Set during Small Potatoes. What if Mulder made it to Scully's apartment a little later? All of them belong to Chris Carter, unfortunately. Wish it was mine.
"I can't believe I'm telling you this!" I giggle, staring into my wine. How could I forget that wine makes me act like this?
"I don't believe you haven't told me before." He said.
"No, I'm seeing a whole new side of you, Mulder." We have spent a lot of time together, but very little in a casual setting.
"Is that a good thing?" he asks, looking like a cute puppy.
"I like it." I say sensually. Oh no! I can't believe I just said that!
"Do you ever wish things were different?"
"What do you mean?"
"The person you wanted to be when you grew up, when you were in high school. How far off from that did you end up?"
"Career wise? Miles off target." Where is he going with this?
"No, no, not just that. Do you ever wish...that you could go back and do it all differently?"
"Do you?" I ask, not really wanting to answer him.
Mulder nods. I can see the sadness in his eyes. I've seen it before on his bad days. When it seems we're so close to the truth. Then, he scoots closer to me.
My mind races from wonder to surprise and then to desire. He's closer, and closer, and our lips are centimeters apart. He wants me to fill in the gap, I know. This is something that's been completely off limits for us. Partners don't do this. But I know how I've felt for the last 4 years. If I miss this chance then that's it. We're over. I can't let that happen! So, I ignore the rules and press my lips to his. They're warm, soft, and gentle. There's no turning back now.
I awkwardly find a spot on his back and press harder into him. He feels my need and shifts to be more comfortable. Its a gentle kiss. We want to take it slow and explore our preferences. We pull apart just long enough to adjust and deepen the kiss. I feel his hands on my back softly holding me to him. But I don't like it. It's not right. Sitting on the couch has never been my favorite form of making out. I feel like a teenager again.
I gently push him away from me. His face is so cute. The question in his eyes is clear. Why? They say. I take his hand and stand. I back up, turn around and walk us to my room. Maybe we won't take it too far tonight, but I'll at least be more comfortable in there. I pull him to my bed and lay down in the middle. Mulder eases himself next to me and I put my hand behind his neck and bring his lips back to mine. His right arm slips under my head while his left hand finds my hip. How does he know its one of my weaknesses? I part my lips allowing him to slide his tongue in. I'm in heaven already. I feel his grip on my hip tighten and I'm all but lost. It's not enough. I've waited too long to show how I feel about Mulder. My abduction, my cancer. None of it matters now. He senses it, too. His hand abandons my hip and slides up my side. I feel my blouse follow his hand as his warmth connects to my skin. More, I want more. I want Mulder!
I wiggle a little to tell him I want to release. He obeys, allowing me to remove my blouse. His eyes find my offering and I can't help but smile. Men can be like teenagers, too. He kisses me again but its short as he moves to my chin, my neck, and slowly down my chest. His free hand finds my bra covered breast and gently squeezes, asking permission. I don't deny him. He kisses the small bit of skin peeking out of my bra. I enjoy the sensation and slide my hand through his hair to encourage more. I hear a noise outside, but ignore it. Nothing will ruin this.
Suddenly my bedroom door flies open and standing there is...Mulder? I look to the Mulder who is mere inches from me and back to the Mulder in my doorway. Oh! My!
"Get off of her!" Doorway Mulder screams! He's got his gun drawn and pointed squarely at make-out Mulder.
I quickly get off the bed and stare in disbelief, horror, and embarrassment at the two Mulders in my room. My mouth hangs open as I watch Make-out Mulder transform in to none other than Eddie Van Blundht.
"Scully," Doorway Mulder gently says.
I peel my eyes from Eddie and look at Mulder. His eyes dart to my chest in a kind gesture to make me look down. Horrified, I run to my bathroom. I've been in worse situations with Mulder, but I was grateful for the opportunity to hide my humiliation of the entire ordeal.
I listened as Mulder read Eddie his rights and cuffed him. I was not coming out of that bathroom until Mulder left even if I had to wait there until the end of the world.
Moments later there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Uh, Scully?" He's quiet, gentle. "I'm gonna take care of this. Is there anything you need?"
I know Mulder so well, yet how could I have not seen what was happening. Damn wine! He's out there. He's hurting. I know it. I pretty much just cheated on him. How could I talk to him, much less look at him the same way ever again? "I'm sorry," I manage to say. Then, the tears come.
The next day.
Thankfully, it's Saturday. I don't have to leave my apartment. Monday will come too soon. If I can manage to dodge any phone calls until then, I'll be happy. I don't think I even want to talk to my mom. She'd never understand.
As I'm making lunch I hear my doorbell. "No!" I plead to the silence. I hold my breath for a moment and decide to at least look through the peep hole. I don't see Mulder standing there, or anyone like him. It's a woman holding a huge bouquet of flowers. Stunned, I wonder if this is another trick from Eddie. I won't know until I open the door.
I block out the fear and open the door. "Miss Scully?" the woman says.
"Yes?"
"Sign here, please." She hands me a clipboard and pen and I obey. "Someone must have done something awful." She smiles as she hands me the flowers.
I shut the door without another word. They're undeniably beautiful. A mix of colors and types of flowers. The fragrance immediately fills the room. Stuffed in the top of the flowers is a card. I fight back the curiosity for about a second and reach for it. It was handwritten by Mulder.
Scully,
There's no way I can change what happened last night.
But I hope we can move past it.
I don't want to lose you. I couldn't bear it.
~Not Eddie
Before I knew it I was standing at Mulder's door. My hand was ready to knock, but I couldn't find the strength to do it. He had done nothing wrong. Neither did I. The only thing we're both guilty of is failing to make a move. So, I forced myself to knock. I had to erase the embarrassment of getting to second base with Eddie Van Blundht. The door burst open and there he was. Mulder. I looked at him long enough to be sure then averted my eyes.
"Scully." He was relieved to see me there. I could hear it in his soft voice. I could feel the tension as well. "Come in." He stepped aside as I went through the door.
I simply stood there in the middle of the living room. I don't know who was supposed to speak first or what was supposed to be said. I think he felt the same way. "Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful," I said to the floor.
"I..." he began.
"I know." I said before he could continue. I looked up to his eyes to let him know. No words were necessary. I knew how he felt. All of it. I knew he loved me. I knew he felt betrayed. I knew he was as shocked as I was.
But, he said it anyways. "What did he have that I don't?"
It hurt. A ton of bricks slammed into my chest. I held back the tears. I know Mulder was just trying to figure it all out. Raw emotions can be as bad as a blade slicing through your heart. "Mulder, the only thing he had was the lack of fear. He wasn't afraid of getting in trouble. That doesn't mean you're weak." I walked closer to him and took his hand in mine. It took all my strength to look up and into his eyes. "I wish I could change what happened last night, too. Only, I wish it was really you." That got his attention. He stared at me with his mouth slightly open. I managed to smile. I meant it, though. "Do you really think I would have done that with anyone if I didn't think it was you? I took another step closer. I could feel his warmth. "Maybe we should be thanking Eddie for crossing the line for us."
He contemplated that for a moment. "I suppose." He finally said. "But I have to get the image of him pawing you out of my brain."
"What? I have to drink a bottle of bleach to forget the whole thing!" He smiled then. I missed that smile. I really did. Here, this is my Mulder.
"There's just one more thing, Scully."
"What?"
"It's not fair. He got to...you know."
"Are you jealous Agent Mulder?"
He looked away and let go of my hand. "It's just that I..." He couldn't find the words. He put his hands on my arms and slid them up to my shoulders and gently held my face. His eyes met mine again and he softly said, "Scully, can I kiss you?"
I smiled. It was all the answer he needed. Our lips came together in an instant. I knew it was my Mulder. Eddie did a pretty convincing job, but Mulder was perfect. Our mouths were in perfect sync. It was the most sensual kiss I had ever experienced! No one would be able to trick me again.
"I should go." Kiss.
"No, you don't have to." Kiss.
"You know I do, Mulder." Kiss. I was not about to let my desires take hold of me again.
He growled. "When can I see you again?" He hugged me tight.
"Tomorrow."
"That's too long."
"We'll both survive. I promise, we'll be fine." I started backing up to the door.
He moved with me, refusing to let me go. "Speak for yourself. You know I won't get any sleep tonight."
"Well, I'm sorry, but that's the way it's going to be. For now, at least."
"So, there's hope?" He smiled.
"Something like that." I made it to the door. He pressed me into it and kissed me again and I thought I felt a brief stroke of his thumb across my breast.
He cleared his throat as he stood at his full height. "I had to try," he blushed.
"I'll call you later." I smiled. I reached for the doorknob. "Mulder? You are much better than Eddie Van Blundht.