A/N: I was feeling a bit depressed the other day and I felt like writing how Remus has lived his life. I hope that you like it. And if you don't well.... * shrugs*

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. But I wish that one day I could own the Marauders and even Remus.

A/N2: Remus is mine! ALL MINE!!!!!!!! hehehe



My Life

We are the voices of the wandering wind,
Which moan for rest and rest can never find;
Lo! as the wind is, so is mortal life,
A moan, a sigh, a sob, a storm, a strife.
The Deva's Song by Sir Edwin Arnold





I stood at the wooden door of the shack that used to be one of my homes while I was at Hogwarts for those very short seven years. The very best years of my life. Many people wouldn't believe me if I told them that my first friends were from Hogwarts.

I never had friends when I was younger. My parents felt that I wouldn't need them, seeing as that I had two older siblings, both girls. London and Filipina, or Filly as she like to be called. They were great, don't get me wrong, and I loved them with all my heart, but the thing was, they were gone by the time I was accepted into Hogwarts. I had killed them. No, it wasn't on purpose, though I don't think my parents ever recovered after they had found their mangled bodies at the foot of the stairs leading to my basement room.

The silver orb that graced my life came in force that year of their death. I was foolish in my younger years when I had been bitten, and I didn't know what I had done until that morning, when I found London's ring from her boyfriend, Britain (It was ironic that they had names both from England. Go figure.) near my head. It wasn't a large ring, but the light streamed in from the high window, glinting off the silver metal. Just a few feet from there were my sisters. My parents walked in just a few minutes after I had woken up. Mum came down first. At the sight of the two girls, she dropped to the cold stone floor and screamed for my father. They yelled at me for the next hour. I know for a fact that they never recovered, 'cause Mum died just a few months after I had gone to Hogwarts. And even going there was iffy.

Oh. I'm sorry. I don't think I've explained my thoughts clearly. I'm a werewolf in case you couldn't tell. This life I've lived has been hard on my werewolf/human mind. Month after month I've transformed into a hideous beast. I've done things that no man should ever have to do. And I've put my family through so much pain.

Hogwarts. I loved that place with all my heart. And that's where I met the Marauders -- James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. But it was thanks to Albus Dumbledore that I even got to go there. No one would want their child in the same vicinity as a werewolf, let alone the same class or house. But I kept that secret from the Marauders for four very long years. And only one person figured it out before them -- and James was the second smartest in our class, just after Lily Evens. It was she who finally figured out my secret.

She confronted me in the Gryffindor common room after a particularly hard transformation with her findings. At first, I ignored and denied what she said. But she persisted. I finally had enough after a week of her pestering, and I finally told her that her assumptions were right on the money. I begged her not to tell anyone and she kept her promise. We became close friends, and she was soon included in our little prank group. It was during our fifth year that the Marauders found out. I've made many guesses over the years, and the only one that makes sense was that they saw me go out to the Willow with Madame Pomfrey. The moment I returned from the hospital wing on the day of the waning moon, Sirius pulled me into our dorms where James, Peter and Lily sat. I looked at her and she looked me strait in the eye. I knew at once that she hadn't said a word. I voiced my concern and they told me that they had finally figured out what was wrong with me.

"You're a werewolf, aren't you, Remus?" James asked me.

My eyes shifted to the scarlet carpet to avoid their eye contact. I nodded mutely and I could hear Peter gasp in shock. Everything surprised that little git, even if he was told ahead of time. They kept wondering why they hadn't been told and why Lily had been the only one not in the dark.

"She figured everything out," I told them. "I never told her."

"But why, Remus?" Sirius asked again. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, now was he? Even being the third best in our class, he was still a dumb ass. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Do you think I like being like this? Who would want to be friends with a person who could change your life forever? I didn't want to put you through that kind of thing. You guys are my first friends and I didn't want to lose you for what I was."

The three of them looked at me for a second and then Lily ran up to me and gave me my first hug. (My mum felt that I didn't deserve them after what I had done.) I stood stock still, not knowing what to do. After a few minutes I relaxed and suddenly I burst into tears.

"Remus!" Lily said, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I sniffed, pulling away. "It's just . . . well . . . "

I told them what had happened to my sisters and how after Mum had died, that Dad had disowned me. I was now property of Hogwarts, since there would be no safer place for me to stay over the summer, especially because of my condition. They were all shocked and I couldn't blame them. I would be too if I hadn't lived through that stuff.

That year was the year that they had become illegal Animagi . . . all on account of me. I told them to forget the idea, but they went on with it nonetheless. James was the one who came up with our nicknames. I was to be known as Moony; James was Prongs, since he could become a stag; Sirius was Padfoot -- his form was a Grim-like black dog; and Peter was Wormtail, since he could turn into a rat. Lily had opted not to do the Animagus potion because she felt that "who would get you four out of the trouble you have caused?" She was right, of course.

We spent the next two years having a blast. That was until Sirius dared Severus Snape to prod the knot on the Willow to see where I went every month. There he met up with me -- a monster. I almost never forgave him for that prank. It could've cost me his life and mine. Never did think of that, now did he? Dumbledore readily forgave me, since it was not my fault. But what if I had bit him? Where would I be now?

After graduation, James proposed to Lily. They got married two years later, much to the delight of their family. Lily's parents adored James and the same was with Lily with James' parents. The only problem was Petunia, Lily's sister. Hated us magical folks very much and so did her husband, Vernon Dursley. But I never had that much contact with them, only at the wedding. It was a grand thing . . . all their friends and teachers from Hogwarts had arrived and no one could complain.

A year later Harry James Potter was born on July 31, 1980. From the pictures that I had seen of James as a baby, Harry was the spitting image of him. Except for the eyes. While James had dark brown eyes, Harry had Lily's emerald green ones. But while Lily had dark red hair, Harry had his father's black unruly hair.

For the next year, all of us were in bliss. James had gotten his Auror's licence and Lily stayed home to watch Harry. But that bliss soon ended. The night of October 31, 1981, Voldemort paid a visit. And it had only been one month sine the Fidelious Charm had been cast on their secret keeper, Peter, who was thought to be the obvious choice since he was . . . weak, to put it bluntly. All three of them were at home that night -- James had gotten the night off from work so that they could spend Halloween together. It was to be their last. Voldemort silently glided to James, whose keen Auror senses told him that Voldemort was there.

"Lily, take Harry and go!" James shouted. "It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off --"

Lily looked once more at her husband before taking off at a run to the second floor of their home, with baby Harry in her arms. She ran into the nursery, her back facing the door. She faintly heard James shout and a green light filled the house. She knew that James was no more. Suddenly, the door to the nursery flew off its hinges and Voldemort gilded in. Lily spun around to face the intruder. All she met with were those cold merciless eyes. Lily paled and fell to the ground, sobbing, baby Harry still in her arms.

"Not Harry!" Lily pleaded as Voldemort drew closer. "Not Harry, please not Harry!"

"Stand aside, you silly girl . . . stand aside, now . . . "

Lily looked pleadingly at the Dark Lord. "Not Harry! Please . . . have mercy . . . have mercy . . . "

Lord Vodemort laughed in his shrill voice.

"Not Harry!" Lily continued through her sobs. "Not Harry! Please -- I'll do anything -"

Voldemort looked Lily in the eyes. She defiantly stared back even through her tears. "You could never be a loyal Death Eater. You possess the courage I need, but you remain loyal to that Muggle-loving fool, Dumbledore. Now! Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"

Lily refused to move and Voldemort finally gave up.

"Avada Kedavra!" he bellowed and Harry fell out of his mother's dead grasp.

Little Harry looked up at the Dark Lord with his emerald green eyes, pleadingly. Tears formed at the corners and threatened to fall. Voldemort glared at the toddler and pointed his want at Harry's forehead. No mercy was to be shown on this night.

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort bellowed once more.

But an astonishing thing happened that night in Godric's Hollow. The Killing Curse that had been cast on the babe had rebounded on Voldemort, leaving Harry only with a lightning bolt scar where the curse had been cast and Voldemort barely alive. Sirius, as I had heard later from Hagrid, had visited the Potter residence only after finding that Peter wasn't home. Sirius, a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, fled to the house, only to find the Dark Mark hovering over the house. Sirius watched as Hagrid managed to pull Harry out of the rubble of the semi-destroyed house. He walked up to the half-giant and placed his hand on the bundle that was Harry.

"Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him," Sirius said.

" I can't do tha', Black," Hagrid told Sirius. "Dumbledore's orders."

"Hagrid. Please. Give him to me."

"I can't do tha'. You know tha'."

Sirius finally relented and sighed.

"Take my motorbike then. It'll get you there faster since it can fly. I won't need it anymore." Sirius walked up to Hagrid and looked into the bundle that was Harry. He bent down and kissed the child's forehead, leaving a tear on the still fresh cut. "Take care of him."

Sirius watched as Hagrid took off with Harry in tow. With one more glance back at the house where his best friend had lived just a few short hours ago, Sirius went out in search of the Rat, as we now know him. Sirius finally met up with him in the streets of London a few days later.

"What do you think you were doing, Peter?" Sirius sneered at the rat faced man.

"Sirius!" Peter squeaked. "W - what are you talking about?" Peter squirmed nervously under Sirius' glare.

"You know exactly what I mean, Rat."

Something flashed in Peter's eyes and a slight sneer graced his features.

"Lily and James, Sirius!" Peter shouted for the entire street to hear. "How could you?"

Sirius whipped out his wand just as he was about to say, "How could I?! How could you?" when the street blew up in front of him, leaving a giant crater in the street. Sirius stood there, dumbstruck at what had just occurred.

That little Rat! Sirius though with distaste. He framed me! And now he's killed all these Muggles! How dare he?!

But Sirius just watched as The Magical Law Enforcement Squads appeared at the scene. He watched as they began to clear up the area and soon the Muggle police came to investigate. Sirius vaguely heard them speaking but he heard such things as "sewer's cracked . . . gas explosion . . . thirteen dead . . . only found his finger . . . Black's mad . . . " and other such things. He watched silently as Cornelius Fudge walked up to him.

"We've got to take you in, Black," Fudge told him. "Follow me."

Sirius stood there and stared at the man. Then a smile lit up his face and Sirius began to laugh.

"Black?"

Sirius continued to laugh even as he was taken by 20 officials to the Ministry for questioning. He never answered their questions -- he just laughed. They deemed him responsible a few hours later for the murders and was sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban prison. I read later in the Daily Prophet what had happened. The entire street had been blown up by the spell. There was a huge crater in the street that had even cracked the sewer below. Muggles were screaming and bodies were strewn everywhere. And all that was "left" of Peter was a heap of bloodstained robes and a few fragments, the largest piece that they found of Peter was his finger. He also received Order of Merlin, First Class to appease his mother.

Now, after all this had happened, I returned back to my home near Godric's Hollow to resume my life. It was going to be hard, I knew that much. Losing all of my friends was hard, and all the guilt that I had been hiding within my self suddenly came out. I apperated to my house after Sirius' trial and ran into the forest. I ran until I couldn't do so anymore. I dropped to the ground in exhaustion and cried. I cried because my friends were gone; I cried because I had killed my sisters; I cried because I was worthless. I couldn't save my friends even after all I had done to protect them. I must've fallen asleep because I found myself in a cave the next morning. I don't know how I got there but I was grateful for whoever or whatever brought me there.

I walked slowly back to my house and began to slowly separate myself from others. It took me twelve long years before I ever had the courage to come back to everything that I had left. I returned to my "normal" life in Harry's third year at Hogwarts. I was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that year. How ironic that I was a dark creature and I was teaching them how to defend themselves against people like me. I could've just handed them a gun loaded with a silver bullet if I wanted to end it that quickly.

I didn't know what to expect from anyone that year and so I played it to my advantage. No one was to know that I was a werewolf. But I hadn't counted on training Harry in performing the Patronus charm . . . but the Dementors had a powerful hold on him, and anytime that they had come anywhere near Harry, the voices of Lily and James being killed echoed in his head. And then there was Snape. He had taken over my class after on particularly hard transformation and had decided to teach the third years the signs of a werewolf. How lovely.

And that's not all. That year, Sirius escaped from Azkaban, thought to be after Harry so that he could finish his work for Lord Voldemort. How wrong could they be? He met up with us (yes, that includes Ron and Hermione) at the end of the year in the Shrieking Shack. Ron had just found Scabbers again (after trying to feign his death once again) in Hagrid's hut and, once out, Sirius pounced on Ron and dragged the poor boy into the Shack. The three of us followed him into the upstairs room where Sirius had fled. He explained, after some shouting from Harry, that he had as good as killed Lily and James. Sirius explained that after seeing Scabbers (a.k.a. Peter Pettigrew) in a picture from the Daily Prophet, he escaped Azkaban to go after the rat. He slowly made his way to Hogwarts and made friends with Hermione's cat, Crookshanks. Soon after, we forced Peter to show himself. Harry had to restrain us from killing him. But before we could do anything, Snape just happened to show up. But to my delight, Harry, Ron and Hermione somehow knocked him out cold. Anyway.... so we shackled him to both Ron(who had a broken leg) and I and we walked back to the castle with Peter and Snape in tow.

But an unfortunate thing happened. I had forgotten to take my potion that morning and I transformed into a werewolf. I managed not to attack anyone, but if it wasn't for Sirius, I would have. For the next few years I stayed out of other people's way. I only returned to Hogwarts for the Order of the Phoenix with Sirius in Harry's third year.

I've stayed away from Hogwarts and everyone else since then. I didn't want to cause anyone any more trouble than I've already caused.

"I've only been a nuisance since I came to Hogwarts," I muttered.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see my wife, Falla and our daughter, Dysis. I couldn't believe how much my life has changed in just eight years. I met Falla Malfoy, as she was known then, just after I had left Hogwarts in Harry's fifth year at Diagon Alley. Falla is about 5'3" and has grey eyes and dirty blond hair. And the best part is, she is nothing like the other Malfoys. We had lunch that day and it was then I fell in love with her. We got married a few months later and the day Harry had graduated from Hogwarts, Dysis Anne Lupin was born. Dlys is now eight years old. She has auburn colored hair and gold flecked blue eyes. This year, Harry and Hermione got married (they are also Dlys' godparents.). Sirius has been freed and Peter is in Azkaban. Voldemort is dead and no one has to live in fear anymore.

"Why do you say that you've only been a nuisance all these years, Remmy?" she asked me.

I looked into her grey eyes. "Because, I've only caused more pain then happiness."

"You've caused me happiness, Remus. And I love you for that." She gently placed her lips on mine. "You know that. And look at what you've given me. We have a beautiful daughter together. I couldn't ask for anything better."

I looked down at Dysis, who stared at me with her gold flecked blue eyes. How could I have thought that I was nuisance. I have a wonderful family (not including the Malfoys), and great friends. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Falla kissed me once again, this time on the cheek. "Let's go, Love," she said, grabbing Dysis' hand. "We have a life to live."

I took one last look at the wooden shack that had been part of my life before I shook my head and walked off with my wife and daughter. Yes. I did have a life to live. And I was going to live it.