FADE IN. We open up outside a restaurant in the style of the "Nighthawks" painting. A rainy afternoon even. We go inside and find two humans. One is a woman working behind the counter, while the other, a man in a fedora, is one of few customers.
MAN: (Reaches in his pocket) Oh, darn...
RESTAURANT LADY (RL): Is there a problem, sir?
MAN: I lost my cell phone, I need to call my wife.
RL: Here, you can borrow mine. (pulls out her phone)
MAN: Thanks.
VOICE: (o.s.) I can top that, 'cuz I lost something more important than mobile (pronounces it as "moe-beel") devices...
We pan to reveal TIGER, dressed in overcoat and fedora.
TIGER: ...more important than the importance of standing guard...I lost my...identity...
(beat)
MAN: But...we don't know who you are...
TIGER: My point exactly. And it all started on a Wednesday morning...(makes woo-woo sounds as we ripple dissolve to...TIGER in a nightcap and gown snoozing in an alley) I had this crazy dream about the cream and the corn...
We hear the sound of the alarm clock ringing...
TIGER: (wakes with a start) Gah! (sfx: football airhorn) What cream corn?! Did they pop?! (looks at the time and stops alarm clock) GASP! The station! I'm late for work! (wheezing hysterically) Oh, gee, goshy cakes! I'm in a real pickle-flavored stew!
TIGER frantically and quickly changes outta his PJs and slips on his usual everyday purple shirt and his uniform: a simple late 19th-century styled police hat, which we saw him wear at the end of "The Treasure of Manhattan Island". While running to his workplace, brushes his teeth, eats a piece of buttered toast, and takes a quick look at the latest issue of the Daily Nibbler. We see him running past a few bystanders, both mice and humans.
TIGER: Sorry! Pardon me! 'Scuse me! Police chief comin' through!
TIGER slides into the doorway of the mice police station underneath the human police station. (sfx: tire skid)
Jackie Colby, the mouse police station manager, walks over to Tiger.
JACKIE COLBY (JC): Tiger! About time you got here!
TIGER: (pants) Oh...sorry, Mr. Colby...I just got a little messed up this morning, ya know. Been up all night (pulls out a TV Guide with a picture of space aliens) watchin' a four-day sci-fi movie marathon. (sfx: outer space)
JC: Yeah, I've been through that myself, except I've seen a lotta cop-dramas on my off-days and days-off, 'specially a cop drama about fish. (nice reference to "Fish Police", a fishified cop-drama by Hanna-Barbera) Anyhoo, I have a special announcement for everybody!
POLICE MOUSE #1: (he's one of the same police mice team who worked with Chief McBrusque) Ooh, ooh! Do we get pie charts on the population of Antarctica?
TIGER: Do we get a pizza pie? And maybe some doughnuts?
JC: No and maybe. It's uniform inspection day, which will start at 4:30 this afternoon. Anybody who doesn't pass irons my shirts for the next two weeks!
(all cops gasp) (sfx: lady shrieks)
JC: Have a nice day, pastry chefs. (walks away) (sfx: door slam)
TIGER: (worried) Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy...I hope it's nothing serious.
POLICE MOUSE #2 (PM2): Oh, he's always serious. You know what happened when he caught me asleep on the job?
TIGER: Uh-uh.
PM2: He'd have to make me wear ladies' clothing!
TIGER: (shocked) Zuh? (head pops off and back on)
PM2: (background changes to red/white swirly) The humiliation, the pain it causes my feet in high heels (sfx: wolf whistle), then they'll call me a "weenie-girl"!
POLICE MOUSE #3: Dude, that's nothing! Last year, he threatened me to have me bound and gagged to a box of sardines for three hours if I let a few thieves run loose. What's up with that, the stench? I'm gonna puke.
TIGER: Well, I like sardines, 'specially canned sardines.
JC: (over P.A.) Whaddya figure skaters standin' around for? (P.A. turns into mouth) GET! TO! WORK!
Next scene, we see Tiger patrolling the streets of Manhattan, swinging his nightstick and whistling "A Duo" from the original American Tail movie. Then we hear a shrill voice.
SHRILL VOICE: (o.s.) HELP! (the word "HELP!" in big bright red letters zips in) I said...HEEEEELLLLLLLP! (then it turns blue and expands almost to the entire frame, then pops like a balloon)
TIGER: Harkin' hairballs! A cry for help! (mid-air runs to the sound of bongos) Never fear, chief-of-police is here! (zips out without his hat) Dun-duh-duh-dah! (his paw stretches back into frame and grabs hat)
TIGER stops to find a female mouse with a map. (the second singer of "We Live in Manhattan", with all brown fur, a braided double ponytail, wearing a white hat, red shirt, white apron, and maroon skirt)
TIGER: Morning, good citizen! What's the trouble here, a robbery? Destruction of your place? Lack of cheese?
FEMALE MOUSE: I'm lost, and I'm can't find Pat's Music Store for the life of me! I'm late for the big sale, and this map seems to be outdated. (reference to Pat Musick, voice of Tony Toponi)
TIGER: (takes map from female mouse, looks at it) Hmm...you're right, can't say I blame ya. This drawing of the store looks ugly! I mean, some grubby-McGrubgrub should go to art school and learn how not to use marinara sauce as a paint. (licks it off) There we go, good as new! (chuckles and gives the map back) I think...
FEMALE MOUSE: (looks at map) Oh...so, that's what got me walking in circles. My kids should clean their own plates instead of having me to use the dishwasher. Thank you, Mr...uh...(looks at Tiger's shirt suspiciously)...erm...
TIGER: (confused) Whatsamatter? Is there, uh, somethin' in my face?
Zoom into left side of Tiger's face, a few fleas are playing poker.
FEMALE MOUSE: Actually, I can't thank you properly without you wearing a solitary nametag.
TIGER: Oh! (laughs) No, ma'am, no. You got it all wrong here. See, uh, it actually does so happen I'm already wearing it, see? Heh.
Closeup to Tiger's shirt (sfx: crickets chirping)
TIGER: (double take) (sfx: glass shattering) (panicked wheezing, then kneels dramatically, head facing the sky) NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That's what he yells out economically loud enough that we cut to the following characters who hear it:
The Mousekewitz family about to have their breakfast. (Yes, Tanya is in the same outfit from the 1st, 3rd, and 4th movies)
Tony Toponi about to hand the Daily Nibbler to the same mouse with the glasses, gray fur, brown overalls, and light blue shirt, who was like, "How 'bout cutting us in?"
Nellie Brie and Reed Daley in the Daily Nibbler office
Cholena, Chief Wulisso (her father), and Tankho (the handmaiden) in their world
Henri and his pigeon friends flying
Dr. Dithering in his laboratory
Several mice at the cheese factory (stock clip from "The Treasure of Manhattan Island")
Scuttlebutt chatting with Grasping, Toplofty, and O'Bloat at the Club des Grands Fromages
Several humans at the park
Then zoom-out from Earth and the solar system
TIGER: (sprinting, waving his arms like a maniac) No-no-no-no-no-no-no! I lost my nametag! My identity! My ID! My license and registration! I gotta find it!
TIGER starts looking for his nametag in various places:
Trash cans ("Not in here!")
Pokes his head into a tree ("Any ID in here?!") Gets hit by chittering squirrel with acorns and a frying pan
Dunks his head in the river ("Nope! Not heeeeeeeerrrreee...")
Then gets sucked into a drain, then pops out from inside a pudgy man's bathtub.
TIGER: (yells at the sight of the bathing man)
MAN: (yells at the sight of Tiger)
(both yell at the sight of each other)
MAN: (bonks TIGER's head several times with a scrub brush at a crazy-fast pace)
cut to TIGER on top of a railroad coach. He's keepin' a sharp eye on the view, finding his nametag. Then, WHAM! we cut to a black background with yellow stars flying into the camera, then back to TIGER. He's hit the tunnel and falls off flat as a pancake after the train leaves.
Cut back to the city where TIGER slouching and panting...
TIGER: (pants) I.D.? YOO-HOO! Olly-olly-income-free! (falls flat on stomach and face, muffled sighs) I can't get inspected without it...
TONY: (o.s.) Yo, Tiger! (walks over to him) Whoa! Why the long fat face?
TIGER: (muffled) I lost my identity...
TONY: Uh, sorry, can't make heads, tails, or fur a' that.
TIGER: (picks his face up, flattened) I said, "I lost my identity." (face pops back to regular size)
TONY: (chuckles) C'mon, get real! I know who you are, and everybody knows who you are, (turns to camera) even our loyal fanbase knows who you are!
TIGER: Yeah, well, not everybody I don't know! Ooh, this is a serious, cataclysmic, catastrophic catastrophe! Seriously!
TONY: (aside glance) Boy, I'll say. (to Tiger) What could be so bad anyways? Been eatin' paste again?
TIGER: (holding a can of red paste and licking lips) Mmm, yes, except it's tomato paste. And it's not really that bad, though. (throws it offscreen and we hear cat screeching sfx as crash) But this is MORE serious than you can imagine! I lost my identity, as in my "nametag"!
TONY: Ahhh...how come? I mean, no one's gonna replace it if lost or stolen, 'cuz...
TIGER: (in Tony's face) WHAT?! (sfx: elephant trumpet) (wheezes) Well, what if it did get stolen, huh? I'm innocent, I tell ya! (echoes: "Innocent, innocent...")
cut to fantasy, we see a human hippie walk by, and finds TIGER's nametag on the sidewalk
HIPPIE: (looks down) Huh? Hey, a nametag! (picks it up) Whoa! Like, my folks called me "Tiger" when I was still in diapers! (puts it on) Groovy! Bring it on, freedom fighters! (bounces off merrily)
cut back to TIGER and TONY
TIGER: (ADR SFX: woman screaming) (wheezes and faints)
TONY: Tiger? (runs up to his face and opens one eye, it reads in red letters "TILT", the sound of a pinball game is heard) Cheese louise, those relapses are lookin' better everyday. (whistles)
A buff-looking human paramedic skids into frame with an AED. He rubs it together.
PARAMEDIC: CLEAR! (shocks Tiger back to full health)
TIGER: (sits up, feeling dizzy) Huh? Kumquat! (looks up at paramedic) Oh, heh-hee, thanks, I needed that.
TONY: 'Kay, look, ya know what I'd do when I have a hard time rememberin' where I lose stuff? I just retrace my steps!
TIGER: (snaps his fingers) Ooh...I know what you mean!
Cut to another street, TIGER's pawprints lie all over the ground from black paint. The ground is almost like following dance steps.
TIGER: (chuckles) Well, whaddya think? Huh?
TONY: (in typical Yakko Warner fashion) Ehh...Tiger, I don't...
TIGER: (starts dancing on the steps he painted in which we hear that same techno music piece from the scene where the Time Squad breakdances for Caesar (composed by Michael Tavera), then loses balance and trips over the mouse (the white mouse with the cap, who threw Fievel off his back, "Buzz off, kid!") who is about to unload a bag of sweet potatoes in a crate, shipping to market) (nervous chuckle)
CAP MOUSE: (coughs after he pushes himself from under Tiger) Hey, buddy, look where you're leapin' next time!
TIGER: (gets up) Sorry.
TONY: (o.s.) Ay-hem! (walks over) Not exactly what I meant by "retracin' your steps".
TIGER: Hey, it was starting to be pretty good.
FIEVEL: (o.s.) Hi guys! (walks over) Uh, what's up with the pawprints all over the floor?
TONY: Oh, y'know, Mr. Unidentified Deputy here pulled some kinda new belly dance.
FIEVEL: Huh? Whaddya mean?
TIGER: Oh, uh, just some nametag I misplaced, and I can't handle the inspection without it!
FIEVEL: Oh...
TONY: Ya-huh! (to Tiger) So, (pulls out pad and pencil) when didja last have it witdja? (starts writing as TIGER answers)
TIGER: Yesterday before I took a nice, refreshing hot bath...
FIEVEL: Maybe you left it at the laundromat afterwards?
TONY: What? Why the laundromat? I mean, I get a little nauseous from watchin' the spin cycle, 'specially on TV.
TIGER: Yeah, same here, (eyes turn spiral to sound of record spinning) even I, uh, feel all squeezy from hearing "spin cycle". Meh...
FIEVEL: Not me, but I think it's best for Tanya to do the work by paw. Still, where else could you find what you lost?
(Jeopardy-style music plays)
FIEVEL, TIGER, TONY: Hmm...
They are frozen, thinking for several seconds, then...three lightbulbs flash overhead
FIEVEL, TIGER, TONY: The Lost 'n Found! (anime-like rotating background)
Next scene, takes us to a store called "Lost 'n Found", we zoom in and cut to Tiger, Tony, and Fievel on a counter, talking with a smartly-dressed, human employee.
TIGER: ...and that's why I'm looking for my identity, and I've got an important meeting this afternoon!
MAN: Hmm...I'm sorry, sir, but the only nametags we've got waiting in this store (brings out a box and searches through it and places nametags on table) are for Lacey, Kirschner, and Tingblad to pick up. (more reference to Lacey Chabert, the voice of Tanya, David Kirschner, the original movie's creator, and animation director, Kirk Tingblad)
TONY: (weakly) Yahoo...
TIGER: Gee, those names look, eh, mighty confusing...
FIEVEL: Yeah, I'd totally hate to be the guy who wears a tag with a girly nickname.
TONY: We'll take Tingblad!
FIEVEL/TIGER: What? (sfx: monkey screech)
FIEVEL: Are you crazy, Tony? What if they don't know Tiger's name, and they start calling him "Tingblad?"
TONY: (takes the Tingblad nametag) Unless we find this Tingblad person. (puts it on Tiger's shirt)
TIGER: You, uh, sure they won't even find the diff?
The three walk out of the store
TONY: Absitively posalutely. (nudges Fievel) Ain't that right, Filly?
FIEVEL: Hopefully, I guess. After all, what could possibly go wrong?
MAITRE'D: (o.s.) Ah, monsieur Tingblad.
Three stop walking
FIEVEL: I had to ask.
A human maitre'd with an Italian-like moustache and French accent, he's a few feet taller than Tiger, walks over to Tiger
MAITRE'D: Your reserved table is already waiting for you.
TIGER: My table? (looks around)
MAITRE'D: Oui, your table. You requested the 2:45 reservation yesterday, and are you not lucky? You came exactly at the right time.
TIGER: Uh, uh, sorry, mister, (nervous chuckle) I didn't...(Tony elbows him) OW! Oh, uh, yeah, my table, uh, sure, I could, heh, use a good meal!
MAITRE'D's hand grabs TIGER by the paw
MAITRE'D escorts TIGER to the interior of the FENTONS country club
FIEVEL: Oh boy, I've got a bad feeling about this.
TONY: Ah, don't sweat it, Filly. I'd give it 'bout an hour or two before the "real" Tingblad shows up. Trust me.
MALE VOICE: (o.s.) Excuse me, young boys.
FIEVEL and TONY look up, and we pan up to a slim, kind, human gentleman in a top hat, baton, and suit.
SLIM MAN: Have you, by some chance, seen my nametag? I was supposed to pick it up at the Lost and Found.
FIEVEL gives TONY a glare (sfx: cow moo)
TONY: (gulps) Although I could be wrong about that...
Cut to the interior of FENTONS, we find TIGER at the reserved TINGBLAD table
WAITER: (walks to table, he has a British accent) And how may I have the pleasure of taking your order?
TIGER: (looking in his menu) Uh, let's see, uh...(muttering as we hear typewriter sfx) Oh yeah. I'll have me a Flounder Flambe, a fruit salad, and...oh, yeah, a saucer of milk! And for dessert, uh, swiss cheese ice cream topped with parmesan sprinkles.
WAITER: Terribly sorry, sir, but we are out of swiss cheese ice cream.
TIGER: (sadly) Awww...(sfx: air deflation)(perks up to sound of wrestling bell) okay, ah, make it a blurpleberry ice cream with cherry sprinkles.
WAITER: (finishes writing down order) Very well...(now interrupted by...)
SLIM MAN: (o.s.) Hold it right there!
anime-like rushing pan to the real "TINGBLAD" with FIEVEL and TONY on each shoulder (sfx: electric guitar)
TIGER: Wuh-oh...
WAITER: Ah, good afternoon, Mr. Tingblad. I was just finishing taking Mr. Tingblad's order.
TINGBLAD: (walks over) I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken, waiter. These mice here have informed me that this is not me, that is a cat who is wearing MY nametag.
Closeup to Tingblad's nametag
WAITER: (takes closer look at TIGER) Hmm...
TIGER: (nervous chuckle, then sigh) So, you found the real deal? (takes Tingblad's nametag off his shirt) I'm so, so, soooo sorry, Mr. Tinglebrad.
TINGBLAD: (receives his nametag) It's "Tingblad". And no hard feelings, my good man, I've lost this about seven times.
TONY: Ya not the only hotshot here who's lost an identity.
TIGER: Yeah, see, we're still looking for mine, and I've got (holds up his wrist, he's wearing a watch) only an hour left before inspection.
TINGBLAD: That must be very important.
TIGER: (grabs TINGBLAD by the coat) It IS important! Very, very, very, VEEERRRYY important! (wheezes) I dunno how much more of this pressure I can take! (moans, then faints to sfx of synth warbling)
(beat)
FIEVEL: Uh, you haven't seen it, have you?
TINGBLAD and the WAITER shake their heads
FIEVEL/TONY: (sigh)
TINGBLAD: Well, you three are welcome to stay for the meal.
FIEVEL: Thanks, but please tell them whatever Tiger ordered, he can pick up later, okay?
TONY: Yeah, heh, don't mind him, sirs, he's always like that, mostly 'round the dogs.
FIEVEL: Though, he's part dog, 'cause he's got a great sniffer, and he tends to bark at anyone who causes mischief to the city, like Scuttlebutt.
TINGBLAD: How unusual.
Next scene, FIEVEL and TONY drag TIGER out of the country club
FIEVEL/TONY: (grunts) (pants)
TONY: He never got his grub yet, but I dunno what he ate this mornin'.
FIEVEL: Tell me about it.
FIEVEL and TONY zip out from him, then back, TONY holding up a glass of warm buttermilk, and FIEVEL with an electric fan set to high, the scent lines from the milk fly right to TIGER's nose
TIGER: (sniffs, then wakes up to sfx of chicken clucking) Buttermilk? (snatches glass then drinks in one gulp) Ah...(burps) Ooh! Heh, 'scuse me! (tosses glass offscreen and we hear smash)
FIEVEL: Sorry about your ID, Ty.
TONY: Yeah, it oughta be a drag to iron shirts for the bossman, and then what? His PJ's? I mean, can't he iron his own clothes for a change?
TIGER: Oh, what's the point, you guys? Even with a nametag on me, I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen to iron my own shirts, even if they're turned inside-out! Probably should've done this when we used that Tim-Bang's nametag, I think?
FIEVEL/TONY: "Tingblad".
TIGER: Right.
FIEVEL and TONY do a double take (sfx: record scratch)
FIEVEL and TONY look at each other slyly
TONY: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Lincoln?
FIEVEL: Oh, yeah...
FIEVEL and TONY look closely at TIGER's shirt, then cut to closeup of TIGER's shirt collar, we see a tag
TIGER: What? What ARE you guys thinking? What'cha lookin' at?
TONY: Heh! I think ya know...
FIEVEL: ...what YOU'RE looking at?
TIGER: What? It's, uh, just a little tag, nothing pers...(sfx: clang!)(looks at tag, then at FIEVEL and TONY, then at tag, and so on a few more times) (gasps) My shirt's inside out! (hides head inside shirt and he sees something stuck to it) My nametag!
FIEVEL/TONY: Bingo! (high-five)
TIGER: (laughs, and flips his shirt back to where it's supposed to be) TA-DAH! (sfx: "TA-DAH" fanfare) I had my identity with me this whole time, and I didn't even realize!
(all three laugh)
FIEVEL: Talk about (eyes spin-outta-control) your weird days as a chief-of-police. (laughs)
TONY: Woo! (sheds tear) Even if ya (pulls out wrist, he has a watch too) got only a half-hour left before inspection.
(long silence, then Tiger does a take to another glass-shattering effect)
TIGER: (paws on head) HALF-HOUR! (mid-air runs) Oh-gee-oh-gee-oh-gee-oh-gee...(zips off frame) OH, GEE!
FIEVEL: (calls out) Good luck! (to Tony) So, stop over at my place?
TONY: Word up!
Next scene at the police station
JC: Front and center!
Every policemouse is lined up, including feline chief-of-police Tiger. JACKIE COLBY has a pad to check whoever passes or fails. Later, he goes to one police-mouse standing next to TIGER.
JC: (writes in pad) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. (sniffs policemouse's armpit) Hmph! Promise me you'll shower tonight, then you pass. Next! (walks over to TIGER, writes in pad) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Everything seems to be in order.
TIGER: Phew!
JC: Except...(takes closer look at TIGER's shirt, feels something moist) A-ha! Just as I suspected!
TIGER: (worried) What? Please tell me it's not...
JC: Oh, it is! (turns hand to camera for closeup) Sweat!
TIGER: (gasps) Oh, Mr. C, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I had my shirt inside out, and I thought I lost my ID! Please don't make me iron your shirts! Please, please, please!
JC: What are you talking about? I was only threatening you.
TIGER: Hubba-wha?
JC: It's a "boss" thing, it happens all the time in cartoons.
TIGER: Oh...heh-heh...well, whew! That's a relief.
JC: However, because of how sweaty your shirt is, you're ironing my shirts for five days!
TIGER: (gasps) (sfx: woman shriek)
JC: Unless you have more clean shirts, then you pass.
TIGER: (sighs) Whoop-de-doo.
(ripple dissolve back to present)
TIGER: (woo-woo sounds) And that's how I got my identity back safe and sound.
MAN: (yawns)
RL: Well, that was the perfect time to kill twelve minutes, but I still don't see why you couldn't even think straight.
TIGER: Well, you know me, short-term memory lapse, but thanks though...uh...(points to nametag) Donna.
RL: (looks at nametag) Wha-? Oh, my name's not Donna. That's from a friend of mine. Mine's at the laundromat, so I'm afraid you won't have a chance to know my name until I get it back.
TIGER: (looks at camera as we iris out)