An End to Faded Colour
A TID Song-Fic by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99
Pairing: Implied Jessa and Tilliam
Song: Breathe Me by Sia
*Disclaimer: The Infernal Devices and all its characters belong to Cassandra Clare, respectively*
Jem's hand went limp, falling from Tessa's grasp. She saw it as if in slow motion and she heard the sound of his hand connecting with the bed, like glass smashing. She barely registered Will entering the bedroom behind her, as she stared at the silver haired boys face; even in death, Jem looked as beautiful as an angel. His colourless eyes were closed and he seemed the epitome of peace, lying there. All of this made Tessa feel worse. Jem had needed her- he had been…slipping away, and she hadn't been there to ease his suffering. She had been with Will. And she hated herself for it.
Help, I have done it again.
I have been here many times before.
Hurt, myself again today.
And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame.
Will was speaking- no, shouting. He spun her towards him, shaking her shoulders and demanding something, she didn't know what. All she heard was white noise. His dark blue eyes bore all the ire he possessed, but they were also bright with tearful panic. Tessa didn't know how she herself looked, but after a moment of looking at her, Will released her and moved to sit on the bed, beside his parabatai. Tessa watched as he frantically, checked Jem's pulse, before resigning to saying his name over and over. Jem. No, James. That was all she could hear through the static in her ears. James Carstairs.
Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me,
I am small,
I'm needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me.
Tessa's gaze fixed on her fiancé again; the ensemble he was, of faded colour. She had promised herself to him, had done things with him, so intimate that there was no doubt in his mind, that she loved him with her whole heart. It was a lie- despised by her, yet treasured by him. And meaningless to Will; until now. Tessa felt her knees go then, and she crumpled to the floor, as the first tear made its path down her face.
Ouch, I have lost myself again.
Lost, myself and I am nowhere to be found.
Yeah, I think that I might break.
Lost, myself again and I feel unsafe.
Tessa's heart felt like it was shattering, exactly like her mind was. It kept conjuring up images and memories of Jem, that would then burn away, until all was left was Will kissing her like his life depended on it. Her body was shivering violently, as she held her head in her hands. She tried to make herself disappear; if Jem had ceased to exist, she had no right or wish, to continue.
Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me,
I am small,
I'm needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me.
In the brunette girl's minds eye, she saw Jem walking towards her- at least she thought it was Jem; his hair was jet black and his eyes were intensely, dark. There was even a healthy glow to his skin. However, the same tender, smile he always looked at her with, lit his face.
If only he knew what I really was…
"Tessa," he enveloped her in his arms, tucking her head under his chin; he smelt so much like her Jem, that she clung to him, letting out an inhuman-sounding noise, which was like sorrow, personified. "It is alright. I am no longer in pain,"
"Don't leave me," she sucked in a gasp of breath, pressing her face against his neck and sighed at the beat of his pulse. The pulse she knew was no longer there.
"Silly," he murmured, touching his lips to her forehead. "You and Will- look after each other, for me?"
And then Tessa was alone again, except for the blue eyed boy she resented and the motionless body that had belonged to her fiancé.
Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me,
I am small,
I'm needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me.
Gradually, Tessa pulled herself to her feet. She staggered to Jem's other side and kissed him once, almost frenziedly on the lips. A tear rolled off her face and splashed onto the boy from Shanghais nose; achingly to both people present, it drew no reaction from him.
"Goodbye…Jem…" she whispered, holding his face in her hands, carefully, as if he were made of porcelain- the most exquisite kind. And then she was heading for the door. Will started after her- calling her name- but she shut the door on him. The last glimpse of him caused a sharp puncher to her heart; but nothing more. Nothing compared to the feeling of knowing she would never make Jem laugh again. As well as the thought of having to live with the guilt of having betrayed him, mere minutes before he died.
That same night, the warlock with the large grey eyes, left the London Institute for good. She didn't look back.
This was my first song-fic! I hope you liked it :)