Happy Hallows Eve!
A little Halloween fic for you all, a 600 word drabble of Spencer Reid after Revelations.
Enjoy!
~RavenclawStudent.
He couldn't believe it.
Home.
He had never expected seeing this place again. Seeing his beloved possessions that weren't so beloved any more Lying in a bed and not a coffin. Eating proper food and not starving all day.
Light.
It was a frightening thing. Thinking that yesterday would've been the last time you saw light. The last time you'd see the sun shining proudly high in the sky, superior to all it's minorities. It's amazing how one would've thought the last time he'd see the bright moon would be through a dingy window in a rusty shed, the pressure of deciding which of your team mates you would doom with death weighing heavily on him. How things change in a matter of days.
He touched the rough leather of his couch, softly reminiscing in the memories he had created with his family and friends on this. He leant down to smell it. It still smelt of the curry JJ had thrown on it two months ago.
He moved further into his home slowly, taking in his whereabouts, still believing its all fake. A clever trick his mind was playing to rid him of the anguish of inevitable death. But it wasn't. It was all real. He was safe and Raphael – Tobias, he was truly gone.
A shudder past him as his mind desperately pulled him into those horrible memories. He couldn't deal with it.
No...
He knew what he needed. He needed an escape and Tobias had provided one for him. A low groan escaped him and he suddenly became frantic, desperately searching for his suitcase. Where was it? it was in there? Hiding in a little pocket, waiting for him to indulge in what Tobias had introduced him to.
Weakling...
Was what he was. Weak and vulnerable and stupid and harmful.
Needle... Needle...
Where was that damn thing? He needed it! He needed it now! Petulantly he stomped his foot, tearing at his clothes looking for it.
Taunt...
It looked so innocent. Two small vials of pure evil. His desire. His ache grew as his memories did as he softly grasped it, almost lovingly.
This was the parting gift Tobias had given him.
And after the first injection, Spencer couldn't think of any better gift.
Empty.
That was the feeling it now bore. There was no physical pain to escape from, no danger that he was in threat of. He no longer had that sophisticated gun pointed at his head, playing Russian roulette; he no longer had to clear his mind so he can concentrate on the deadly weapon. No it was just... heavenly peace. The only thing he had sought out for.
But after a while it left his overworked body and he began once more to search maniacally for a new needle. All desires and weaknesses aside, Spencer was a man of cleanliness and an old needle wouldn't do.
Inject...
Keeping on doing it until you lose consciousness. Keep dulling the pain and the torture and the anguish. Keep forgetting what happened. Keep on doing it until you begin to lose yourself. He had to remove it from his mind, that needed to be filled with far more important things, like profiling.
Ah. There it was again. He let out a blissful sigh as his head lolled onto his sofa. This was paradise. It felt so woefully wonderful that Spencer forgot it was a harmful addictive and sunk into the pleasurable dullness it caused.
So that is how it feels like.
Damn if he could say that it was anything but simply phenomenal.