Epic touhou spinoff 3

An epic LOL of the touhou project

[AN]: April fewlz!

Ok, this is sweebation's sister. Yeah. Our writing styles are completely different so don't bitch in the comments "8UT 7415 15N'7 5W3384710N!" Yeah, fanboys, gtfo. A message from sweebation: so, my sister stopped writing this after a certain point. After that, this was kind of inspired by Willie G.R.'s almost pirates. You'll know when it comes.

WARNING! The following is not to be taken seriously! There will be parts when continuity takes it up the ass with a chainsaw. Enjoy!

Somewhere,

3rd POV, I think

Magnus limped through the forest, eyes darting back and forth and devilish smile playing across his lips. He took a swig of cyanide from his silver flask and stepped forward. Any moment now.

"! MAAAAGNUUUUUUUS, YOU CUNT!"

Bingo.

A wild Dan flew out of a barricade of trees, frantically smothering his literally flaming ass with his trench coat. The sight was laughable- so much that Magnus let out a few dark chuckles.

"You… you… cocksucking dildotastic slice of pretentious shitcake! You poured chemicals all over my pants!"

"Let me correct you, Dan, I 'ave merely poured a zingle chemical on your pants. Gazoline."

"You'll rue the day, you fucking bastard."

Later

Dan licked his lips and grinned like the madman he was. He took a step back to admire his piece of… art. A silver horse, giant and gleaming magnificently in the sunset of that chilly Friday night towered over the Bolivian Mountains. Oh, Magnus would love this. He cackled and jumped inside trapdoor in the horse's hoof to join his army; Matt, Maria, Rumia, Flan, AILC, and all the defective robots Matt had built… about five hundred.

"Oh, look at zis!" Came a muffled voice voice from the cracks of the door.

"Shut up all you little fuckers! He's here!" Dan stage whispered to his recruits.

"I must put zis in my castle."

After a short, and slow, ride to the interior of his castle (thanks to Magnus' massive front door), Dan jumped out and threw a cherry pie in the scientist's face.

"IN YOUR FACE YOU RETARED SHIT-SPEWING CUNT BEAN."

At that precise moment, everyone else burst out of the silver horse and threw their pies at Magnus. Giddy cries could be heard everywhere, laughing at Magnus' fuming figure under the mounds of cherry. The occasional "Ohhh, dude, this is so going on my Facebook!" could be heard among the massive flash mob along with the noises of crappy cellphone pictures being taken.

Magnus was officially mortified. Suddenly, a large grin spread across his face at the realization that he could do something even bigger… something they could never pull off.

Under the mountain of cherry, he struggled to fish a remote control out of his lab coat. He pressed a large red button. In the ensuing seconds, a large crane dropped a bomb of knockout gas. The robots were short circuited and the rest immediately dropped to the floor. Magnus shrieked with laughter, happy that he had taken the counter potion to the gas, and set to work immediately.

Later;

Dan's POV

"Ung…" I made a move to clutch my woozy head, but something digging into my skin halted the process. I shot up, fully aware of where I was.

I blinked. No wonder I felt so weightless.

"Space. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck Fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK!"

Stars surrounded me. It was a glorious sight, starts twinkling brightly and beautifully if you're into that shit meant for hopelessly romantic girls. But oh no, not me.

"MAAAAGNUUUUS! MAAAAAAAGNUUUUUS! YOU COCKLOVING MOTHERFUCKING ASS TRAIN DILDO EATING BITCHFACE. FUCK YOU!"

No sound came out of my mouth. "What the fuck? Am I deaf? …..Oh, yeah. There's no sound in space. Fuck."

…

Something picked Dan's attention. It was a white sphere with a glowing yellow dot on it. Somehow, Dan was still able to hear it scream: "SPAAAAAAACEE!"*

A couple seconds passed, then Dan fell into a glorious facepalm. "WTF?"

A couple hours later, Xanavere courtyard

Dan's POV (don't ask)

I was finished preparing my retaliation against Magnus. He had gone out in his silver Dusenberg for a Sunday drive, and while he was gone, I came back down to earth (again, don't ask), and filled his castle to the brim with C4.

I hid in the bushes as soon as I heard Magnus pull up in his loud-ass car. After parking said car, he walked up to the doorstep to open it.

I ducked and covered while waiting for the explosion, but it never came. I uncovered my ears only to hear a very familiar phrase. "Is that so?"

"YEZ! IT IZ SO!"

After peeking my head out of the bushes, I saw that Magnus had been stopped by Rumia. She was being childishly immature as usual… or as she sometimes is. IDK, she can be serious sometimes…

Anyway, Magnus stormed off after Rumia giggled. As soon as he left, Rumia reached for the door.

"Oh no!"

As soon as the lock clicked, the entire castle went up in a giant explosion.

Somehow I was unscathed, but Rumia wasn't so lucky, and was vaporized. "Shit… now I'll have to wait until the next chapter for her to come back!"

Although, a faint scream could be heard over the horizon. I stood in front of the pile of rubble that was once Xanavere, and cupped my hand to my ear.

I could faintly make out: "FUUUUCK YOOOOOUUU DAAAAAANNN!"

I smirked, then let out a small chuckle.

I-Dont-Give-A-Shit's POV

Flandre: "Welll!... That's all folks! See you next time on An Epic LOL of the Touhou Project!"

To be continued…

[AN]:

*Ahhhhh… portal 2's space core. I just had to use the reference.

My sister wrote this for april fewls day. Tho she got pissed and refused to help me after dan waz shot into SP4C3!...

You know what? I think I'm going to make this a multi chapter spinoff. Yea… BTW screw continuity. I will give no explanation for things that do not necessarily match. Like Rumia and flan being in the outside world. Another thing, srry I'm not posting a chapter of Efotp for a while. I had one completed, but someone jacked my car, and I lost all my progress. Anyway, this is just a little something to tie you guys over. And again, april fewlz!