Dexter's ending

Because I didn't like the ending of the show, it doesn't mean I don't get why they did it...

Here is my take on Dexter's thoughts at the end of the last episode and on what could happen after...

I actually teared up when I wrote this...

I was thinking of making it longer, a crossover with another show to help Dexter get the happy ending we all know he deserves... tell me what you think. The other show I was thinking about is The Vampire Diaries (or The Originals, not that it changes much).

Enjoy,

Lorelei Candice Black

After work, Dexter came right home, as usual. He didn't go at the local dinner or the local bar like his other coworkers. It's not like he had anyone to come home to here. He just didn't want to spend time with people anymore, he didn't see the point of it if he was going to make them suffer in the end.

His new place was cold, empty, too quiet and could have used a few renovations but he didn't care. Living here was his punishment for surviving when Deb died. Why couldn't that hurricane take his life like it took the Slice of Life? If there was a God out there, Dexter decided that he had let him live so he could pay for his sins here, in this Hell Hole.

Here he lived without sun, without the sea, without his boat, without the people he loved. Every day was a struggle, every hour was full of pain, every minutes were too long here.

When he woke up, alone on the shore of some deserted beach, Dexter didn't know who he was at first, he had had amnesia for about 1 hour and it had felt good. After the hour was up, his memories came rushing back in his head, tormenting him. Not knowing who he was and what he had done had been so peaceful...

When he got his memory back, he had first been angry about surviving but then he understood why God didn't kill him. He had let him live to punish him for his sins. He was still walking the earth as a test, to see if he was deserving of redemption. He needed to stay away from his loved ones and suffer on his own, only then would he be able to, maybe, seek redemption and a place in Heaven next to Deb and Rita.

Dexter figured that it was probably why it was a priest who found him. He had been send by Gob to put him on the right track, to inform him that heaven was still open for him should he work to win it. After all, didn't they say that every person capable of love was capable of being saved? If, for love, he stayed away from his beloved son and the woman he loved more than anything, then he would win forgiveness and keep them both safe.

One more day of hard work done, transporting wood.

One more day on his own, on the other side of the continent from his son and Hannah.

One more day without Hannah or Harrison or Deborah or anyone he came to care about...

One more day wondering when it would all end...

Ever since he let Dexter Morgan die during that Hurrican, he had become someone else. Not that his name mattered much since nobody knew it around here. For his co worker, he was the lost guy, for everyone else he was M. Smith, an anonymous. His life was nothing but silence and loneliness now and he relished in the pain it brought him. It was his beg for forgiveness for all the bad he had done, his cry for God to help him, to send him a message that he was forgiven.

It was like he was back at the beginning, before Rita thought him to care for others without even knowing it, before Harrison, back when his dark passenger was his only companion except this time he didn't have his father's ghost haunting him and he couldn't visit Deb whenever he felt like it. He didn't even have the Dark passenger anymore... He was more alone than he had ever been...

He was completely and utterly alone.

He even stopped himself from fraternizing with his co workers, fearing he would bring them as much pain as he did his other co-workers from Miami, from his old life. He knew that they were all suffering for him now. They didn't know if he was alive or not and Dexter knew that Batista wouldn't give up on finding him. Quinn was probably not so sad about Dexter disappearing but he truly loved Deb and her death had left a lot of pain in him. Batista's sister was probably wondering what had happened to Harrison and Dexter knew that she was suffering too.

Loneliness was his punishment. The only way he would ever get any sort of redemption. He couldn't bring anyone else down with him, he had done enough hurting to last him several life times.

Who thought that getting rid of his dark passenger would actually be the end for him? Who knew that life would hurt that much? He always thought that once his dark passenger was gone, he would be happy but now he understood that he had gotten rid of it only to have to pay the price of having it in the first place.

The pain of Deb's death was so hard to handle, even harder than Rita's has been and Dexter actually wished that he could simply turn it all off and stop feeling anything. He wished that Doctor Vogel had been right about him being un-capable of emotions... He remembered when Deb confessed to loving him, not like a brother, but as more... He wondered if she had been telling the truth or if she had just been confused at the moment... No matter what the answer to this was he knew that he had failed her as a brother anyway. He hadn't been the perfect big brother Deb made him out to be.

As he sat in his quiet new house that would never be home, Dexter wondered how Harrison and Hannah were doing. Where were they? What were they doing?

He knew that they were safe and happy. He knew that they would take care of each other and that he didn't have to worry... Being without them hurt but it was the punishment Dexter decided should be his for failing his little sister. He should have just taken care of Saxon the same way he had done for so many others but instead he let him leave, he gave him to the system and it got his sister dead. All of this happened because he was afraid of what he would feel if he killed Saxon now that his dark Passenger had vanished.

He could imagine that Deb would tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he should feel bad about it. She was probably very happy and at peace in heaven... He could imagine her on a could with Rita and their parents, watching him, trying to tell him that it wasn't his fault.

Dexter didn't have a TV but he did purchase a laptop. He used it to check and make sure that Hannah was alright, that she hadn't been found. That his loved one were safe. He had set up a forum before everything happened so he and Hannah could communicate if anything happened and he checked it out everyday. Hannah didn't believe that he was dead, she knew him too well for that. She left a message everyday with pictures of her and Harrison, how they were doing, how to find them. Since everything was password protected, he knew it would be safe to reply but he didn't, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

In every messages, she assured him that she loved him and that she was waiting for him, that Harrison loved him and that they were both doing fine. She had opened a small flower shop and Harrison was going to school. They were waiting for him to come home to them.

He clicked on the most recent massage, posted only a few minutes ago, from the other side of the continent, in a small town not too far from Buenos Aires.

"Dexter,

Harrison and I are doing fine as usual.

He scrapped his knee while playing soccer but it's nothing, it will heal quickly. He's doing very good in school, he says that he wants you to be proud of him. He asked about you again and I didn't know what to tell him. I told him that you were probably lost and that you would find your way back to us eventually. I can't bring myself to tell him that you might be dead because I can't believe it.

I know that Deb's death is hard on you but it isn't your fault Dexter, I hope you know that. If she could she would tell you the same thing. It was Saxon's fault, or Doctor Vogel's fault for not helping him like she should have but definitely not YOUR fault.

Don't think that if you stay away I'll eventually forget about us and move on because I won't. I'm waiting for you to come back, even if it takes 60 more years.

I love you, always.

Harrison loves you too.

We both miss you terribly.

I showed this forum to Harrison. He wants to leave you messages too and he will as soon as he can write.

Please come back to us. If you need time away to find yourself again then do it, but come back eventually, please.

Tenderly,

Hannah"

Dexter cried every time he turned on that computer and read those messages. He wanted to leave her a message, telling him that he was alive and explaining everything to her but he knew that he wouldn't be able to stay away if he did. Eventually she would move on, find a nice man to be a good husband to her and a good father to Harrison, someone better than him.

He was better on his own, he deserved to suffer for causing Deb's death.

Resisting the urge to leave a message once more, Dexter closed the laptop and put it away before grabbing something to eat from the fridge. It wasn't that good and it wasn't even something he liked but he couldn't bring himself to buy things that brought him pleasure. He didn't keep much from the money he was making, most of it he sent to an account that he set up for Harrison's college education. He would send it to him when he turned 18 and Harrison would understand that his father loved him and left him this money a long time ago...

Dexter was sure that he was finally doing the right thing.

When he finally went to lie down on his hard bed, Dexter closed his eyes, trying to imagine that the other side of the bed wasn't empty, that he hadn't been alone all day... In his bed at night, Dexter allowed himself to dream of the life he could have had if things had gone differently.

It was torture to wake up to realize that it was only a dream but for a few hours, Dexter could almost feel at peace and he cherished those rare moments before he got back to a work he hated.

So, what did you think?

Should I continue it as a Crossover like I want? (With The Vampire Diaries)?

Please leave a review to tell me what you think!

Lorelei Candice Black