Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Nina who was the heir to the throne of a kingdom so small and insignificant that it has never yet appeared on any map. Her parents, concerned about the future of their country, ensured that their daughter received the very finest education, including sending her to college in the United States of America, where she attended Clarkson University, a private technological school located in Potsdam, New York, to major in electrical engineering.
However, as her matriculations at that institution of higher learning play a negligible role in our story, we shall now shift our attention to The Wolf, who had been speeding along Highway 11B in his fire-engine red Mustang convertible until stopped by a highway patrol officer who asked him severely:
"Do you have any idea how fast you were driving, sir?"
"No, baby, you know I never pay any attention to that," The Wolf informed her lazily.
"Now, Wolfy, you really are going to have to learn to slow down. If you keep driving so fast all the time you're going to have an accident."
"No, baby, faster is safer. You see, the sooner I get to where I'm going the less time I spend on the roads so the less likely I am to hit anything."
"Well, I'm sorry, Wolfy, but I can't keep just giving you warnings. The other day my supervisor got onto me about you because I'm always…"
"Mpfff!" interrupted Princess Nina angrily from the front passenger seat of the Mustang. How could this police officer just stand there and talk about speeding when she was sitting right out in the open, bound and gagged?
With the exception of a small gold circlet in her straight black hair, the Princess did not display anything to indicate her royal status. She wore a dark-blue sweater decorated with white snowflakes over an orange blouse, a long blue-black skirt, and supple, brown boots. Black rope tied her legs together and bound her wrists in front of her, connected to more loops of rope around her stomach so that she had to keep her hands on her seatbelt. She had one of The Wolf's handkerchiefs inside her mouth and another handkerchief (red with tiny white polka dots) tied across her lower face.
"Mpfff," she repeated, looking expectantly at the police officer to do something!
"Well, now, who do we have here?"
"Sorry, baby, I forgot my manners. Gretel, this is Princess Nina of East Zhdalskt. Princess Nina, this is Trooper Gretel Ackerman of the New York State Police."
"Mpfff," said the Princess once again, beginning to become exasperated.
"Now, Wolfy, you can't go around abducting princesses in broad daylight like this," Gretel said in shock.
"Well, I didn't want to," admitted The Wolf, "but you see, the thing is, some guy hired me to fetch him a genuine princess, only I was a bit stumped how to go about it, they being in short supply in this country. Then I remembered hearing about Nina attending Clarkson, so I zoomed over to invite her for a ride, only she started raising silly objections about how she had to attend chemistry lab and mix up a bunch of powders and liquids in test tubes, so I decided it would be a lot simpler if I just tied her up and carried her off."
"Well, I'm sorry, Wolfy, but I'm going to have to insist that you set her free."
"Mpfff!" exclaimed Nina. Finally!
"No, baby, you can't be serious!" exclaimed The Wolf, looking shocked. He opened the car door, stepped out, and, taking Gretel in both paws, gave the startled police officer a full kiss on the lips.
"Mmm, very nice," she said and then shook her head. "But you're still going to have to set her loose. You can't solve this problem with a kiss."
"How about another then?" he suggested.
"Mmm, also very nice," she agreed. "But that doesn't… hey!" She tried to twist her neck around to look down behind her. The Wolf had used her own handcuffs to lock her hands behind her back!
"Sorry, baby, but I've got a mission to complete," The Wolf explained, starting up his car and roaring away, Princess Nina looking back desperately.
"Ooh, I don't know how I'm going to explain this to my supervisor," Gretel said unhappily, trying to work her radio with her hands behind her back. "I mean, this is the third time this week The Wolf has used my own handcuffs on me!"
___
"I apologize for having you brought here in such an, er, abrupt fashion," said the enormous bullfrog, sitting across from Nina on a rotting log lying in murky, green, swamp water. Nearby, several other frogs hopped and croaked in the breezy autumn afternoon as crickets chirped lazily. Overhead, the trees displayed their beautiful fall leaves for which New England is so famous; a few stragglers on the branches were still green, but most had changed to vivid yellows, oranges, reds, and purples. "It's just that my situation is rather desperate and I knew of no other way to meet you."
"Mpfff," answered Princess Nina coldly, attempting to suggest that sending her a proper invitation would have been more appropriate. She remained tied as before, seated on a tree stump, her fashionable brown boots mere inches from the water's edge. The ropes were quite secure; not tight enough to cause her any discomfort, but effective so she could not free herself. She was not tied to the tree stump, so she could stand up if she wished, but what good would that do? The ground was soft and uncertain, and even if she did manage a few hops, where could she go out here in the middle of nowhere? Therefore, she remained seated on her humble throne, her face set in icy reserve.
"Perhaps you'll be more understanding if I clarify my situation, Princess, er…?"
"Nina," supplied The Wolf, lounging on a pile of fallen brown leaves nearby. He idly studied his cell phone, recollecting he had an invitation to an upscale party that evening. "Too bad about Gretel," he murmured softly to himself; "after what happened she probably won't be good company tonight. I wonder if Red's available to go with me?"
"Princess Nina, yes, thank you." The bullfrog smiled at the princess and then frowned at The Wolf. "You have our leave to go, Theodore."
"No, I think I'll stay," replied The Wolf, turning to one side and speaking softly into his device.
"As you will." The bullfrog tried to sound as nonchalant as he could, pretending he did not mind if The Wolf stayed, since there was nothing he could do to make him leave, anyhow. He returned his attention to his captive guest. "You see, Princess Nina, I am not truly a frog; I am actually Prince Marcus of West Zhdalskt. Perhaps you have heard of me?"
"Mpfff," answered Nina cautiously. The West Zhdalsktians were the traditional enemies of East Zhdalskt! Had he brought her here to win some concessions from her government?
"I was placed under an enchantment by a wicked witch who lives nearby in these woods; Cassandra, her name is. She became upset with me because we went to a party together where all I did was look at this, um, well, the precise reason doesn't really matter; suffice it to say, she's a very cold-hearted person who turned me into a frog just for spite, and to turn me back requires a real kiss from a real princess."
"Mpfff." Princess Nina was still upset about having been kidnapped; however, she was vastly relieved to learn this was not a political plot. "I suppose I could be magnanimous," she reasoned to herself. "Why, if I were to kiss him and break the enchantment that might be the start of peace between our two countries!"
At this point, had Marcus simply indicated for The Wolf to untie Nina our story would have been much shorter. However, Marcus made a fatal error, feeling, quite unnecessarily, the need to elaborate on his presence in this country. "I came to the United States to further my studies at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute over in Troy. Perhaps you have heard of it?"
"Mpfff!" replied Nina furiously, turning her head away from him haughtily. She had heard of RPI, all right! They were Clarkson's main hockey rival, and had only managed to defeat the Golden Knights last year through the most blatant and flagrant acts of unsportsmanlike conduct and cheating. He could stay a frog forever now; she most certainly was not going to kiss him!
"So, about that kiss," said Marcus, completely oblivious to the negative effect his last sentence had on Nina, "um, how about it?"
Nina kept staring away from him and did not even bother to dignify his absurd request with an answer.
"You're pretty hopeless at this sort of thing, aren't you?" yawned The Wolf. "Would you like a few pointers?"
"I don't need your help!" snapped Marcus in reply.
"Yes, you do, but suit yourself," shrugged The Wolf, turning away and summoning Goldy's number on his phone.
"Princess Nina, I realize I handled things badly, but I really am quite desperate to return to human form. If I did anything to offend you, please forgive me. Can't you please see your way to giving me that kiss?"
"No, don't!" ordered a tiny voice as a female Northern Green Frog hopped onto the log next to the bullfrog.
"Hey, baby," The Wolf greeted her.
"Oh, hi, Wolfy," she answered before turning back to face Nina. "Now look here! My name's Sarah. Marcus is only ever allowed to kiss me because I'm his girlfriend!"
"Mpfff," said Nina indignantly, looking accusingly at Marcus. What was he trying to do, asking her to kiss him when he already had a girlfriend? It was just the sort of behavior she would expect from someone contemptible enough to attend RPI!
"No, you're not my girlfriend; you're an annoying little pest," Marcus snapped at Sarah.
"Hey!" said The Wolf, suddenly looking very dangerous. "Don't speak to Sarah like that."
"All right, that came out all wrong; it was just that I was…"
"…going to remember always to treat Sarah like the lady that she is," The Wolf finished for him.
"Yes, of course, I'm sorry," mumbled Marcus.
"Don't apologize to me," said The Wolf; "say it to her."
Marcus took a deep breath. "Sarah, I'm sorry I was rude to you."
"Apology accepted!" croaked Sarah happily. "And thank you, Wolfy, for standing up for me. It's nice there are some guys who know how to treat a lady!"
"Mpfff," replied Nina as she twisted a bit in her ropes, having a vastly different opinion about The Wolf's behavior.
Marcus took a deep breath to calm himself. "Nina, I want to make it clear that Sarah is not my girlfriend."
"Yes, I am. Marcus invited me to go with him to the hop!" announced Sarah.
"No, you invited me and I told you no," corrected Marcus.
"Well, you would have agreed if you hadn't gotten this idea you wanted to be kissed by a princess. He's not really a prince at all, you know; he's just making that up because he wants to see what it's like!"
"That's not true!" protested Marcus. "I really am a prince, and please, Nina, I need you to kiss me."
"Mpfff!" replied Nina with finality. She was not going to kiss him, no matter what he said!
"Very well," he said coldly. "Then I will keep you tied up there until you do agree, no matter how long that takes!"
"Mpfff!" Princess Nina turned to The Wolf, pleading with him with her vibrant, brown eyes.
"Don't worry baby; I'll give this guy another five minutes and then I'll get you out of here," The Wolf assured her.
"Hey, that wasn't part of our deal!" protested Marcus.
"Well, it is now," shrugged The Wolf, checking his watch.
"Nina, please," pleaded Marcus
"Don't you dare kiss my Marcus!" said Sarah, thinking she noticed a softening in Nina's eyes. "I… I forbid you to kiss him!"
"Mpfff," replied Nina, boring her eyes into the little frog. How dare this commoner tell her what to do? She stood up abruptly, keeping her balance without any difficulty despite the ropes. She turned her head to Marcus and started nodding yes.
"You mean you're willing to kiss me?" he stammered.
"No, don't!" pleaded Sarah.
"Mpfff!" agreed Nina.
"Theodore, untie her, quick!" ordered Marcus, hopping up and down in excitement.
The Wolf unloosed the ropes circling the Princess. She untied her gag and then, looking with bemused interest over at Sarah who was continuing her vehement objections, picked up Marcus and softly touched his lips with hers.
Poof!
The transformation was instantaneous. Much like Nina, there was little about Marcus to indicate his royal status, other than the gold circlet in his curly, orange-red hair. He was dressed in the same clothes he had worn to the party with the witch, Cassandra, a casual shirt and trousers.
"Finally, I'm me again!" he exclaimed happily. "Thank you for saving me, Nina, and once again, I'm sorry for the way I had you brought here."
"Mmm, well, I think I can forgive you," purred Nina, looking at him appreciatively and taking his arm. The two slowly sauntered away, eventually leaving the old forest and making their way to the nearest community, Saranac Lake. There was still one thing troubling Nina, though. Just before disappearing into the trees, she could be heard to say, "Marcus, have you ever considered transferring to Clarkson?"
"Oh, come back here!" shouted Sarah, trying to follow them, but she was just a tiny frog and could only manage to make it to Nina's tree stump before giving up. "Oh, Wolfy, how could you? How could you let her take Marcus away like that?"
"Relax, baby, he wasn't right for you, anyhow," said The Wolf, reaching down and lifting her in a paw.
"Wolfy, what are you doing? You can't solve this problem with a kiss!"
"Sure, I can, baby."
Poof!
"What happened?" asked Sarah in bewilderment. She had suddenly turned into a human! She stood tall, gracious, and regal, every inch a princess. A silver tiara decorated with small diamonds nested in her golden blonde hair, wavy and long. Her frog skin had transformed into a strapless, emerald-green evening gown that fit her perfectly. A snowy-white faux fur stole draped across her lightly freckled shoulders, and white high-heels adorned her feet. On the tree stump, a matching green handbag materialized.
Sarah snapped open the handbag, selecting a small makeup mirror from inside to study her new appearance as she exclaimed in delight.
"Baby, you look absolutely gorgeous," said The Wolf, entwining an arm of hers in one of his. "Would you like to join me at the Fall Foliage Festival tonight?"
"Oh, I'd love to!" enthused Sarah, relegating Marcus to the distant memory section of her brain. "Only, I don't quite understand. How were you able to transform me into a princess like this?"
"Hey, baby, I've got magical kisses!"
"Yes, I know, but," began Sarah, helping herself to another one before continuing, "I wasn't a princess who had been enchanted; I always have been a frog. So, how were you able to do it?"
"Baby, like I said, I've got magical kisses!"
"Well," decided Sarah as The Wolf escorted her to his Mustang, "that's true enough."