Deoxys and Abra woke up from their long nap. Deoxys yawned and looked towards his alarm clock. It had run out of batteries, so Deoxys turned to Abra.
"Yo, Abra," Deoxys asked his buddy.
"Zzz… Wha? Zzz…" Abra groggily replied.
"Um, how long were we asleep?" Deo asked.
Abra bolted up and checked his cell phone. "Zzz… Well, crap. We've been asleep for two years… Zzz…" Abra closed the phone and opened up the blinds. The light blinded the two friends instantly.
"GAH! MY EYES!"
"ZZZ… MY BAD, SORRY! ZZZ…"
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! YOU GRADUALLY OPEN THE BLINDS, YOU FOOL, GRADUALLY!" Deoxys yelled in agony.
The two rolled around in pain for a while before their eyes readjusted to the light. After that, the two looked outside and gasped in horror.
"Zzz… Dear Lord… Zzz…" Abra stammered.
"So… many… Winnebagos…" Deoxys shuddered in horror.
The neighborhood the two had lived in had somehow been transformed into a trailer park. Winnebagos lined the streets like Roman Centurions, ready for battle. Deoxys could almost smell the dead Rattatas that were no doubt all over the sidewalk… if there still was a sidewalk.
"What happened?" Deoxys asked Abra.
"Zzz… Dunno… Zzz…" Abra responded.
Deoxys glared at his friend. "I know that you don't know. It was a rhetorical question, Mr. Psychic Brilliant Man."
Abra shrugged. "Zzz… Well, let's see if we can find help. Or something… Zzz…"
Deoxys straightened up. "Hmm… According to fan fic law, we are most likely in the middle of either a Rip Van Winkle rip-off, or a government conspiracy. So, I recommend we grab a weapon before we head out."
Abra sighed and shook his head. "Zzz… After two years, you still think we're in a fan fic? Zzz…"
Deoxys dramatically turned to Abra and pimp-slapped him. "Yes," Deoxys responded while grabbing a large steak knife. "Yes I do."
Abra stood where he was and tried to decide whether to pimp slap Deoxys, or kill him with that steak knife. He compromised and pimp-slapped him with the knife. "Zzz… Fine… Zzz…" He grabbed a pair of safety scissors and followed Deo out of the pair's house.
Upon stepping outside, the duo was immediately greeted with the stench of decaying Rattata. The land was dried out and seemingly barren of all life. The Winnebagos seemed to be mocking the duo as they stepped into the wasteland.
Deoxys gripped his knife tighter. He was not enjoying the judgmental stares of the Winnebagos, and he kept expecting a hick to pop out at any moment and attempt to shoot him.
Abra was fairly relaxed. If anything, he was inspecting the mind of a small flea hanging out near a rattata corpse. Cute little fleas. How they so merrily jumped from place to place. Abra enjoyed reading their thoughts. This particular flea was thinking about ways to use the song Fat Bottomed Girls in a flirty way without getting ripped apart by an angry swarm of lady-fleas. Abra himself had often wondered if such a thing was possible and began to contemplate the question. He did not have long to wonder, however, as Deoxys hissed sharply and pointed towards their house.
The Winnebagos closest to their house had converged upon it. The sound of something transforming rang out throughout the neighborhood as the final remaining house transformed into a Winnebago. Deo and Abra looked upon the newly formed Winnebago in confusion.
"Yep. It's a government conspiracy," Deoxys muttered in horror.
"Zzz… The hell, man? How did those Winnebagos turn our house into another Winnebago? Zzz…" Abra asked.
"Dunno," Deoxys replied.
"Zzz… It's really annoying when you answer rhetorical questions, Deo… Zzz…"
"HA! See! It is annoying! So stop doing it to me!"
"Zzz… Whatevs… Zzz…"
"Don't give me that whatevs line when I'm mad at you!"
"Zzz… Whatevs… Zzz…"
"Fork you!"
"Zzz… Fire truck you! Zzz…"
"Phenomena you!"
"Zzz… Fig Newton you! Zzz…"
"Foot you!"
"Zzz… Fart you! Zzz…"
Deoxys gasped in shock. "Take. That. Back!"
"Zzz… No… Zzz…" Abra responded angrily.
The two began circling each other in the customary manner of a brodown. Unfortunately, the hilarious display was stopped by a loud yell of "YOU!" The duo turned around and saw their crazy Electabuzz neighbor, Thor, stamping towards them.
"Oh, hey Thor. What up with the Winnebagos?"
"You foolish fools! Have you no idea what thou hast done!"
"Nope."
"Zzz… Nah… Zzz…"
"You have allowed the Winnebagos to take over the entire neighborhood! Now they'll focus their attacks on Sunny Acres! If we lose their Wal-Mart, the resistance is screwed!" Thor screamed angrily. Deoxys scratched the center of his face.
"Yeah, that sucks. Again, what up with the Winnebagos?"
"Zzz… Um, wait, resistance? What, are these aliens or something? Zzz…" Abra asked the irate Thor.
"Um, no, you simpleton. Don't you remember my stories of that most fearsome Winnebago army?" Thor asked the two.
Deoxys and Abra glanced at each other. "Uh, no," Deoxys replied.
"Zzz… I got nothing… Zzz…" Abra agreed.
Thor slapped himself in the face out of frustration. "Fine then. Sit down and I'll tell all y'all morons… Again… For the forty thousandth time… the story of the Winnebago armies."
Deoxys and Abra sat down on a nearby Rattata corpse and began listening to their favorite madman's story.
"Over three… dammit, now it's five, FIVE… years ago, there was a secret government lab over in Utah…"
"Government conspiracy. Called it," Deoxys muttered to Abra.
"… In this lab, there were at least three rednecks. SOVIET rednecks. And they got their filthy hands on some behavioral modifiers. Nasty stuff. Made whatever touched it act like very basic bacteria. Get out, multiply, and do it some more. Well, these rednecks were dumb, and they ended up spilling the solution on their Winnebago. Now, that Winnebago has been multiplying ever since. Now it's over here in Colorado. In our neighborhood. I knew they were coming, so I doused you guys with sleeping gas. The Winnebagos were able to sense your general ability to destroy things and avoided that house like the plague. Lucky for the resistance, they're dumb. They didn't want to move on until your house was taken care of. And now it is. So nerts to you guys. Now the Winnebagos are going to keep moving east."
Abra and Deoxys sat in shocked silence for a bit before Deoxys asked, "Are they moving in any direction other than East?"
"No. Like I said, they're dumb. I theorize that they are attempting to return to Russia and their Soviet leaders. But, that is just a theory. I have no idea what their plan is." Thor admitted.
There was silence again. Then Abra finally spoke up.
"Zzz… The fork. That is the dumbest story I have ever heard. Even dumber than the GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL! Zzz…"
Deoxys and Thor looked at Abra like he was crazy. "I'm sorry?" Thor responded.
"Zzz… Okay. Look. I can accept your story up until Soviet rednecks. Why would a redneck be a Soviet? They only care for beer! They don't care about the working class! They hate the working class! WHY would they want to aid a party that reportedly only stands for the WORKING CLASS! Also, behavioral modifiers do NOT work like that! Those take extremely long periods of time just to make a minor change! Also, you have to have a behavior in the first place for a behavioral modifier to work! WINNEBAGOS. HAVE. NO. BEHAVIOR. At worst, nothing would happen! At best, nothing would happen. Also, how does a behavioral modifier allow a device to multiply! DOES. NOT. MAKE. SENSE. And to top off the stupid train, even a redneck would know that the Soviet Union has been dead for over twenty years! WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO AID A COUNTRY THAT'S BEEN DEAD FOR TWENTY FIRE TRUCKING YEARS! Oh, and you gassed us! You gassed us! The hell, man! You can't just douse people with sleeping gas! Hell, I'm so mad, I actually woke up!" Abra ranted. His eyes were open. They stared into the souls of Deoxys and Thor.
"Well day-um, man," Deoxys quipped. "What'd I tell ya? His eyes are green."
"Huh," Thor muttered. "You're right. I always thought they were just, like, empty sockets."
"What." Abra stated flatly. "This whole thing was just an attempt… to get me… to OPEN. MY. EYES!"
"No. Well, sort of," Deoxys replied. "We set your phone clock ahead by two years. In reality, we only slept about three hours. I don't know how the Winnebagos came about, though…"
Thor chuckled. "Well. Would it make sense if I told you…?"
Abra stared at Thor again. Thor was instantly quiet.
"Um… look, Abra, this is my dramatic reveal. Please stop staring at me."
Abra continued his stare. Thor felt his soul being peeled away like layers of an onion.
"… I mean it man. Stop," Thor replied fearfully.
"Dude, Abra, shut your eyes," Deoxys instructed Abra.
"I can't. This is the first time in six years I've opened my eyes. I've forgotten how to close them," Abra replied.
"Um, Abra, what's up with your pupils? They're glowing red," Deo pointed out.
"Oh? Huh. That's odd," Abra responded. Then he began shooting lasers out of his eyes.
"Yipe!" Deo and Thor yelled as they hit the dirt.
Abra roared and shot a ton of lasers from his eyes. All the Winnebagos sensed the threat and converged upon Abra. Abra turned towards the sound of advancing Winnebago army. Every single one was destroyed. Abra spun around dramatically and kept roaring. Every Winnebago in the neighborhood was obliterated in a blast of laser fire. Abra let out one final, triumphant roar and closed his eyes.
"Zzz… Oh, that's how I close my eyes… Zzz…" Abra yawned. Deoxys and Thor got up nervously.
"Day-um. That was unexpected. I mean, wow. I didn't know you could shoot lasers, Abs," Deoxys said to his friend.
"Zzz… Well, Deo, it is a little known ability that all Abras share. It is a direct result of being unable to fully control our psychic abilities. It is also murder on our eyeballs. I mean, FIG NEWTON that really hurt… Zzz…" Abra explained.
"NO! Simpletons! My Winnebago armies! I was up to forty seven Winnebagos before you ruined everything!" Thor yelled.
"Wait, Thor, you were one of the Soviet rednecks?" Deoxys asked the angered electabuzz.
"Yes, comrade!" Thor laughed. "I reckon I was one of the three Soviet rednecks! And now that you know my secret, I must kill you! Violently! Legion of Soviet Rednecks, assemble!"
Thor struck a pose as the other Soviet rednecks jumped from the sky and posed besides him.
"Big Red Jimmy!" a large Emboar yelled.
"Zangief!" Zangief yelled.
"Zangief! Why?" Deoxys asked the Soviet wrestler.
"My heart beats for the motherland!" Zangief responded.
"No, why join with Soviet rednecks? You're not a redneck," Deoxys pointed out.
Zangief cried a single tear. "I love your bluegrass music. So they put me with these guys."
"Ah. Well, that sucks. But, look. I still have to beat you all up for inadvertently causing the destruction of all these nice houses," Deoxys responded with a shrug.
"What? No, that was Abra," Big Red Jimmy pointed out.
"Zzz… Yeah, but this never would've happened if you guys hadn't turned the houses into Winnebagos… Zzz…" Abra countered.
"Well, there was most likely another way to take out all of the houses," Thor guessed.
"But still, you turned their houses into Winnebagos. That's not cool," Deoxys responded.
"Zzz… Why are we still arguing about this! We all agreed this was stupid! Zzz…" Abra huffed.
"Oh, yeah. You made that clear when you lasered all of these houses into oblivion," Thor quipped.
"Forget this. We're never gonna fight at this rate. I'm going home to my beer and American pigs' game of football," Big Red Jimmy muttered.
"What? No! That's anti-climactic!" Thor yelled after him.
"I have gig for Super Street Fighter IV: The Super Arcade Edition. I must leave," Zangief said as he walked away.
"Oh, come on! Guys? Please? They'll stick me in reinforced plastic!" Thor called out to his comrades.
"Well, looks like they hate you now. You know what that means!" Deoxys grinned as he pulled out a water cooler.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thor yelled as Abra somehow shoved him into the cooler.
"Zzz… Well. Now what? Zzz…" Abra asked Deoxys.
Deoxys thought long and hard about this question before finally deciding, "Let's sing songs from that musical about chess!"
"Zzz… Awesome… Zzz…" Abra nodded.
"You wouldn't!" Thor recoiled.
"Irony time!" Deoxys yelled as he began to play The Soviet Machine.
"NOOOO! THE IRONY! IT BURNS!" Thor yelled as the song played.
"Hey!" one of the neighbors yelled. "Where's my house?"
Deoxys and Abra looked at each other guiltily.
"Hey, yeah! My house is gone too!" yelled another neighbor.
"Yeah!"
"Mine too!"
"Why are there dead Rattata everywhere?"
"I'm knee deep in Winnebago parts! What happened?"
"It was those two again!"
"Everything's their fault!"
"We should run them out of town!"
"YEAH!"
Abra glanced at Deoxys. "Zzz… Well, what now? Zzz…"
Deoxys thought for a bit. "We'll call the French military. Or, we start dancing like Russians in time to the song and pray they join in."
"Zzz… Okay… Zzz…"
The pair desperately began dancing along to the song. The passive-aggressive mob stopped for a bit and muttered amongst themselves. They eventually decided that the dance seemed legit, so they all joined in. Within seconds, Abra had shoved them all into the water cooler.
"Dude," Deoxys said in a deadpan voice to Abra. "Not kosher."
"Zzz… Whatevs. Well, what do we do now? Zzz…" Abra asked.
"I heard Sunny Acres has a nice Wal-Mart. We should look for a house there."
"Zzz… Awesome… Zzz…" Abra shrugged.
The pair walked away whistling a merry tune. Thor and the raging neighbors yelled after them.
"We'll get you, Deoxys and Abra!"
"Whatevs," the pair called back.
"No, we mean it!"
"Whatevs," the pair responded again.
Then the song stopped and there was silence. After an awkward pause, Thor cleared his throat.
"So," he began. "Who here is open to the thought of Marxism?"
"No-one," the neighbors replied.
"Oh," Thor sighed.
"Tell me your secrets, master," the deep-voiced Cleffa asked the Communist Electabuzz.
"Oh. Um… sure," Thor responded, laughing in a way that could almost be considered a little mean-spirited.