The Great Gatsby
Diclaimer: As of yet I cannot claim to have written the Great American Novel therefore Gatsby belongs to the man who has
Notes: This is just a silly parody I wrote one day. It is done in a spirt of humor. I have the upmost love and respect for this book, enjoy!
Scene: Daisy is sitting on her porch with Nick and Jordan
Daisy: I'm really intelligent. No, I mean really intelligent, like you wouldn't believe how intelligent I am.
Jordan: Mmmm…
Daisy: And I'm rich too, like I could buy all of you, that's how rich I am.
Tom (off stage): AND YOU'R DRIVING ME CRAZY
Disembodied Voice from across the dock: DON'T YOU DARE INSULT HER
Nick: Did you hear something?
Daisy: No, and I'm really perceptive. It's so hard to be me.
Jordan: I'll bet.
Nick: My Midwestern honesty is offended by you, I also find you titillating, like a bird on the wing of the cold moonlit sky flying ever onward, you skanky slut
Jordan: Wanna go make out?
Nick: Yeah.
Daisy: (Too herself) I'm so popular. I don't know what to do with myself I'm so popular.
Tom: I'VE GOT TO GET OUTTA HERE!
Myrtle walks in a black leather buctea, thigh-highs and a wip: Hey, what's cooking hot stuff?
Gatsby rides by on a unicycle on his head dressed as a Celtic warrior while playing the harmonica singing: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do I'm half crazy…(runs into something heavey)Owww…!
Nick: Half crazy?
Gatsby (still singing) : All for the love of yoooooou! It will be a stylish marriage because now I'm loaded…
Daisy: I'm really hot. And I'm really turning you on. Let's go some where.
Later at the plaza hotel
Tom is tied spread eagle to a door inside a suite, Myrtle is whipping him.
Myrtle: …And I want a car, and a puppy, and botox, and an Ipod…
Tom: You whore!
Tom beats her up using telekinesis, because he is still tied to a door.
Myrtle: I love you.
Tom: I love you too.
Nick (off stage): The course of true love never did run smooth…
Gatsby walks in a bathrobe with Daisy behind him in a negligee.
Gatsby: Hey there are people here, I was suspicious when the plaza was willing to rent by the hour…(knocks over something heavy) Owww!
Tom (still tied up): Daisy, what are you doing? How dare you cheat on me!
Gatsby: It's because I'm black isn't it?
Tom: He's black! The horror!
Jordan, suddenly appearing, highly disheveled with Nick in toe: You're not black.
Nick: But we can't believe a word you say, can we! You lying cheater!
Jordan: Oh baby I'm sorry.
Nick: I will never respect you again.
Jordan: Can we still hookup sometimes?
Nick: Yeah.
Jordan: Then that's fine.
Gorge Wilson: Why am I here?
Nick: Plot hole.
Jordan: How did you know that?
Nick laughing evilly: Oh you don't know? Come on, narrator, educated, son of moderately well to do, parents in the Midwest? I'm F. Scott Fitzgerald. I put myself In the book to make sure you all didn't get out of hand, but you did, and now I have to end it all! (Takes out a gun and begins to wave it wildly)
Gatsby: You could hurt Daisy! (Lunges at Nick, misses and hits the wall.)
Daisy: You tried to save me! (Runs to him)
Gatsby (singing quietly, almost out of breath to tune of "Little Fall of Rain"): Don't you fret Miss Daisy, I don't feel any pain, a hard brick wall, can hardly hurt me now, (to the tune of "All I Ask of You") Daisy I looooooveeee yooooouuuuu!
Daisy (getting up and grabbing a gun that is conveniently lying on the ground, funny no one noticed it before.): You bastard, you lied to me Nicky, you lied to me! (Shots Nick)
Jordan: You just shot him! What are you going to do now!
Daisy: I'm going to Disney world. Hey! How about you shoot Tom and then we can start a Jazz review, it is the 1920's after all!
Jordan: Okay, lets be liberated women, Annnnnnnnd alllllll that Jaaaazz,
Together: THAT JAZZ!
All English professors in the world: Oy!
Myrtle: What happens to us now?
Gorge: only one thing to do.
Myrtle: What?
Gorge: Live the American dream, fill up our SUV and go to Wal-Mart.
Myrtle: I knew there was a reason I married you.