This is for one particular person, but I hope that anyone who reads this enjoys it as well…A bit different from my norm.
Dear one particular person: Happy Happy. I don't really need to lay it all out for ya :p
They'd been doing it since they were eight years old... Going out to the Ottawa river on her birthday... The four of them, despite their differences, would convene on its banks, right behind her Granddad's old house in the woods...laughing, throwing stones in the water, and drinking. Sometimes smoking things... At least two of them would be smoking things...
Santana stood in the doorway overlooking the slightly wooded backyard. It had rained recently so the banks were a bit muddy... Didn't matter anyway... There wouldn't be a night by the river this year.
She wrapped her arms around herself and regressed into the house, shutting the door behind her. She dragged her feet over the ugly linoleum on the kitchen floor, grabbing the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels off the textured granite countertop, flinching at the noise it made as the glass scraped against it. Too loud. It was just... Too loud.
She meandered into the living room and ran her forefinger over the dusty keys of her Grandad's baby grand, surprised that it was still in tune. She wished she could play.
She couldn't, but she managed to pick out the melody for happy birthday and laughed bitterly. She flopped down on the couch and stared at the fire... It was for ambience, really... It wasn't actually very cold. Just seemed like a good idea. Nothing to do now, but think.
Over the last year, she'd made it her mission to sabotage her friends' relationships. See, Quinn and Rachel had gotten together and Brittany had found a boy to hang out with... And probably fuck. Quinn, Rachel, and most painfully, Brittany.. Were all occupied now. The Latina wished she had one more chance to answer the question Britt had asked her about a hundred times.
Sure, Brittany had begged her to give it a go, many, many times, but Santana always had an excuse. Of course, no one could know just how bad she actually wanted the blonde...What would everyone else say?
But in that very moment?
In that very moment, Santana could imagine saying yes... Just to feel the Dancer's arms around her waist again.
"Get real, Lopez." she sighed to herself, "You fucking pussy... If she was right in front of you... You'd still say no." She tipped the bottle back and let the whiskey hit the back of her throat, exhaling through her mouth after she swallowed.
Thirty minutes and about a third of the bottle later, Santana sat on the couch with a cigarette, idly tapping the ashes in a small pile on the coffee table between slow, deep lung-fulls of smooth, mentholated smoke, which she breathed out in long, lazy clouds. The smoke swirled around her and settled on her skin. She watched with slight interest as the smoke passed the lamp... It almost seemed to change colors a little.
She drew off the bottle again, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, surprised when she heard a soft tap on the front door. She looked out the window to check... She had three grams of weed, half crumbled on the coffee table, couldn't hurt to be cautious.
She opened it to Quinn and Rachel.
"Uh, Hey." Santana greeted them cautiously, stepping aside to allow them in. Her heart sunk at the realization that Britt wasn't with them.
"Hey," Quinn replied dismissively, only coming in enough to hug the Latina stiffly and hand her a white envelope... Obviously, a card. "Look, don't open that until 9:07 pm."
Santana nodded, never taking her eyes off them. Quinn remembered the very minute she'd been born. "Alright." she agreed.
"Yeah... Um, well... We're gonna run, so, ah, Happy Birthday, Santana." Quinn said again, awkwardly running a hand down the Latina's arm. Rachel nodded quietly, offering a slight, demure smile before looking at her own feet as Quinn pulled her along.
Santana wanted to beg them to stay, but she couldn't... It didn't matter. She returned to her seat on the couch and finished breaking up her weed, rolling it in a really shitty cherry flavored wrap, and toasting it with her lighter. She held the blunt between her lips and prepared to light it, but again, there was a tap on the door.
"For Fuck's sake..." she growled, tossing the blunt down next to her cigarette box, and getting up to throw the door open.
"Britt." she choked out quietly as she opened the door. The leggy blonde looked as stunning as usual in grey leggings and a pumpkin orange knit cardigan with matching orange boots. Her blue eyes popped against the frame of her blonde hair. "Hey, San!" she chirped in return, smiling brightly. Santana couldn't help but smile, as well.
"May I?" Brittany asked, motioning to the living room, as Santana had seemingly zoned out while staring at her, and was blocking her way.
"Oh, yeah... C'min"
The blonde giggled and threw her arms around Santana's neck, pressing her lips to the Latina's cheek. Santana swallowed her shock enough to pat Brittany's shoulder awkwardly, but the blonde didn't notice. She skipped past the brunette and plopped down at the baby grand, positioning herself to play.
Santana followed warily and sat on the couch, watching.
"San... There are some things we need to discuss tonight... Some of it, I'll say in song... I know how you are with feelings."
Santana nodded quietly, puzzled as to what "Rubber Ducky" could possibly say to her, since for as long as she could remember, that was the only thing Britt could play on a piano.
A soft melodic A minor chord floated from the baby grand and turned into a staggered, rolling progression of
5ths.
A5-C5- E5-D5
As Santana sat, mesmerized, Brittany began to sing:
Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone
Where you wont see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
There was a small hitch in the blonde's voice as she began the next part of the verse, stirring up a lump in Santana's throat:
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
When by the water we drink to the dregs
Look at the stones on the riverbed
I can tell from your eyes
You've never been by the riverside
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The blonde closed her eyes, though her hands kept moving over the keys flawlessly.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Down by the water the riverbed
Somebody calls you somebody says
swim with the current and float away
Down by the river every day
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Santana let a tear go. It was just one, but everything was beating against her. She couldn't take her eyes off of Brittany, not even to wipe it away.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The blonde began to sway as she put her body into smashing the keys as she entered the chorus.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Brittany's voice cracked and she lost volume as she tried to sing the last two lines of the chorus. It wasn't looking like a good bet that she'd be able to finish.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
And I don't know why I go the way
Down by the riverside
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Santana stood to hush the blonde as she continued into the next verse... Though she loved when Brittany sung... This song was a bit different. Santana wasn't a supergenius, but she knew who the riverside was...
Brittany was quiet for a moment as Santana dropped her head into her hands, "It's always more about what you want to hear, rather than what I want to say, isn't it, San?"
The Latina wanted to rewind, but her defenses wouldn't let her. She raised her eyes to meet the blonde's and exhaled angrily, "Yup. That's the way it is, Brittany. What are you doing here, anyway? Don't you have a boyfriend or whatever?"
The blonde shrank back a little, "No..." she began softly, "No... I tried to move on, San... I couldn't."
"Why the fuck not? What, are you really waiting for me? Why, the hell would you do that? You know I'm nev-"
"Because I love you..." Brittany interrupted firmly, pausing until Santana made eye contact with her again, "Because it doesn't matter to me what you say right now... I know how you feel, Santana." She got up and sat on the couch next to the Latina, ignoring the way Santana tensed up when she wrapped her arms around her.
Santana shook her head in disbelief, "I've treated you like shit for a while now, Brittany." she interjected weakly.
"Shut up." Brittany whispered, pressing the palm of her hand over Santana's mouth, "I know you love me, too." she slid her hand around the back of the Latina's neck and pulled her close, as if to kiss her, but then grinned, snatched the blunt off the table and ran out the back door, off toward the river's edge, all the while giving Santana cute "Come get me" looks.
The Latina sighed, but not without the smallest smile, grabbed her bottle, and headed out towards the muddy banks, where Brittany had spread an old sheet out for them to sit on... She giggled like a madwoman as she sparked the blunt and pulled. Her face turned red as she held it in, motioning for Santana to come closer.
Santana rolled her eyes, but let the blonde press their lips together and inhaled as she passed the smoke on. Both of them collapsed, coughing like crazy. Nonetheless, they tried twice more before Santana decided she'd rather just smoke first hand.
Half an hour later, they lay on the sheet, lobbing rocks into the water as the stars began to show. Brittany was as high as a kite and possibly drunk as hell, Santana was stoned, slightly drunk, and very happy inside.
Brittany sat up suddenly, "Santana..." she started seriously, "You should definitely, um, you've been a bad friend." she mumbled angrily. "I know, Britt." Santana answered thickly.
"Yeah... So, you should let me give you a birthday sp-"
"No!" Santana hurried. She HATED that word, and there was no chance in hell that was going to happen, "No, Britt... I'd settle for a birthday hug..." she slurred, letting the blonde tackle her in a bear hug.
The next thing either of them knew, they had somehow gotten off the sheet and were making out in various states of undress in the mud while Santana's phone blasted "Milkshake" for the fifth time in a row, which she ignored in favor of her only concern, which was to get Brittany to stop talking, and start taking more clothes off.
As she clawed at Brittany's shirt, she heard the back door open, "What the hell you guys? Britt... You were supposed to keep her occupied and on time!" Quinn stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. Santana looked a Brittany, puzzled.
"It was supposed to be a surprise," the blonde whispered, a soft frown on her face, "But I forgot..."
Santana nudged the blonde off her lap and stood, fixing her clothes, and helping Brittany up.
When she got inside, she was met by Rachel and Quinn who had set up a few catering tins of food... From Breadstix.
"You didn't open your card, Santana." Quinn chided, nodding toward the clock on the microwave. It was 10:34pm. Santana smiled sheepishly and retrieved the card, tearing it open. This was all too surreal... Even weeks ago, none of them were speaking to her, despite the small smiles they might send her way occasionally...
The card was blank on the outside so she flipped the cover open, inside was a simple handwritten message. "Try Again?... Love, Quinn and Rachel."
Santana nodded silently, holding back tears as they handed her a plate.
"A real friend will always give you another, honest chance, Santana." Rachel murmured as she passed to get the wine out.
Santana sat at the table and watched a familiar scene unfold in front of her. Rachel and Quinn stealing bites of food off one another's plates while Brittany surreptitiously tried to feel the Latina up under the table. She grinned stupidly between sips of wine and swatting the dancer's hands away.
She didn't completely understand it, which bothered her, but she was happy. She could deal with that for the moment.
"Happy Birthday, HBIC." Quinn giggled.
Santana raised her glass and smiled wryly.