Context:Fluff, Friendship, and angst.
Disclaimer: EEnE belongs to Danny Antonucci and AKA Cartoons
It's all over, it's all over, my heart echoed
Every minute that you cry for her is wasted don't you know
It's all over, it's all over, so forget her
Stop your cryin' turn around and let her go, let her go, boy, let her go
-Johnny Cash-It's All Over
Edd stared bleary eyed at the distorted light of the laptop. His hands hovered over the keyboard awaiting command, but the words would not come. He was supposed to be typing down his lecture for the next day, though, it seemed the only lecture he was going to get was from the one inside his head.
'You blundering fool. Inconsiderate tosser. Rapacious charlatan.'
He rubbed his swollen eyes. Muttered a distressed groan. God, how could a holiday dig up something he thought he had already been done mourning for? He just wanted this cursed day to end, curl up with a good book in bed and sleep all his regrets away.
Instead, he was here, working late. Punishing himself in this isolating darkness he encased himself in. All lights in the classroom off, save the meager light from the computer screen.
'What better way then to spend Valentine's Day then in the dark, all alone?'
His fingers reclaimed their place above the keys. He forced them to start moving, not really thinking of what it is he's typing. He needed to get this lecture written down, but it seemed his stubborn mind had more important things to think about -or rather, torture himself with.
My heart is but a rusted, battered up locket. Restricted upon a chain which has become my tourniquet. An insignificant trinket, incapable of containing two affections within its compact confines. What saccharine words I had etched, you have read between the lines. Oh, what frigid steel my heart is to have refused such an exquisite face. And for that what little value I might have offered has been put to disgrace.
This definitely had nothing to do with the human anatomy. Well, technically. In some way, he was writing about the heart, though not relating to how it performed as a muscle like it was meant to be described.
Forgive me my beloved, for what little room I provide only disdain now presides. How, I wonder, have I allowed his grasp to remain upon my chain? It is I who has failed to decide.
Depleted of words, Edd leaned back in his chair to admire his poetic ramblings. A little rusty perhaps, especially that last verse. Yet, despite its irregularity, it fit. It's meaning spoke to him, and admittedly it was not all together terrible under the conditions of a weary mind.
Still, he wondered, did he truly have a reason to be sorry? As guilty as his conscience may insist otherwise? He had tried his best hadn't he? He had tried to be the perfect prince a romantically inspired young woman might fantasize about.
Possibly, that may be where his downfall lay. In trying to be perfect, he had erased the outlines of their relationship like an unsatisfied artist, until the pages had become smudged and torn and no longer worth holding on to.
"I loved you, Sarah. Maybe not as much as you wanted. But I did." Wasn't this pain he felt enough to testify that? closing his eyes he reclined his head against the headrest, and released a prolonged sigh into the heavens.
He could picture her now, sitting opposite from him across a candlelit table. Fiery red hair caught into a tendril twist bun. Stray wispy locks intermingling with dangling diamond earrings he had bought her on their third official date. So beautiful she was, in her thirty's styled dress. A silky white garment, with butterfly winged sleeves casting her the look of an angel. It was a premonition to the white dress he had hoped to see her in one day.
Soft lilting music played in the background from a pianist seated on a stage positioned before the dining guests. One of Beethoven's masterpieces; Moonlight Sonata. Without knowledge, Edd's fingers contentedly danced above the table top to the lifting and falling lyrical waves. Classical music spoke to his soul, though not even the nocturnal notes could lift him any higher then he had felt in this moment.
Absorbed in the past, the present Edd simulated his former self, the pads of his fingers lightly drumming upon the arm of the chair to the ghostly music re-surging from his memories. Memories of a past Valentines, a holiday Edd chosen to treat Sarah to a pristine dinner outside the limits of town. It's Victorian Pastel design, and warm creamy lighting created the perfect atmosphere for a romantic date -among other things.
The evening had been going wonderfully, he couldn't possibly have planned it any better. Sarah was calm and delightful, all smiles and tinkly laughter. She could so often be temperamental, but it seemed nothing could set her off that day. She was on perfect behavior, and maybe he should have seen something suspicious in that.
She was a woman of burning passion, bursting in spouts of wild destructive flames, decimating anything that got in her way; bringing proud structures to its knees. She was also warm and inviting, the kind you wanted to snuggle close to and admire. But like fire, she was an element to be cautious around, too easily you could meet her wrath and be scalded.
That day no coals where crossed. He should have known, should have sensed it.
Sarah had become cold to him.
Edd could hardly recall their conversation anymore. It was about as memorable as the warped conversations in dreams. He believed it had mostly consisted of details about their careers. Sarah had become an animator like she had aspired to be for as long as he could remember. She had presently been working on a cartoon about characters based off jewels. Through their discussion, he enjoyed how Sarah herself became as animated as her creations.
When that subject ran dry, Edd chattered about his continuing pursuits to become a science professor. More then likely boring poor Sarah to death, though he noticed she suffered through his droll talk admirably. Having mercy, he decided to relieve her of the droll topic, and instead reminded her of how their relationship first bloomed. Not in their mischievous, youthful years; when Sarah had first begun pursuing him with her affection (she had been rather intimidating then), but when Sarah had joined him in college. She had asked him to tutor her, needing aid in her required science course.
She hadn't changed all that much. She remained the spoiled, volatile girl he remembered her to be. Her explosive behavior so akin to Eddy's that it took little to adjust to her temperament. And maybe it wasn't entirely unwelcome, for it was almost like having that easily aggravated, bossy boy around again, and he did so miss his friends.
Months would pass without seeing his two beloved friends. Both boys had dismissed college. Granted, Eddy had tried, but lacked the effort. He believed there were faster routes to success then wading through the mud pit he deemed collage. Sadly to this day (as far as Edd knew), Eddy was grudgingly working for his father at the car dealership.
Ed (who would have been out of place in college anyhow), had been graced with more luck then his compatriots. A talent hunter had stumbled upon Ed's art blog featuring his monstrous designs and got him a job as a comic book artist. It was a little ironic perhaps. Edd couldn't help feeling a little cheated by this outcome. After vigorously striving for success, he had fallen short. Ed did little more then what he already did in every day life, and had been rewarded for it. However, no matter the injustice, Edd striven to feel proud of his friend. Ed deserved it, he really did. It was not the absent mans fault that some routes were easier for him to travel then for others.
And so, with the Ed's down different paths, Edd found himself alone. Having Sarah around became a comfort, someone familiar to get him threw the remaining vestiges of higher education. Besides, without the other two Ed's at his side, Sarah was kinder to him. Though, he suspected it was mainly due to ulterior motives at the time. A tool used to breeze through her grades. Whether that was the case or not, he didn't mind. Wasn't the first time he was befriended for his brains.
During their study dates Edd found himself unwittingly allowing her to get close, warming to her affections and ambitious charm. He tried his best to keep their relationship apathetically professional. But when one is consumed by loneliness, one must find someone to fill that void. Sarah's purposefully seductive voice and discreet touches beckoned, and inevitably, he fell pray.
Even if she were not who he wished her to be.
With the candlelight casting a golden glow across her skin, Sarah appeared happy. Eyes twinkling, pink lips parting in a luscious smile. They laughed about comical, moments that would come to mind for their amusement. One such occasion when Sarah insisted she needed a model to practice her anatomy skills on. Bringing Edd to an awkward predicament. Stripped of only his shirt, Edd remained to be a blushing quivering mess from the discomfort of her intense attention. Able to do nothing more then pose, and watch as her head bobbed between him and her sketchbook. Perhaps lingering on him longer then she needed to. He tried to convince himself it was for the better of education, only to discover Sarah had fibbed so that she might better admire him. He had been rather incensed about it at the time; now they could laugh at how absurd it was. After all, since the event, she had viewed much more of him then his chest.
So entranced in their tales, Edd failed to notice her false content. Not because she wasn't enjoying herself, but by the fact her exuberance depressed her. Little to his knowledge (though he would soon come to learn), she was putting on an act for him. Inside she was bitter and angry. She hated how thoughtful, and dreamy, and ultimately wonderful this evening turned out to be. But she kept it bottled up, not allowing it to spill out and ruin her darling Edd's evening. Let him have this. No. Let her have this. Let her enjoy this, because it would not last forever. Happiness could not live on lies, and they both couldn't keep lying to themselves any longer. She sipped more wine, the only thing keeping her true roiling emotions at bay.
Edd continued to chatter, unaware of the turmoil clouding her ability to be truly happy in this moment. He was too preoccupied with stalling, waiting for the replacement wine glasses to arrive in which a surprise would be awaiting inside. He had been so anxious he was sweating, hoping it didn't show threw his tux. There was little worry over what her answer would be. How foolish he had been to be so confident.
Rather, it was because he was making a big decision. One he felt he should take. And that was the mistake there, wasn't it? It was something he felt he must do. But not one he truly wanted. Perhaps he should be thankful for what transpired. Nevertheless, that did little to lesson the pain.
When the 10 carat wedding ring arrived via waiter, and elegantly placed in front of the woman Edd hoped would be his future bride.
Sarah raised the flute between dainty fingers to better inspect the silver jewelry visible through the clear bubbling wine. She smiled, however it was a dispirited one. Not all the reaction he had expected.
Where was the girl who lit up in excitement at the slightest romantic gesture?
In response, the nervous smile that was upon Edd's expectant face drooped into a frown of confusion. "Sarah, whatever's the matter?"
Sequin hazelnut eyes confronted him intensely, softened only by an undertone of anguish. "Eddward...I love you. You know that, don't you?"
"Of course. I love you too."
Teeth bit into soft supple lips, keeping tears threatening to overflow at bay. "I knew this was coming. I had just hoped we'd have more time."
Edd reached across the table, placing his hand over the one not still holding the glass. "We have all the time in the world, turtle dove." It was hard for him to see her cry. Not because he loved her, or because it was hard to see any girl cry, but because Sarah was tough, hard boiled. It was rare to see her come undone in such a way.
"No. I've been selfish, Double Dee. For far too long."
The relaxing, romantic tune of the sonata suddenly took on a somber tone in his mind, altered by his downward spiraling emotions. Becoming better fit for a funeral rather then for what was meant to be a romantic evening.
As cliche as those words may sound, he never would have believed they could come from Sarah. "Whatever for? I want to be with you." A tear escaped, falling down her cheek, creating a path for more to follow. The look she gave him told him she didn't believe that. "My dearest Sarah, I'm giving you all of me. I humbly lay myself at your feet. I am yours to have, forever and always." As hard as he tried to convince her, his words sounded hollow, even to himself.
"It's not the same. You can't love me...like you love-" Her tiny hand curled into a fist beneath his. "Him!" She spat the last word out almost as if it threatened to choke her, the only hint of anger she had revealed to him in this moment.
A strange sound came forth from his throat, he wanted to speak, wanted to deny, but the words refused to come. He wondered now, had he been able to say anything, anything at all, would she have stayed? Still, she was right. It was true. What could he have said that would have made it any less real?
Yet, how did she know? How could she have seen what even the person mentioned had failed to see?
Sarah gently slipped her hand out from underneath his frozen hand. He should have held on, but his hand refused to cooperate, having turned to solid ice. His outlook had turned bleak. What was the point?
Despite the traitorous tears rolling down her flushed cheeks, Sarah continued to keep her dignity. How he wished she would snarl, and rage, and spit like she so often did under strain. Edd himself was numb to the events, he wanted to portray emotion then this robotic state he was in. He'd even welcome the heat of anger if he were capable, other then this calm acceptance from himself.
Sarah took a fork and used it to fish the ring from the glass. When succeeded, she folded it inside a napkin to dry, and placed the napkin in front of him. With the contents now absent of choking hazards, Sarah tilted the glass to her lips. Edd made a sound, about to voice his reasons why drinking the wine after containing the metal object wasn't very sanitary. One weary glance from Sarah from over the upturned glass had him looking away, the small noise dying on his lips. She downed the remaining wine in one gulp.
The glass was returned to the table as if Sarah had downed a shot of tequila rather then wine. "You'll thank me for this." She said in a quiet voice, a voice already begging for forgiveness. She stood up, walked around the circular table, and cupped a tender hand to the side of his face, kissed him on the head atop the sock resembling hat he still insisted on wearing even after all these years. "If we get hitched, we'll only regret it. You know that, Edd."
He watched her walk away, the music completely lost to his ears. The fading click of her heels the only sound that existed to him now. He didn't take his eyes away from her retreating form until the tail of her dress slipped past the doors in her wake. He slumped in his chair, tugged his hat lower on his face in humility, blocking out the peripheral view of strangers dining around him.
If only it had it been due to his time consuming education, wanting financial status, lack of communication, or dishonesty. All things he could have changed. But not this, he couldn't change his feelings for him. If that had been possible he would have tossed him aside like all his other crushes, like socks without mates. But he was always there, to drag Edd away from his responsibilities and commitments.
Always so carefree. Always so careless. Must be nice, to feel like you didn't owe the world anything. Edd wanted to contribute to the world, work an influential job, grow a well developed, loving family; that is what his parents wanted after all. Edd couldn't do those things with him. He served as nothing more then a distraction from it all. Just like how he used to pull him away from schoolwork and chores when they were younger.
Sarah had been his ticket to live a normal, respectful life. Now that ship had sailed. Leaving him stranded, and at a loss as to what to do next.
Now he was wading in an endless expanse of open ocean, with no life raft or land in sight. With no direction, he feared he would soon drown.
A vibration against his hip startled Edd from his bitter memories. He leaned to the side in order to slip his cell phone from his side pant pocket. He half expected it to be his parents checking up on him. It was Valentines Day after all, they must know how it was effecting him. Sadly, it was rare they ever kept in contact, his family were busy bee's after all, especially after the adoption of their second child Thomas. Despite this, Edd could always rely on a random text here and there, a virtual sticky note to remind him they were still alive, even if they held little more context then: "Remember to eat healthy."
In spite of the irregular check ups, at times such as these, he questioned his and his parents bond. Was he a failed project from what they had envisioned to be the perfect child? Now that they had Thomas to raise, this question became all the more bothersome.
He had come so close to being viewed as perfect in their eyes. Almost. But then he had to go and screw up the opportunity to have that idealistic nuclear family life, with that 'lovely little lady' as his parents called her. He had been crumbling under their expectations ever since. Sinking further and further into the pit of despair, swallowing him up like quicksand the more he struggled. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't maintain a relationship, or earn a position as a University professor he had been driven to be. primarily, the best he could attain was the mediocre job of a middle school teacher. Yes, it seemed no matter how hard one tried, he could not succeed at anything.
He held the phone up to view the screen. Not shocking, it wasn't his parents, yet shocked he was, because the name viewed was someone who had seemed equally out of reach.
Eddy.
It was Eddy calling, evident by the picture of him childishly sticking out his long green stained tongue which he had foolishly pierced years ago under a rebellious teenage whim. Eddy had taken the caller ID icon himself, something he always did whenever Edd got a new phone, ensuring it was something goofy every time. Edd hadn't upgraded phones in a few years.
He didn't think he was prepared to talk to his long time friend, not with the disagreeable mood he was in. He'd most likely instigate a fight. Admittedly, Edd missed butting heads with the arrogant fool. But an argument now, after all this time, could only serve to push Eddy further away. Nevertheless, he accepted the call despite his better judgement. He couldn't help wonder why Eddy would call him today of all days? He would surely realize the condition which Edd would be this day particularly. A subject that would be hard to ignore, which Eddy was more then happy to. In fact, Eddy had such an aversion to emotional subjects they had barley conversed since Sarah broke up with Edd.
Eddy didn't wait for Edd to confirm it was him. "Watch'a up to, Double Dee?"
Edd glanced over the brief poem typed across the lit screen. "Working... I suppose."
"Still? And on Valentines Day too." Eddy tisked.
"Have you really forgotten, Eddy? Are you so callous that-"
Before Edd could further chastise his friends inconsiderate forgetfulness, he was interrupted. "Of course not, Sockhead. What are you gettin' all bent outta shape for?" Edd could hear the grin in Eddy's voice, reveling at how easy it was to get him going. "I just don't see why a coupl'a bachelors can't enjoy Valentines day too."
Edd warmed to his friends playful banter, reverting to their old charade. It was so easy to fall into Eddy's relaxed rhythm, as if time had never passed between the two of them. "My, Eddy." He said sweetly. "Are you asking me on a date?"
Eddy made a sound of disgust. "Like heck. I just need a drinking buddy. Y'know Ed's got his date, if you can even call it that..."
Maybe not, but it was certainly a step in the right direction. An unforeseen relationship transpired between Ed and the youngest blonde Kanker. May was not free of her previous actions, she had a long way to go in order to entirely receive Ed's trust, but the girl was determined to redeem herself. For the time being, until Ed grew more comfortable, their date would separately be carried out within the confines of their own homes, and would thus rendezvous over the online universe of World Of Warcraft.
Edd was rather pleased with the couples development, but he was allowing himself to be distracted. There was a more important matter that needed to be addressed. Edd flicked off a crumpled up paper from his desk. It missed the trash bin by inches. He stared at the offending piece of litter, much like how he'd be staring at Eddy right now if he were standing before him.
Eddy knew Edd didn't care to drink, other then a little wine on occasion. It was only due to peer pressure had he ever drank liquor before. And those times had ended only in embarrassment. Usually ending in a dramatic confession of his love for his two friends (mostly for Eddy) for all to hear. Thankfully they would view it as nothing more then drunken nonsense and entertain him with a; "Sure, Double Dee, we love you too, man." Patting him on the back and giving him a shoulder to lean on as they giggled over how drunk off his ass he was.
"So in other words, you need me to drive your intoxicated hide home afterwords, I assume?" Edd asked sourly.
Without missing a beat, Eddy replied, "Gee, that'd be great. Thanks for offerin', pal."
Edd sputtered at his brazenness. He didn't even try to hide the fact that all he wanted from Edd was his services. When did the term friends become a guise for lackey again? For it seemed like all Eddy called on him for was favors anymore.
When Sarah became an integral part of Edd's life, Eddy had ceased to be part of it. Eddy detested Sarah, Edd could forgive him for that. But even after their breakup, Eddy's appearances hardly increased. The rare occurrences when Edd had been blessed with his appearance were to borrow things as mundane as a cup of sugar or a power tool. He would stay long enough for the requested item to be retrieved and take off again with little more then mere small talk and objects passed between them. The experiences were eerily awkward, and Edd had wondered if he was slowly losing his friend. But it always left him questioning. They lived on opposite ends of town, why would Eddy come all this way for something he could have easily obtained from a neighbor?
This unanswered question did little to ease the irritation Edd felt. He knew it was ridiculous but he couldn't help feeling used. He was tired of always helping Eddy without any reciprocation.
However, if he knew Eddy's mind well enough, Eddy believe he was making up for lost time, and now was a as good a time as any; when it suited him. Edd should feel grateful Eddy even made an attempt at all. Howbeit didn't make up for the fact that Eddy wasn't there for him when he needed him the most.
If it hadn't been for Ed...
Breath Eddward, just breath. He took a shuddering breath to calm himself. Buried his pent up emotions back down, deep inside himself where they couldn't be seen.
Edd realized he had been quiet for some time. And so had Eddy, which was very uncharacteristic of the loud blusterous man. He almost believed Eddy had hung up, but there was no dial tone, and he could hear the mans soft breathing on the other end.
Edd's own breath hitched at the thought of Eddy's warm breath against his ear.
'Get a hold of yourself Eddward, now's not the time to get carried away with disillusions.'
"Let me pick you up from work. How 'bout it Sockhead?" Eddy finally said, his voice strangely gentle, almost pleading. "I know it's a slim chance, but if ya do decide to drink, I'll call Ed to come get us and drive my car back after his date. C'mon pal, y'know I hate to drink alone."
Edd leaned back in his desk chair. The unaccustomed tone of Eddy's words almost had him melting into the seat. In his own subtle, stubborn way, Eddy was apologizing for his absence. And as much as Edd resented his gullibility, he was ready to forgive him then and there. "What would you do without me, Eddy?" He sighed, trying his best to sound resigned so as not to feed the man's ego.
"Yeah, yeah." Satisfied, Eddy's behavior swiftly returned to playfully bossy. "Anyways, ya better hurry and wrap it up then, cuz I'm already waitin' for ya."
"You're what?!"
Edd balked, and hurried over to his office window. True to his word, Eddy could be seen leaning against the hood of his muscle car. Cell pressed to his ear. Nonchalantly sucking back on a cigarette, it's smoke curling around him like some mysterious aura.
It could be he happened to look up at that time, knowing where Edd's office was, or perhaps the bond they shared as children still remained strong. Whatever the reason, Eddy looked up, his face lit solely from the meager light of his phone, to see Edd staring back at him from the second floor window. He raised a hand to wave, cigarette pinched between his thick fingers. His other hand was shoved inside his leather jacket which could not be proving very effective against the winter nights chill, but the husky man always tried to play off the cold like it was nothing.
Numbly, Edd raised a hand to return a stiff wave. All the while emotions boiled under his stricken expression. Well if this was not like old times. Not only did Eddy take continue to advantage of his generosity, he still expected Edd to drop everything on his whims. The nerve of this man! Well, yes, he wasn't getting any work done anyhow, but that wasn't the point...
Edd sighed, his breath frosting the cold winter chilled pane. To be perfectly honest with himself, he wouldn't have Eddy any other way. "How did you know I'd still be here?"
Even from this distance Edd could see Eddy's 'what do you take me for?' expression. "A wild guess."
Edd supposed that was fair. It was no secret he had allowed his job to consume his time, since he no longer had a relationship or a social life to speak of. "Allow me a few minutes more to prepare myself, and I'll be right down."
"I'm warnin' ya, those few minutes better not turn into hours." Eddy advised before hanging up.
Edd wasn't sure whether Eddy meant how alike he was to a woman preparing for an outing, or referring to how he used to take hours completing his assigned chores, assuring his friends he'd be done in 'just a few more minutes'.
He turned away from the window, looking to his desk covered in stray notes and writing utensils. How had he allowed it to get like this? He couldn't possibly be expected to leave this room as it was. He viewed the entirety of the room. The whole classroom could use a tidy.
Edd bent down picking up an eraser abandoned on the floor from a careless student. It couldn't hurt to take just a few minutes to organize. Besides, he secretly relished the thought of making Eddy wait. Teach him a lesson for always expecting Edd to be ready for him on the dot, out of nowhere.
A giggle escaped from Edd, surprising himself. As ludicrous as it was, he almost felt like he was playing hard to get.
Author's note: Chpt. 1 rewritten. Very minor differences. Except Edd now has an adopted brother. It's not going to effect the story, I just felt it helped add to the feels.