What If?

Disclaimer: The show, the characters, and some of the text is not mine.

Rated: PG-15

Warnings: Same as the show I guess: language, gay sex, nudity (not that you can see it), drama, angst, violence.

Pairings: Brian/Justin (friendship then possibly more), Brian/Michael (friendship), Brian/Other, Michael/David, Michael/Ben, Justin/Other

Summary: Takes place right after the second episode, based on a few "what its."

Note 1: Brian is only 25 in the beginning of this fic. Justin is still 17. Note 2: Characters will be AU and the timeline is a bit different.

Note 3: Some quotes and scenes are directly from the show (I don't own them) but others are mine and some have been fixed up a bit. If you recognize it, I don't own it (probably.)

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Chapter One: Confrontations on Two Levels

Saturday January 10 1999

Justin slammed out of the loft, barely noticing that he hit the front door hard enough to bruise his hands: He didn't know why he was pissed off and upset with Brian. He was the one who went to a shady part of town (shady meaning queer) and hooked up with the first good-looking guy that approached.

You'd think that he would have known better – that maybe this guy wasn't in it for more than a good fuck. In fact, most of the men on Liberty Ave were probably looking for nothing more than a good fuck. But he had to go and get sentimental about the first guy that took him home…..

Maybe it had to do with the fact that being a closeted queer himself, he hadn't yet come out to his parents. Thus forcing him to ask to spend the night with Brian. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Brian had included him on a big family moment – the birth and naming of his biological son.

((Flashback))

"What's going on?" Justin almost toppled backwards when Brian threw him his shirt and pants.

"Everything. Come on. Get up. You gotta go." Justin tilted his head.

"Where?" Justin asked as Brian rushed around frantically.

"Home."

"I can't go home now. My-my parents think I'm staying at a friends." Justin slid his underwear on as Brian pulled a shirt from the closet.

"You live with your parents?

"Well, I'm still in school. I mean--college." He fumbled with his shirt – Brian was already pretty much dressed.

"What year are you in?"

"Junior. Sophomore. Between my junior and sophomore year." Brian stalked out of the bedroom.

"How old are you?" He was walking behind the dividers, buttoning his shirt.

"Twenty-one."

"What year were you born?"

"1979." Justin replied hesitantly as he pulled his shirt on.

"Bullshit. You had to think before you answered that. How old are you really?"

"Twenty." Brian shifted and gave him a look. "Nineteen." More movement and another look. "Eight ... teen."

"Well, what is this, a missile launch?" Justin blinked.

"Seventeen." Brian made a noise and rolled his eyes. He bounced back into the room. "But I'll be eighteen in March."

"What is with kids today?" He plopped onto the bed beside Justin to pull on some socks and a pair of shoes.

"We just wanna get laid like everybody else." Justin answered, unrolling his jeans.

"Have you ever been with anyone before?" Justin paused, one leg in.

"Sure. Well ... not exactly. This is sort of my first." He stuck the other leg in.

"I figured. Kind of young, aren't you? Well, I was fourteen my first time."

"That's really young."

"With my gym teacher." Justin almost laughed.

"I bet he was some old perv." He commented.

"That old perv was probably the same age that I am now." They shared a look. "It was after school in the locker rooms. He was taking a shower." Brian leaned back with a nostalgic grin. "I went back for something: a book, my jockstrap, I don't remember. Anyway, there he was, all naked, soaping himself. He saw me there, a big boner under my chinos. Shit, I walked right into the showers with all my clothes on.

"No!"

"Got down on my knees and sucked him off right there."

"He let you?"

"Let me? He loved it." Brian stood up.

"I bet you were scared."

"Well, I guess we're all a little scared our first time. But I don't remember any more." Justin followed him silently to the jeep. They didn't speak as Brian sped through the streets to pull up beside one of the guys Justin had seen him with earlier.

"You brought him?" Justin almost flinched at the tone.

"He's got nowhere to go. Get in!"

((End flashback))

Justin knew he could have gotten out right then and there, and wandered the streets until he was due in front of the school building. But he didn't.

((Flashback))

Justin followed Brian and Michael as they ran through the halls of the hospital. At first Justin thought there was something wrong – why else would they be in a hospital – but the looks on the older mens' faces weren't pained. Much.

Justin stopped just as Michael opened the door to a room (#3) and stood behind Brian as a crowd of women parted. Two women were spread out on the bed, a little bundle on the arms of the blond.

"Oh my god." Brian was frozen in place.

"Say hello to your son." Justin grinned in shock.

"Well, go on." Brian left his side, so he stood near Michael.

"When did it start?" Brian asked.

"Around seven." The brunette answered wryly.

"Six hours later, there he was."

"I wish I could have been here." Brian said, leaning over the couple. "How often do I get to see snatch?" The entire group groaned while Justin and Michael shuddered.

"Looks just like you."

"I guess he must be mine, then."

"Want to hold him?" Brian carefully lifted the squirming baby from her arms.

"Okay, careful. Don't drop him!" The brunette said harshly.

"And that's just want I was planning on doing." Brian rolled his eyes as he held his son.

"We've been thinking of names. Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather, but ... I like Gus." The blond said, one finger held up.

"What do you think?" Justin jumped as Brian glanced at him.

"Y-you wouldn't survive a day at school being named Abraham. But I guess Gus is okay."

"Thank you very much, and who the hell are you?" The brunette glared.

"His name's J... "

"Justin." Justin could have pouted – the guy who didn't seem to like him remembered his name, while the guy he was trying to fuck didn't.

"You were on the phone when he shot his load all over me."

"Oooh, Brian!" Everyone groaned and Justin flushed.

"He can't help it. He's only seventeen." There was a mutter about the group.

"So, you and Lindsay each had an infant tonight." Justin frowned under her gaze.

"But mine doesn't suck on my tits." He glanced at Justin. "Not unless I want him to. Gus. It's a good butch name. Come on, Gus. Give your daddy a smile."

((End Flashback))

Or maybe it just had to do with the fact that Justin was a hopeless loser who was doomed to fall in like with the first guy who took his virginity. Just like all the other hetero females he wanted nothing to do with…

He rested his head against a lamppost and sighed. Maybe it was all of the above. Brian had been a good fuck, too, which didn't help. And his pals seemed okay. These WERE the first people he's ever met in his venture into homosexuality… Justin pushed away from the post, cursing his weak nature, just as the doors behind him burst open.

"Hey, hey! I just left a complete stranger alone in my apartment to come talk to you. So don't run away from me." Justin headed for his car, not really wanting to get into it with the older man. But Brian blocked him off. "We need to get some things straight."

"Pardon the pun.." Justin mumbled.

((Flashback))

"I came all the way here just to see him. He doesn't want anything to do with me." Justin moped, spinning slightly in the bar stool. His trip to Woody's and his plan to get Brian back hadn't worked out quite so well. Sure the guy had talked to him, included him in the conversation, but then he disappeared.

"Yeah, well, the thing you gotta know about Brian is ... he's not your boyfriend. Brian doesn't do boyfriends." Michael was talking.

"Yeah, well, you weren't there when we were doing it. You don't know all the things we did ... when he kissed me ... you don't know anything."

"I know this: Brian is a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone but himself. If I were you, I'd just forget about him."

((End Flashback))

God he was so stupid back then…

"You don't do boyfriends." Justin repeated.

"Oh, I see Mikey's been talking to you." Justin shrugged. "Look, what we did last night… and when I first picked you up…. that was for fun."

"A fuck." Justin clarified. Brian nodded. "And here I thought…"

"What? That it was love? Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest. It's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in so that they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl ... and get married." Justin almost laughed.

"But I don't want that." Justin admitted. Brian followed him to the car. "I thought I wanted you – why else would I have practically stripped in the middle of a gay bar and danced?" Brian reared back suddenly in confusion. "I didn't come by tonight to pester you into taking me back or anything, I just wanted to talk." Justin admitted.

"Just… talk?" As if the concept was surreal. Justin shook his head – to Brian it probably was.

"You're the first guy I slept with. You took my virginity. You were my window into this world." He motioned towards Liberty Ave. "What did you think I was going to do when you found out I was only 17? Disappear?"

"Most do." Brian agreed. "Like you should be now. I appreciate the sentiments but don't you have homework to do?" And of course, being the drama queen that he was at times Justin felt his eyes tear up.

"As a matter of fact I don't! I was hoping for some advice from the guy who brought me into this lifestyle, but I guess you aren't any good for anything but sex!" Brian looked stunned. Then he ran a hand through his hair.

"Look, kid."

"I'm not a kid." Justin corrected. "I'll be eighteen in a few months." Brian rolled his eyes, and then pulled out a small white card. He held it out to Justin after a moments pause. "What's this?" Justin asked, taking the card. He flipped it over to see two numbers scrawled on it – one labeled "cell" and the other "work."

""You've got balls." Brian said in an oddly soft tone. "I may not be in the best of moods right now but if you need to call me…" He shrugged. "I may not believe in love but I'm not a heartless fuck to almost-18-year-olds. Especially not ones who went to so much trouble." He smirked and Justin grinned, tucking the card into his pocket. "Now go home."

And so he got into his car, revved the engine, and peeled out. Brian was staring after him with an odd look on his face, but Justin shrugged. He managed to keep under the speed limit as he made his way home and into the driveway. The lights were still on, but his dad's car wasn't in the driveway – so why was his mother still up?

He parked the car and hopped out. A glance up showed Molly's light to be out, which could only mean one thing – his mom was waiting for him. He gulped and entered the house, locking the door behind him. Jennifer was sitting on the couch, legs tucked under her and a mug of cocoa in one hand. She glanced up before he could inch up the stairs.

"Sit." She said softly. "I want to talk with you." Justin removed his jacket and hung it on one of the coat hooks by the stairs, then settled on one of the lazy boy chairs across from his mom.

"What's up?" He asked, tugging a sleeve down to cover the faded, but still noticeable, stamp on his right hand. His mom must have noticed because she sighed.

"You can tell me anything." She started. "But I can see why you wanted this to stay hidden." Justin frowned. "I don't blame you – you're father will have a fit. But as your mother I just have to know for sure…." Suddenly, with a slightly pinched look on her face she pulled something out of a robe pocket.

The whole scene would have been hilarious – her scrunched up face, the way only two fingers touched the thin knot of material – if it weren't for what she was holding. "Christ." Justin felt his face heat up in embarrassment as she tossed the jockeys to the floor. "You weren't supposed to find those."

"I figured." Justin chanced a look and saw that while her face was drawn and pinched, she wasn't really angry. More upset. And a bit disgusted at her findings. Justin bit his lip. "When did you find out for sure? And when…?"

"A few days ago, for both." Justin admitted, bending over to scoop the undies up and tuck them away. "I wasn't sure how you would…"

"I'm your mother – I care about you and nothing will change that." She was suddenly standing over him. "I just need to be sure that you're being safe." She leaned down to hug him and Justin smiled.

"Yeah." He agreed. As safe as one could be picking up a guy on Liberty Ave, that is! Jennifer smiled.

"So are you going to tell me who those belong to?" She asked, pulling away. Justin shook his head – he was really pushing her reaction with the gay thing… he didn't want to know WHAT she would say if she found out the guy he had sex with was seven years his senior. "Fine then. Now go up to bed while I think of what to tell your father."

Justin, knowing he wouldn't be able to convince her NOT to, retreated upstairs where he tucked Brian's undies away and undressed himself for bed.

TBC