1,2,3,4 (I Hate You)
A MUSICAL
Act I
Scene I: Double Agent Danamite's Foyer
**Gertrude, Natalie Goodman and Natalie Zizel are cleaning the floor**
Gertrude: *sings to the tune of Mama Mia- Abba* I've been cheated by you at least a million times. So I made up my mind that you are just a man-whore. Look at me now, I'm a damn housemaid. I don't know how we suddenly got from there to here. There's a fire within my heart. Just one day you will see totally all the date you have given to me. Whoa-oh.
Natalie Z, Natalie G, Gertrude: Oh my goodness! Here we go again! Oh-oh, you think you're the hottest, but the truth is you are freaking ugly and I am the biggest blame fool.
Natalie G: I was a fool for marrying my brother.
Natalie Z: I was a fool for loving your brother. Why, why is this life time difficult? Oh my goodness, we will never learn.
Natalie G: Haha, someday soon we will. *end of song*
Double Agent Danamite: *from distance* IS THAT SINGING I HEAR? *runs into the foyer* The 3 of you are PATHETIC! You *points to Gertrude* should be with Horton. You *points to Natalie G* are an idiot. And you *points to Natalie Z* are wasted. NOW GET BACK TO WORK! AND NO SINGING! *stomps away angrily*
Gertrude: Why are we working for her?
Natalie Z: Cuz Gabriel left us. I mean, he even left his sister-slash-wife. Wow, that's disgusting if you think about it.
Gabriel: *from distance* That's Gabe to you, ya pigtailed freak. *approaches the girls slowly*
Natalie Z: GABE, YOU'RE BACK!
Gabe: Yes, I am. But not for you.
Natalie Z: Aw.
Gabe: I'm back for my sister-slash-wife. Honey, I'm sorry for leaving you. It was pretty awkward being married to you, but, while I was gone, I found a deeper passion for you.
Natalie G: Whatever. *turns away from Gabe*
Gabe: Please, I'm so incredibly sorry.
Natalie G: Just go away.
Gabe: Okay, you're mad at me, but I'm back now and I swear on the name of Helen Keller that I will NEVER leave you again.
Natalie G: Do what you want, Gabe.
Gabe: Nat…
Natalie G: I know you want me to love you again, but people are right. You're my brother.
Gabe: But Nat…
Natalie G: Save it, Gabe. *walks out of foyer*
Natalie Z, Gertrude: *watch Natalie G pitifully leave, then they cheer* Yay! Gabe is free! He's available! He's mine! No, not yours, mine! *glare at each other* Lay off, he's mine! *look at Gabe* Who do you like better: me or HER?
Gabe: *rolls eyes* Neither. I want Natalie.
Natalie Z: Haha! In your face, Gertrude.
Gabe: Not you, Natalie. My sister Natalie. Oh god, she despises me…
Gertrude: In YOUR face, Natalie.
Gabe: Hey, you, zip it. You should be with Horton.
Gertrude: Should… but don't have to…
Gabe: Go back to Horton.
Gertrude: Ew, no. He's in love with 3 Birdgirls AND me. He's a…
Gabe: Don't say it.
Gertrude: Okay.
Scene II: Forest of Nool
**Horton is lounging on a hammock while the Birdgirls fan him with giant leaves**
Birdgirls: *singing* One singular sensation every little step he takes. One thrilling combination every move that he makes. One smile and, suddenly, nobody else will do. You know you'll never be lonely with you know who. One moment in his presence and you can't forget the rest. For the guy that's second-best…
Horton: *cuts through song* HEY! One of yous is missing. Where the hell is Gertrude?
Birdgirls: Where's Gertrude? Where's Gertrude? Where's Gertrude? We don't know!
Horton: Great. GERTRUDE MCFUZZ, get your one-feathered tail ass over here immediately! *silence* Gertrude, get over here! *more silence* GER-TRUDE! *TRUDE echoes*
Birdgirls: Oh no! Oh my! Oh no! Oh my! Horton is angry.
Horton: You're damn right I'm angry. One of my lovers is missing.
Birdgirls: But you love us, right?
Horton: I love you all equally, but Gertrude is about to completely rue the day she ever ran away from me. Why, she's lucky I even noticed her after all that 'notice me, Horton' shit.
Birdgirls: Wow. That damaged, pathetic Gertrude McFuzz.
Horton: Yep. Say, who wants to go swimming?
Birdgirls: Me! *leave with Horton*
Mayzie, the enchanted tree: *steps out from behind a tree* As pitiful as it can be for Gertrude and Natalie G, neglected by their lovers and alone in the universe. And I, the bringer of bad news, will tell them without a refuse that the day will come someday soon, like every once in a blue moon. Hate will diminish from our life as well as misery and strife, and these girls will eventually fall back in love like they should be. And peace will not only be home cuz this here ends this crappy poem. Off to see these girls so clever although I said bye forever. *leaves the forest*
Birdgirls: *run back to the forest* HORTON!
Horton: Ladies, what's the rush.
Birdgirls: Your favorite tree is gone!
Horton: Oh, well I guess a lumberjack cut her down. Poor tree.
Scene III: Double Agent Danamite's Foyer
Natalie Z: *sings to tune of Food, Glorious Food- Oliver!* Gosh, I am so fucking hungry. My stomach is growling up a storm. Still I long all day and ni-ight. For something that is good to eat. Something that won't make me barf. Still I get the same old shi-it. There's not a hope that is left in the world for cure of this raging hunger. But there's nothing to stop me from getting a thrill when I open my mouth and I ye-ell, SCREW YOU, YA JERK! DOUBLE AGENT DUMBASS, WHEN WE ARE HUNGRY, YOU GIVE US NOTHING! HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO WORK FOR YOU ON EMPTY STOMACHS? I REFUSE TO WORK FOR YOU. I! AM! HUNGRY!
Gertrude: Shut up.
Natalie Z: *continues to sing* SCREW YOU, YA BITCH! DOUBLE AGENT DUMBASS, I FEEL SICK, I AM SO HUNGRY! ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE US FOOD? HOPEFULLY SOMETIME SOON! OH FOOD! I NEED SOME FOOD! GIVE ME SOME FOOD! DOUBLE AGENT DUMBASS! *end of song*
Gertrude: Thank God.
Natalie Z: 2nd verse, same as the first.
Gertrude: *face palm* Oh no! Please not again.
Double Agent Danamite: *angrily enters foyer* Who's complaining?
Gertrude: Me. Natalie Zizel won't shut the fuck up!
Double Agent Danamite: Get back to work! And Natalie, no more singing.
Natalie Z: *sobs* But I'm hungry-y-y.
Double Agent Danamite: I don't care! Hey, where's Natalie Goodman? Why isn't she working?
Natalie Z: She's sad. Gabe is back and she don't want him.
Double Agent Danamite: Hey, hey! Watch your grammar!
Natalie Z: Sorry, jeez. Oh no, jeez sounds like cheese. I'M SO HUNGRY! *cries into palms*
Double Agent Danamite: Be quiet, damn you!
Mayzie: *thumps in* Double Agent Danamite, what have you done?
Double Agent Danamite: You! You? Whoa, wait a minute, you said hasta nunca, translated into see you never. Why did you come back? This is a dream, right?
Mayzie: Wrong! This is not a dream at all, Double Agent Danamite. Look at what you've done. You're abusing Gertrude, Natalie and Natalie, making them work sunrise to sunset with no break whatsoever and no food. You've made the 3 of them feel worse than they already do. You are morally obliged to stop and apologize.
Double Agent Danamite: I don't have to if I don't want to.
Mayzie: But Doub-
Double Agent Danamite: No, no, I can't hear you! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
Mayzie: That's mature.
Double Agent Danamite: You wanna be sarcastic with me? Then okay! *slaps Mayzie, clutches hand* Oh, OW!
Mayzie: Haha, serves you right, you idiot. You can't hurt a tree in any way cuz then you only hurt yourself and it comes back to haunt you.
Double Agent Danamite: Huh? That's stupid!
Mayzie: You're stupid.
Double Agent Danamite: Well, if I'm so stupid, then why the hell am I a double agent? YOU are the stupid one.
Mayzie: For the love of Pete, I'm an enchanted tree! Do you really expect knowledge from me, dumbass? You are not the same Double Agent Danamite I knew. I'm leaving. Goodbye! *stomps away furiously*
Gertrude: Wow…
Double Agent Danamite: Shut up! Get back to work!
Scene IV: The Street
**Gabe is walking alone in the streets and he sees Henry**
Gabe: *excitedly* Hi Henry!
Henry: Natalie, what the hell? Did Dr. Madden turn you into a boy?
Gabe: Uh, no. I'm Natalie's brother-slash-husband, Gabe.
Henry: YOU! You're the douche-bag who took my woman from me! You give my Natalie back right now. Give her back!
Gabe: No way, dude. She's mine now.
Henry: You're a disgusting tramp. You and Natalie are supposed to be brother and sister, NOT husband and wife and DEFINTELY not both! It's against the law! Plus, you're dead.
Gabe: Against the law, eh?
Henry: YES!
Gabe: Well, according to Lady Gugu, it isn't. Hey Lady Gugu, being married to a sibling is totally okay, right?
Lady Gugu: That's right!
Gabe: In your face, Henry!
Henry: I think not! Hey, Lawyer, being married to a sibling is wrong, is it not?
Ghost of the Lawyer: Yes, it is wrong.
Henry: And the Lawyer is always right.
Gabe: Nuh-unh!
Henry: Uh-huh! Give it up!
Gabe: Lo no quiero!
Henry: Say what?
Gabe: What? Damn it! Wait a sec, I thought the Lawyer was dead?
Henry: And you're not?
Gabe: Good point. Now, if you'll excuuuuuse me, I've got to go get Natalie! *runs off*
Henry: HEY! *dashes after Gabe*
Lady Gugu: *sings Bad Romance under her breath*
Ghost of the Lawyer: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Lady Gugu: Okay. I won't. *continues singing*
Ghost of the Lawyer: I really hate you.
Lady Gugu: Who said I liked you?
Ghost of the Lawyer: I gotta re-kill myself.
Lady Gugu: Well, what are you waiting for, Christmas? GO RE-KILL YOURSELF!
Ghost of the Lawyer: *punches Lady Gugu*
Lady Gugu: Hey, you can't hit a woman! *punches Ghost of the Lawyer* Whoa, I punched a ghost.
Ghost of the Lawyer: *to the tune of We Will Rock You: Queen* Buddy, you're a girl being weird, singing all day long, gonna be a dead girl today. You got fear on your face you weird disgrace, oughta be in the devil's place. I shall, I shall kill you. You shall, you shall perish.
Lady Gugu: *sings* Buddy, you're a big ass, dumbass, making up dumb laws, not gonna rule the world someday, you've got green in your eyes, your angry sighs will never help you get out of your lies. I will, I will beat you. I am, I am the best. *end of song*
Ghost of the Lawyer: And who said you were the best?
Lady Gugu: Me.
Ghost of the Lawyer: *face palm*
Lady Gugu: *beams with delight*
Scene V: A Cemetery
*Benny and Roger are crying about the death of the Lawyer*
Roger: *sobs* Damn, we've been so bored since Boss died.
Benny: I know. LAWYER, OH LAWYER, COME BACK! WE NEED YOU! If you come back, I promise that Roger and I won't be stupid.
Roger: Shut up, Benny. Don't make wagers with God. It's rude.
Benny: I don't care! He was rude to take the Lawyer from us. I want her back! We're so lonely without her guidance.
Roger: She tried to kill Double Agent Danamite.
Benny: Double Agent Danamite is an asshole. She turned against all her friends.
Roger: True. Hey, do you have $5 I could borrow? I'm broke, again.
Benny: When you asked me that last time, I was broke. I'm still broke now. Since Boss died, I haven't been able to get another job.
Maureen: *in distance* Maybe I can help. *walks up to them gracefully* You need money?
Benny, Roger: *nod*
Maureen: Well, I'm hiring people at my Technicolor Dreamcoat Factory in Steubenville, if you're interested. Pay is $1000 a week…"
Benny, Roger: *excitedly* I'M IN!
Maureen: Oh… kay. I'm Maureen. The 2 of you can get started right away.
Benny, Roger: Great!
Maureen: Then come on. *walks away*
Benny, Roger: *to each other* Lay off! She's mine! I called dibs on her first!
Maureen: Pardon me? Who's calling dibs on me? Sorry, you 2, but I'm taken by Nick Jonas, then it's…
Benny: You have a list?
Maureen: Yeah.
Roger: Damn…
Maureen: Come on.
Benny, Roger: *to the tune of Forget About the Boy from Thoroughly Modern Millie* Forget about the girl, forget about the girl, forget about the girl!
Maureen: *cuts through song* Are you 2 coming?
Benny, Roger: *nod*
Maureen: Then come on!
Benny, Roger: *continue song* She's a triple-crossed, heart-breaking biatch! Forget about the girl, forget about the girl, forget about the girl! *end song*
Maureen: COME ON!
Scene VI: Double Agent Danamite's Laboratory
**Double Agent Danamite is trying to remember how to make Phosphate, but she epically fails over and over again**
Double Agent Danamite: *sings as she works* Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? *hears knock on door* What?
Assisticant, Superstar: *walk inside* What's up, doc?
Double Agent Danamite: That's Double Agent Danamite, and the 2 of you are pineapples! What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?
Assisticant: Danamite, girl, we're friends. I mean, that's why I'm your assisticant, right? Or was, since I was fired for God knows why, but same difference. Come on, look into the heart I know you have somewhere. Those 3 girls that are cleaning out there, aren't they your friends too? We love you, Double Agent Danamite.
Double Agent Danamite: Well, now that you bring it up… I HATE YOU MORE THAN I DID A FEW MOMENTS AGO WITH A FIERY BURNIN' PASSION! And I hate you too, Superstar. I hate everyone! Now just leave me the hell alone.
Assisticant: What? But love makes the world go round…
Double Agent Danamite: I don't care! That's what the axis thingy is for.
Assisticant: I love you!
Double Agent Danamite: Fuck off! I just said that I hated you and I'm not gonna tell you again. I hate everyone who lives in this fucking universe. Now go somewhere that I'm not.
Assisticant: Fine, but one thing…
Double Agent Danamite: What?
Assisticant: *sings* Put a smile on your face…
Double Agent Danamite: That's why I fired you! You sing nonstop and are AWOL! Now get out before I count to 4 or something bad will happen.
Assisticant: Yeah right.
Double Agent Danamite: Uno…
Assisticant: This is bullshit.
Double Agent Danamite: Dos…
Assisticant: Seriously, this is dumber than Twilight.
Double Agent Danamite: Tres…
Assisticant: Oo, I'm so scared.
Double Agent Danamite: Tres y MEDIA…
Assisticant: Oh god! Come on, Superstar! *runs out of the laboratory like the wind*
Superstar: Wait for me! *runs after Assisticant*
Double Agent Danamite: *sighs* Sometimes I think the world would be better if I were the only one here.
Scene VII: Double Agent Danamite's Garden
**Natalie G is sitting alone, wondering if her marriage to Gabe will ever be worth it**
Natalie G: *sings to the tune of Tainted Love: Softcell* Sometimes I feel I got to run away back when you left me here. Now you're back and I hate you now. You make me sad, and I feel like shit, cuz you broke my heart. You really don't know how to treat me right! Once I ran to you, now I run from you. This tainted love you've given, you're such a bitch and now I hate you. Take my heart and that's not nearly all, oh damn you, Gabe. Damn you, Gabe. *end song*
Henry: *in distance* Nat, is that you? It's me, Henry. Please talk to me. I know we can work things out. Ow, GABE!
Natalie G: Oh no! My brother and ex-boyfriend are here. What the hell am I gonna do? I have to hide. Yes, I have to hide. But where? Oh, how about right…
Henry: *enters garden* Natalie, hey!
Natalie G: Go away!
Henry: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Natalie, please listen to me. This Gabe thing is all in your head. You're hallucinating him.
Natalie G: *under breath* Apparently, so are you.
Henry: What was that?
Natalie G: You told Gabe to stop doing something.
Henry: Damn, you heard me.
Gabe: HENRY!
Henry: Shit…
Gabe: You grotesque freak, don't you dare take my sister-slash-wife!
Henry: Gabe, reality check: she's your sister. Marrying your sister is disgusting.
Gabe: But I love her!
Henry: You're supposed to love your family. Come on, Nat, let's go.
Gabe: Nooo! Natalie, don't leave me!
Henry: Shut up, Gabe! Natalie is mine now! *takes Natalie, leaves*
Gabe: Nooo! *sits on ground, cries* Don't leave me, Natalie!
Natalie G: *faces Gabe, shrugs, walks off with Henry*
Gabe: Fine! If that's the way you want it, then so be it! GOODBYE FOREVER!
Act II
Scene I: The Sky
**Horton and the Birdgirls are flying on a magic carpet to find Gertrude**
Birdgirls: *singing* We're going on a trip! We're going on a trip! It's thrilling to be filling with lots of anticipation. Packing the suitcases and counting of the days-es, nearly as exciting as the actual vacation. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? My excitement's getting stronger. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I really can't wait much longer. *end song*
Horton: *face palm* Will the 3 of you PLEASE be quiet? What the fuck is that anyway? This isn't even a vacation! We're going on a search for Gertrude so we can forcibly bring her back here!
Birdgirls: Dun, dun, dun! But wait, you have us.
Horton: True. But I need her. Just please be quiet. *turns away from them*
Birdgirl #1: Why does he need Gertrude?
Birdgirl #2: Cuz he wants to be in a love pentagon.
Birdgirl #3: He's a whore.
Birdgirl #2: I say we all get other loves so Horton will know what it's like. DIBS ON JOJO!
Birdgirl #3: Why do you want JoJo? He's minuscule compared to you!
Birdgirl #2: Why? Do YOU want him?
Birdgirl #3: No. I was just saying…
Birdgirl #2: Then shut your trap.
Birdgirl #1: Hey, guys, Horton's listening.
Birdgirl #2, Birdgirl #3: Sorry, Horton.
Horton: It's okay. I know you girls will never leave me. I love you *kisses Birdgirl #1*, I love you *kissed Birdgirl #2* and I love you *kisses Birdgirl #3*. Now please be quiet.
Birdgirls: But what about Gertrude?
Horton: I love her as well, but I'm gonna kill her.
Birdgirls: Oo.
Scene II: The Lawyer's Office
**Lady Gugu is tied to a chair and The Ghost of the Lawyer is tormenting Lady Gugu**
Ghost of the Lawyer: *sings* You've got something to say, your hands are tied. Open your mouth, open it wide. Let the freedom begin *stops singing* My freedom that is! *continues to sing* Get to the floor, just let it drive. Don't it feel good? Don't it feel hot?
Lady Gugu: *cuts through song* Shut up. You're annoying.
Ghost of the Lawyer: *stops singing* Me? Annoying? Yeah, right, Lady Gugu! You think you're the modern-day Madonna, but you're not! Nobody, and I mean nah-dee-ay, can top that beastly woman. *sticks tongue out* So there!
Lady Gugu: True, I may not be able to beat Madonna, but I sure as hell can beat the fucking shit out of you at ANYTHING.
Ghost of the Lawyer: Wanna bet?
Lady Gugu: Yeah!
Ghost of the Lawyer: Okay, then you're on. But first… you need to untie yourself.
Lady Gugu: Piece of pie! I've done that at least a gazillion times before I met YOU! *unties herself* Tah-dah!
Ghost of the Lawyer: I can't say I'm impressed. But let's begin. *sings* I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes. I know a song that gets on…
Lady Gugu: Puh-lease! Is that the best you can do? *sings* This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on my friends. Everyone started singing it not knowing what it was, but I'll just keep on singing it cuz this is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Everyone started singing it…
Ghost of the Lawyer: *covers ears* ENOUGH OF THAT FUCKING LAMBCHOP! You're lucky I'm not gonna chop your head off! By the way, we are NOT friends! *sings* I hate you. You hate me. We are not a family. Goodness grace, I'm glad we're not. I would kill you on the spot.
Lady Gugu: Lame! I could make up a song 10 times better than that.
Ghost of the Lawyer: Oh really?
Lady Gugu: Yep.
Ghost of the Lawyer: I'd love to see you try.
Lady Gugu: *to the tune of Everything Else from Next to Normal* The Lawyer is crazy, flat fucking crazy. What sort of shit does she know?
Ghost of the Lawyer: *cuts through song* Pathetic!
Lady Gugu: Why are we fighting?
Ghost of the Lawyer: You know, I really don't know. I'm sorry.
Lady Gugu: Me too! Friends? *extends hand*
Ghost of the Lawyer: Friends. *shakes Lady Gugu's hand* So, what do we do now?
Lady Gugu: Put Natalie and Gabe back together?
Ghost of the Lawyer: What?
Lady Gugu: I'm kidding. Let's go get a hot dog.
Ghost of the Lawyer: Sounds good to me.
Scene III: Outside the Technicolor Dreamcoat Factory
**Benny and Roger are on their way to Double Agent Danamite's house**
Roger: Wow, that Maureen is so… so…
Benny: *dreamily* Hot.
Roger: Will you PLEASE get over it? Maureen does not like you like that. She has boyfriends GALORE to last her a lifetime.
Benny: She's just trying to hide her feelings. She loves me. I know she does.
Roger: No she doesn't. You will NEVER EVER EVER be with Maureen. So stop with the daydreaming.
Benny: Benny and Maureen… doesn't it sound FABULOUS?
Roger: You didn't even hear a damn word I said, did you?
Benny: Did you say something?
Roger: *sighs angrily* You are a man obsessed! Hey, guess when you'll be with Maureen?
Benny: Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! WHEN?
Roger: NEVER!
Benny: *sadly* What?
Roger: You will NEVER be with Maureen. Get it through your head!
Benny: You're jealous!
Roger: What? NO I'M NOT! Maureen would probably date GIRLS before she dates you, so just stop it! You're driving me absolutely Mozart.
Benny: Stop. You're gonna crush my dream… oh, too late! I HATE YOU, ROGER! *runs away crying*
Roger: BENNY! *runs after Benny*
Mayzie: *appears from behind building* Poem numero 2 and you thought I was through. So Benny loves Maureen but he has not quite seen that behind all the hate lies a very good fate. Roger is envious, if that's not obvious. Something for him his near and he'll love it so dear. The sadness Gabe's possessed will end soon enough lest Natalie will find out her true love without doubt. The question that remains is how much pains will Horton endure? Nobody knows for sure. This here ends the po-em, I must go on and get them.
Scene IV: Double Agent Danamite's House
**Gertrude and Natalie Z are putting up Christmas decorations**
Gertrude, Natalie Z: *singing* Deck the halls with boughs of holly falalalalalalalala. Tis the season to be jolly falalalalalalalala. Dawn we now our gay apparel falalalalalalalala. Troll the ancient yuletide carol falalalalalalalala. *end song*
Double Agent Danamite: *in distance* SILENCE! *enters room, gasps* What are you 2 doing?
Gertrude, Natalie Z: Decorating for Christmas!
Double Agent Danamite: Yeah right. In March? It's NOT Christmas! Not even close! Put this stuff back immediately then get back to your chores!
Gertrude, Natalie Z: *singing* But we need a little Christmas right this very minute. Candles in the window, carols at the spinet. Yes we need a little Christmas, right this very minute. It hasn't snowed a single flurry, but Danamite, we're in a hurry.
Double Agent Danamite: *stops song* Natalie, Gertrude, that is enough. Today is March 24th, so stop decorating for Christmas.
Gertrude, Natalie Z: But tomorrow is Christmas in March!
Double Agent Danamite: I don't care! Christmas in March? That is, by far, the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard!
Natalie Z: Not as dumb as you.
Gertrude: *gasps* Nat!
Natalie Z: Whatever. She deserves to know.
Double Agent Danamite: What did you just say to me? What do I deserve to know?
Natalie Z: You are officially the dumbest double agent alive, according to Dumbass Weekly.
Double Agent Danamite: *gasps* No way! Let me see! *takes Dumbass Weekly out of Natalie Z's hands* What? How could this have happened?
Gertrude: Well, you've held me, Natalie and Natalie hostage, even though Natalie Goodman escaped with that Henry boy, lucky duck. You fired your assisticant. You're mean to your friends. Look at yourself, Double Agent Danamite. We still love you, believe it or not. We want you to be our friend again.
Double Agent Danamite: You do? Even though I've been bitchy to you guys?
Gertrude: Absolutely. Once a friend always a friend.
Double Agent Danamite: Thanks, you guys. I'm really sorry. The 2 of you are truly kind and noble. I promise I'll start being nice to you guys again and I'll love everyone like there's no tomorrow.
Benny, Roger, Mayzie, Gabe, Henry, Assisticant, Superstar, Natalie G: Knock-knock.
Double Agent Danamite: Hi everyone! Welcome! Come on in!
Assisticant: Whoa. Why the sudden change of heart?
Double Agent Danamite: I'm sorry. I've just been so stressed lately. I hope all of you will pardon all of my mistakes and hostility and still want to be friends.
Superstar: Absolutely! Right, everyone?
Benny, Roger, Mayzie, Gabe, Henry, Assisticant, Natalie G: YEAH!
Double Agent Danamite: Aw, thanks. Let's party!
Natalie G: Wait! Sorry to interrupt, Double Agent Danamite, but I have something that I want to do first. *takes hand out of Henry's grasp, walks to Gabe* Hey, Gabriel. I'm sorry for leaving you.
Gabe: *looks away* Yeah, okay.
Natalie G: I want you to know that… I still love you and care for you and I… I still want to be married to you. I know by now you don't feel the same and believe we are just brother and sister, but I felt like I had to let you know. So, if you don't love me the same, that's perfectly okay. I mean, I won't hold it against you or anything, but you're still my brother, right? We're gonna have to love each other, but if you're not IN love with me, well…
Gabe: *puts finger to Natalie G's lips* Enough, darling. I love you more than words can say. *kisses Natalie G* Proof enough?
Natalie G: Totally. Oh, I love you my brother-slash-husband!
Gabe: I love you too, my sister-slash-wife.
Double Agent Danamite: I wish I had somebody to love me!
Henry: *shyly walks to Double Agent Danamite* I will!
Double Agent Danamite: Uh… I don't know. Hey, Nat, can I date Henry?
Natalie G: *focused on Gabe* Yeah, okay. I have Gabe. He's all I need.
Double Agent Danamite: Then, okay.
Henry: Awesome! I'm Henry.
Double Agent Danamite: I know. I'm Double Agent Danamite.
Henry: I know.
Natalie Z: What about me? Does anybody love me?
Roger: I love you! Girl with pigtails, I think you're SMOKIN'!
Natalie Z: Wow, thanks. I'm Natalie.
Roger: Pleased to meet you. I'm Roger.
Natalie Z: Charmed.
Gertrude: My turn! Who loves me? *silence* Really? No one?
Horton: *runs inside with Birdgirls close behind* GERTRUDE! Finally, I have you! Now say your prayers! You are so dead! I'm going to beat the shit out of you?
Gertrude: What?
Horton: You think you've escaped me, but you haven't. You couldn't stand that I loved 3 other girls too, am I correct? Now you come back with us to Nool!
Gertrude: No, I don't think I will, WHORE-ton."
Horton: Excuse me? Gertrude McFuzz, I will NOT take no for an answer. Get your one-feathered tail ass over here immediately.
Gertrude: No.
Horton: Yes.
Gertrude: No. Oh look, I said no. Live with it!
Horton: You're crazy if you're dumping me!
Gertrude: Well, crazy is perfect.
Horton: What?
Gertrude: I'm not gonna fall for you cuz you want me to.
Horton: You'll never find another love like mine.
Gertrude: Thank God. That is DEFINITELY a good thing. Bye, Horton.
Horton: Have a nice life. Come on, Birdgirls. We're going back without Gertrude.
Birdgirls: We're not coming! Gertrude is right. Bye Horton!
Horton: Great! Then SCREW YOU! *leaves angrily*
Double Agent Danamite: Okay. PAR-
Maureen: Wait! Benny…
Benny: What? If you're here to yell at me, I'm sorry.
Maureen: Yell at you? No. Benny, I just broke up with Mark and Joanne, so will go out with me?
Benny: How do I know this will be different?
Maureen: Cuz when I look into your eyes, I see love and a long lasting relationship.
Benny: Well, okay. I'll go out with you.
Double Agent Danamite: Let's party!
*everyone sings and dances to We're All in This Together from High School Musical*
Mayzie: Now the problems are over. Now only good can occur. Natalie and Gabe are back and no love shall these 2 lack. Double Agent Danamite found her love at first sight. Now she's with Henry for a long eternity.
Double Agent Danamite: Hey soul sister, you be nice!
Mayzie: I could tell you everything, but since you're human being, you've seen and known everything, you lucky human being. So I'm gonna leave you all, for the curtain will soon fall. Adios tus ustedes, for everything, come what mays.
Double Agent Danamite: Wait, let's party more!
*everyone dances to Thriller- Michael Jackson*
Superstar: Everyone knows a party is not a party without Thriller… and a Material Girl parody!
Gertrude: *to the tune of Material Girl- Madonna* I have wasted so much time here, I think that's okay cuz being here is 10 times better than being with Horton.
Natalie G: *sings* All along I thought that people did not care for me.
Gabe, Henry: *singing* Nuh-unh, no way!
Double Agent Danamite: *slaps Henry*
Natalie G: *sings* But now I see that love is truly all around me.
Everyone: *singing* Cuz we are living in a Bohemian World and we are Bohemian People. We know that we are living in a Bohemian World and we are Bohemian People.
Gabe: *to Mayzie* Your turn.
Mayzie: Please don't make me!
Gabe: Okay! *sings* Mayzie is an idiot and she will never sing.
Mayzie: Alright, you meanie! *sings* But Gabriel is gonna get it for making fun of me.
Double Agent Danamite: *sings* I don't think so. Stop it you 2. Please don't start a fight!
Mayzie: Sorry, gal pal, it's my nature. I have anger issues. Cuz I'm a big tree that is ugly and fat and you are a human being. But that's why we are living in a Bohemian World with lots of Bohemian People. *end of song* Goodbye forever! *leaves*
Gabe: *happily* Bye!
Natalie G: Gabriel…
The end (: