That feeling of having nothing. That feeling of wanting nothing. When everything in your life has gone wrong and you have no idea where it started. That feeling where the switch blade on the floor would feel so good against your skin, but you simply stare at it. No movements as you hug your knees to your chest and stare. Stare at the weapon. Stare at your innocence. Where did it go? Where did any of it go? All those childhood days of running in the park, the wind in your hair. Diving into the swimming pool fully clothed, laughing with your friends. But those days are far behind as you keep on staring.
The clock strikes midnight, but you barely hear it. The room is bare, echoing what is inside you. Nothing. You are bare, stripped of everything you once had. Any sense of being was taken away from you just as everything was taken away from you in the end.
The lifeless body you live in would be better off, no? Would anyone miss you if you did? Would anyone even notice if you did? One act of regret is all it would take, but do you take it when the opportunity arrises? The knife is so inviting, the metal blade just waiting to taste your oozing insides. Should you give it the satisfaction? Why shouldn't you?
Snow starts to fall and the chill that comes with open window in Winter hits you. You would shiver if you had the chance, but you can't feel it. No cold, no heat, no temperature at all. How do you survive it? The empty shell of you will never feel anything again as your throat flows opening, you head on the wooden floor full of emptiness. Your expression is nothing. No smile, no frown. A dead straight line across your face. Eyes wide open, the pain long flushed away.
Christmas day and this is what happens. When nothing goes right and everything is wrong. Out the window. Back in the past. No. No. No. But the answers are not always as obvious to you as they are to everyone else. You still have a family. You still have friends. You take it. The opportunity. Satisfaction was recieved and you have no idea why. Your last chance is to not survive at all.
A/N: I would be lying if I said I am not disgusted with myself...
I am...I can't believe what the hell I just wrote!
But my feelings needed to get out there...
What does this have to do with TD or Christmas? Well...I imagined this person being Duncan, which has to count for something. And it's Christmas...12:52 AM and it is Christmas...
Merry Fucking Christmas...
Not even an hour in and wanting to die...Best day of the year...
Sorry! I am so sorry to everyone reading this I truely am! I don't want to upset or depress you and I probably shouldn;t even post this...But I want to. Because writing my feelings out these days don't help...I have to post them. I need people to read the, to know that people do read them...To know that people care and there are people here for me...I know there are, so please don't tell me that. Tell me what I should fucking do instead...How to stop this pain that never goes away!
...Sorry. It's not your problem...It's mine. I'm sorry...I'm just gonna go now, pretend I never said any of this...
Oh! And no, there won't be another two onshots for you...Sorry.
Chloe.