Prologue
"And you'd help me out of the dark. And I'd give my heart as an offering."
"I'm gonna count to ten, and if you're not out there I am going home. And we're done."
He never opened the door. Her hand brushed the door knob, but she stopped herself because memories of the past weeks flooded her all at once. In that instant, she could see his unhappy face; hear his lack of enthusiasm of their relationship. It was hurting him, it was. To be with her made him so unhappy. Jade would deny it if anyone ever asked. But that moment she let her hand slide off the doorknob, she let him go. Her greatest sacrifice. And she could make that sacrifice because it was Beck, and she was Jade. Together, they were great. Now it was time to see how they'd come out alone.
When she'd said alone, she meant alone.
"I can't do that to a friend."
"When has Jade ever been a friend to you?"
Jade slides into the seat next to Beck, and though she returns his smile that says a million things even if he didn't, she does not squeeze his hand back as he takes hers. The hurt seeps into her skin and as the song Tori belts out comes to an ending, Jade quickly escapes the room in tears. If anyone asks, it's because confetti from the performance got into her eyes. If anyone asks, maybe she won't even acknowledge the question at all. If anyone knew her better, they'd leave her to be. Like Tori, when she walks outside to find her. And find her she did, puffing on her last cigarette.
"Jade."
"Stop, Vega."
"Okay."
As she walks back in with Tori falling into step behind her, she doesn't look as if she was crying. She looks indifferent; same old Jade. You wouldn't know the couple has, well, de-coupled as the the pair meet up with the others and Beck's leaning in, giving Tori's cheek a kiss and a flower presses into the small girl's hand. "You did great, Tor!" He says and she smiles. Just that exchange, just that bit of kindness and Jade is sure she's lost him, for good. When she opens her mouth, everyone looks at her, because they expect an uneasy, unappealing typical command of 'get away from my boyfriend.' But he isn't hers, and she isn't his. The words are trapped in her throat.
"Thanks, thank you guys. It was really Jade—Jade?"
She wonders how long it'll take them to stop congratulating long enough to realize she isn't there. She wonders if they'll even care. See, she's got this figured out. Down to a T. If she and Beck are no more, splitsville, stick-a-fork-in-this-they're-done sort of deal, no one really wants her around. They all wanted Beck, and, naturally, with Beck came Jade. They were a package deal since day one of falling in love. Now that falling in love became falling out of it, who wants Jade around anymore? Who wants to be frightened, terrified for their lives? Though she can admit to being fond of the group, the group might as well wear protective gear around her. Who needs thirty-foot high tsunamis or a dangerous influenza? She is our main concern here; most dangerous of them all. Jade lifts her head from the steering wheel, and she counts to ten but no one comes out to the car and pulls hers from the driver's seat. They don't give her a hug (good, because she brought her scissors) and/or maybe kissed her. They wouldn't. Not this time. Once upon a time when the fights lasted a few hours, but not now, not when they last days. She sticks her key in her ignition, and her favorite number pops up in her mind. Ten. She peels out, goes home, plans her downfall for school the next morning.
When she let Beck go, she basically gave her heart to him. Sign, sealed, delivered. He'd given her all of him, and she none of her. Jade gave her heart as an offering of peace, but he just didn't know it.