6/5/10: Just fixed a few mistakes. No real change in the story.
I am a Lurker. There, I said it.
Or I guess I was until I wrote that. Hmm.
I have never written any fiction or participated in any online community. I'm not even on Facebook. (Gasp! - a Refusnik!) Something about Castle, and especially the last episode has inspired me (or more accurately annoyed me enough, I think) to write. I have no right to ask for reviews, as I have admittedly never left one myself, although I do promise to remedy that. I would be grateful for constructive criticism if anyone would care to leave any. But let it be said that I totally get it if you dont ;-)
I tried to come up with a better title. You know, maybe something a bit more "Literary". Or at least one that wasn't borderline vulgar. But in the end, it was either Damn or Dumbass, and I just liked Dumbass better... kind of rolls off the tongue, no? Anyway, I couldn't let Lanie sit back and do nothing while her bestest girlfriend took a shot like she did in the finale. I just dont think our Lanie would take that lying down. I don't know exactly where this wilk go or how long the story might be, just that it will continue until all is right in my Castle Universe. Unless you all throw virtual rotten tomatoes...in which case it'll end right here and I'll slink back to lurking in the shadows of the internet!
I don't own Castle...If I did, I'd be out in the Hamptons right now, with my toes in the sand, and Nathan Fillion refilling my drink. (Stana who?)
DUMBASS!
Lanie still could not believe it. She shook her head slowly in frustration after she unabashedly slurped the last of her Margarita through her straw while ignoring the looks she received from the patrons in the next booth. She waited rather impatiently for a new round to be delivered with the return of Kate Beckett from the ladies room. Her mind went round and round again as she replayed this whole messed up night for the umpteenth time in the last 3 hours. How had things gotten so screwed up? Why couldn't Kate catch just a little break? If anyone deserved a chance at happiness, it was Kate. She'd been through so much in her life!
Lanie was president of the Castle / Beckett fan club from the get-go, and was therefore not exactly making a secret of the fact that she was not exactly supportive of The Beckett / Demming Debacle, or just The Demming Debacle as she had referred to it, much to Kate's annoyance. She knew Castle and Kate had feelings for each other that went way beyond partnership, but wasn't sure that her friends knew it, despite her frequent and not so subtle hinting. How two such incredibly smart people could be so incredibly dopey still amazed her. But she'd hoped maybe Demming's appearance would light a fire under her friends. Make something, anything happen for pity's sake! She thought maybe he'd be the tipping point. Break the oh so incredibly booorring stalemate that had developed between those two blind fools. Truth be told, Lanie had been excited to see things starting to come to a head a few weeks ago. She'd been ecstatic to see Castle looking positively green when he had noticed Kate and Demming looking all cozy while they chatted in the break room. From then on, she'd watched with interest, wondering how Writer Boy would take it once he realized that Kate was getting more serious with Demming. Would he shit, or get off the proverbial pot? Ugh...She sighed, shaking her head again as she sat back in the booth and tossed her poor twisted up straw onto the table. It looked like she had her damn answer. He got off the damn pot in a hurry, and walked away with another damn Twinkie! Damn Castle! What a dumbass! And where the hell was Kate with those damn Margaritas?
Damn...The evening had started out so well...so...hmm.. what word would Castle use? Promising? Hopeful? Yes, she thought, with a slow nod, dialing her emotions down a notch, that was a perfect word. There had been so much hope, so much anticipation just on her own part for both of her friends to get together, and she could just imagine that that feeling had been multiplied exponentially in her best girl. Kate had told her how she had finally kicked Captain America to the curb (her words, not Kate's) after that little conversation with Espo. He made her see that Castle wasn't about to sit idly by while she ran off with another guy. She not only realized how she felt about Castle, but she admitted it to Lanie AND was going to TELL HIM! Shut the front door! Lanie had been unable to get any work done whatsoever after that little bombshell had been dropped in her morgue! Honestly, she was surprised Kate had admitted her feelings at all. Lanie thought for sure, it would be Castle to put his heart on the line and make the first move. Risk it all and tell Kate (or maybe show Kate, she thought with a little smile) what was what. Of the two, she thought him to be much braver emotionally. That childlike ability to always find the fun in life seemed to have come with a childlike ability to care about others with abandon. She saw it in the way he treated not just his family and friends but people on the periphery of his life as well. He genuinely cared about people and wasn't afraid to let them know it. Kate was much more guarded, but out of self preservation. The tall, thick walls that Kate had erected protected a huge soft heart that not many were privileged to see, let alone get anywhere near. Castle had walked through those walls as if they didn't exist, and was smack dab on the inside. And was completely clueless. Dumbass!..."Damn!" she actually said out loud and earned a few stares, as she started in on the remnants of Kate's Margarita. She wondered if perhaps there was a plumbing problem in the damn ladies room...
That night after work Kate had joined their little get together at the precinct late and Lanie could tell she was nervous but excited about the prospect of talking to Castle about her recent breakup with Demming and all that that might entail for Beckett/ Castle. Lanie had to hand it to her. She had been impressed. She had worried that Kate would chicken out, or at least drag her feet. But not her girl! Nuh uh! She had walked in and wasted no time asking Castle to follow her outside of the conference room so they could talk. Damn girl! Lanie had thought, You go! Lanie thought she was more excited than Kate! Finally these two were going to get their heads out of their butts and realize what everyone else in the precinct had seen since this little 'partnership' had started. In the end, even poor Demming had known it. And so the two of them left the room, and the rest of the partiers had become silent, sharing goofy grins over what they knew was finally about to happen between their two friends. Lanie had a death grip on Espos upper arm as they collectively held their breath, waiting for the moment when it would finally, blessedly be obvious that the two fools had figured it out! Lanie tried to read lips and interpret body language. Montgomery shushed Espo and Ryan as they whispered loudly about some bet and who owed who. It all seemed to be going swimmingly! Beckett was serious, but still standing there, and still talking...ok good. And Castle was smiling and nodding...good, good...And then it freaking happened!...
Or, perhaps to be more accurate, SHE freaking happened!...the damn Twinkie walked in and months, MONTHS of careful plotting, planning prodding eavesdropping and hinting were out the damn window! Kate's face fell. Castles still had a stupid smile on it. More words back and forth. Twinkie grabbed Castles arm. Castle reached out and SHOOK KATES HAND!... WHAT? Oh no he didn't! Next thing Lanie knew, damn Castle was walking away arm in arm with the damn Twinkie.
In the conference room, silent anticipation turned to silent shock. Surely he would turn around, walk back to Kate... Damnit Castle, turn around and walk back to Kate!
Kate's face was now unreadable. Lanie could see the walls were firmly back in place, emotions on lockdown. As they approached the elevator, Kate turned away and walked toward her desk. Without a word, Lanie had walked from the conference room over to Kate, grabbed both of their purses from Kate's desk, and simply said, "Lets go girlfriend". Kate seemed too numb to do anything but follow.
And so here they were, 3 hours later, and 4 (or was it 5?) Margaritas deep. Large Margaritas. Damn Castle... Holy hell they were right there! On the precipice for Pete's sake! Leave it to Writer Boy to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory! "AARGH! Castle, you are such a dumbass!" Whoops!..Must've been her out-loud voice again. The people in the next booth just shot her a very wary look. "Great" she thought.."drinking other peoples backwash AND talking to myself. Mom would be so proud.." Finally, she spotted Kate at the bar, trying with little success to capture the attention of the bartender. Really? Seriously? This was the final straw! Good Lord! If anyone in DAMN UNIVERSE needed a drink surely it was Kate Freaking Beckett! This just wasn't fair!
Lanie had had enough! Enough with the injustice! Enough with the Universe messing with her girl! She had to do something, anything to help her best friend! Kate Beckett spent her life righting wrongs, and dagnabbit, it was about time someone righted a wrong for Kate! Lanie thought as she pounded her fist on the table, causing silverware and glasses to clank loudly, and the people at the next table to quietly sneak away studiously avoiding looking in her direction. But how? How to right this wrong? She took a deep breath, and set about finding the solution.
Lanie HAD to find a way to fix this. She WOULD fix this. She would.
Its amazing the inspiration one can find in tequila. Or, more accurately in her case she thought, in the desire for more tequila. With a clarity borne only in a glass, in that moment she knew what she had to do. She would lay it all on the line for Kate Freaking Beckett. She would break the Cardinal Rule. She would spit in the eye of the Prime Directive. She, Dr. Lanie Parish, New York City Medical Examiner Extraordinaire… would text while drunk. With that bit of brilliance, she picked up her phone and sealed her fate as she thumbed out her message and hit Send: "Castle, U R A DUMBASS!".