So This Is War

Chapter One: Welcome Home

This is the sequel to my story Welcome To Vietnam. I hope that y'all will enjoy this as much as you did the last! Prepare for another emotional roller coaster! Here we go in 3...2...1...

The ride home from the airport was quiet. Steve went in Two-Bit's car with Kathy and Evie while I went with my brothers in our familiar rusting truck. My brothers talked to me the whole time, but I wasn't really hearing them. It felt... weird to be back. I couldn't focus on any one thing for too long before my attention would skip to the next. Everything was exactly the way it's been my whole life, but suddenly it all felt alien to me. If you could wake up one morning in a dreamland of your own life, I imagine you would come close to that feeling. It was the same, but different and you can't figure out why.

We pulled up to the house and in the driveway. It was the house I'd lived in all my life, all of Darry and Soda's. I remember missing the last step when I was five and skinning my knee on the same cracked sidewalk. I remember sitting on the swing on the porch watching the sunset with my mother. I remember the funeral, social services visiting, Johnny and Dallas, everything that had ever happened to me before I left. Now it felt like I was looking at a stranger's house, with a stranger's memories. I looked at it, and all I saw was a house that needed some work.

Two-Bit pulled in behind us and we all piled out. Soda wrapped me in another careful bear hug that I returned with one arm and he took my duffel from the truck bed. Two-Bit made Steve carry his own. We walked up the sidewalk together as a herd and I noticed movement in the window, the lights were on and shadows were moving around inside. No one else seemed alarm by this. I touch my shoulder where my rifle's strap usually hangs and I remember they took them when we were boarding the plane. I rub my sweaty palms on my trousers, trying not to break into a panic. I need my gun, where's my rifle, I need it.

Soda loops an arm casually across my shoulders and grins at me, not failing to notice my sudden nerves. He shoots Darry a nervous glance that I don't miss. I look back at Steve who's looking at the windows just as rigidly. How does nobody else notice this? I try to remind myself that we're back in the States now and they probably already know about the shadows in the house. They probably just invited a group of people over to welcome us back. They wouldn't let anything happen to Steve or me.

Darry swings the door open and Soda pushes me in. I don't see anything more than Welcome Home decorations. "Welcome Home!" They all jump out and shout. I force a smile and calm my breathing. My heart was thudding in my chest. I needed my gun, it would help me feel safe again. How can one carry around a rifle through the city streets of Tulsa without getting arrested... I look back at Steve and we share an uneasy expression, feeling the exact same way. Being safe would take some getting used to.

I cautiously step out of the doorway and let the gang crowd in behind me. All of our old friends swarm around us, welcoming us home and telling us how good it was to have us back. The walls are covered with the same decorations as the going-away party. Two-Bit's disjointed collage of celebration art cluttering the room. A curious sense of deja vu swept over me and made me dizzy for a moment. I hid it by staying perfectly still and stony. I made light conversation when the people asked me questions, but offered only simple responses while planning an escape route. Welcome Home! Thank you. How's it feel to be back? Great. How's the shoulder? Fine.

I felt like I was suffocating in this sea of people from my past. They hadn't changed at all. In fact, the only thing that was different here was me, and maybe Steve. He was being unusually quiet and stoic as well. I picked up my bag from the corner and hurried through the sea of people on my planned trajectory. I needed to get out of here for a minute, I needed time to process.

Avoiding the concerned looks thrown my way, I briskly walked to my room with my bag as an excuse. I gently shut the door behind me and looked around the room. This was the same too, maybe older because of the dust, but essentially the same. I tossed the duffel on the bed and sat on the edge. With my elbows on my knees, I put my head in my hands and took some deep breaths. Nothing was right. I wasn't right.

A few minutes later I was pacing with a cigarette in my hand. Ever since that one, I've slowly come back to my old habit. I'm not nearly the weed fiend I was when I was fourteen, but I smoke to calm my nerves. I crack open the window and let the smoke clear the room. Darry never allowed smoking in the house.

The door swung open and I see Soda come bounding in. He's happier than I remember seeing him in years. He frowns when he sees me smoking and shuts the door behind him. "When'd you start that back up again?"

"Back in 'Nam. I don't do it often," I tell him honestly. At least I didn't back there but there was less stress in country. Everything was simple, kill or be killed, but not here. If things kept up like they were today, I might start smoking more than ever.

He gives me a concerned look and says seriously, "I knew it was too soon. I told Two-Bit you'd need time to adjust, but Darry said you'd be fine."

"I am fine, Soda. Just not used to this is all," I lie to him. It's never been easy to lie to Sodapop before, but now it was. I wasn't the old Ponyboy, I was SPC Curtis, Ponyboy M. To prove my false point, I added, tossing my cigarette out the window, "C'mon, let's go back." He looks dubious at me, but follows.

The rest of the evening I spend socializing and letting the void take over, curing my anxiety and all other feelings. I know I seemed different from the weird looks people were giving me, but I felt better being numb. Steve didn't have the void and he was jumping all over the place. He would pace back and forth between people to look like he was actually doing something, avoiding all conversation of 'Nam. Sometimes he would go over by the windows and look for danger that didn't exist. I was on high alert too, but I had my stone composure that didn't let anyone see it. Our eyes darted all around us and occasionally met to give a silent conversation. We understood each other without words. Both of us were more than uncomfortable being home. Evie clung to him and he would smile down at her when he wasn't pacing. She acted like she understood his nervous energy and was content to let him be when he needed it.

At eleven the guests finally cleared out. I sighed in relief, but didn't release the void just yet. Having the people out of the house didn't change the misplaced feeling in the pit of my stomach. Two-Bit drove the girls home and was back now. I felt on edge now. Please don't tackle me, I'm running on instincts right now. There was a loud bang in the kitchen. Steve jumped and I snapped my head in that direction, both of us going into a defensive posture.

Two-Bit noticed first and narrowed his eyes. Darry put a gentle hand on my shoulder and I reluctantly relaxed. My big brother hollered at Soda, "Soda, what was that?"

Soda called back, "Nothing, just slammed a cabinet door on accident. Why?"

"Be more careful next time, little buddy," he answered. Great. Now he thought I needed to be babied. I could handle a cabinet slamming.

Steve said lowly, "It's fine, Darry. Nothing more than a little bang." I nod and stare down my big brother. I'd grown since last year and was as tall as him now. Darry backed down and Two-Bit whistled at the tension in the room.

"You two are gonna be fine. You just need some time to get back to things, we did," He says cheerily.

I roll my eyes and change the subject. "So where's T?"

Two-Bit grins and says, "Stayed home. I didn't want him barking at everyone and sounding any alarms." So he was thinking when he organized this poorly timed party. T-Bone barking would probably set me off, thinking irrationally that Charlie was lurking nearby.

Darry got off the couch and stretched. "Well, I'm off to bed, Pony. It's great to have you back little brother, you too Steve. Thanks for watching out for him."

Steve corrected him, "We watched out for each other. He's the one that took a bullet for me though."

Darry pales slightly and clenches his jaw, obviously not wanting to think about me getting shot. He looks at my sling and sighs. "I'll see y'all in the morning. Don't hesitate to wake me up if you need anything. The first week's the hardest to get back in the swing of things."

We both nod, intending to rely on each other for anything and no one else. That's how it was in 'Nam and that's how we saw it being here. We were both different, but only time would tell how bad we were damaged. Two-Bit stretched out on the couch and fell asleep watching Mickey Mouse. Soda gave Steve his bed for the night and I followed Steve to the room. I asked if he was gonna be okay and he nodded, asking me the same and me giving the same response. I didn't honestly know though. Soda curled up next to me like when we were young and I edged away once he was breathing lightly. I tried sleeping, but ended up staring out the window most of the time, on alert for anything. Everything that moved made me jump. I got up and went to roam the house. I felt like I was on watch. Maybe I was. Maybe I was like Tim. I could understand him perfectly now, going on watch and feeling out of place until he spiraled out of control. What would happen to me, or Steve?

So, dull first chapter I know, but thoughts?