Thick, icy fog enveloped both the dragons.
The harsh wind blew over them, the sounds of the battle below echoing all around them, the sounds of death.
"Dany! " Jon yelled out her name, having lost sight of Drogon, the fog too dense, icy rain too harshly hitting his face. And he got no response.
He worried. Of course he would. Daenerys had disregarded their plans the moment that they saw the Dothraki effectively disappear when colliding with the army of the dead. He understood her fierce protective urge, they were her people, people that had come so far, had gone against their beliefs and tradition to follow her into battle, to die for her.
The moment he saw how Drogon surged into battle, he and Rhaegal followed. He would not leave her alone. And the living had definitely needed the dragon fire, though, the icy fog that enveloped them had made things difficult. They did their best, both him and Dany guiding the dragons to rain fire over the enemy, all the while struggling with not seeing properly. It was hard, having to both keep an eye out for the Night King and having to balance on the dragon's back, flying in a haste and bracing against the cold. For Jon even more so, not having enough experience. He almost knocked into Drogon, all their senses not accustomed to the weather.
Flying high above the clouds and fog in search of Daenerys, the moonlight shone brightly, a cold, white light, almost ominous.
A loud high pitched roar echoed behind him and he turned just in time to see the blue burst of flames as the Night King appeared, riding on the dead shell of Viserion. Rhaegal screeched, having no time to evade the attack, Jon hanging on tightly as he tried to avoid being burned alive. He was scared, both for his life and that of Rhaegal because he was not skilled in battling on dragons, he was much better on solid ground, sword drawn and swinging. He saw Rhaegal fight against his attacker, teeth gnawing and claws ripping into him, but it was not enough. Just as he was starting to panic, he saw the bright glow of fire as Drogon appeared behind Viserion, tearing him away from Jon. Rhaegal lost his balance, wavering in flight as Jon saw one of his wings injured. He watched helplessly as Dany and Drogon faced their enemy head on, his scorching orange fire meeting the blue icy flames of Viserion, a magnificent and equally terrifying sight. Rhaegal was failing at keeping himself in the air, descending dangerously fast, yet still not giving up.
Jon struggled to hold on, silently trying to see if Rhaegal could manage to return and help Drogon and Dany, but the dragon was failing, exhausted, falling. And Jon could now only see bright flashes of blue and orange from above him as he fell through the clouds.
When they landed, he kept his eyes trained on the scene above, fear gripping his heart as he thought of Dany fighting the Night King alone. He needed to be there, to protect her, though he knew she was strong and powerful, but she should not face their most feared enemy on her own. He came towards Rhaegal, running a hand over his nose as he let the dragon rest just for a few moments, silently encouraging him to return to help.
A deafening wail pierced the thick clouds above him and Jon could barely look up, in fear of what he would see. Never had he felt anything as strong as the fear right in that moment. Fear for Dany, fear that he was too late, fear that they had wasted their time together and now would not get anymore time. Their last encounter flashed through his mind, the last day having become his most miserable one and he only wished they would have had more time to discuss, that he would have had more time to process everything.
But. They had no time. And his feelings for her were very much the same. He loved her. And he needed to keep her safe.
The large shadow of a dragon plummeting down as blue flames surrounded it made Jon stare, shocked into paralysis as he saw Drogon recover at the last minute and fly low, the blue fire and its source following swiftly. He rushed into action, climbing onto the dragon and urging Rhaegal to fly. Agonisingly slow, he complied and dragged himself up, wailing at his brother and mother as he tried to reach them in time.
The moment he heard the loud thump and felt the cold winds sweep harder around him, Jon knew. A dragon had fallen. He just had to hope and pray to all the Gods that it was not Drogon and that Dany was fine. But when Rhaegal finally landed, Jon froze.
The scene that greeted him was truly disturbing. Heartbreaking.
There, in the vast white landscape, amidst deep red, blood soaked snow lay Drogon, the most majestic creature that had roamed the Realm, his corpse unflinching as Viserion's teeth ripped into his flesh. The barbaric sight made Jon's stomach lurch, crippling fear invading his body.
Dany.
His eyes searched for her desperately, his feet carrying him closer, hand grabbing for his sword reflexively.
And when he got closer, heart thudding loudly against his chest, he saw her, right at the time that he saw the Night King standing a few yards behind her. He began to rush towards her, he saw that she was facing their enemy, had not yet known of his presence.
Dread filled him as he saw the unflinching stare of the Night King. He was looking straight into Jon's eyes. Dany was almost startled into turning around, Jon barely able to shout her name, to call for her to come to him. His voice was hoarse, he was tired and he could see the expectancy of something terrible on the Night King's face so he needed to first ensure Dany's safety.
A lone wail tore from the throat of Rhaegal, who was now further behind Jon, trying to regain his strength. He watched as Dany ran as fast as she could towards him, her silver hair whipping around her face, her once white furs now more than half painted in Drogon's blood. He hoped it was only dragon blood and not her own. But she ran fast, she did not seem injured. His sole concern was getting her to safety so that he could finally fight the Night King. And, as he kept an eye on him and continued to walk, to meet Dany halfway, Jon felt a cold chill run down his spine. There was something about the way that the Night King simply stood there, watching that unnerved him.
Why wasn't he doing anything?
Just as another wail from Rhaegal pierced the silence, Jon felt Dany's body collide with his, finally. He lowered his sword, his hand circling her waist, supporting her, taking her into his arms. She was there, by his side, safe. Yet she felt so cold, her forehead was pressed into the side of his neck and she was literally freezing. He turned quickly to look into the face of the woman he loved, to press his lips to hers, to look at her and tell her he loved her, that he needed her safe.
Sheer horror gripped his heart as he finally met her eyes. Staring at him, hollow and so icy blue, instead of violet grey were the eyes that would haunt him forever.
Rhaegal echoed with a loud wail of despair the utter terror that Jon felt, realising that the most important woman in the world, the woman he loved, his Queen, his family was no longer fighting for the living.
His world came crashing down along with a few stray tears from his eyes. His sword felt heavy in his hand, eyes trained on her face, committing her features to memory. He knew now what the Night King had been waiting for, why the broken shell of Dany had not tried to kill him yet. He was meant to suffer, to see her like this, to see that he had lost, to see what he had lost.
And he had to make the ultimately impossible move- it was all clear. He would have to kill the woman he loved, to drive his sword through the body that he had so tenderly explored, to watch the same body disintegrate into dust and ice and be swept by the wind into oblivion. He would need to acknowledge his name and title, now feeling the weight of what it was like for Dany for all those years remaining alone, the last of his bloodline, no longer a bastard, a throne and a legacy thrust upon him, but still no closer to having a family, with no true sense of belonging. Without her.
His hands were shaking, muscles so tired, his brain and heart not concurring with what he needed to do.
"I'm so sorry! "
His voice a mere rasp, lost in the winds, his eyes clenched shut as his arm swung back. The swift return of his arm had his sword pierce right through the chest of the body that so much resembled her, but everything else was already gone, she was gone.
And that was how Aegon Targaryen awoke, a harsh scream tearing from his throat. It was a common recurrence for him now. The nightmares oftentimes so vivid it was like living it all again, only with different outcomes.
Sometimes he woke as he saw her dead icy eyes, other times he would see her body fall from her dragon and crumple into the icy ground, other times he would jump after her, trying desperately to catch her, to die with her. Not as often, he dreamt of her getting caught in the battle, overpowered by wights and all he could do was run towards her and be too fucking late. And others when she would be alone in facing their enemies, much as it had happened in reality, but here he could see her, could hear her screams, could watch her go through battle unprepared, alone and eventually die. Most of the times he saw her transformed into one of them, eyes so hollow that the sight would remain engraved in his head and then she would attack him, kill him in his final seconds of nightmare.
The absolute worst times were the ones when he would need to kill her.
He lost count of the distinct endings and developments of his nightmares, but they always revolved around her and him not being there to help.
As of late, Jon, still Jon, not having told the people about his lineage, was even more isolated and focused solely on rebuilding and regrouping. He had not even dared to face Daenerys and he was effectively busying himself in any place that he knew she would not be. It was a cowardly course of action and probably the very cause of his persistent nightmares, but he could not and would not know how to get out of this vicious circle.
Here is a piece I wrote inspired by all of the emotional turmoil that we all experienced in episode 3. I hope you enjoyed it, would love to hear your thoughts!
I have in mind a continuation from Dany's perspective so let me know if you'd like that.