Disclaimer: Don't own Lost or any of the characters you recognize. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's note: I started this originally as a one shot, but it may or may not continue. It's up to you guys. Also, I haven't written any Lost fics in about 3 years, so I'm not entirely sure I like this. Let me know what you think.

Love for a child

The pain was intense.

She thought she had felt the worst kind of pain when her mother gave her up to the Police. Or when Tom died because of her. Or most recently, when he jumped out of the chopper. Every single one of those times she thought she had hit rock bottom and would never recover. Every single time the pain had been so intense, she thought it was going to consume her whole and leave nothing but ashes behind.

But she recovered and went on with her life as best as she could, because there was no sense in dwelling on her past mistakes and heartbreaks. At least that was what she made herself believe so she could get through each day.

It worked for a while. Until the day she had to leave Aaron behind to go back to the island.

Even though she had a purpose and intended on fulfilling it, leaving Aaron behind was the hardest thing she ever had to do. It felt like someone had torn open her chest and ripped a piece of her heart out. For three years, that little boy had been one of her rocks and kept her sane enough to take care of him. To take care of them.

When she found out she was pregnant, barely a month after the rescue, Aaron kept her strong enough to endure a pregnancy without him by her side. His very presence, even if he couldn't talk yet, had soothing effect on her and she managed to stay level-headed enough through it. When Thomas was born, he and Aaron became the center of her universe. In a matter of months, her life had been turned upside down and she suddenly found herself a mother of two little boys.

Aaron and Thomas were the best of friends and inseparable. It was nothing short of amazing how well they got along and understood each other on a level she found intriguing for toddlers. She loved both of them with all her heart, but every time she looked at them, she was haunted by the ghosts of her lies. Aaron wasn't hers to keep and Thomas was the spitting image of his father, even though he had gotten her dark curls. Every time he smiled and showed his cute little dimples, her heart ached. She missed him more than she ever thought possible.

Jack was there to pick up the piece, though. For a while, she though she loved him. He was always there for her when she needed him and treated her boys like they were his own. He knew Thomas was Sawyer's child; there was no point denying it. Even though he played the role of loving father for a while, however, Kate knew he resented Thomas. She could see it in his eyes. At the time she shrugged it off as childish jealousy. After all, Sawyer was dead, for all she knew, and she would never see him again.

When she decided she had to go back to the island to find Claire, Jack had been long gone from her life. She left Aaron with Claire's mother and even nurtured the idea of leaving Thomas with Cassidy, so she wouldn't put him in danger. But after giving Aaron away, she couldn't find it in her to leave her little boy behind. As much as loved Aaron, she knew she was doing the right thing by leaving him with his rightful family. She couldn't do the same with Thomas, though.

So she boarded Ajira flight 316 and when the turbulence finally hit, she told him to close his eyes and help him tight against her chest waiting for it to be over. The next thing she knew, small hands were shaking her awake and she opened her eyes to find her little boy, Jack and Hurley hovering over her. As she took in her surroundings, she hugged Thomas close, thankful that he wasn't harmed in any way.

The fact that they had somehow landed in 1977 baffled her. Even now, when she had been here for a month, she still found it hard to wrap her head around. But what really tug at her heart was seeing him again.

Alive and well.

And with Juliet.

She knew she had no right to be jealous. She had been engaged to Jack just a couple of months before, after all. Still, she had no idea how to act around him, particularly because of Thomas. So she tried to avoid him at all costs, keeping to herself, doing her job at the motor pool and taking care of her son. He never asked about him and she never said anything. She knew she would have to tell him eventually, but she would wait. She had no idea how to even bring up the subject. She would have to wait for the right time.

Thomas seemed to love the island life. He had an insane amount of space to run around and play with the other kids so he couldn't be happier. For the most part, he didn't seem to mind the change so much. Sometimes, however, he would ask about Aaron and when they were going home to see him. Every time that happened, it was like pouring salt into an open wound for her, but she explained patiently that Aaron would have to stay with his grandma for a while.

One night, though, things were particularly difficult when Thomas cried himself to sleep because he missed his brother and wanted to go home. After she put him to bed, she sat on her porch in the dark and allowed her misery and despair to take over. Crying silently into the night, with her knees to her chest, she tried to comfort herself. She missed Aaron. She missed her life in Los Angeles. She missed him and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

An arm wrapped around her shoulder, suddenly, and she jumped startled. When that same arm pulled her closer enough that she could rest her head on his warm chest, she didn't fight it. She recognized his touch and let herself get lost in it, if only for a moment. She knew it was wrong. They weren't supposed to know each other and he was with Juliet, but at that moment in the dark she didn't care. Her misery was pulling her under and she was thankful that he was there to keep her head above the water. When her sobs started to shake her small, fragile body, he only held her tighter and let her cry it out.

After a while, she felt her tears subside and a kiss was placed on her forehead. He didn't let her go, like she thought he would, but held her quietly for a few minutes.

An eternity passed by until she finally worked up the courage to look up. He smiled at her, his dimples showing off playfully, just like her son's. He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her hair.

"Thank you." She whispered. Her throat felt like it was on fire. He shook his head and kissed her forehead again.

"Wanna talk about it, Freckles?" She sighed and allowed herself to smile a little. It was the first time she heard him call her that in three years.

"Everything is wrong." She said quietly and heard him sigh.

"I know it's a lot to take in, Freckles, but you'll get used to it." He said soothingly.

"It's not just the time travel thing. I left my son out there. It's too hard. I miss him. Thomas misses him." She tried to explain and wiped away quickly the tear that was threatening to escape.

"Hurley told us you kept Aaron. He didn't explain why you left him behind, though. I mean, you brought the other little one. Why didn't you bring him too?" He asked and she took a deep breath, trying to think of an explanation.

"It's complicated, James. You wouldn't understand." She put her hand over her eyes and hoped he would leave it be.

"Well, it just so happens that I'm an expert at complicated." He grinned at her and his dimples made her heart ache more.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you even here?" He looked at her, confused. "We've been avoiding each other like the plague, Sawyer. You know that."

He was quiet for a couple of minutes and she thought he wasn't going to answer.

"I can't do it anymore, Kate." He said quietly, his voice defeated.

"Can't do what?" she asked confused and looked up into his eyes again.

"I care about you, Freckles. That hasn't changed." He leaned down and kissed her forehead again. "And I've missed you."

"But you're with Juliet." She argued, fighting the tiny spark of hope in her heart.

"Don't mean I don't care about you. I don't wanna see you hurting like that and I kept my distance because of jack and the little one."

She frowned.

"What do they have to do with anything?"

"I heard you and the doc were engaged. And I'm not sure he would want me near you and his kid."

Her heart tripped for a second and resumed its beating in an erratic rhythm. This conversation was not going the way she planned, but she couldn't help what she blurted out next.

"Jack is not Thomas' father." She said and her wide eyes met his frowning face.

"What do you mean he's not Jack's? I thought you and the doc had been cozy since you left the island." She shook her head and he looked at her confused. "Who's his father, then?"

Kate fought against the wave of panic that threatened to take over. She couldn't do this tonight.

"Mommy?" She heard her little boy's voice and looked back to find him at the front door, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Pulling away from Sawyer's arms, she smiled at him.

"Hey, pumpkin. What are you doing up?" She asked softly and Thomas ran to her arms.

"Bad dream." He said quietly.

"Oh, sweetie, it was just a dream. You're safe now, alright. Mommy's got you."

She hugged him tight and kissed the top of his head. She could feel Sawyer's eyes on her, watching them curiously.

"Mommy, who's he?" Thomas asked, looking at Sawyer. Kate took a deep breath, in a worthless effort of calming her erratic heart.

"This is James, baby. He's an old friend of mommy's."

Thomas nodded and waved shyly.

"Just like my name?" he asked Kate, who nodded quickly.

"I thought your name was Thomas, squirt." Sawyer said with a grin, ruffling his hair.

"My name is Thomas James Ford Austen" He said slowly, trying to pronounce every word clearly.

Kate looked at Sawyer with wide eyes, her breath stuck in her throat. Sawyer looked back at her surprised.

"Is that so?" he said slowly, his eyes glued to Kate's gaze. She tried to think fast, but nothing came to mind, except panic. "Freckles? You named him after me?"

Kate swallowed hard and nodded, unable to say anything.

"Not that I'm not flattered, Kate, but why?"

She stayed silent. He touched her chin, making her meet his gaze.

"Freckles?"

Kate swallowed hard again and stood up quickly, holding Thomas to her hip.

"I should get him to bed. Say goodnight, baby." Sawyer stood up in time to see the kid smile with a set of dimples that mirrored his own.

"Night, Mr. James." He waved and Sawyer stared at him in shock.

"Night, squirt." He managed a small grin at Thomas and grabbed Kate's arm, keeping her there. "How old are you again, little man?"

"Two, but I'm gonna be three soon, right, mommy? That's three whole fingers." He told Sawyer and showed him three little fingers.

When Sawyer failed to answer, she knew he had done the math. She could still lie, but really, what was the point?

"Let's go to bed, baby." She said, her voice shaking. Sawyer tightened his hold on her arm. "Sawyer, please." She whispered.

"Kate, is he…?" She nodded quickly. He blinked, astonished. "Why didn't you…?"

"Not now, Sawyer. Please?" She added softly. "Go home. We'll talk later."

"You're damn right we will." He let go of her arm and looked at Thomas whose eyes were slowly losing the battle against sleep and his face softened. "I can't believe you didn't tell me." He shook his head.

The kid actually looked like him, he realized.

Like in a daze, he leaned closer to her and she was afraid he was going to do something to her for a second, but he just kissed her cheek and then the top of Thomas' head and turned around to leave.

When he was a few feet away, she called out to him.

"Hey, James!" He turned around and looked at her questioningly. "I missed you too." She said softly and was rewarded with a smile.

"See you tomorrow, Freckles." He said and walked to his house.

Kate let out a breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding.

It had gone better than expected.