So you want to raise a:

by DNKaien

With this compelling new series from the author of such works as 'Persona for dummies' comes the critically acclaimed series 'So you want to raise a:' A must-read series for those interested in raising their children as something more than they are now.

So you want to raise a: Persona 4 Main Protagonist.

Welcome dear reader, If you are reading this then you have decided that your future child is destined for great things and you want the best for him. Well I have great news for you, for one easy payment of $0.00 you too can turn your child from the bland generic sheep that spawned from your genes into something truly magnificent in just two easy steps. In the following guide you will find the easiest and most efficient way to make your child into a main character in just two easy steps.

Step 1

After giving birth to your new child, look around for the swagger dial that comes with all pre—made Protagonists.

Step 2

When the dial is found, turn it up to eleven and watch as the magic works itself. If your genetics do not give birth to the swagger feature then please consult the helpful guide below.

Helpful guide:

So your child hasn't been gifted with the swagger button or you have misplaced it. Unfortunately, we cannot give out swagger dials as our stocks are currently depleted and do not look like they will be refilled in the foreseeable future. With this in mind I will give you the easy method to recreating your child into a god amongst men.

Warning: The below steps must be completed before the age of 17.

Step 1

Hair dye (Silver) – With this distinguishing feature, your child will find itself at the center of attention with classmates and teachers flocking around your child to admire his 'uniqueness'. This is just the first step in a short list of things to make your child succeed so please keep on reading.

Step 2

Mastery of Two-handed weapons – Between play-dates with other children that you will undoubtedly receive, feel free to train your child in swordplay. Start off with a simple 7ft Masamune blade for beginners then go from there. With this training, your child will become an automatic bad-ass for being able to use a sword and the swagger feature will start to develop as your child becomes more confident in the amount of ass he can kick.

Step 3

Study, study, study. Between play-dates and training, make sure to create time for him to increase his knowledge so that he will never have to study in his later life. Jungian Psychology is highly recommended for this and is always a good starting point for any young mind to understand. Feel free to also teach him another language as this will be a huge help in the future but at this point you may feel obligated to teach him other things. Do not overwork your son so only teach him the language at this point if you are confident he can handle it.

Step 4

If you know anyone with a cat or you know where a stray might be then feel free to let your child spend complete afternoons with it. Feeding it, speaking to it and generally being understanding of its wants and needs. Given a few months you will find your son will be more receptive to the needs of you and others as his increased understanding has allowed his developing mind to tap into the vast potential resting in his mind. At this point his swagger will be resting at just under half it's max potential and you will find him bringing girls home to play. Unless he's hit puberty then I would consider buying a lock for his door.

Step 5

Let him watch a variety of different shows from the long-runners category. Dragonball Z, Bleach, One Piece and Naruto are all fine examples of show which can be marathon-watched at a moments notice. Watching all these shows without moving from his seat will show your son that he can succeed at anything with enough hot-blood and determination. His diligence will become unparalleled within mere months.

Step 6

With the increasing swagger your child will be experiencing, he might find himself still uncomfortable with him expressing himself so it is up to you to do the following tasks

-Teach him a foreign language

-Find a translating job

-Buy him a stack of books from the 'The _ Way' series

Enrolling him in a culture club is also acceptable and also advised, as he grows more confident in his ability to express himself you will find that he will start bringing multiple girls over to play. Unless he has hit puberty then I would consider sound-proofing his bedroom at your earliest convenience.

Step 7

With his increased courage in himself, you will find that your nearly-completed protagonist has just that little bit to go before he is complete. Sure he is probably at a stage where he is more competent than you were at his age and he will probably be set for life with the skills provided but you've come this far and I believe that to ice this cake we should give him that last little confidence boost to max out the potential swagger your son has hidden.

I recommend you leave strange and unusual foods in the fridge for him to eat at his own leisure. If he needs reassuring then inform him that they are safe but you will find that at this point he will be able to digest anything thrown at him. If he eats the food then you have found your son's courage has increased ever so slightly and he will be more confident as a result.

Having him work part-time at a hospital will also be a help, with your son being smart enough to do open-heart surgery he will find himself being dragged into assisting famous doctors coming to your town to do special AND difficult surgery. Your son's courage will increase exponentially from doing such work and you will find that his swagger will reach it's peak very quickly.

CONGRATULATIONS! You have now completed the first step to making your very own Persona 4 Protagonist. Now I will teach you what decisions to give him in life to make him even closer to the real deal.

Life for your new and improved child:

- Never be around. Get a job in which you are never at home and let your son fend for himself. You will find that he will be completely able and will probably enjoy the house being empty so often

- Send him to live with his emotionally distant uncle. This will remind him of home but it will make sure that when you get back that he won't have 10 new children minimum to take care of. Make sure it is a rural backwater town and that you basically have no escape from. Having a petrol station worker shake his hand is compulsory and it would be recommended you have this planned months in advance.

-Let him choose his own name when he gets to this rural backwater. Recommend to him that he should pick the name Souji Seta or Yu Narukami as those are the two sexiest names he could take. If he doesn't choose those then don't fret. You can always try again by letting him make as many bonds as he can then taking him away at the end of the school year then sending him to a similar situation but with new people. I call this system 'New Game Plus'.

- Let him make friends with fellow 'So you want to raise a:' recipients. You will find his group of friends will be a well-rounded group to which he will have strong connections to each person. Regardless of gender if your child happens to find his swagger to be irresistible.

- After a few months you will find your son has become completely self-sufficient but the amount of people in his room will be significant. It is at this point that you get some people to teach him about the '10 Rank system'

The '10 Rank system' is a system devised to make the best time of your sons time without spending an unneeded amount of time on people who are already willing to be with your son forever. The system also comes with benefits for your child.

Rank 1 – The recipient of the this rank will now have his friends die for him. They will jump in front of bullets, take sword slashes, giant blocks of ice, falling pianos and a variety of other things just to save your son. This is insurance that my help guide is absolutely flawless and that your investment will not go wasted.

Rank 3- When your son decides to use his mad skills against his opponents, you will find that his friend will decide to strike in tandem and deal massive damage with a minimum of 599 and possibly over 9000 but I will not go into detail about damage formula in this series.

Rank 5 – When your son or his friends are knocked down. The friend with this rank will help you up when you fall over. This may not sound impressive but remember that your son is a god and that they feel honored to even touch his hand.

Rank 7 – Your son will have developed a relationship with his friend so strong that they feel confident enough that they can send abuse at your son and not feel any repercussions. Your son won't feel offended at such rude actions like, screaming, double handed head smashing, slapping, headbutting, body checking or being backhand slapped by an androgynous girl. He might even feel a bit aroused but I would recommend leaving that shadow in the dark.

Rank 9 – At this rank, your son's natural charisma will inspire his allies to carry on fighting even when they have been so horrendously damaged that they shouldn't be able to move. This can be attributed to his immense swagger he has accrued by being put onto this course.

Rank 10 – This is the special rank, your son will have changed his friend for the better and they will mention something about feeling different. This is the rank in which your son will now have unlimited access to this person's body. Unless of course there are rules in place to prevent such actions. Such as laws against incest, bestiality and common decency. Of course the feelings will still be there but no actions will be taken because your son is a great law-abiding citizen.

-Make sure your son has a cute cousin that he would die for, she would do well to be an emotionally-dependable girl roughly between 5-6. She has to love singing catchy theme tunes and most definitely must be self-sufficient. When your son grows attached then make sure you hire a deliveryman to throw her into a television. When she ends up in hospital you will find your son will be on a rampage not too unfamiliar to the one found in Persona 4. He will hunt the deliveryman down with his friends and the scene will be complete.

-Once you set up the above steps then let the petrol station worker you got in contact with earlier let his role be known. Let your son fight it out with the worker and undoubtedly your son will have a revelation from such a match. Your son will now be the finest this course can offer and I can say with great certainty that you will be happy with the results.

If you have met all the above conditions then congratulations are in order. You now have a fully-maxed Persona 4 Protagonist who is ready to be unleashed on the world but I doubt you will find him wanting to go back home due to all the readily available...friends he has at his beck and call. I am glad you've read this far into the course and you are willing to take my words to heart. This is but the first in a series and I am hoping you are ready to read the next in the series.

'So you want to raise a: Yosuke Hanamura.'

Until next time, I hope this course sees you well as it has for me and I wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors.

-Igor