You know the deal... not mine, yaoi, don't like don't read otherwise enjoy
Ryo's side
The way that you treated me is still burned in my mind. I can still feel your finger tips caress my naked body as I lay beside you wrapped in another afterglow. The way you smell of cigarettes and aftershave still haunts me even now that you are no longer here. Even the taste of your sweet kisses lingers. You are like a bad habit to me, an addiction that I try to get over but find myself crawling back to.
You are in no way bad for me so why is it that I find that you are in no way good for me either. You have only been kind, gentle and patient, always waiting for me to come around to who I truly am. So why to I feel this way now? Why do I feel like the one who has been betrayed when in fact it is the opposite way around? When I was the one who tore us apart, why can I only blame you?
I closed the note book with a sigh and let my head rest on the back cushion of the couch, a couch that I made love on many times before and knew that it would never happen again. I should be feeling liberated but in fact all I can feel is intense pain right where my heart should be. Why did I let him go? It's a question that I have to keep asking myself until I remember the reason, a reason that was not good enough.
I can find someone else. I keep telling myself that lie over and over again as well knowing that I would never find anyone I loved as much as I loved him. Tears fall from my eyes but I don't care, I don't even try to brush them away. How could I do what I did and be ok with it. I let my true love slip through my hands and now I will sit here and remember the times that we shared but will never share again.
I must have fallen asleep like that because the next thing I heard was Bikky's voice softly calling out to me. I opened my eyes and lifted my head so that I could see the teen that stood before me. I smiled at him to keep from crying, if it wasn't for him Bikky wouldn't be here with me now.
"Are you ok" he asked with concern. All I could do was smile weakly at him and nod my head. I knew that if I said anything I wouldn't be able to keep my voice from betraying me. He sat down on the couch beside me and placed a reassuring arm around my shoulders. A gesture that was very much appreciated and I am sure he knew that even if I didn't voice it.
We sat there letting the silence be our only company as it had been for the past week and a half. I said little and Bikky thankfully didn't expect much more from me then the yes or no responses I gave him. He shifted a little so that he could remove his arm without to much difficulty and stood.
"I have to go to Carol's so that we can finish the midterm project for astronomy." He told me. I nodded again this time with a smile, however the smile didn't reach my eyes, I feared I would never truly smile again. He tried not to look worried but failed. "If you miss him that much dad, go to him." He said quietly before he closed the door behind him.
Go to see him how could I do that. I left him with no explanation no reason, then again perhaps that was only because there was no such thing as a good reason to do what I did. I sighed and leaned my head back again. Closing my eyes I could only see him. His bright jade eyes that pierced into my soul, his raven hair that was never tame enough, his inviting rose colored lips where I once sought my comfort. I began to cry again wondering when the pain would stop.
A few moments later I heard the door open again. I assumed it was Bikky again, he probably forgot something that they needed to complete the project. I didn't even bother to open my eyes, a choice that I would either regret or be thankful for later.
Dee's side
I can't say that I understood what was going through his mind the day he said sorry and left me. Still right now I don't know why he did it. There was no sign of him being unhappy, no sign of him wanting more than what I could give him, nothing. And yet out of the blue one night he just say he's sorry but he can't be involved with me romantically any longer. I didn't understand, it didn't make any sense. All I could do is watch him as he walked out of the room and shut the door. The ring I had on the dresser wound find its way to the hand it was intended for that night.
I find that walking is the only thing that I can take comfort in since that night. I just watch my feet as they alternate left, right, left. My mind is blank and for the most part I don't hear or see anything but my feet. Perhaps that is why it was such a shock to me to feel someone grab my arm and yell my name. Looking up I saw golden locks and blue eyes, Bikky.
"Hey sport what's up?" I asked with false cheeriness. He looked at me with sad eyes and handed me his key to Ryo's apartment. I looked at him questioningly. He shook his head and sighed.
"He's not doing good," was all the boy said before he released my arm and began to walk off. But I am sure that he knew that all I needed to hear were those words. I turned from the direction I was walking and began to run to Ryo's. If he wasn't doing good then why was this happening. I needed to know for myself.
I stood outside his door for several minutes debating with myself. If I did go in what would happen, would he be mad or happy to see me, or would seeing me just make him sadder?
I slid the key into the hole and turned it till I heard the lock snap back. Quietly I opened the door and let myself in. I removed my shoes, as I have always done since the first time Ryo yelled at me for not doing so, and looked around.
The place was dark, much darker than Ryo normally had it. I took a few steps towards the living room and noticed that it wasn't as clean as it normally was either. Bikky wasn't lying when he said Ryo wasn't doing well. Even on his death bed Ryo would make sure that this place was clean. Clean was like his middle name Randy "Ryo" Clean McClean.
I stepped into the living room and saw him, his head was leaning back on the couch, cheeks wet with spilt tears, were they tears for me?
I walked up to the couch and sat on the sofa next to him. I looked at him for a few moments trying to figure out if he was awake or not. But he answered that question for me.
Ryo's side
I felt someone sit next to me, I could feel their eyes looking at me. I tried to let if go but it became to much. "Did you need something Bikky?" I asked never opening my eyes, never once taking a look at the person who was next to me, never expecting to hear the smooth answer that followed.
"Yeah I need to talk to you." Dee said sadly. I didn't want to open my eyes; I didn't want this dream to end. Dee was here beside me, talking to me, he was here with me the way thing should have been. And yet all good things must come to an end. I slowly opened my eyes and let them meet his.
All at once the pain that I had been feeling over the past two weeks came flooding into me and I began to cry like a frightened child. I felt his arms embrace me and I eagerly hugged him back never wanting to lose the contact that I once had with him. He offered me no words but his embrace said it all. I never wanted to be without this man again.
Dee's side
It was hard seeing him like that, completely torn. I did the only thing I could think of and pulled him close to me. His sobs only got harder as I felt the front of my shirt begin to become damp with the tears that spilled from his eyes. I couldn't say anything, what can you say to a man who looked as if he has lost everything.
Ten minutes or so passed with us sitting like this and eventually his crying subsided. I tried to pull him back so that I could see him, talk to him face to face but he clung to me for dear life.
"Why?" was the only thing I could bring myself to say. Why did he leave me, why was he this upset if this was what he wanted, why was he putting himself through this?
"I-I'm so sorry," he cried "you deserve better though and I know… I know that." He held his breath to prevent oncoming tears and what do I do… laugh at him.
"Baka!" I scolded him. "If I was unhappy don't you think I would have told you koi?"
He pushed away from me but never really let me go. "If I was really unhappy do you think I would have waited for you for three years?" He shook his head. I looked at him for a moment no words coming to me. He really was an idiot sometimes, a sweet idiot but an idiot all the same.
I leaned forward placed my lips over his. It was meant to be an innocent kiss but…
Ryo's side
Why was I to stupid to think about it like that? If he was unhappy he would have been the one to leave me not the other way around. He leaned forward to kiss me and instinct and a little bit of habit took over. I pulled him close to me and made what was supposed to be a comforting kiss into a much more passionate one. My tongue slipped apart his lips and found its way into the dark but familiar territory. My hand slipped around his neck pulling him even closer to me. A soft moan was all I needed to continue. And continue we did on that couch that I though would never be used again.
Bikky's side
After I gave Dee the key and walked away I started to wonder what had happened between them. Did Dee really stop by, and did Ryo take him back. Halfway to Carol's house I turned around and walked back to the apartment.
The door was still unlocked so I silently slipped in just in time to hear Dee yell "Baka" at Ryo. I peaked around the corner and watched the two for a moment smiling at myself when I saw them kiss.
Don't get me wrong I still think Dee is a perv who needs to keep his hands off Ryo but I think Ryo could handle this one on his own. I turned around and headed back to Carol's a little happier than I was the first time I left.
Thank you all who read and now if you would be kind enough to review i will be sure to do the same for you.
ja
IrishKaoru