Notes: Late because I was sick all weekend and still am. Deal, or I will cough on you.

Naughty or Nice?

"You cannot be serious." Lucy spat out a mouthful of glitter. Gray paused with his can of silver spray paint.

"You know, Natsu, she might be right. Should be really be using Lucy for this?" he rubbed his chin considering, and Lucy spun about in her floor-length, airy white dress to glower at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she muttered grumpily. Natsu made some rather frantic slashing motions across his throat.

Gray did not take the hint. "Just, you know, you might not be pure enough."

Erza brained him. "It's called tact. You should invest in some. Honestly, Gray, being so close to Natsu has really been a bad influence on you."

"Oh, you're right," Natsu said hopefully, "I'm awful. Corrupting. I spread wickedness, perverse humor and Splenda wherever I go."

"I'll punish you later." Erza decided, and moved in to help Lucy with her hair.

"That is so unfair," Lucy sniffed, "Honestly. I'm pure! I am at least eighty percent pure."

"Hey, blue balls, do we have a Plan B?" Natsu wondered.

"You call me that again and I will—!"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here—!"

"Tact, Natsu, what did I say about tact—!"

"Three people in one go," Happy gave Natsu a high-five, "Nice work."

"Plan B," Gray looked around, "Is. Uh." He examined Erza briefly and then looked away. Erza frowned at him.

"What about Mirajane?" Lucy suggested sulkily, "She's the nice one around here."

The other four collectively had the same flashback, and winced. "Next!"

"Lucy, I just read your latest chapter! It's great!" Levi skipped inside brightly, smiling at the other three in greeting. She had a stack of papers in her hands, and either didn't notice everyone eyeballing her, or just didn't care.

"Thanks!" Lucy smiled back, deeply pleased, and then pulled Levi in conspiratorially, "Listen, how…pure would you say you are?"

Levi paused, her hands slipping on the papers she held, before smiling mischievously. Her eyebrows waggled.

Lucy's jaw dropped. "NO WAY."

"Oh, but I did," Levi smirked wickedly, and leaned in to whisper in Lucy's ear, "Don't look, but I think Natsu's staring at my butt."

Lucy slammed her head into the wall repeatedly. As soon as Levi had skipped off, she faced the others. "No way. Absolutely out of the question. Totally like a thirty percent."

"Damn." Every snapped their fingers sullenly, when Lluvia popped out of the ceiling. Much like a ninja.

She was dully considered, "Yeah, I could see it."

"Oh, please," Lluvia rolled her eyes and looked at Gray meaningfully. Everyone swiveled to face him, mouths hanging. He blanched.

"Uh, she's hallucinating."

"Despicable," Erza muttered, to Lucy's adamant approval. Natsu looked at Gray as though he were utter scum.

"Well, I guess we're stuck with Lucy—"

"I SWEAR I DIDN'T!" Gray howled, and was dully shunned.

"Eighty percent or not," Natsu grimaced, and helped her off of her podium they'd mounted her on. "Go forth and be good bait. Weep a little. Appear virginal."

"Good luck," Kana muttered into her ale, thoroughly sloshed.

"Oh, boy!" Happy cooed, and fluttered out after the foursome, "I just love unicorn hunting!"