January 7, 2011
Dear Ritsu,
I'm sorry about this really...but it's better if you read this first than to read about in some other place...again I'm truly sorry to hurt you like this..but well..what goes around comes around right...?
I just wish to forget...forget about you. I just wish that we had never met. Things would just be a whole hell of a lot simpler. Because with the way things are going now, this whole fucking reality I live in is just crumbling and quickly chipping away. The ground I'm standing on is disappearing right from under my feet. I've got this single piece of ground to stand on and it's slowly falling to bits. All because of you. All because I said hi to you and started a conversation. All of this is your fault... The reason I'm doubting everything was due to us meeting. I wish someone would hurry up and make a time machine, so I can quickly go back to the time I first saw you and turn the other way. After all of this time together now you decide to leave. Ha I guess when you asked me if I believed in happy endings that was your way of telling me to go find that ending with someone else. Because all that I would get from sticking with you would be a dead end. And a dead end is exactly where I feel trapped at. A god damn dead end.
But I can't blame you. I can't put all of this on your shoulders. Because even I know it wasn't going to last. People have fun for a short time, then they move on and enjoy their life with someone else. It's just human nature I guess. But it still doesn't mean that the ones who get left behind are going to be able to easily find someone else to enjoy their life with. Simply because we were foolish enough to get hurt thinking that the one who left us wanted to enjoy their whole lives with us. It's really our fault. Simply because we were foolish. And it's my fault because I was to naive and ignorant to think that you and me wanted the same things.
But I do know that you wanted to become a detective. How's that working out? I bet you'll be pretty shocked to see my name in one of your cases. Don't worry I'll make sure that it's not to gruesome once you open the file. Oh and I'll make sure to leave a nice little note as well. Just remember none of this was your fault. It's mine. All mine. Simply because I'm one foolish person who has gotten tangled in a web of depression and not so happily ever afters. So how about you begin working on that time machine so that you won't ever have a memory of meeting me. That way I won't suffer and you won't find my name on a file laying on your desk inside of your police office. I'd say it's better if we both forget this ending that both of us are at. And instead go back and try to find our happy endings on our own. How does that sound to you? Because to a falling fool it sounds like a good way to get myself back on my feet. So maybe if we hadn't fucked up so much then our lives could be simple but now both you and I are stuck in a vortex of confusion and I want out. Let's just hope that a time machine is waiting for us at home because if not. Our happy endings will never find us. And we will be stuck in a world with me having a noose around my neck and you reading a file with my name written on it describing my death. So let's just hope to forget this ending.
Signed your not so happy ending,
Mio.