made meat loaf and mashed potatoes and green beans. And I have chocolate ice cream for dessert. It's my favorite meal."

Jake was already shoveling food into his mouth before I finished. He ended up eating four pieces of meat loaf and most of the mashed potatoes. Looking over at me as he finished, he told me, "Wow, Leah. You're a really good cook."

For some reason, it made me feel really good to hear him compliment me like that. "Thanks, boss. Want some ice cream?"

With a shake of his head, he answered, pushing his chair away from the table. "Later. Right now, I want a shower."

"God, it feels great to get clean again! Everything you need is in the bathroom. I put a new towel on the towel rack and I bought you a deodorant and your toothbrush is in the glass on the sink. Oh, and I bought some sheets for the bed, and I'll put those on for you after I do the dishes."

Jake just stared at me for a moment, then he said quietly, "Leah, I can't believe you did all this." Shrugging, I stood up and carried some dishes to the sink. Jake picked up some dishes and followed me to set them on the counter then looked at me. "I don't know what to say."

I returned his gaze and said, "Just say, 'Thank you.' "

Smiling, Jake surprised me by taking me into his arms. "Thank you, Leah," he whispered softly, holding me for a moment. Finally, he left me standing there and to walk over to the bathroom and close the door. I just stood there staring at the bathroom door and felt . . . no. I won't go there. I will not feel anything for Jake but friendship. That is a road I do NOT need to go down. After Sam, I decided I wasn't going to be that vulnerable ever again.

Turning the faucet, I started the dish water by adding some dish soap then threw in the silverware. Just wash the dishes, Leah, and don't think about Jake in the shower.

"God, I feel so much better!" Jake proclaimed as I heard him walk out of the bathroom. "Leah? Where is the bag with my clothes?"

I looked up from the phone I had bought and was trying to figure out and my heart skipped a beat. I was used to seeing Jake half naked, but just now, as he stood there with just the new blue towel wrapped around him and water glistening off of his shaggy jet black hair . . . he was more human . . . and really . . . sexy. I was speechless.

"Leah? Did you hear me?" Jake asked.

Come on, Leah. Say something. "Um, yeah. I put your clothes away while you were showering. Look in the dresser in the bedroom," I finally got out as I stared at the phone in my hand. Calm the fuck down, girl. It's just Jake.

Jake nodded and walked into the bedroom, where I heard him opening drawers and then in a few minutes he reappeared wearing just a pair of black gym shorts. Plopping down on the couch next to me, he asked, "What cha got?"

I cleared my throat and tried to concentrate. "Um, I bought a phone at the store. I promised Mom and Rachel that we would call." I looked back down at the little instruction book that came with it and tried to focus.

"Didn't you say we had ice cream?"

"In the freezer."

Jake pushed himself off the couch and went to the freezer to take out the carton of ice cream. I heard him open a few drawers until he found the spoons then he came back to the couch. I glanced over at him and smiled as he handed me a spoon and held the carton between us as he took a big spoonful and ate it. Setting the phone down, I dug my spoon in and took a bite.

"Mmmm, this is great. Thanks," Jake said with his mouth full. "I don't suppose you bought a TV today while you were out?"

"Um, no, I didn't," I answered with a chuckle. "I think we'll have to wait awhile for that. "

Nodding, Jake ate another bite of ice cream as he looked around the apartment. "This is a pretty nice place, actually."

"Yeah, it is. I really like it." I picked up the phone and held it out to him. "I think this is ready to go. You should call Rachel. She was really worried about you." Jake just stared at it for a moment then he finally stuck his spoon in the ice cream and handed me the carton. I handed him the phone and he took a deep breath and dialed the number while I took another bite of ice cream.

"Hey, it's me. I'm OK," I heard him say as he looked at me and rolled his eyes. "I know you are, Rach, but we're OK, really. Leah, here, is pretty efficient, and she found us a pretty cool place to stay and she bought us this phone so we can stay in touch. Get a piece of paper and I'll give you the number." Then looking at me, he asked, "Um, what's the number?"

I held out a paper with the number on it and he read it to Rachel then said, "Tell Dad . . . I'm sorry I couldn't stay. I'll miss you guys a lot, but, I just can't be there right now. " He listened to Rachel for a few seconds then he said, "OK. Look, I gotta go. I don't know how many minutes we have on this thing and Leah has to call her mom. I'll talk to you again. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye." Then he closed the phone and stared at it for a minute before sighing and handing it to me. Taking back the carton of ice cream, he took a big bite then with his mouth full ordered, "Call your mom."

I rolled my eyes, saying, "Yes, boss," then I dialed the number and waited until Seth picked up. Shit. I really didn't want to talk to him right now. "Hey, Seth."

"Leah? Where the hell are you? And where is Jake? And why did you guys ditch me? I'm a part of this pack, too, you know."

I looked over at Jake for help, knowing that he had heard what Seth had said. He nodded and held out his hand for the phone. "Hey, bro. Look, I'm sorry we left and didn't tell you. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision . . . look, I'm sorry we left you, it wasn't personal. I just had to get away . . . I want you to go back to Sam . . . I mean it, Seth. That's an order. I hate to do that to you, but you're smart. You need to finish school and go to college. The pack needs a doctor. You know we've talked about that before and you would be a good one. . . I know, dude. I promise we'll stay in touch, and I won't be gone forever, you know?" Jake was quiet then he squeezed his eyes shut and I could see pain move over his face. "Seth, don't. I can't hear it right now. Here's Leah." Throwing the phone to me, he then set the ice cream on the floor and walked into the bedroom.

"Um, Seth? I really need to talk to Mom. Now." While I waited, Jake came back out of the bedroom wearing his t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and his shoes.

"I'm going for a run," he tossed at me as he went out the door. I closed my eyes just as Mom said, "Leah? Honey, what the hell were you thinking? Why would you just up and leave like that? Where are you?" I tried hard to concentrate and answer Mom's questions instead of wondering about when Jake would come back.

Jake POV:

It was a lot different jogging through the streets in town than it was through the forest. There weren't many people out this time of night which was good, so I ran right down the street most of the time, then moved to the sidewalk when a car came along. As I ran, I took care to pay attention to where I was running, creating landmarks so I could find my way back. Anything to get my mind off of . . . her.

Seth tried to tell me that Carlisle thought she would be OK. Edward had gotten enough morphine into her system to help her through the burning. How is that OK? I cut him off. I didn't want to hear it. I remember telling her that I would rather she be dead than be . . . what she was now. I had apologized to her for that, but now . . . I really felt like she was dead.

Turning, I jogged down another street and tried to tell myself it didn't matter. She was gone. It was over. I was done. I had given her everything I had, and it wasn't enough. I would never be enough for her.

Finally I turned around and headed back, deciding it wasn't really doing me any good to be out here. Bella was always there . . . always following me, haunting me. God, what can I do to get her out of my head and out of my heart? What can I do to fix this fucking ache in my chest? I suddenly thought of Leah. She was still hurting after all this time. And yet, she seemed happier today than she had been in a very long time. Maybe there was hope after all. I couldn't stand the thought of this pain following me forever.

I actually found my way back to the apartment and jogged up the stairs, unlocking the door to walk in and find Leah sound asleep on the couch with a book on her chest. She must have fallen asleep reading. I picked it up and smiled as I saw it was a very well worn copy of Pride and Prejudice. Who would have thought my rough and tumble Beta had a romantic side to her? As I set it on the table beside the couch, I noticed that she had changed into a nightshirt and it had ridden up to show a very sexy pair of bikini underwear. I stood there staring for longer than I should have then forced myself to cover her with the sheet that was thrown over the end of the couch, noticing how at peace she looked. And . . . really pretty. Whoa, where did that come from? A flash of what happened last night between us flew through my mind. It was so intense and it had happened so fast, it was kind of a blur. But I could remember how her lips felt and her hands . . . . as I grew hard just staring at her, I knew it was something I wouldn't mind experiencing again. OK, Jake, just walk away. It's not going to happen.

Turning off the light, I made my way into the bathroom for a quick shower. When I finished, I wrapped the towel around me and walked into the bedroom to pull on a clean pair of boxers then noticed that the bed now had sheets on it along with a couple of pillows. Leah was trying really hard to make things nice for me, but I wish she would stop. I didn't deserve it. Flipping off the light, I crawled onto the bed. Thankfully, I was asleep in no time.

Leah POV:

What was that? Where am I? I forced my eyes open to look around then remember. Oh yeah, the new apartment. Then I heard it again, the noise that woke me up . . . I realized that Jake must be having a nightmare. I could hear him moaning and thrashing around. Quickly throwing off the sheet, I ran into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed. "Jake! Jake, it's just a dream." I grabbed his arm and tried to wake him. "Jake!"

Jake finally stilled and opened his eyes. I noticed his face was wet from either sweat or tears . . . or both. "Jake?" I was on my knees beside him, holding his arm. "It's me, Leah. It's just a dream."

Breathing hard, Jake just stared at me for a moment then he sat up and touched his hand to my face like he was trying to understand where he was and who he was with. Realization hit as his face fell and he cried, "I can't take it. I can't stand this fucking pain!"

Reaching out, I put my arms around him and held him to me. He was breaking what little was left of my heart. It was like I could feel his pain tear through me. "Help me, Leah. Help me to not feel this anymore."

Pulling back, I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, still wet with tears and then did the only thing I knew to do . . . I kissed him. I mean, I really kissed him. And was surprised when he clung to me and kissed back. My body flipped into overdrive, wanting to experience again what had happened between us last night. His lips ravaged mine and our tongues were tangled together and before I knew it, I was on my back and Jake was hovering over me, pressing his hardness against my leg. There was a tense moment of panting and staring at each other . . . then he rolled off of me and left the bed to look out the window. As my body cried out, "What the fuck?" I said softly, "Jake?"

"I'm sorry, Leah. I was having this horrible dream, and . . . "

"I know. I heard you and I came in to wake you," I told him as I sat up.

"Thanks. But, I don't want to nail you just because I'm so fucked up over her. It's not right. I still feel horrible about what happened last night."

I stared at his strong back and tried to think of something to say. Shit. He has to be noble. Sighing, I crawled off of the bed and went to him, touching him gently on the shoulder. Jake turned to look at me and say, "I have to get through this, but I don't want to use you like that to do it. Even if you are . . . willing. It's not fair to you. " He had put his hands on my upper arms while he was talking and he was rubbing them gently. "Do you get that?"

Nodding, I knew logically he was right, but right, now, all I was thinking about was running my hands down his chest and further . . .

"Leah?" Jake smiled and asked, "Are you listening to me?"

Shaking my head to clear it, I said, "Um, yeah. I get it." Then I turned to walk back out to the couch, but Jake caught my hand and said, "Leah? I know this might sound kind of weird, considering what I just said, but could you just lay here with me?"

Lay here with him? What is he, like 5? My body was revved up . . . I wanted him on top of me! Sighing, I answered, "Sure." I guess it was better than nothing. He led me back to the bed and crawled in then I followed. I laid down facing away from him, and he scooted over and threw his arm around my middle. "Thanks, Leah," he mumbled into my hair. I laid there for awhile trying to calm my body which wasn't so easy with him lying so close. I heard his breathing even out and deepen then his arm went heavy. At least he was sleeping, and that was good. I finally closed my eyes and relaxed my body to let sleep take me.