The warden could feel another headache coming on.

"Someone – shut those infernal alarms off!" he roared for the third time. Finally one of the guards passing by his office managed to hear him, and he sped off to obey. A minute later, the blaring air-horns mercifully silenced.

He sighed in relief as the ache in his head lessened.

"Sir, what are we to do now?" Blithe, one of newer recruits asked, peaking his head into the office. He'd forgotten to salute.

The warden made a shooing motion with his right hand, the left hand massaging his too-wrinkled brow. Since she had been put here, it felt like he aged decades in the year that she'd been here. "Wait 'til she comes back – like we always do," he told the guard.

The younger man opened his mouth to protest but it was cut off with a loud "Just get back to work!" from his superior.

He'll have to learn, the warden thought, that when it comes to River Song, there's nothing anyone can do.Now to come up with an explanation for his superiors. The warden had to admit that he was getting rather good at that.

~ ! ~ ! ~ ! ~ ! ~ !~ ! ~ !

The Doctor yelped as the heel of a four-inch stiletto jabbed him in the waist. As he tried to sit up, he whacked his head on the console he'd been attempting to fix.

"River!" he scolded loudly, rubbing his head. "You could have killed me!"

"Well, Sweetie, next time you promise to pick me up, don't forget". She said it sweetly, but her eyes were shooting poisonous darts.

The Doctor managed to get himself in a sitting position. "Since when did I...?"

"Doesn't matter, does it?" River told him. She leaned over so her face was level with his. She smiled when he gulped. "I'm here. You're here. Now."

Before she could kiss him, the Doctor hastily scrambled to his feet. River looked disappointed, but allowed him to compose himself. In the end, he didn't look terribly composed, but at least his voice didn't squeak when he talked.

"Firstly," the Doctor held up a finger, "I think we should find out where we are, shall we?"

"Whatever you say, sweetie," River said in a milky voice. She leaned against the rail, waiting for him to start.

The Doctor's nose twitched, and he had to blink before he could say anything. "Right," he managed. "Right."

Then he gained momentum. "Okay, I'm at Canton Delaware the Third, Florida, and Lance Armstrong's foot."

"Oh! Way past you, dear," River declared. She had her blue diary out. Where had she gotten that? From what the Doctor could see, she didn't have any pockets.

"Ahem," she had to alert him.

The Doctor jumped, and tried (in vain) to appear nonchalant. "Byzantium?" he asked lamely.

River flipped through her diary. She looked up at him and said, "Not yet." The Doctor grinned.

"Pandorica?"

"Got it."

"That one incident with the Sontarans and whipped cream," the Doctor said, smiling at the memory.

"Closer," River said. "That was three nights ago for me. Done the moon made of cheese yet?"

"You mean Kesoluna?" the Doctor asked. "No. Only been there once. They kicked me out because I cheated and brought my own crackers – apparently you're supposed to buy them at the little shop, those cheapskates."

"Well, when you decide to bring me," River told him, "bring tortilla crisps instead, won't you?"

The Doctor chuckled, "But River, crisps are only good with cheese if the cheese is melted."

River stared at him.

The Doctor's smiled faded. The implications suddenly dawned on him. "River..." he choked.

River grinned. "Apparently firing a drivian-250 on a moon made of cheese isn't exactly the safest way to stop Ouridis from sabotaging incoming tourist ships, but what can I say? It was all I had."

The Doctor slapped his forehead. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," he grumbled. "You're supposed to say, 'Spoilers', then do that whacky grin thing, and demand that we go somewhere."

"But then you'd forget the crisps, sweetie," River said with a smile. The Doctor gave an exasperated sigh. She said fondly, "Very well then, I don't really have a reason to say 'Spoilers' bu I will now demand that you take me somewhere."

The Doctor grinned, excited as a five-year-old on Chiristmas, then turned around to fiddle with the controls. "So, River, anywhere in particular that you want to go?"

River tilted her head, considering. Then she alleged, "You pick. Just make it exciting."

The Doctor grinned. "One whopping, exciting planet, coming up!" he shouted, slamming several levers down. River backed away so that he could take full control.

After much dinging, whirring, and frantic skidding, they landed. River was amused to see the Doctor freeze, then tiptoe over to the rails and peer into the corridor beyond.

"What are you doing?" she asked loudly.

The Doctor jumped. He hushed her and motioned zipping her lips. "I'm making sure Amy and Rory don't wake up," he whispered. "I forgot until now that they were here."

River rolled her eyes, "Sweetie, we've made more noise than this, and they've never woken up before. Well..." she was about to contradict herself when the Doctor shushed her again.

"But I definitely don't want them waking up for this," he emphasized quietly, pointing to the front door. River raised her eyebrows.

"Go on," he mouthed. "Open the door."

River glanced at the door, intrigued. Just before she opened it she hesitated. Now what could be out there that would make the Doctor so emphatic about Amy and Rory not waking up?

Shrugging, she tugged on both of the handles.