Doofenshmirtz's Rival
Villains share many things in common, despite their many individual tastes and preferences hiding this truth. And one of the most important of these similarities is their equal desire to be powerful, to rule by oneself their empire, and not to have to share with others. Such is the main reason villain teams are not nearly as common as those of the heroic type. This is especially evident in those villains whose childhoods have been subject to unfairness, and these villains will stop at nothing to correct it. This territorial nature of villains makes itself very clear and apparent when two meet, on opposing sides. But is the common cause of villainy more powerful? Is the common felt hatred of good and heroes enough to band together two rival villains with similar and conflicting goals against their common foe? We shall soon see, as, although not begun by a scientist, a rather interesting experiment of such a nature was about to happen in Danville.
It may or may not be known to the reader that, in another part of that great nation of freedom, hamburgers and large cars, a young girl named Kim Possible was fighting for the forces of good against Doctor Drakken, an evil villain whose goal was world domination. He, admittedly, had a partner in crime, Shego, but certainly if another villain were to attempt to control even part of the world, it would be a future threat to Drakken's plans. However, after an interesting incident in Possible's hometown of Middleton, involving an alien invasion and Drakken and Kim being forced to join to fight a common enemy, would the evil doctor still yearn for global control, or was he looking for a more retired, settled down life?
Having defeated the alien menace, the Lorwardians, Drakken and Shego had retired from villainy, and Kim had gone to college with her friends, and her boyfriend Ron. But, after some time, Drakken decided he needed a totally fresh start, and suggested to his companion Shego that they move to a new town and start afresh as loyal law abiding citizens. This agreed upon, they left their evil lair and moved to Danville, little expecting their adventures were not over just yet.
The town of Danville woke up to a sunny dawn. Birds sang in trees, and kids went outside to play hopscotch and marbles. Postmen whistled happily and bakers baked. The whole town was basking in a glowing freshness, a cleanliness like a polished shoe or a buttoned shirt- that is both captivating and dull at the same time, perhaps why some, more restless than others, resorted to playing video games or watching television to quell the boredom. Not for Phineas and Ferb though. Fresh from having built a solar powered balloon and having travelled across America in it, they felt the need to do something interesting. Something not attempted by anyone before. Of course, having done so much already, this was a big ask, but certainly with brains like theirs they could answer.
Drakken awoke in his newly bought suburban home and yawned. He turned to see his companion Shego lying fast asleep.
"Must still be tired from the move I guess" he said to himself, getting dressed (in civilian gear rather than his usual positively fascist villains attire) and going to the kitchen for some orange juice and buttered toast. Having made it he heard Shego come into the room.
"Ah there you are Shego, awake at last. I made you your favorite- toasted cheese sandwiches and lime cordial"
"When did I say that was my favorite breakfast?" asked Shego, with a smile.
"Oh... well I just thought... Well I mean who doesn't like toasted cheese sandwiches?"
Shego laughed, which made Drakken laugh. They went to the back yard and looked at the sky. There was hardly a cloud to be seen, and those that were were small and not at all menacing or foreboding. Birds chirped in trees and in the distance a lawnmower could be heard.
Drakken stretched and said "We should go and introduce ourselves to our neighbours. That's the polite thing to do"
Shego agreed, and, dressed as ordinary citizens, they went casually into their next door neighbours yard and looked at his house. It was a fairly nice dwelling. Not too fancy but certainly no dump either. The lawn was cut low but of a dark green complexion and there was an ornamental orange tree beside the path leading to the door, made of cobble stones in a recess between the two lawn areas. The house was well painted and looked built within the last decade. Drakken and Shego went to the door. It had a knocker and a bell button. Drakken used the knocker and Shego pressed the bell. After a few moments it was answered by a somewhat tired looking man in a lab coat who had by his feet a platypus.
"Oh hello, you must be the new neighbours. I saw the van parked outside yesterday... I would've called at your place but you know how it is... I had some things to do..."
"Of course..."
"Well my name is Heinz Doofenshmirtz, I come from another country but I settled here for a new start... I'm now a powerful businessman, but let's stop all this boasting- it'll get us nowhere. Oh! And this is my fr- my pet platypus, Perry"
"Nice to meet you Perry" said Shego, shaking the platypus' hand. Perry made his noise. Drakken smiled and introduced himself and Shego, and they were let in. Doofenshmirtz heated up the kettle and got them some eggs and toast and biscuits.
"The coffee will just be a minute. I got this machine a few weeks ago but I still can't understand what half the buttons do"
Drakken said "Oh I know, I have the same trouble myself. This one time I was building a giant laser gun and I accidentally put a self destruct button on it and Kim Po... Oh... Er..."
"What was that Drakken? The kettle is boiling- I couldn't hear a thing you said"
"And a good thing too" said Shego quietly.
Drakken sighed. "I know, I know... no talk about villainy. Fresh start... gotcha"
Perry watched as the three enjoyed some light conversation. Things were going splendidly. Then he remembered Phineas and Ferb. They'd wonder why he wasn't around, and it would be unusual for him to be missing at breakfast time. He scratched at the door and Doofenshmirtz excused himself and let him out.
"He likes having a bit of excersize in the mornings..."
Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb were sitting under the tree. Perry managed to get back by jetpack and sat by them.
"Nice day for a sit down" said Phineas.
"But we've already had the best lazy day ever..." added Ferb, knowing that doing something twice was unforgiveable.
"Hmm... I feel like sitting down under the tree all day though... Hmm... I know! We'll make our own comic book. That's something we can do under the tree!"
They sat quietly for a while, then Phineas shook his head.
"No... that would be too similar to making a cartoon which we've already done... We should do something completely different... Something no one has ever done before..."
Meanwhile their sister Candace had awoken and was enjoying her breakfast, watching as she did her brothers on the lawn with unrelenting attention.
"I just know they're up to something massive... I am so gonna bust them!"
Just then her mother and father came into the kitchen.
"Candace, tell the boys we've gone to the tri state mall. We're replacing the old couch... and you know how bad couches made in this area are..."
"I guess that's what you get for living in a state founded by circus freaks... no couch making prowess amongst them" said Candace, then, realising what was being said, added "Oh mom... you will be travelling within the good coverage area, won't you? Only if I need to call you-"
"I'm sure that the coverage is fine along Route 65- well have a nice day, and don't forget to tell the boys where I've gone. Oh, by the way, you're in charge. We had a talk and we've both agreed perhaps we're being a little strict not letting you be in charge. You're sixteen, so we're sure you'll do a great job making sure the boys have a fun, safe, time" said her father.
"Yes... quite sure" added fer mother somewhat worriedly.
"Oh don't worry, I will" said Candace, smiling happily.
Meanwhile Drakken and Shego were enjoying their coffee with Doofenshmirtz, who talked of how great the suburb was. Then they came to discussing their pasts.
"I used to be a paper boy in Drueselstain village... They paid me two bronze coins a month..."
"Wow that is harsh..." said Shego, "I remember my first job... I was a..."
Drakken sipped his coffee somewhat loudly.
"I was a... telemarketer. Yeah, you know those annoying phone calls you get when you're taking a bath? That's me... so... yeah..."
Silence reigned for some moments.
"Well, where would we be without telemarketers?" asked Doofenshmirtz with a pitiful attempt at being serious, "I mean... they're so important... and all..."
Silence.
"Well" said Drakken, "Lovely wallpaper you've got"
"Yes... it's called bermuda triangle. Because of it's... being composed of triangles..."
Drakken sipped his coffee. Shego tapped her fingers on her arm then stopped, aware Doofenshmirtz was observing her sadly.
"Oh... I'm just... a little... anxious to see town" she said, "You know... perhaps you could show us around if it isn't much trouble?"
"Of course"
"Unless it's... it's any bother... We wouldn't want to be a nuisance..."
"Oh no... No... Shego, you're welcome to come here any time... have a coffee... sit down... I enjoy chatting with you"
Drakken sipped his last remaining coffee rather loudly.
"And you're friend... also"
Although things had got off to a flying start between the neighbours, there was something about Drakken Doofenshmirtz didn't care for... He seemed... so self confident... So... sure of success. And Drakken thought Doofenshmirtz had a few unecessary qualities too... seemed to be too proud... and that platypus... just seemed plain odd. And oddly familiar. Almost like a rat... Yet with a bill.
Doofenshmirtz drove Drakken and Shego around town pointing out all the sights as he did. Then he came to the Council building.
"Oh and that's where the Mayor works... His names Roger"
"Roger who?" asked Drakken just out of interest.
"Roger... Doofenshmirtz. How I hate... er anyway, that is the statue of... Roger... Doo... oh, and there's the orphanage begun by R..."
Drakken looked at Shego who looked back at him.
"And theres Roger Doofenshmirtz Stadium... and Roger Doofenshmirtz Library... And... Oh, that's where I work- Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated"
"Nice architecture..." said Shego.
"Yes... so grand... and ev... and... powerful..."
"Don't you think? It was designed by an evil scientist called Stanley Notsosane. I think before my company took over the building it was used by a telemarketing firm... Perhaps you've heard of it, Shego? Norman Smith Telemarketing Solutions?"
"Can't say I have..."
"Well that about ends our tour. Oh, that's the mall... young people seem to love the place. Never quite understood what all the fuss was about myself. All that carrying shopping bags... Waiting in queues... trying on outfits... I mean... what do these young girls get out of it all?"
At the term 'young girls' Drakken was forced to remind himself of Kim Possible. But he cleared his thoughts and asked "Er... perhaps we could go and have a coffee and something to eat?"
"Sure Drakken" said Doofenshmirtz, pulling into the twelve storey car park.
Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb had decided to make a miniature city on a playing card. Then, shrinking themselves to miniature size by using their previously invented shrinking ray, they would go and interract with the citizens. First they used a scanning device to scan Danville using a form of radar, and then the data was collected, right down to the brains of the citizens, and from this a complex code was created which allowed the individuals in the mini danville to behave excactly as they would in reality. The bigger reality. having witnessed this Candace was somewhat annoyed. Seeing as to the naked eye the city just appeared like a layer of oddly colored dust on the playing card she could see little to bust them with. However, knowing when they regrew the process would be visible, she could call her mother just as they were about to regrow and then she'd see them do that. To know when this would happen she would somehow shrink herself with them, or just after them, so she could stalk them and hear what they said. As usual Isabella, Buford and Baljeet came to see what the two inventors were doing.
"Whatcha doin' Phineas?" asked Isabella, prettily dressed in a new skirt, perhaps to win Phineas' attention.
"Building a miniature city on a nano scale and shrinking ourselves down to interract with the citizens for some fun"
"Wow..."
Having shrunk themselves they found themselves in excactly the same place they were before, but in the miniature city's relativity.
Phineas addressed his friends, "Now the people you see will look exactly like they do in real life, but remember they aren't actually real people. They look the same, act the same, and will appear in all ways to resemble perfectly their real counterparts, but, here's the catch- they don't feel! So, for instance, if we were to speed down the city streets in a car race and have an accident, whilst they'd get injured, they wouldn't feel any pain. I've also programmed them so that if they hurt us, we don't feel pain. And of course, to avoid confusion and unthinkably disastrous circumstances, i've removed ourselves from the city. So, it's like an extremely realistic video game, where we can do anything we can do in real life, but without the consequences. Like for instance we could commit a crime without getting punished"
"Awesome" said Buford.
"So what are we going to do?" asked Isabella.
"Whatever we want... hmm...Maybe we should have some rules to the game to make it more fun"
"Yeah right" said Buford.
"Come on Buford, cheer up. I bet we can have loads of fun obeying some rules!... Oh... Wait... Now I see what you're getting at. Well... I'll try and make them fun. Okay... here's the rules. We get control of some cars and have a race from point A, that is my house, to point B, that is this randomly picked house in the suburbs. Now remember everyone in the city will react as they would in real life, except we can't feel pain if they harm us- but remember they aren't doing what they are at present in the real Danville. They're programmed to act as they would in this relativity, not do what they are doing in the real Danville's"
Candace, by this time, had shrunk herself down and hid behind a tree. Racing cars? She'd need to get one too. She had to keep close to them at all time to know when they'd regrow themselves back to normal size to bust them.
"Game on then" she said, with a smile.
Meanwhile Drakken, Doofenshmirtz, and Shego were enjoying a coffee in the mall. The air conditioning was a welcome relief from the heat, and all was fine until the subject of what movies were playing at the cinema across the street visible through the large food court windows came up.
"The problem I have with films... is the good guys always w-" began Drakken.
"Hmm?" asked Doofenshmirtz, having at that moment dropped his spoon by accident onto his saucer, thereby avoiding the incriminating words.
"Oh... I was saying... perhaps we should see a movie together?"
"That would be wonderful. Perhaps you could invite me round to your place, Drakken. You two seem like very nice people"
"Oh we are. That's us allright, nice and good" said Shego, and they all laughed in a friendly manner.
Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb and their friends, and, unbeknownst to them Candace, were racing through the streets of mini Danville at breakneck pace. Street lamps, pedestrians and vehicles seemed to veer out of their way like they were travelling through a time vortex. Suddenly, at a corner, a truck began to turn towards them and they swerved just in time to miss it.
"Phew" said Phineas, "This is so life like!"
Drakken and Shego looked at the posters for movies currently screening. Being new they were given choice of which to view.
"How about 'The Replacements Movie'?" asked Shego curiously, never having watched The Replacements.
"Shego, are you mad? That is so lame... Ooh... how about 'The Brandy and Mr Whiskers Movie'?"
Both Doofenshmirtz and Shego looked at him.
"Er... good one, right? Seriously though... how about 'Hannah Montana Meets Lizzie McGuire'?"
"Perhaps I should pick" said Shego, looking at the posters, "What about 'American Dragon: Jake Long Versus the Evil Menace of Doom'?"
"Sounds allright" said Drakken.
Jake Long battled in dragon form with Catastrophus Destructorai and finished him off with one fell swoop of his lethal dragon tail.
"Why didn't Catastrophus simply punch him in the nose? That's a dragon's weak spot" said Drakken.
Doofenshmirtz looked at him curiously. Shego sighed.
"Look Doctor Doofenshmirtz... we've got to be honest with you if we're really to have a fresh start... We used to be villains..."
"Really? Why didn't you say so? I'm an evil villain"
"What's your goal?" asked Drakken, surprised by this sudden revelation.
"Control of the tri state area"
"Mine was control of the whole planet"
"Really..."
"Yeah..."
"So... in a way that makes me weaker... than you?" asked Doofenshmirtz, somewhat angrily.
"Yes, I suppose it does" said Drakken, a slight smile spreading at the ends of his lips.
Shego was having none of this, "Would you two stop bickering? We came to danville to start afresh, not to relight old villainous feelings and start new rivalries!"
"You're right" said Drakken, "Would you accept my apology Doctor Doofenshmirtz?"
"Of course."
"By the way... what did you master to become a doctor? Science, no doubt?"
"Yes... what did you?"
"Evil"
"Really..."
Just then Doofenshmirtz thought of an idea.
"If you think you are so evil then you would surely not be afraid of a duel?"
"And the terms?"
"Well as the challenged you choose the time place and weapon... but as the challenger I choose the consequences of success and loss for both sides. And I choose that if you win, you get the tri state area, and I shall not hinder any attempts you make at conquering it, and that if I win you will promise to never try to take it over, and to never commit an evil act again, live as an honest citizen"
"And?"
"Oh... that's all"
"Seems if you won you wouldn't be getting much... and if I win I get a lot"
"Yes... but I'm pretty confident of victory"
"Even though I haven't told you what weapon, time or place?"
"Oh yes. I am sure that you will not win"
"Then so be it. Tommorow, mid day, in my back yard. The weapon shall be laser guns"
"As you wish"
Of course Doofenshmirtz knew only too well that, having quitted evil doing, Drakken would need to acquire a laser gun for the duel, and what good company sold the only laser guns in the tri state area? Why Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated did. And technically it was not dishonourable to meddle with the opponents weapon. After all it was still a laser gun, even if it was broken. And having chosen the weapon he could not go against his choice.
The time of the duel arrived and Perry, having been told what was up by Monogram, whose spies had been closely observing the new villain, watched. He had been given orders to arrest Drakken if he won. And so the duel was had, and, having doctored Drakken's weapon, Doofenshmirtz won. Drakken did not yield, of course, but promised not to commit any evil crime again. And so Doofenshmirtz's monopoly over the tri state area's villains was secured, and Drakken pormised to be an honest citizen, although he and his friend Shego were quite welcome to attend Doofneshmirtz's barbecues or come round for a coffee when they liked.
Meanwhile Perry had got back to Phineas and Ferbs house. Not seeing any sign of anyone, he immediately suspected something, until he noticed the computer displaying the game program for the miniature city. Then he turned off the monitor just as Phineas and Ferb's mother and father arrived home. The shrinking ray covered by a tarpaulin and all was hidden. Candace of course did not get to bust her brothers, for, as they regrew themselves to normal size, Perry was distracting their parents by making his noise, which alerted them to the fact he needed feeding. And so once more Phineas and Ferb had an adventure, ready for another the next day.