Kojima: Well hello one and all! This is an absolute Weiss and Schwarz crack so enjoy yourself, yeah? Introducing ME: Kojima! And that –points to the glum looking girl- is Saber!
Saber: -strangles Kojima-
Kojima: -cough- Well, anyway, we're doing a special Weiss VS Schwarz in sports!
Schuldich: HEY! When did we even agree on doing this?
Saber: -takes out approval slip by Persia and Estet-
Schuldich: Where the heck did you get that?
Saber: In any way, Estet and Kritiker are rooting for you guys, so get on with it.
Kojima: Exactly! We herein the battle of one on one in different sports!
Saber: You have got to be kidding. I thought it was one sport?
Kojima: Heh heh. Live a little. After all we've got the whole day to us!
Ran: SHINE. I'm not doing any sports.
Kojima: Ah, if you win you get a free trip to the memorial of the 'Slaughter of Takatori'! –waves ticket-
Ran: -eyes gleam with anger- I'll do it!
Yoji, Ken, Omi: RAN!
Saber: Ah, so decided. Is everything okay, Schwarz?
Crawford: Get over and done.
Kojima: Decided then! We first start with the two leaders! –snaps finger-
Saber: We start off with the first sport. Ping pong.
Weiss, Schwarz: PING PONG!
Kojima: Yes. Got a problem with that?
Saber: Look, prizes are according to those who win.
Kojima: Yup! Good luck! –snaps finger-
'Crawford and Ran disappear then reappear in a singlets and boxers-
Saber: Koji….
Kojima: Oops! My apologies! –laughs-
Ran: I'M REALLY GOING TO KILL YOU.
Kojima: Mistake in changes. I guess I mixed the clothes with the hawkers.
Crawford: THAT was unexpected.
Saber: Urgh… -snaps finger-
'Ran and Crawford reappear again in sports clothing: T-shirt and shorts no more than six inch (twelve cm)
Schuldich: Geez Brad, you sure got HAIRY legs…
Crawford: SHUT UP SCHULDICH!
Ran: -crosses arms and glares at the rest- Say ANYHTING and it's hell for you.
Ken, Kojima: -nosebleeds-
Kojima: HEY KEN! Why're you nose bleeding?
Ken: You too!
Kojima: I know what you're thinking of! Don't even think about it!
'Ken and Kojima starts fighting frenzy'
Saber: Yes yes. Leave them to fight. We can get on with the game.
Ken, Kojima: -Still fighting-
Saber: So I play referee for this round! –snaps fingers-
'bowling ball appears and drops on Ping Pong table' 'Table breaks'
Kojima: Talk about mistake in calling….
Saber: AHEM…
'table gets fixed and Ran and Crawford gets into position'
Saber: Alright! Crawford serves the ball and its goes pop, plop and smack…. Oh dear. Ran just got hit on the face….
Crawford: Miscalculation in strength….
Ran: -takes ball and slam it to Crawford-
Saber: And the ball goes flying! Crawford hits the ball and it's being sent back, Ran sends it back. My, my! Look at the speed the ball goes back and forth! –takes out reading meter- 20, 40, 60! Record breaking 60km/h! It's fast since it's going back and forth between five meters! The only way to decide is who slips first!
Kojima: Come on Ran! Take Crawford as Takatori!
Ran: -glares and Crawford- SHINE TAKATORI! –smack ball hard-
Crawford: -slams ball back and hits Ran in the eye- I expected that as usual.
Ran: Ow!
Yoji: Ouch. That's gotta leave a big bruise. Lucky me.
Kojima: Ouch is right. I'm gonna bring Ran to the sick bay!
Saber: Oh no you don't. You have to take care of the next game! –drags Kojima off-
Kojina: Wai!
Ken: That means I get to bring him!
Saber: You're not going anywhere either –grabs Ken by the collar and drags both of them away-
Crawford: I hope it doesn't hurt.
Ran: You're the next in my list of those going to die.
Crawford: Thank you. You probably won't make it anyway. Let's go the sick bay. My legs are freezing.
Kojima: -sob- Okay…. The next round… Yoji VS Schu in a game of Squash…
Yoji: Hah! You're sure to lose Schuldich! I've been playing Sqwuash ever since nine!
Schudlcih: Don't bother hiding. I know you don't play Squash.
Yoji: Just wait and feel the power of the Great Kudoh Squash!
Omi: -whisper to Ken- Sounds more like he got squashed instead…
Kojima: Change of clothes! –snaps fingers-
'Schuldich and Yoji came out in once again, singlet and boxers'
Yoji: You know what? I could play in this!
Saber: Not suitable for the viewers Yoji….
Kojima: BWAH HA HA HA…..
Schuldich: Quit that trick already! Give me some PROPER clothes will ya!
Kojima: Carrot prick… -snaps fingers-
'Yoji and Schu appear in long pants and shirt'
Kojima: Game goes like this! See the wall? One of you hit the ball and the other has to get it! First one who misses loses!
Yojij: No problem-o! –serves ball-
Schuldich: Not losing to you! –hits ball-
-After four hours-
Kojima: zzzzz…..
Rest: -.-lll
Kojima: …? –yawn- You guys done yet? None of you seemed to have miss you know…
Schuldich, Yoji: NOT losing, NOT losing!
Kojima: Oh geez, give others a chance already. Oh look! Ms. America!
Yoji and Schuldich: WHERE! –search around-
Kojima: Suckers…
Schuldich: -misses ball- AHHHH!
Yoji: Yahoo! I won!
Schuldich: I demand a REMATCH!
Saber: Yeah, like after we're done with the rest. You can play day and night for all we care….
Kojima: Okay…. Next sport between Ken and Farfarello…
Ken: I'm a sure win!
Farfarello: Losing hurts God….
Schuldich: Wrong Farfarello! Winning hurts God! You must win!
Ken: I challenge you to soccer!
Saber: That's out of the list of sports we've picked.
Ken: WHAT!
Saber: It would be unfair since you are an expert at soccer, so we decided to change the sport. We have…. –searches list- What the….
Kojima: What? Lemme see…. Hey, this isn't a sport!
Saber: But the director stated it….
Kojima: -shrug- Might as well follow…
Ken: So what are we doing?
Kojima, Saber: Cooking.
Ken: THAT'S NOT A SPORT.
Saber: Exactly what we said!
Kojima: Oh well, get along with it then!
Ken: I'm doomed….
Farfarello: Minced meat hurts God…
Kojima: Argh. I'm in charge again. Alright! All you have to do is to cook an egg! That's shouldn't be too hard would it?
Yoji: I bet you five bucks Ken's gonna burn the egg.
Omi: I agree….
Schuldich: Does Farfarello even know how to light the stove?
Nagi: Pray he doesn't change his mind in burning down the stage….
Kojima: To play safe, we give you the max of two minutes of letting the egg be in the pan! After that we're going to test the egg!
Ken: -from behind- You know! Aprons are ugly! Can I not wear it?
Saber: You have to.
Ken: I'm NOT going out there in this!
Kojima: -snaps finger and Ken appears on stage in a pink apron-
Ken: HEY!
Kojima: Ah… cute.
Ken: SHUDDUP!
Farfarello: Pink hurts god…
Ken: Hey why does Farfarello get blue?
Kojima: Oh, because that's Sabers. Mine is pink. :)
Ken: I hate you….
Kojima: Feeling's mutual. Let's get on with the cooking!
'One yelling, two shouting, three bangings, four coughing and five devastating minutes later'
Kojima: I regret working for this…. –cough-
Saber: Ken managed to burn your apron.
Kojima: Urgh…. I knew lending him was never a good idea. Lucky me I have and extra one at home so I can still do Home Ec…
Ken: AH! MY EGG!
Farfarello: Charcoal hurts God…(his egg's burnt too)
Kojima: You two are hopeless in cooking. This round is a tie…
Saber: Last round between Omi and Nagi: Swimming!
Ken: Hey! Why can't I do swimming?
Saber: Can Farf even swim? He'll probably go 'drowning hurts God'.
Farfarello: Drowning DOES hurt god….
Kojima: Wouldn't want a member of Schwarz drowned to death now, can we? Besides, they're not even done with the show!
Nagi: Swimming…
Omi: Eek no! I'm not swimming with so many people watching!
Kojima: Shall I make you very embarrassed now so you can be less later?
Omi: O.o;;
'Saber and Kojima snaps finger' 'Omi and Nagi appear in swimming costumes'
Omi: Eek! How can you let us wear this! It's for girls!
Nagi: ………..
Schuldich: Ha ha! Nagi looks like Ms. Congeniality!
Nagi: -sends Schuldich to the other end of pool-
Saber: Well, enough fun! –snaps finger and Omi and Nagi appear in proper swim wear-
Kojima: When I blow the whistle, you go!
PPPRRRRRHHHHHTTTTTT
Nagi: -use powers to separate waters-
Kojima: Oh look, Moses opening the Red Sea.
Saber: Cheater bug.
Nagi: -walks through-
Omi: That's not fair! Why is he able to use his powers?
Kojima: I play fair! –snaps fingers-
-water gushes down to Nagi-
Kojima: Happy?
Omi: I think Nagi's drowning….
Saber: -takes out binoculars- He is!
Kojima: Alright, alright. –snaps fingers-
'some water drains off and leave half the pool filled'
Saber: Hey Koji, did you leave the cages closed?
Kojima: Cage? What cage?
Saber: The sharks….
Kojima: I think I didn't close….
Saber: Ah, there goes the sharks after Nagi.
Omi: Hey! You've gotta save him!
Kojima: Oh don't worry! Those sharks are less than a foot long! He should have no problem surfacing! And speak of the devil, here he comes!
'Nagi gets out of water with many sharks biting him all over'
Saber: Hm? This bite doesn't seem like one that the sharks bit. –points to neck-
Nagi: NOT funny at all
Kojima: No, it looks more like a hickey.
Nagi: -gets very angry-
Saber: Oh, there she…er…he blows….
Kojima: -snaps fingers and a bucket of water falls on Nagi- Cool off hothead! You're the same as Ran! Alright I'll compensate. Since you had to go through all the trouble, I declare that Schwarz win!
Schwarz: Yay!
Saber: Now for you prizes!
Kojima: Crawford gets a new shaver, Schuldich gets free squash lessons from Yoji, Farfarello get a butter knife and Nagi gets to keep the sharks on him as souvenir!
Yoji: I did not agree on that!
Kojima: Oh look, Ms. America! –points behind-
Yoji: You're not tricking me with that again! I don't care she's Ms. Whatever!
Ms. America: -booms- Who defies my looks? –chases Yoji-
Saber: Ms. Director too.
Kojima: Ah… I see. We're going to have another match on something else. Until next time, bye bye!
TBC
ha ha. I made this up with my friend who is not looking at Samurai X's poker cards. -.-lll There would be a next part where the guys would compete in other topics. What comes next is a secret! Wait! RnR too. :)