A/N: This is written post "Descent". I don't own any of the characters of NCIS LA, sadly that includes not owning Deeks.

Kensi…

The special agent heard a voice softly murmur her name. The whisper was barely audible; it sounded so far away. She tried to think about the voice, but her mind was hazy.

Kensi, wake up. Kensi... Kens...?

Again, the same voice brushed across her ears. It sounded familiar but her brain couldn't seem to verify the source. The muscles in her body tensed - she wanted to look to see who it was, but her eyelids felt as though they weighed a few hundred tonnes. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but her body was having a hard time complying with her mind's instructions.

"... Kensi!"

This time the voice was recognized, and instantly her eyes flew open as she was snapped out of her dreamlike state. She sat bolt upright and almost fell off the chair in which she had fallen asleep.

"DEEKS!"

Her exclamation came from the thoughts that ran rampant in her mind. Images of her partner flashed across her mind's eye, reminding her that he had been horribly tortured. Her heart beginning to race as the drowsiness ebbed away, her mind becoming clear. She tried to remember if Deeks has come out of surgery, but it wasn't a memory she could recall.

"Kensi."

She turned to face the person calling her name, her panic having stolen her focus from whomever was trying to get her attention. She exhaled nervously, her muscles relaxing as she let out the breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"Callen."

Callen put a supportive hand on Kensi's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Kensi flashed him a quick apologetic smile as her instincts kicked in to hide her internal distress. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, I, uh... I guess I dozed off."

"You've been here 30 hours straight," Callen replied. Kensi shrugged her shoulders in response.

"Have I? I haven't really been keeping track of the time." She opened her mouth to yawn, and stretched her arms. She stood up from the chair and stole a quick glance around the hospital's small waiting room, discovering that the two of them were alone.

"Any updates from Hetty?"

Callen folded his arms across his chest, a small sigh escaping his lips. "Well, after you left the auto part shop with Deeks, Granger tracked down Sidorov and his two men. Let's just say there was a fight and Sidorov's side lost."

"By himself?" Kensi was shocked. "How did he take out all three?"

"He didn't. He found them in an apartment, dead."

"How?"

Callen tensed up. "The bodies were lying in a pile next to empty containers. The gold is gone." He paused before adding, "We think Janvier set them up, stole the gold, and ran."

Kensi let out an audible gasp. "Shit... And with Sidorov dead..."

"We have no leads." Callen's response was like a knife made of ice; Kensi could feel the deep feelings of intense anger beneath his cold tone.

"We'll get him, Callen."

Callen nodded. "I know." He unfolded his arms, and the expression on his face changed into one of concern. "Kensi, you need to go home."

"Huh?" His statement caught her off-guard, and she blanked for a second, staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. She swiftly recovered with a smile and said, "I'm fine, Callen, don't worry about me."

Callen's lips formed a tight line, and his furrowed eyebrows told Kensi he wasn't buying her act. "Kens, you've been here almost two days straight. You need to go home and get some rest."

"I'm fine," she repeated in a much firmer tone, trying to sound convincing. "Really, I'm fine. I'm good here."

I need to be here, she added quietly to herself, as a picture of Deeks' face came to her mind. She needed to be here when the surgeon came out of that operating room. She needed to know that Deeks was alive. She needed to know that he was going to be okay.

As if Callen had read her thoughts, he said, "He's going to make it, Kens."

"I hope so."

"He will." Callen smiled in encouragement. "Now, go home and get some sleep. I'll stay and I'll call you if I get any news."

Kensi fidgeted uneasily, unsure how to respond. She knew Callen wasn't going to take no for an answer, but she also didn't want to leave. She couldn't leave. She couldn't sleep. Images of her partner, her tortured partner, haunted her conscious mind during the day and her unconscious mind at night. She was trapped in the nightmare of not knowing if Deeks would survive, her mind playing over and over that the last time they had been together - his unexpected kiss, and her reaction of running away - might end up being the very last moment they would ever share.

Kensi turned away from Callen, the beginning of tears burning in her eyes. After all the criticism she had constantly spat at Deeks for never saying what he truly meant... How could she have run away from him? How could she have run away from what she herself truly felt?

"Family of Mr. Deeks?"

Kensi turned around to face a tall man in green scrubs emerging into the waiting room. Her heart beating so loud she was sure they could hear it, she said, "Yes? How is he?"

"Not good." The surgeon approached Kensi and Callen, a grave look etched into his features. "He's suffered multiple drill wounds in the teeth and gums of both sides of his mouth; two bullet wounds, one under his left clavicle and one that punctured his right lung; and multiple bruises and lacerations in numerous places. He lost nearly a third of the blood in his body."

The surgeon went on to explain further details, but his words were unheard by Kensi. Time had frozen; her eyes were wide in horror, her heart beating painfully against her ribcage. Her mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts, tripping over itself to comprehend the situation. She had seen Deeks when she had found him unconscious in the auto part shop; rode next to him in the ambulance as they fought to stop the blood gushing out of the open gashes. She had seen him being whisked away to the operating room; but still she had so horribly underestimated the extent of the damage that had been done.

"What are his chances?"

Kensi was snapped out of her distracted state by Callen's inquisition. Eyes wider than before, she slowly brought them up to look at the surgeon's face, both needing to know the answer but being utterly terrified of the possible response.

"It's not something we can determine right now," the surgeon replied matter-of-factly. "What I can say is that it's miraculous we didn't lose him on the table. He's in ICU right now, on a respirator to ensure his body has a stable supply of oxygen until we can be sure he is able to breathe on his own. All we can do now is give him time, and hope for the best; but we will be monitoring him very closely to give him the best chance possible of making it through this."

Callen thanked the doctor, who nodded and left the room. Once he had gone, Callen turned to Kensi, knowing the news would have surely shaken her to the core.

"Kens, he's going to make it."

Kensi looked into Callen's eyes, and so deeply wanted to believe his words; but after hearing the surgeon's description of her partner's state, she found it so hard to be optimistic.

"Callen..." Kensi muttered softly, "I can't lose another partner..." Kensi's voice became more frantic as she went on. "I can't lose Deeks, I can't... I just can't lose him, what if he doesn't make it?! What am I going to do, I can't lose him Callen, I can't lose Deeks-!"

"Kensi!" Callen placed both hands firmly on Kensi's shoulders, shaking her lightly to snap her out of her panic attack. "Look, you can't fall apart right now. Deeks needs us to be strong. He's fighting for his life, and I know you're scared - we all are. But you have to hold it together. You have to be strong... For Deeks."

Kensi fell quiet. Callen was right. She needed to be strong, at the very least on the outside. She just couldn't bear the thought of losing another partner... Especially Deeks.

Because Deeks was more than just a partner to her.

"Deeks is going to be in ICU for awhile," Callen pointed out. "His body needs time. There's nothing we can do for him here." He patted Kensi's arm gently and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You need to take care of yourself, Kensi. Think about what Deeks would want you to do."

Kensi sighed in reluctant admission. As much as every particle in her body itched for her to run to Deeks and sit by his side and not move until he woke up, she knew deep down that Deeks would want her to take care of herself. To stay strong for herself... and for him.

"Alright. I'll go home."

"Good." Callen gestured for her to lead the way, to which Kensi reluctantly complied. She stole one last glance at the hallway into which the surgeon disappeared, wishing she could have followed him, wishing she could have gone to Deeks' side and supported him.

But she would have to wait.

Callen followed Kensi outside of the waiting room and out into the cool evening air. Sceptical if Kensi was in the right frame of mind to drive, he asked, "Need a lift home?"

"No, I can drive myself." Kensi turned to face Callen, and put on the strong smile that everyone was familiar with; a smile of strength, of fortitude. "I'm fine, Callen. Thank you."

"No problem."

The two bid each other good night and parted ways. Kensi found her way to her car, her body moving absent-mindedly as if on auto-pilot. She got into her car and started the drive back to her house.

So many thoughts were going through her mind. Was she going to lose a second partner? Was she going to lose the one person in her life whom she actually trusted, the one person who meant the most to her? How could she handle losing him? The thought of her life devoid of Deeks was almost unbearable.

I have to stay positive, she thought to herself. I have to stay strong. It wasn't only for herself and for Deeks; she had worked so hard to maintain her thick-shelled persona, to prove to the team that she wasn't just a weak-sauce female completely at the mercy of her emotions. She was a strong, independent woman; she needed to be. She had an image to maintain, and it was important she did just that.

After what seemed like an endless amount of driving, she slowed the car to a stop, turned it off and stepped outside. She shut the car door and locked it, and it was only when she looked up from her car that she suddenly realized she had not driven herself back home - she had instead driven to Deeks' apartment.

"Touché, subconscious," she whispered aloud to herself. Luckily - unbeknownst to Deeks - she knew where he kept a spare key. She walked up to the front of his apartment door and reached up to the light fixture situated above the door frame. She felt around the top of the fixture, loosening the lid enough to snake her fingers into the glass box and grasp a small metal object. She withdrew the key from inside the light, secured the lid, and let herself into his apartment.

She was greeted with a concoction of smells, ranging from a Febreeze air freshener - was it vanilla? - mounted in a nearby wall, to the more pungent stench of old garbage. She took one step toward his bedroom when she heard the sound of rustling paper in the kitchen. Reflexes took over as she swiftly reached for her gun and drew it from its holster. She raised the gun, pointing it toward the kitchen door.

"NCIS, come out with your hands up!"

No response. Gritting her teeth, Kensi slowly advanced towards the kitchen. When she was only a foot away, she jumped through the doorframe into the small room, her gun held at the ready.

"Oh jeez!" Kensi let out a sigh of relief, letting her arms fall to her sides as she re-holstered her gun. "I forgot about you, Monty!"

Grateful that the source of the noise was Monty - Deeks' canine companion - moving around on newspaper that had been spread over the kitchen floor, Kensi knelt down to greet the furry animal. Monty's tail wagged in excitement as he bounded over to her.

Over the next hour, Kensi bustled around the apartment doing a general clean-up, part of which had involved taking Monty for a much needed walk. When the apartment no longer smelled of garbage, and when Monty was happily snuggled in his doggy bed at the bottom of Deeks' bed, Kensi finally went to retire herself for the night. She patted Monty good night, and went to leave Deeks' bedroom, when out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of a familiar object.

A sea-foam green sleeve hung out from under the covers of Deeks' bed, just barely visible. Kensi moved over to Deeks' bed, and pulled back the covers.

It was the Slanket she had given to Deeks two years ago.

"You actually kept this...?" Kensi asked aloud in astonishment. She reached down and picked up the Slanket, which showed signs of use. So Deeks had not only kept her Slanket, but had actually used it.

"You're such a girl!" Kensi exclaimed, which shockingly elicited a chuckle from herself. That was Deeks - always making her laugh, even when he wasn't physically there.

Smiling, Kensi pulled back the covers further and slipped into the bed. She folded the Slanket just enough so that she could hug it to herself.

For awhile she just lay in the bed, completely submerged in her thoughts. She played back memories they shared in her mind, focusing on the good ones. She lowered her face to the Slanket cradled in her arms, and inhaled deeply. Her olfactory system exploded with scent unique to Deeks, and a strange but peaceful calm washed over her body.

"Deeks," she said softly into the air. "Please don't leave me... I... I need you..."

As if to respond to her plea, Monty jumped onto the bed and pranced over to her. She chucked softly as the canine licked her nose in affection. After enjoying Kensi scratching him behind the ears, Monty nudged himself in between her and Deeks' Slanket and curled himself into a ball. Kensi smiled and hugged the dog and the Slanket close to her.

Finally the exhaustion caught up with her, and she drifted off into a restless sleep.