The Sound of Her Wings

A Crossover EVA-Death death fic by the Kitsune-yasha

The Outlands:

A girl with short, mid-nape brown hair dressed in a black women's business suit approaches. Her hazel eyes gleam. Beside her is a young man of seventeen years with locks of dark auburn hair in rich curls and lustrous brown eyes. He doesn't look the slightest bit happy.

Kitsune-yasha: Welcome to the Outlands. This is where all my stories, original and fanfiction, start out. With me is Armand (I borrowed him from Marius in the Vampire Chronicles).

Armand: Hn.

Kitsune-yasha: Aw, don't be such a spoil-sport, Armand.

Armand: I'm not. I'm hungry and there's no human blood here (save for yours) that I can have, and I promised Marius that I wouldn't drink from you. *looks around* This place is dismal and desolate. I thought you said this is where every story idea from you originated.

Kitsune-yasha: It is. The stage is set and all the actors are in place. *smiles*

Armand: You like quoting Treize Khushrenada a lot, don't you?

Kitsune-yasha: *nods* I'm sure God will understand what we're doing.

Armand: I thought you didn't put faith in any God in particular. -_-

Kitsune-yasha: It's a Treize quote, babe.

Armand:….

Kitsune-yasha: Now for the disclaimer and such!

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Disclaimer: Hidaeki Anno owns EVA. Neil Gaiman (God, genius) created the Sandman and all its spin-offs including the Death series. I own nothing. As a matter of fact, I don't even own the suit I'm wearing. It's my sister's. See? *pulls out tag with her sister's name written on it*

Warnings: Nothing really. Not even yaoi. As a matter of fact, there is no yaoi or bish-ai in here. This is a romance, but don't expect Shinji to be with Asuka or Rei or even Misato, for that matter. I've paired him with Death, who everybody loves when they meet her. :)

Notes: Okay, for those of you who don't know, Neil Gaiman IS a god! Even more so than Hidaeki Anno. Neil has done comic books, regular books, and television series (in Britain, his home country, these series are smash hits). His most recent works have been The Sandman: Dream Hunters (he collaborated with the legendary Yoshitaka Amano on this one~ the art and story are beautiful) and American Gods, which I hear is really good. He is most famous for his Sandman series, which is a major trip! It's better than End of Evangelion! He uses almost EVERY character that appears in the comic book (even if it was only once), and the stories are excellent, even if the series only went to issue 75. So go out and read Neil Gaiman's works!

Death isn't a creation of Neil Gaiman's, because Death already exists. His version of Death (which is based off of Tori Amos's personality) is one groovy chick! She dresses like a poet (well, a Goth poet), has the smile of a best friend, and is extremely nice! In the Sandman Universe, she is an Endless (which will be explained in the story). She rocks.

Anything else????

Yup! This takes place in EoE. Also, I recommend to anyone who wants to read the Sandman to read the Doll's House graphic novel. It's the best one, in my opinion. The rest can wait.

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All humanity was dead. Shinji knew that much. He had seen the millions upon millions of Rei Ayanamis taking away their souls. Where they went, he did not know. Rei was giving him the choice now- the choice for life in the Sea of LCL or for life as it was, with everybody's AT Fields initiated. As she laid on top of him, naked, showing him what it meant to exist without an AT Field, he had to wonder: was this what he wanted. In front of him, he saw Misato's small white cross. He remembered her and how she cared for him. It seemed strange that in all the world, where everything no longer existed, this small cross had managed to survive.

Misato… She was dead before Shinji had become the Tree of Life. That much he knew. He remembered her blood on his hands and his tears. She was with Kaji now. Surely, she must be happy. If he were to chose life, he would take her away from that happiness because Kaji wouldn't be there. He had died way before any of this had happened, and Shinji doubted he would come back into existence. His soul is already with God…

Happiness…Was that what he wanted. After all, trying to obtain this happiness had caused him so much pain. Would he be disappointed when he obtained it? Did he want to exist again? No…Everybody I love is gone. Misato, Asuka, Kaworu, my mother… Rei was there, but in reality Rei had never existed as an entity of her own. She was a clone of Shinji's mother, a part of Lilith. She had returned to Lilith and became Lilith to carry out Instrumentality. What laid on top of him now was Lilith in the form of his beloved Rei Ayanami. That's all.

Kaworu had appeared standing above them. He now gave Shinji the choice. He isn't really Kaworu, Shinji told himself with sadness in his heart. It was just Tabris in his human form. It had never really been Kaworu. The human known as Kaworu had never existed. Like Rei, he had never existed as a separate entity. Both he and Rei had been created for the wrong reasons. They were never human.

Now the choice was his. But did he want what they told him he could have. No. He didn't want life. Life was full of pain, his own and the pain he had inflicted upon others. If he brought them all back- Misato, Asuka, Ritsuko, his father- he would just cause them all pain again. No, he didn't want that.

"I want death," he told them. "Not the death of the entire world, but my own."

Kaworu frowned. "But Shinji, you have the power to change the world. You have the power to make things happier, better."

"Yes," agreed Rei. "You don't have to live a life of misery again. Through your dreams, you can change it."

"But what if I mess up? What if I create a world that serves my happiness only? Then everybody else would be in pain. I can't risk that. Besides…" He looked at the cross again. "I'm sick of making decisions. All my life, that is what I've had to do. If I made the wrong decision, I was scrutinized for it. I don't want the choice anymore. I just want death."

The scene began to change. Everything melted and reformed. Shinji was now full clothed and standing on his own two legs. Rei and Kaworu stood in front of him. They wore the clothes Shinji was used to seeing them in. They were still by the Sea of LCL.

"Hello, Shinji," a voice said beside him.

It was a woman. She was dressed in all black- a black tank top, black pants black boots. Her hair was raven black and her eyes were obsidian, but they weren't hard; they were kind. Around her neck and falling to her chest was a simple silver ankh, which Shinji could see himself in. Under one eye, she had an exotic design- a spiral. If it had been at the side of her eye, it would have reminded Shinji of something Egyptian. Her skin was white…literally. There was no humanly flesh color to it, save for the colors it reflected from the Sea of LCL. Shinji felt as if he knew her.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am Death. I'm afraid I've come to take you away." She sounded sad, concerned almost.

"Don't say that," Shinji told her. "I want to die. That way somebody else can decide for humanity."

"Like who?" Rei asked.

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know…God, perhaps."

Death frowned again. "I'm afraid that after I take you away, Shinji, I have to take God away."

"What?!" Shinji was alarmed. "But you can't take away God! He created everything! The world, the Universe, Life! He can't die."

Death looked down at him with a kinder, softer light in her ebony eyes. "Gods die, Shinji. They are not forever. They die when there is no one left to follow them. Earth is I Am Who Am's realm. He is credited with creating the world, but the Universe, no." Shinji gave her a perplexed look. She went on. "You see, the Universe and life were created from destinies, dreams, desires, and despairs. Deaths and deliriums resulted from all these. Gods arose when creatures created them to dictate over their culture, their realm. Cultures die, out Shinji. The religion of a God may survive, but eventually, it dies out too. That is the way of everything."

"Then what are you? Are you a God?"

Death laughed. "No, I'm not a God. I'm an Endless. There are six of us: Destiny, Death, Dream, Desire, Despair, and Delirium. We are forever and will be forever until there is no longer a forever to be."

"So after this, you're going to cease to exist?"

"No. This is only the end of the world. The end of the Universe, of Time, will come much later on. And when it does, I will take away all my brothers and sisters."

"But who will take you away?" Shinji asked.

"No one. You see, when I take them away, I'll just leave the Universe. I'll turn out the light, lock it up, and walk away. That's all."

"That's it?" Shinji was becoming very confused. "Why will you take away God when I die? Surely He can decide how the world is going to be."

Kaworu answered this time. "You have the keys to Instrumentality, Shinji-kun."

Rei nodded. "Yes. You and you alone are allowed to make the decision for humanity."

"So I have to play God?" The two nodded. "I don't want to play God! I have no right! I don't want to decide! I don't want to live!" He broke down crying.

Death gently touched his arm. "There are other things you can decide," she told him. "You don't just have to die. You can throw something in there." She offered him a smile. "You can give back to humanity."

Shinji sniffled. "How?"

"You'll find the answer inside you."

Inside…? How could he know the answer? He didn't have such knowledge. He was just a human. He didn't possess all the answers, did he? Perhaps the answer was whatever he made it. After all, this was no longer reality as he knew it. There was no more logic, no more natural laws. If he wished it, everything could be topsy-turvy. That wasn't his wish, though. His wish was for death. The world would be a better place without him in it. He knew this inside his heart. In my heart…

A smile grew on Shinji's sad face. "I know now…"

He reached inside his chest and pulled out a crystal heart-shaped gem. This was his heart, crystal and pure. He broke it with both hands, amazed at how simple it was to break. A key on a string fell out from inside. He picked it up. Turning to Kaworu and Rei, he offered the halves of his heart to each of them. The two accepted.

"This is my heart," he told them. "I give it to you, my friend and my mother(1). You both really cared for me, when others just tossed me aside. Thank you." He then held the key by its string in front of them. "This is the key to Instrumentality," he explained. "Give it to God. He deserves to decide for his creations. And if you see Asuka and Misato up there, tell them I love them." He turned to Death. She smiled at him. He smiled back. "I'm ready," he said.

Death nodded. She embraced Shinji close to her. Shinji embraced her back. He breathed in Death's essence. It was sweet, not sour and putrid as all dead things smelled. All around, him everything became black. He could hear the sound of wings…her wings. He knew they must be flying, but where? Shinji couldn't feel a breeze or hear anything else save for the wings. It was as if he was inside Death. It was very comfortable, too. He closed his eyes and let it take him away.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself by another shore, but this one wasn't made of LCL. The land surrounding it was desolate, worse than what earth looked like. Shinji had to wonder where Death had transported him.

Death was beside him once more. She gazed out at the large sea ahead of them.

"Where are we?" Shinji asked.

"My realm," was her answer.

Shinji looked with her. Not far away, on the shore, he noticed a very large umbrella floating upside down. It was like a boat almost.

"Do I ride in the umbrella across this sea?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Where will I ride?"

"To wherever it takes you."

Shinji looked down at the ground for a while. Inside he felt that he didn't want to leave Death. He felt a love for her. She had taken him away from Life, from having to decide. She had cared for him, though he had never seen her before.

Stop being ridiculous, he told himself. Of course, he had seen her before. He had seen her many times, but in a different form. He had seen her in the forms of Angels and Evas. He had seen her in Kaworu's crimson eyes just before he had died. He had seen her as bombs, guns, and all sorts of weapons. She had been in Asuka, on the battlefield destroying, killing to her heart's content. She had been in Misato's loving eyes when the purple-haired woman gave him her cross and an adult kiss and had promised him they'd finish the rest when he returned. She was in everything, everyone. She was in him whenever he destroyed an Angel. He had always loved her and hated her for making him kill, making him cause pain, making him destroy the enemy. He owed the appreciation everybody had for him to her, to Death. Without her, he wouldn't have found himself in others.

"I love you," he told her, embracing her and planting a kiss on her black lips.

Death gave him a smile. "I love you too, Shinji Ikari. I love everyone." She gave him a small squeeze.

Shinji let go. He walked over to the umbrella and stepped inside. Death had followed him, to give the umbrella a push into the water. He was now sailing away from her, the thing he loved.

"Am I going to Hell?" he asked before he sailed too far away to hear her loving voice.

"I don't know," was all Death told him.

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Shinji was gone. This saddened Death. It always saddened her to take them away and to send them off. It was what she did. Shinji was no exception. She loved him, as she had loved all the people she took, and he had loved her back. Very few people were like that. It was those people who always made her the saddest.

"Sister." Death turned around to see Dream, her stoic dark brother.

"Hey, Dream," she greeted half-heartedly.

"You took the Decider away."

Death nodded. "Yes."

"And you're sad because you had to?"

Another nod. "Yes, you know it always saddens me. We're their servants, and you know we can't help but love them for all their faults and vices."

"True," Dream said. "But that's all we'll ever be; servants." He changed the subject. "You know the boy had to die. If he didn't, it would have been dangerous. His dreams would become reality. Every creation on mine that he dreamed of and wished would have existed, would have become reality. My dreams and nightmares were never meant to exist in the world of those we serve."

"I know."

Dream could sense the remaining sadness in his sister. It was greater than any of the sadness she had had before after taking someone or something to her lands. "You know, I could go to wherever the boy went and offer him the choice to exist in the Dreaming as a raven or a dream. You could see him whenever you wanted then. Or you could make him into one of your crows."

Death shook her head. "Thanks but no," she told him. "Shinji would never be happy as one of my crows. I think it would drive him to madness. I don't think he would like being a dream or a raven either. It wouldn't be as maddening as a dream, I think, but it would be very lonely. And you already have a raven. I don't think Matthew would like another raven around."

"…" Dream was silent for a while. "You're right," he finally said. "I don't need another raven. Matthew is enough."

The two siblings remained on Death's shore, watching the waves. A long time ago, Death had lost sight of Shinji. He should be wherever he was destined to go by now. Maybe she could pay him a visit sometime. Maybe she would offer him the chance to be one of her crows. Maybe…

~Fin

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The Outlands:

Kitsune-yasha: I could have done better.

Armand: Yes, you could have.

Kitsune-yasha: I had more planned this morning at work, but I forgot the rest when I went home and fell asleep. *sniff sniff*

Armand: Why did you cross these series anyhow?
Kitsune-yasha: Because the Sandman or its spin-offs can be crossed with anything. I could have wrote about Shinji in the Dreaming, but I don't think he would have survived a visit to Cain and Abel's. Crossovers are really hard to do. Good thing this was a one-shot.

Armand: Yes….

Kitsune-yasha: OH! You must be hungry, Armand! Sorry for not letting you feed before we came here.

Armand: It's okay…-_-

Kitsune-yasha: I'll make it up to you. Let's go to a den of assassins.

Armand: *suddenly much brighter* Okay!

The Kitsune-yasha and Armand leave the Outlands. Behind her, the Kitsune-yasha turns out the lights and locks the door.

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(1) This is a reference to Rei being a clone of Shinji's mother. She offered him motherly love, coming to him in EoE when he was going beserk (the line was I believe "Ikari needs me"). That's just my interpretation.