One cold night in Arlen, Texas, Hank finds himself lost on the other side of Arlen. The same place Hank accidentally purchased crack cocaine from that drug dealer thinking it was fishing bait. As luck would have it, Hank's truck breaks down.

"God dang it!"

Hank has had a very frustrating year. His boss Buck Strickland is making him work overtime with little pay, his weird son Bobby is getting weirder, and his friends are still useless jackasses. Not to mention that the gas gauge on his new Ford F-250 is broken so he can never know if the tank is full or empty… until he runs out. Hank puts his truck in neutral, steps out onto the road, and tries to push his truck to the nearest gas station.

"You need some help, brother?" A Middle-Eastern man says approaching Hank.

"No, I'm good. I just need to push my truck to the nearest gas station. The gas gauge is broken so don't think I'd let my truck run out of gas on purpose." Hank says trying to maintain his dignity.

"There is no need. There is gasoline in the mosque. I will get."

After a few minutes and some loud arguing in Arabic, the man returns with a container of gasoline.

"Well, thank you good sir."

"Don't mention it. I'm glad I could assist you. As a token of appreciation, please read this book."

The Middle-Eastern man handed Hank a copy of the Qur'an.

"Uhh, thanks." Hank knows he'll be throwing this in the garbage as he believes Islam is anti-American, and anti-Texas.

Later that evening at the Hill dinner table:

"Hey Dad, when's the next football game on?" Bobby said excitedly.

"Well alright. Hehe you finally like football. I've been dreaming of this day for a long time. The Cowboys are playing the Redskins Sunday."

"I don't like football the way you do. I just want to pretend that I'm the football, getting tossed around and squeezed by large, muscular men."

All of Hank's enthusiasm drained that second and Hank went back to contemplating suicide. And if things couldn't get worse, Peggy had to open her mouth.

"You know Hank, I'm 98% sure that I invented the football. Mmm-hmm when I was about 7, I took some scraps of leather that my parents had used to make a saddle, I rolled it into a ball, and started playing with it. Next thing I know, my creation is in the superbowl. Although I don't like the name "football". I'm thinking we should call it the "Peggy-ball".

"My God, will you shut the hell up? You didn't invent the fucking football!" Hank slammed his fists on the table and shouted after losing it.

"You know, most men would appreciate the fact that they're wives invented the sport of football itself!" Peggy yelled back at Hank.

Bobby, not paying attention to his parents arguing starts singing:

"My little pony, my little pony, I used to wonder what friendship could be."

Hank, having reached his boiling point, shouts

"That's it!" Hank got up from his seat, grabbed a black trash bag, marched into Bobby's room, and gathered all of Bobby's My Little Pony toys, posters, and DVD's.

"Dad! Nooo!" Bobby rushed in trying to pull the bag away from his father.

"You are a boy, Bobby. Not a girl. From now on, you will like football, and you will like it for the sport, not for whatever gay reason you said before. And from this point on, All things My Little… Pony…." Hank shuddered when saying the word "… are banned from this house."

Bobby began to cry.

"Dad… please… Twilight Sparkle is scared!"

"Not as scared as he'll be when he gets crushed by the garbage truck, hehe."

Bobby then stripped down to his tighty-whities, dropped to the floor, and shook around screaming and crying like a 2 year old.

"Hank!" Peggy stood at the door. "You let go of Bobby's ponies!"

"I will not be responsible for raising a girly son!" Hank retorted.

"You are squashing his creativity. I bet if you were my father, the football would never have been invented!"

Hank just stared at Peggy. With that, Hank dropped the bag, walked out of Bobby's room, grabbed his truck keys, and marched out the front door.

As Hank pulled out of the driveway, he could see Peggy standing at the door stomping her foot. Without listening to what she was saying, Hank sped off. Hank drove up a hill that overlooked the city of Arlen, parked there, and sat. Hank thought over 2 options. He looked at the glove compartment door knowing his .45 caliber pistol was in there and considered ending it all right there, right now. He also looked onward toward the horizon and thought about a better life for himself existing out there. Then again, it probably doesn't. Hank made his decision. He reached for the glove compartment when he saw the Qur'an that Muslim guy gave him earlier that day. Out of shear curiosity, he opened the book to a random page.

"Hehe, this is kind of like the Bible."

2 hours later, Hank had read the entire book from cover to cover.

"Yep. I'm converting to Islam now."