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Happy Birthday Itachi, one of my favorite characters! D
So, this one is dedicated to you including that sketchy picture of you and Kisame!
Hope you'll kill your brother soon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
OH MY GOD. The title rhymes!
Happy late birthday, Itachi. D
Happy Birthday, From Kisame
Chapter One: The First Couple Hours
Itachi was standing around, alone in the Akatsuki lair. For some, unusual, aggravating reason, he didn't receive a single mission today. And that, annoyed him greatly.
Everyone had a mission and had left, and that was what annoyed him even more.
He wanted to glare at something, bad. So. Bad. But he couldn't. The comforting darkness was not comforting for the first time, since it was so dark you had nothing to glare at.
He sighed quietly to himself. 'Damn…'
"Uchiha Itachi-san, sighing?" Itachi winced. He turned. "Kisame?"
"Hello, Itachi-san." Kisame greeted.
'At long last. Something to glare at.' Itachi thought.
Kisame raised an eyebrow and gave a quizzical look.
"Why are you glaring, Itachi-san?"
"Hmpf." Itachi looked away.
"You seem to be in a bad mood today."
Itachi didn't respond.
"I don't see why you should be. Especially today in particular."
Itachi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He looked back up at Kisame.
"What? Why today in particular?"
"Oh ho ho…Itachi-san." He went and sat beside Itachi. "Have you truly forgotten today was your birthday."
Itachi was '-' close to falling over.
"My birthday!" He exclaimed.
'Itachi-san's birthday does make him do unnatural things.' Kisame thought, as a reply to his outburst.
"Yes your birthday."
"And that is why no one is giving me any missions!"
Kisame nodded. "That is what I was told."
"And that is why I didn't get to go with you!"
Kisame thought. "You should be happy."
"AND THAT IS WHY I AM SITTING ALONE IN THIS FILTHY LAIR!"
Kisame winced.
"I am here…"
"Kisame…"
"What…"
"I don't like it…do something…"
Kisame thought for a moment. Finally, a brilliant idea came to mind.
"I know!"
"What is it?"
"I shall take you out on your birthday!"
Itachi blinked. "…Where…exactly are you going to take me, Kisame? We cannot go on our own missions."
Kisame stood up.
"Who said we were going on a mission, Itachi-san?"
"We aren't going on a mission?"
Kisame shook his head.
"No."
"Then where are you taking me?"
"Just come on, Itachi-san!"
Itachi closed his eyes, and finally, he reluctantly stood up.
He watched slowly as Kisame went out of the Akatsuki hideout, and he following.
He followed Kisame beside him reluctantly, passing by a lot of people, who just took them as normal citizens.
"Kisame, where are we?" Itachi asked his partner in crime.
"A village." he replied flatly.
"What village?" Itachi asked.
"Just a village."
"Yes, but what village?"
"It's a village and that is all that is important, Itachi-san."
"Yeah, but what-"
Kisame twitched and turned around.
"Itachi-san. Please do not make me call you 'Tachi-san." he said.
Itachi frowned.
"And mind me for being so abruptly rude on this special day of the year, but please…SHUT UP." Kisame turned around and walked on.
Itachi glared at Kisame as he walked.
The Akatsuki members arrived at a tall, round building.
"Where are we NOW Kisame?" Itachi asked, patience growing dangerously thin.
"Where does it look like we are?"
Itachi had to resist the urge to turn his fellow partner in crime into a fellow fillet in crime. Which would soon be made into Shark Fin Soup as a side dish for his dinner tonight?
Itachi followed Kisame up to a fancy what seemed like a ticket booth.
Moments later, Kisame turned around and held up two tickets, handing one to Itachi with a grin.
Itachi slowly took it.
"And…what's this, Kisame?" Itachi asked again.
Kisame turned with a grin. "Movie tickets."
'FINALLY, he answered my question.' Itachi paused.
'MOVIE TICKETS!'
"…Movie tickets? What for, Kisame?" He asked, keeping in his aggressive, low-toned enthusiasm.
"Movie tickets for the movies, Itachi-san. Such an obvious question should not be asked." Kisame replied. Then, he paused. "Then again…there aren't any stupid questions…" He started to ramble on.
Itachi was going to have a fillet for his birthday dinner if Kisame pulled this any farther.
"Come on now, Itachi-san. Standing won't do us much good."
Itachi moved one foot, after another. 'Why am I doing this again?' he asked himself.
Kisame stopped in front of the food stand.
"Itachi-san, would you like anything to eat?" Kisame asked.
'A fillet…made of out of a one of a kind Kisame…' he thought murderously. Itachi gave no reply, which to Kisame, meant no in a situation like this.
"Okay then. I'll just get some popcorn. Would you like a drink, Itachi-san?"
'Your blood…'
Itachi gave no reply.
Kisame winced. "Okay, I'll get some water for you just in case."
So Kisame ordered popcorn and nachos. He also ordered some hotdogs. He ordered the popcorn especially big. He ordered some soda for himself and bottled water for Itachi just in case.
Itachi stared at all the food Kisame was holding. He was putting butter in the popcorn.
"Here, hold this please, Itachi-san." Kisame handed all the food to Itachi while he added butter to the popcorn.
Awed, Itachi stared at large quantity of food incredulously. He winced. Did food actually come in such large amounts?
"Kisame…" Itachi started. "How long is the movie…?"
Kisame shrugged.
"I don't know. This was a bit unprepared, so I randomly chose a movie to watch." he replied while walking to the movie entrance. Or rather, looking for it.
"…And…exactly…what movie was that, Kisame?"
"Uh…" he pulled out the ticket since Itachi's hands were still full with the food.
"I don't know, Itachi-san. The ticket only shows the movie number." he replied. "Let's see…B-23..." Kisame stopped and made a turn to the right.
"Here it is."
Itachi looked up at the movie name.
"Balmier Bunny and Friend's Great Adventures?" Itachi couldn't believe it. "Kisame, this is the movie you have chosen?"
"Uh, no. The person who was up front was kind of a beginner, and asked for a number instead of a movie title. So, I just…chose a number."
"B-23?"
Kisame nodded.
'Must be with the 'B' part.' Itachi thought.
"Well, let's go in, Itachi-san." Itachi was somehow dragged in to the movie, almost spilling the cheese for the nachos.
So, Itachi sat and went up the steps to find a seat for the movie. He almost spilled the popcorn this time. Itachi was starting to get mad.
They went up to their seat, and sat down.
"Here." Itachi resisted shoving the food at Kisame.
"Oh. Arigato, Itachi-san." Kisame gladly took the food.
Itachi said nothing and just stared at the screen as the movie started.
'Wonderful…commercials…advertisements…propaganda these days…'
Pepsi, ramen, Konoha, Upcoming movies…and worst of all…Flirting Paradise…
Itachi turned off his Sharingan when the movie finally started.
Out came a pink rabbit, with large red eyes. Itachi twitched and made a face in disgust, behind his Akatsuki robe.
Itachi heard munching sounds beside him, and watched as a piece of half eaten popcorn and popcorn fell on his lap. He stared, and twitched.
"K-Kisame…"
Kisame turned towards him.
"Mm…?" he remarked, still eating.
Itachi looked down on his lap. Kisame looked down too.
"Ah…gomen, gomen." and with that, Kisame picked up the small bits of popcorn he had dropped, and then continued eating. Itachi stared at him…in pity. He continued watching the movie.
The popcorn continued throughout the movie, but it eventually stopped when Kisame was sick of the popcorn, and gave it to Itachi.
Itachi just took it and just ate it, bored of the movie.
-After the movie-
"Itachi-san, do you want to see another movie?"
"…You are planning to go movie skipping, Kisame?"
"What? Are you worried we'll get caught? They are mere mortals that are no threat anyway.
Itachi was silent, again.
"Okay then, Itachi-san! Let's go!" and Kisame dragged Itachi to the next movie.
And Itachi…somehow, agreed.
'Maybe I will pass this day more quickly this way…' he sighed.
But, this movie was actually a lot better. Not only that, they continued movie skipping. First, it was Kill Bill. And then it was more killing, gory scary movies. Ah…Itachi had the time of his life. He never knew such movies existed!
After that, when they got out…
"Kisame, let's see another movie!"
Kisame was VERY surprised at such enthusiasm.
"More? We already saw three!" he exclaimed.
"One more wouldn't hurt…"
"But I was planning to take you elsewhere." Kisame said, mouth crooked.
Itachi's eyes narrowed.
"And…where would that be, Kisame?" His voice toning down to a low voice, almost threateningly.
"Oh, you'll see, Itachi-san!" Kisame almost skipped out of the Theater. Itachi watched in awe, following and shaking his head in pity at the same time.
"Where are we, Kisame?"
"The Carnival."
"And why are we here, Kisame?"
"It's part of your birthday present."
"Okay. Answer this: Do you know WHY I am ASKING? HMM?" Itachi resisted biting--er--Amaterasu-ing Kisame's head off.
"Because…it's a Carnival?"
"…"
"OH! I know! Because it is your birthday, Itachi-san!" Kisame grinned proudly.
Itachi grit his teeth behind his cloak.
"Can we just…get through this and go back…to the hideout…Kisame…? Hmm? What do you say…Huh?"
"Yes! After everything else that we're going to do today." He said. Itachi swore he saw a :3 on Kisame for a split second. And the funny thing was, cats eat tuna.
"…"
"Hey! Let's start out with the bumper cars, ne?" and Kisame hurried off. Itachi stayed behind. Kisame noticed that Itachi wasn't following. He turned.
"Itachi-san?"
"…"
"Oh, Itachi-san! If you're legs hurt from sitting so much, you could have told me!"
Itachi looked up. "…!"
"I'll give you a piggy back ride!"
"…!"
"No…anything but that…please…"
"Oh come on, Itachi-san!" Kisame hurried behind Itachi and shoved him all the way to the bumper cars…
Itachi had no choice.
He reluctantly entered the small car, and waited for the others. He glanced over to Kisame, who looked very excited to get started.
Then, Itachi heard a large bell ring. It made him jump slightly, and then he could gather up what was going on, he was being shoved, pushed like crazy! His neck arched back in pain, so he sat farther back into the seat.
And, he still got rammed into.
Each hit made Itachi more and more furious.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore…
He glanced over at Kisame, who was having the time of his life. Ramming and getting rammed into.
A smirk came upon Uchiha Itachi's face.
-Thirty Seconds later-
"Itachi-san…"
"What…" Itachi was close to whining by now. Oh, so close.
"You took away all the fun…"
"Just shut up about it, Kisame"
"Thankfully we got away quickly…"
"I told you to be quiet."
"I know but-"
"You'll blow our cover…" The author was '-' close to putting an exclamation mark there. Itachi and Kisame were wearing big sun glasses, careful not to be recognized.
"YES ITACHI-SAN I KNOW BUT--"
All eyes within a ten meter radius turned their attention to the two unknown Akatsuki members. The two of them winced, with Itachi turned around and frozen, as well as Kisame.
Well, they did for a second, not even actually, before they just disappeared.
"Kisame! Stop!" Itachi hissed beneath his Akatsuki uniform.
Kisame hung his head.
"Itachi-san…does this mean we have to transform again?" He looked at Itachi, who had turned into a more casual, updated fashion.
"Mm hm…" He nodded.
Kisame hung his head lower. But then, he lifted it up.
"Itachi-san, where did you see that?" he asked.
Itachi shrugged slightly. "I saw someone walk by." Itachi was wearing a black and white collar polo with dark khakis. Well, that's what we'd describe them as.
"Oh…Me too…" Kisame transformed into a hot pink spaghetti strap tank top, and a VERY short skirt, with a large slit down the side. He was wearing very high hot pink heels that were strapped and climbed up to half his knees.
Itachi's eyes widened.
"Eugh…" Itachi covered his eyes with one hand, and held the other finger in protest, leaning away slightly from Itachi.
"Kisame…can't you change into anything else!" He exclaimed. It was very unlike him to do such a thing, but he had little choice when he saw the sight in front of him. What happened to his fellow partner. You would too if you did.
"Mm?" Kisame raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with this one?" he asked, putting two hands up and bending his knees slightly to the side in question.
"Augh…" 'MY EYES! MY PRECIOUS, INNOCENT, VIRGIN EYES!' Itachi turned away, back facing Kisame.
"Don't you think it's too…REVEALING!" he blurted out.
Kisame shook his head slowly. In order to see his response, Itachi had to turn his head slightly and peek before returning to his former state, before he went blind.
"WELL I DO! Now transform into something else!" he exclaimed, yet again.
"Mm…fine then." Kisame transformed again.
Itachi started to wonder what Kisame wore before he joined the Akatsuki.
Itachi turned around when he heard the signal that Kisame had successfully transformed.
Then, his entire expression changed. He twitched uncomfortably.
"O-Out of all the things and people you could have become…you just had to become…"
He sighed silently.
"…Sasuke."
But then, Itachi winced. 'Sasuke?' He turned and noticed the murderous glare that 'Sasuke' had on.
'That's…not--'
"Itachi-san?"
Itachi turned around.
"--Kisame?" he winced. Then he turned back to 'Sasuke'.
"I…"
'Oh shit…'
"WILL KILL YOU!"
This was definitely NOT Kisame. It was the one and only, Sasuke.
Chidori appeared in his right hand, and he thrust it toward Itachi.
…After he disappeared with Kisame.
"Oi! Sasuke! We're leaving!" Naruto called from a distance. "Stop making us wait!"
Sasuke glared and turned around, walking towards his team
'Missed another chance…' he smirked. 'Thought it'd be fun to give him a little birthday present…' he opened his eyes vengefully. '…his LAST birthday present…'
Itachi sighed quietly. He set his hands in his pockets.
"Thankfully, you came before chaos arose yet again, Kisame."
"Hehe…" Kisame grinned.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, looking up at him.
"What are you wearing, Kisame?"
Kisame winced. "Oh, this? I just saw someone wear it before."
Itachi stared at Kisame's…
Ohohen: Mind me. The cliff hanger's not supposed to be there. I had meant this story to be a one shot, but it turned out to be 14 pages, much to long to be counted as a one shot. So, this will be continued. Won't be updated in a long time, but will be continued.
You'll see.
I completed the FIRST chapter on July 19, 2006! Sorry Itachi. I beg for your forgiveness.
Itachi: …I presume…not much harm was done…
Please review. Thank you. (Hey that rhymes…)