Title: Bakugan: You Didn't Just Go There
Cafekko: Why, hello there- okay, I'll cut the crap.
Confession Taimu! I'm a shallow, sadistic, attention seeker with an obsession with a show revolving around exploding balls and waaaaay too much time on my hands.
Wanna skip this BS and proceed with the fic? That's what the scroll button is for!
I had a couple of stories planned – I Am What I Am So There, a total dramafest, pairing-centric ridiculous soap opera of a fic revolving mainly around the Vestals, Shun and Dan; a multi-chapter humour fic about what the Vestals get up to while Dan and Co. are in Neathia (involving Gus getting kidnapped by Happy the Magical Can Opener and Shun taking Fabia on a Magic Carpet Ride) and Bakugan New Vestroia: The Musical, in which Dan decides to put on a musical of their defeat of King Zenoheld.
But I'm a lazy eejit and decided a crackfic about the characters dissing each other would be more fun. I hope you enjoy!
WARNING: This could get ugly!
Round One: Dan Kuso versus Spectra Phantom
The competitors take their places at opposite sides of the arena.
On the left, Spectra, arms folded, stands with the air and grace of someone with pride and dignity – certainly his smirk even suggests 'Absolutely everyone envies me'. The aforementioned pride amplifies his height. He looks like a worthy competitor.
On the right, Dan is brave enough to meet his gaze – however, his brow is creased with the effort and his mouth puckers into an upside-down 'V' shape. He won't back down easily.
The air is thick with tension – an uncomfortable silence emits from both ends of the arena. Who will be the first to strike?
Suddenly, Dan takes a deep breath and relaxes his entire body. Why would he bother panicking? This will be easy…
"Three words: Worst. Boyband. Ever."
"Not impressed, considering I'm taking this from the lovechild of Ash Ketchum and Yugi Motou."
"I'm sorry, did you say something you FREAKING J ROCKER? …Those leather pants make your butt look big, by the way…"
"Once again, hard to take your insults to heart when the guy throwing them at you still hasn't copped on to the fact that GOGGLES MAKE YOU LOOK RETARDED!"
"And I haven't even got started on the fact that, when maskless, you totally resemble Edward Cullen!"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, for your benefit."
"And at least I change my clothes once in a while too!"
"How's it when your butt buddy happens to be Sasuke Uchiha's doppelganger? Gay yet?"
"Oh, don't get me STARTED on you and Gus…"
"I'm surprised you'd even notice something that wasn't directly related to you, you oblivious moron, may I quote 'Wow, Runo, that's a really cool hat!'"
"MASTER Spectra? MASTER? The guy might as well come out and admit he's your bondage slave! Do tell me about the passionate man love you two make during EVERY OFF-SCREEN MOMENT!"
"Why, are you looking for tips? Wanna spice up your love life with Shun?"
"I probably don't even need to ask about the numerator and the denominator… Gus' hair is pretty self-explanatory…"
"Hey, at least us Vestals have nice hair and awesome designs – you're basically just Naruto with brown hair!"
"And Gus seems to really like the whole 'Master Spectra' thing. I'm sensing some S&M undertones – this is supposed to be a kids' show!"
"Then please, for the love of Naga, when you're done yiffing with Drago try actually accomplishing something!"
"AT LEAST I DIDN'T LOOSE TO SHUN IN A WIFI BATTLE!"
"Oh, you did not just go there…"
Elsewhere, Shun grins maliciously to himself.
"My Altaria totally smoked his Houndoom…"
It… wasn't as funny as I had hoped…
I know I could've done waaaaaay better but I'll hopefully improve with time. Send me suggestions for who you want to diss each other next – I'll try to make the following chapters longer. I definitely want something involving Anubias against the Vestals, Shun vs Ace, Mira vs Runo etc…