DOUBLE BALANCE

A KOTOR II Tale by MsFicwriter, ©2019

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is heavily based upon the YouTube video "The Philosophy of Kreia: A Critical Examination of Star Wars," posted by user 'esfelectra.' All other rights reserved.)

~ "I wondered if, perhaps, the teachings of the Jedi had been our failing all along. ~ Master Zez-Kai Ell

MALACHOR V – TRAYUS ACADEMY: TRAYUS CORE

What does it mean to rise, or to fall?

Can one do both at the same time?

I've tried. The crone standing before me has also tried – and succeeded.

"I've been waiting for you, apprentice. Is Malachor V as you remember?"

Darkness and solitude, but no silence. "Yes. All those who perished here are still screaming."

"As they should. War has always taught the wrong lesson, and such shrieks are proof." Darth Traya, whom I had called Kreia, approaches me. "Even now the dead of the Mandalorian Wars yearn for release. As for you? You've reached the end of your journey and training. Ask your questions, and I will answer."

So many thoughts fill my mind, churning like undigested meat. A single query surfaces:

"Why have you done this?" One heartbeat. Two. Three.

"It is said that the Force has a will. It has a destiny for us all. I wield it, but it uses each of us, and that is abhorrent to me, because I hate the Force. I hate that it seems to have volition, if not sentience. It would control us to achieve some measure of balance via the lives and deaths of countless millions. The Force manipulates us, as I have manipulated you, to achieve its grand design – its plan of salvation."

My throat has gone dry, leaving my voice raspy. "I'm not sure I follow."

Traya sneers. "Whom does it want to save? Not you, me or anyone else, but itself. Have you ever wondered why the Jedi call their source of power the Living Force? It is because the Force not only courses through all of life, but is alive. Therefore, it must sustain itself, and it cannot if it's imbalanced. Light side? Dark side? These are names for the energies of life and death. An extreme at either end causes havoc. If we all followed the path of kindness, how would we know it was so without the existence of cruelty? If no creature ever died, life would become a living nightmare, an eternal struggle for ever-dwindling resources. The reverse is also true. We recognize a phenomenon through its opposite. Are you beginning to see?"

I nod, and this acknowledgment wrenches my guts. If I concede one point, will I concede all?

"The Force feeds us while we live and feeds from us when we die. We become one with it, merge and sublimate. No longer are we individual people, whether in body or in spirit. There is only that which was in the beginning and will be at the end of all things. We are founts of power in and of ourselves, but our wellsprings are destined to disintegrate and return to the ocean. No Jedi, no Sith, will ever tell you this.

The Dark Lady smirks. "Do you believe yourself unique? You are, for no other has made the choice you did. You cut yourself off from the Force, severing bonds with the very ground of your being. You have deprived the Force of a source of nourishment. Although you've reconnected to it, the echo of your decision reverberates without end. You've shown the universe what it means not to be the slave of existence itself."

I sweat and tremble. At long last I understand what she means, and her truths are hideous.

"I've answered your question. Now you answer mine. First: Why do the Jedi deny their humanity?"

I recite the credo I've always followed: "There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance."

"Enough!" Traya clenches her hands, seizing me by the throat with the Force, and pulls me closer. "That's not an answer. It's an evasion. What is the last line of the life-giving Code you obey blindly?"

She releases the pressure just enough for me to croak, "There is no death; there is the Force."

"Yes. The Force and nothing else, once every creature in the galaxy has died. What of the Sith? What does their Code specify shall set them free? Their own strength and ability? No: the Force. Both sets of beliefs lead to death, whether that of the body before its time or that of the spirit via being subsumed. Have you ever met anyone who has achieved a state of utter selflessness? They are clay jars, vessels! No longer are they human, alien, or any other creature with a will. They are self-less containers of mortal flesh.

"As for my two deceased apprentices, what they wanted took the place of whom they were. Hunger robbed Darth Nihilus of his physical and spiritual substance, turning him into a void which could not be filled. Pain robbed Darth Sion of his sanity, turning him into a madman who sought to spread agony everywhere.

"Revan had a name and a nature, as you once did. Having ultimate power, then forsaking it, turned him from a man into a myth. Myths become legends, and legends become gods. He is close to godhood."

"You said 'as I once did.' I still have a name and a nature, a personality. I am Vesi Svari."

"Not to those you have encountered, exile. Still, I will grant you this for one reason: the meaning of your moniker. Both your first and last names mean 'balance' or 'weighing scale,' which is quite apropos."

Stunned, I feel my mouth fall open, then close itself tight. I swallow and say, "What next, Traya?"

"That depends. Are you a Jedi or a Sith? Will you slay me for the sake of justice or vengeance?"

"Why should I slay you at all?"

"Ah. . ." Her sigh echoes and fades in the depths of this dark planet. "Now you understand."

"Whichever motive I choose, I'll still kill you and be guilty of doing so. Why is there no other way?"

"Because there's no other way in the Force. Good and evil. Light and dark. Master and slave. Our galaxy is a two-sided thing, as there are two pans on ancient scales. You must become one or the other."

"If I don't, then you'll strike me down and keep finding ways to destroy the fabric of life itself."

"Thus deafening others to it. If no one can sense the Force, how can they follow its plans for them?"

"One thing's for certain: I yearn to stop you and let you continue at the same time. I'm divided."

"It's a wonder, and a mark of your perceptiveness, that you realize it. Since you do, end this."

She ignites her lightsaber. I hurl both of mine into the blackness surrounding the Trayus Core.

I kneel. Traya freezes.

Two of my own words thunder in my ears, and I can hardly believe what they are: "I surrender."

Traya charges forward, prepared to cleave my head in two with her scarlet blade. She cannot. Hurling her head back and her palms forward, lightning streams from her hands, but it does not touch me. When she attempts to draw my essence from me, I feel no draining of my spirit, no weakening of my will.

Throughout I remain on all fours, bent and pliant as a reed, yet immovable as a mountain.

"What is this?" rages the Sith Lord. "What are you doing to me?"

Nothing and everything. We are reflections in a mirror. We won't cancel one another out, even if the Force itself wants us to. We have chosen our particular paths, you and I, and we know we're both right.

With a howl of torment, Traya collapses to the glowing crimson floor of the Core's central chamber.

"Here. . .Vesi. . ." It's the second time she's said my name, and it could be the last. I scurry to lean in closer. "Rescue your friends. . .or don't. Reform the Jedi. . .Order or do not, but beware. . .if you do."

"Why? Because the Jedi are as extreme and life-denying as the Sith, in their own way?"

"Yesss. . ." A hiss and a squint of Traya's pitch-black eyes. "Teach them, as I have taught you. Your single. . .hope. How long before the fool decides he's better off. . .alone again? How long before the alien forsakes the world of men and becomes. . .a machine? How long before. . .the blind one beholds your true nature through the Force? How long before the tiny Jedi. . .becomes a massive zealot? They will all hold the seeds. . .of betrayal. . .in their hearts, for in not killing me, you have betrayed them all. Vesi Svari. . ."

"Yes, Kreia?"

"You are. . .the Double Balance, and you alone. . .can let the Force keep feeding, or starve at last."

A soft rattle I know all too well. Unseeing eyes, unfeeling flesh. The Lord of Betrayal is gone.

I am dead yet alive, extant in the body yet nonexistent to the Force. As I will, and always aim to be.