Phil didn't want to get up, particularly.
A quick glance at the alarm clock confirmed that it was creeping on to six a.m., but not quite there yet. He should have still had four and a half minutes of blissful, lazy sleep to enjoy.
But he was awake now.
The noise that had broken his unconsciousness repeated itself – slightly louder, this time. He groaned at the realisation of what it was, and the fact that the half of the bed next to him was empty.
"Don't drag it," he called out, loudly. "You'll leave big marks on the floor, and I would rather like to get our deposit back on this place."
The noise ceased. "You keep moving it. It's not in line with the couch."
"It's a quantum physics problem," he muttered, "it'll never be in line with the couch." He took a deep breath. "Lift and slide."
"We got our deposit back on the old place, didn't we?" Her voice returned, along with the groaning noise of wood on wood.
Phil sighed, deciding that his sleep-in would have to wait until tomorrow. He kicked off the covers and fumbled with his toes for his slippers. "I think that was luck. If they'd moved the rug we would have been lucky to escape with our deposit and not go into a loss there." He finally gave up on trying to find his slippers with his feet and looked down, seeing them a few inches to the left of where he'd been toeing.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that," Lor conceded. The groaning noise stopped momentarily.
Phil finally pulled his slippers on with a vague sense of triumph and stumbled from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He found his wife in the lounge room, observing the coffee table and its alignment with both the couch and the television. "Happy now?"
She shook her head. "I don't quite know what it is, but no matter where I move it, it's never quite in line properly with everything."
"You're getting worryingly pedantic about this," he told her. "I'm going to start watching your sugar intake."
"Well, you can watch me take some in right now," she told him, heading toward the kitchen.
He kicked the coffee table a little to the left – gently, so as not to mark the floor – and followed her. "Just leave me some Frosties."
"Don't I always?"
"No."
"Fair call."
Once in the kitchen, he allowed himself the kind of deeply satisfying stretch that went from the tips of his fingers to the bottom of his toes, until Lor turned around and grabbed his stomach quite alarmingly, causing his entire body to jolt at the shock. "Jesus, Lor."
"Nice to know I can still make you jump," she said, grinning at him broadly as she crossed the kitchen to grab the cereal box, which she peered inside of. "Looks like you might be having toast for breakfast, Phil."
"I thought you said you bought more," he said. "Anyway, it's my turn to finish the box."
"Total rubbish on both counts," she told him. "It was your turn to do the shopping, and therefore your turn to buy the cereal. And don't think I forgot how you stole the last of the Coco Krispies."
The memory came back to him and he sighed. "Oh, yeah."
She rolled her eyes at him. "We'll compromise."
"Compromise?"
"I won't laugh at you when you cut your toast up into soldiers this time, to make up for the fact that I'm about to eat the last of the delicious, sugary, golden, milky, Frosties."
"You're a loving and caring wife," he said, slumping down into his seat at the kitchen table.
He heard her put bread in the toaster before sitting at the table, and didn't look up as he heard the tinkle of the cereal in the bowl. It would just tease him. A moment later he felt her hand run through his hair. "Sorry I woke you."
He looked up at her and smiled. "Really not a problem. I had to get up sooner or later. And this way we're atl least having breakfast together. " He leant across the table and kissed her softly. "Even if you do steal my cereal."
"My cereal," she corrected as he pulled away.
"We'll just see..."
FROM HERE ON
1.1 Dinner Plans
starring
Phil DeVille - Lor McQuarrie - Dil Pickles - Reggie Rocket
written by Acepilot & Lord Malachite
It was an inevitability, Phil reflected. Every time they were just about ready to go, there it was: the phone, ringing it's little heart out.
He contemplated letting the machine get it, but odds were it was his sister, and she's never let him hear the end of it. He tapped an impatient toe, contemplating how long Lor was likely to take in the bathroom before they left and how long he was likely to be on the phone to any given person, and in the end he decided to take the chance, snatching the receiver up from the cradle. "Good morning, DeVille residence."
"You call that place a residence?"
Phil sighed. "It's a start," he told her. "What can I do for you this morning, Angelica?"
"Don't you love fall?" she asked, a certain light-heartedness to her voice that Phil immediately recognised. He felt alarm impulses creeping up his back. "The way the streets all seem to change colour and -"
"What do you want?" Phil cut her off. In the distance to the bathroom he could hear Lor's mobile start ringing and her own mad scramble to locate and answer it.
"I need to know if you two can watch Sean tonight," she asked him.
"Lor here. Kirk? How's it going?"
"Why?" Phil asked Angelica, treading softly through the unit toward the bedroom where Lor was pacing with her phone pressed tight against her ear.
"Well, you know, just heading off to work," his wife was telling her brother.
"Because we have plans tonight," Angelica explained. "Mom and Dad were going to take him but now Dad has to go to some function with some executives and I don't fancy the idea of leaving him on his own with Mom. I think one of them or the other might have a nervous breakdown."
"Seems reasonable," Phil agreed.
"Tonight?" Lor asked.
Phil perked up, reaching out and tapping Lor on the shoulder.
The blonde's attention duly drawn to him, he attempted to mime babysitting. She stared at him in increasing confusion and he fervently wished he had a piece of paper to write on.
"So, will you?"
"Will we be able to babysit Sean?" Phil clarified for Lor's benefit.
It could never be said his wife wasn't a quick study. "Do we want to come to dinner tonight?"
Their eyes met.
"Sorry, Angelica, we've got plans," he told her.
"We'll be there with bells on," Lor confirmed.
"Well who am I meant to get to babysit?" Angelica demanded. "You guys are his godparents, you know!"
"You already used that one last week to get me to pick him up from crèche," he reminded her, "so it hasn't refreshed yet. Try Dil," he suggested.
"I'd rather not," Angelica said. "My son means rather a lot to me."
"You've left him with Dil before."
"And learnt my lesson, thank you."
"Alright Kirk, we'll see you tonight," Lor said before hanging up the phone. She indicated the one he was speaking into, presumably querying if he needed help, but he simply shrugged and shook his head. She returned to rifling through their draws for something.
"Lil, then," he offered. "Alysa?"
"Oh yeah, that'd go over like a treat," Angelica growled.
"You guys get on okay," he pointed out.
"Yeah, but then 'she' would hear about it, and frankly I don't need the kind of stress that would bring about right now."
"Seems fair," he agreed.
"I'll call Lil," she sighed. "I miss the start."
"What's that meant to mean?" Phil asked, watching as Lor wandered out of their room and into the lounge. He trailed after her idly.
"When you have plans and it's all still new and exciting. That first six months..."
"Well, we're now five months in," he reminded her.
"So soon you won't have plans and will be able to babysit any time I need you."
"Goodbye, Angelica."
"Later, DeVille."
He slipped the phone back into its cradle and grabbed his bag. "We late?"
"Not quite," Lor told him. "But we will be in a minute."
"Alright," he said, "let's go." He grabbed the front door and ushered her out in what his mother would have called a chivalrous motion. "So, dinner tonight at Kirk's?"
"Yes," she said.
He pulled the door shut and locked it. "Just us, him and Penny?"
"Apparently," she said.
"Good."
8 - * - * - 8
"I didn't, strictly speaking, lie to you," Lor told him.
Phil, relaxing as best he was able on Penny and Kirk's couch in between dinner and coffee, threw her a brief glare. "Really? How do you figure?"
"Because it wasn't a lie. I gave you all the information I had. It was not part of the briefing I received; therefore I was unable to pass it on to you."
"I would have preferred babysitting, had I known."
Lor took the chance of sitting down next to him, placing a hand on top of his. "I know."
He smiled and turned his hand over, slipping his fingers through hers and squeezing them tightly. "I will get better about this."
"No, you won't," she told him. "But that's okay."
"Here you two are," Penny's voice cut in on them, seemingly surprised to discover them as she came into the lounge. "What are you doing in here?"
"Admiring your lounge set," Lor told her. "It's such a beautiful pattern."
Her sister-in-law gave her a look which suggested extreme doubt on this claim but didn't dispute it.
"Sorry about the unexpected company," she said. "We didn't know he was going to come around."
"Hmm," Phil offered without commitment.
"Ah," a new, male voice came into the conversation. "The party's moved in here, I see."
Phil bit back a groan as his father-in-law joined them in the lounge - Kirk, burdened down with a tray of coffee mugs, following behind.
It wasn't so much that Phil didn't like Daniel MacQuarrie. The man was nice enough after a fashion and generally had his family's best interests at heart. But he had never exactly been shy about his view that Phil was not exactly in Lor's best interest.
"So nice of you to join us for dinner tonight, Daniel," Phil told him, trying his best to be friendly. "I had no idea you were coming."
Daniel pitted him with a level stare. In all the years that Phil and Lor had been dating, and even now married, they had never settled on an agreement regarding what, exactly, Phil was meant to call him. No matter what he said he seemed to get a certain air of disapproval, so he had simply settled on Daniel and decided to tough it out.
"Well, Simone's bridge tournament was tonight and I didn't have anything to do so I thought I'd come out and see my son and his lovely family," he said, wrapping an arm around Kirk's shoulder and giving a tight squeeze. Phil could have sworn he saw Kirk's eyes bulge out ever so slightly. "It's nice having them so nearby, so I can stay so close with my family. And, of course, see my grandchild. Pity she's in bed."
Phil tapped Lor's leg twice. She rolled her eyes but nodded. It had been a masterful hit against their basing themselves in North City instead of Bahia Bay, and the fact that they had, as yet, failed to reproduce.
Which was a conversation for later.
Much later.
"It's a lovely coincidence that you two were over tonight," Daniel told them. "I simply don't get to see you two enough since you moved away."
"An hour down the Coastal," Phil suggested.
"We miss you and Mom as well," Lor quickly slipped in to try and placate things before her husband and her father really did get stuck into things.
"We should see each other more often," Daniel suggested. "In fact, I don't think we've been over to your place since you got married."
"It hasn't changed," Phil assured him.
"Of course it's changed," Daniel said. "You're married now. No more of this...living-in-sin malarkey. I mean, I know that's what happens a lot among young couples like yourselves these days, but I'm happy to see the two of you finally settling down. Behaving like adults."
Phil's foot started tapping uncontrollably, deafeningly loud in the otherwise total silence.
"You and Mom should come over for dinner," Lor blurted out, all-but propelling herself forward in her seat with the suggestion.
Phil's foot stopped tapping, and he spun to face his wife with a look of complete and utter disbelief.
Which, mercifully, his father-in-law remained unaware of. "That'd be nice," Daniel accepted. "How about Friday night?"
"Sure," Lor agreed readily, even as it began to dawn on her the pit she was sinking into.
"Yeah, why not?" Phil asked, an undertone suggesting he could think of a million reasons, but chose not to voice any of them.
Penny and Kirk seemed to be staring at the increasingly tense couple on their couch with a certain car-crash fascination, but were smart enough not to get involved.
"Wonderful," Daniel said, reaching across and clasping Lor on the shoulder. "I'm sure your mother will be thrilled. You know how much she misses you."
"Hmmm," Lor agreed, a slight catch in her throat.
"Anyway," the older man said, standing up from his chair, "I hate to cut this evening short, but I should really be going."
"Oh no," Phil said.
Lor kicked him. "We'll see you Saturday then, I guess," she said, rising from the couch and giving her father a hug.
"I'll show you out, Mr. MacQuarrie," Penny offered, waving him toward the door as he hugged Kirk.
"Thank you, Penny," he said, smiling at the perfect daughter-in-law behaviour his son's wife was offering.
Phil rolled his eyes and muttered, "Kiss-up," under his breath. Lor kicked him again, harder this time as her dad was facing away.
When Penny had led him toward the front door, Phil gave up pretense and leant down, clutching at his shin. "Jesus, Lor, that actually hurt!"
"You deserved it!"
"I deserved it? Who invited him around for dinner?"
"I've got to side with Phil on this one," Kirk piped up. "You two are certainly much braver than I am. I thought the whole point of moving away from Bahia Bay was so you didn't have to see him and mom all the time. I wish I'd thought of it earlier but now every time I mention the possibility he and Mom break out the guilt trip."
"They're not that bad," Lor offered in defence of their parents.
"They are," Kirk said. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Mom and Dad, but they are absolute masters of this kind of thing. Why do you think you and I are the only ones who've gotten married yet? Everyone else knows it's not worth the trouble."
"That, and all those girls were complete wimps," Penny declared, returning to the room. "I mean, come on. If you can't stand the wedding plans conversation after the fourth date, then what are you going to do when they get to baby names by the sixth?"
"They got you too, huh?" Phil asked.
"I'm amazed you held out three years," Penny admitted.
"We're made of sterner stuff than we look like."
8 - * - * - 8
Lor felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to face Reggie, pulling her headphones off. "What's up?"
Reggie leant against the wall of her cubicle. "You up for grabbing some lunch?"
"Don't you ever think about anything but food?" Lor asked, stretching out in her seat a bit, but a quick glance at the clock in the corner of her computer's screen confirmed it was, in fact, 1pm, and she had been typing for nearly four hours.
"Sometimes I think about sports," Reggie told her, "but it's only a fleeting fancy."
Lor rolled her eyes as she rose from her seat, saving the epic work of editing she'd been hard at since arriving. "Lunch it is."
"And sweaty, shirtless, buff hotties." Reggie added as she led Lor away from the desks and towards the elevators."
"Are you, like, trying to spoil my appetite?" Lor asked, reaching back to lock her computer before she was completely in the grasp of her partner-in-crime.
"Perish the thought. Then we'd end up getting back on time. What are you working on today?"
"Turning that interview with Williams into...something." Lor sighed. "He's a nice enough guy but being coach for so long I think he's just started repeating interviews verbatim instead of coming up with anything new." Lor shook her head slowly. "What do we want to do for lunch?"
"There's a new place down on the corner," Reggie suggested as the elevator opened and they shuffled inside. She pressed the button for the ground floor. "Actually, are you and Phil free for dinner tonight?"
"No," Lor said, flatly.
Reggie looked curious at the straight denial. "Got plans?"
"In a manner of speaking," Lor told her. "Do you want to come to ours for dinner?"
All past experience taught Reggie that there was something suspicious about this offer. "Why? What's happening? Murder suicide pact and you need a witness?"
"You're closer than you think," Lor told her. "My parents are coming. Dad is on about how we're meant to start behaving like a grown up couple now. Maybe if I can distract him with other people he won't notice that we're really...not one."
Reggie stopped dead. "Your parents are coming. For dinner. With you and Phil."
"Yes."
The taller girl let out one short, sharp, almost-bark-like laugh. "Oh, this I have to see. I'll be there with bells on."
"Well good," Lor said, satisfied. "I didn't even have to resort to bribery."
8 - * - * - 8
"I'll give you thirty bucks to come to dinner tonight," Phil offered.
Susie laughed loudly, which caused Sean to do the same. This resulted in food spraying everywhere from his mouth, which Susie immediately tended to with a tissue. "You need a better opening gambit, Phil. Bribery should come later. You need tips from your wife."
"She's a soft touch," he said, waving the suggestion off. "Cash is the way to go."
"Well, we can't," she told him. "Why, anyway?"
"Her parents are coming," Phil groaned. He lent down on the counter, hanging his head between his elbows. "After all of Daniel's smarmy comments the other night I really don't know if I can keep up my facade much longer."
"You can manage a facade?" Susie asked in dibelief. "Phil, you are many things. Deceptive is not one of them." She cut up a few more slices of banana and placed them on the saucer in front of her son, which he busily crammed into his mouth.
"Well, it's a game we play," Phil told her. "He pretends to take me seriously as a man, I pretend to take his comments with good grace and understanding. We're not fooling anyone but ourselves, but it seems to keep things civil between us."
"You're a strange soul," she told him, wincing a little and returning to wiping banana off her son's face with a tissue.
"Nothing would have stopped me from marrying her, but there are some bad things you have to take with the good. Anyway, he's coming around and wants to see what we're like now that we're settled down. A real couple. Married and everything."
"I'd like to see that, too," Susie agreed. "However, sadly, I'll have to give it a miss. We've got plans."
"You two always have plans," Phil objected. "Seriously. Fifty bucks? Sean would be a golden distraction."
"No he wouldn't," Susie argued. "He'd get him asking about grandchildren."
"Maybe, but it would still be better than asking why we aren't like 'all the other married couples'."
Susie lifted Sean off the counter and kissed him on the forehead before placing him in his stroller. He opted to continue watching proceedings in silence. "And you think we'd reassure him? We're hardly like all the other married couples, Phil."
"Hey, you're a hot-shot CEO-to-be and a doctor with a kid. You're streets ahead of us."
"Well, what makes you think you're not a settled, regular married couple?"
Phil shrugged. "I dunno. We're just exactly the same as we've always been. I don't know why he suddenly expects we've changed."
"Ask him," Susie suggested.
Phil shot her a look.
"Okay, maybe not," she conceded. "Good luck with dinner tonight."
"Thanks."
"Say bye Sean," she told her son.
"Bye Uncle Phil!" Sean said, waving at him with pudgy little hands.
Phil raised an eyebrow as he waved back. "I rate words now?"
"He never shuts up at home," Susie told him, wheeling the stroller around to the door. "But no-one believes us. He's just shy."
"Enjoy it while it lasts," Phil suggested. "With the two of you as parents it probably won't last too long."
"True," Susie agreed as she pushed through the exit and out onto the street.
Dil Pickles, who had been sitting at the other end of the cafe's bar, raised himself up and strolled over to join Phil nearer the register. "They grow up so fast," he said.
"True, true," Phil sighed. "You want to come to dinner?"
"Do I get fifty bucks?"
Phil rolled his eyes. "You're not a distraction. Well, not a good one, anyway. You get a free meal and probably some entertainment. I just need some reinforcements at this stage."
"Well, who am I to turn down a free meal?"
8 - * - * - 8
Lor pushed open the door with a sigh. Work sucked. It was, she knew, hardly the most original of opinions, but it was one she was sticking to.
Their apartment was surprisingly clean, given the state they had left it in this morning. Phil's records were neatly stacked in their designated shelf instead of strewn across the coffee table, the table was more-or-less in line with the couch - as in line with it as it ever got, anyway - and the floor had been vacuumed. The Temptations were crooning on the stereo.
"You realise," she called out across the unit, "that you put the same record on every time we're expecting company."
"I know," her husband responded from the kitchen. She followed his voice in there and found him cutting capsicums on a chopping board. "It's unobtrusive enough to not endanger conversation but still quality for when there's a lull."
"Seems reasonable," she agreed, leaning on the table and watching Phil as he prepared dinner. "What are we having?"
"We're having pasta," he told her. "Don't ask me what the sauce is called because I forget. But trust me, it's very good."
"I trust you," she assured him. "So, you ready to run the gauntlet?"
"As I'm going to be," he told her, laying down his knife and turning around, crossing the room to her and kissing her. "We'll be fine."
"I know," she said. "I invited Reggie."
Phil smiled. "I thought you might have. I invited Dil."
"Strength in numbers."
"Something like that."
"Good call."
"Thank you."
"There isn't any chilli in the sauce is there?" she asked. "Because my Dad won't eat that."
He smiled deviously. "Really?"
"Forget it," she told him, before pushing him away slightly and turning to depart the kitchen. "I'm going to have a very quick shower and get out of these clothes."
"Your dad probably won't think we're a regular, everyday married couple if you eat dinner naked," Phil told her. "But it's not the worst suggestion I've ever heard."
She rolled her eyes, realising she'd left herself wide open to that one. "Hardi-har-har," she told him. "I'll be back in a few minutes. If Reggie shows up let her in. And don't let her and Dil hit the wine or there'll be none left when Dad gets here."
8 - * - * - 8
The knock at the door cut in on the conversation the four friends had been sharing, and they all simultaneously turned to face the sound in question. Phil gulped noticeably.
"It'll be fine," Dil told them, watching the two of them squirm uncomfortably. "God, you'd swear you were about to have a death sentence passed on you, not host your parents for dinner."
"Regular married couple," Lor muttered.
"Of course," Phil agreed. "Shall we?"
Reggie just grinned as the two of them rose from the table and watched them go. She turned to Dil. "Who do you think will break down first? I like Lor. She's way too nervous."
"I dunno, Philly is pretty on edge. He's not exactly in the most accomodating of moods, I think."
"Fair call," Reggie admitted.
"We can hear you, you know," Lor pointed out.
"Yeah, and we're not saying anything that's going to hit you as news, are we?"
"Fair call," Phil returned.
"Are we going to be left on the doorstep all night, do you think, dear?"
Phil rolled his eyes and yanked open the door, plastering the most painfully fake grin Lor had ever seen on his face.
"Daniel, Simone, so nice to see you," Phil said.
"Mom, Dad," Lor said, stepping forward to embrace her parents. "Glad you came."
"We wouldn't miss it," her mother assured her. "You've been well?"
"Since we spoke on the phone last week?" Lor asked. "Yes, I've been fine."
"Good." She turned to look Phil up and down for a moment. "And you, Phil?"
"I'm fine," he said. "Nice as standing on the doorstep all night sounds -" at this he shot Daniel a glance "- what say we come on in to the lounge. With any luck Dil and Reggie haven't eaten all the nibbles."
"Oh, I didn't know you were having other people over," Daniel said. "We could have rescheduled."
"Oh, you know," Phil said, slipping an arm through Lor's and pulling her closer to himself as he spoke to her father, "since we've been married we just seem to host so many people. You know, like a regular married couple. Everyone wants to come around here for some reason."
Phil continued to grin inanely as Daniel and Simone nodded and walked past them into the living room.
"You're laying it on a bit thick," his wife told him under her breath. "I'd almost rather you went the other way and was just sarcastic to them."
"I'm clinging by a thread."
8 - * - * - 8
"What's that smell, dear?" Simone asked her daughter, nibbling painfully slowly at a cracker she'd taken off the spread Lor had laid down.
Lor knew there were probably a million answers to that one, but she knew her parents well enough to know what was meant.
"It's paint," she told her mother. "Phil was painting this afternoon. He must have left the door of the studio open."
"Oh," Simone said. "He's still doing that, is he?"
Lor clenched her teeth. "Yes, Mom. It's his career."
"Really?"
Lor was about to grab Phil in the seat next to her to prevent him from physically throttling her mother, but she belatedly realised he wasn't there. She looked around the room and saw only her parents, Dil and Reggie.
"Excuse me a second, please?" she said, rising from her seat and grabbing the nearest plate. "I'll just see what the situation is with dinner."
She crossed the room and pushed open the kitchen door, revealing her husband. He was not, however, engaged in any kind of activity that would be getting food on the table.
"What are you doing in here?"
Phil looked up as his wife loomed in the doorway. "Cooking."
"That," she said, pointing to the newspaper he was reading on the counter, "is not a recipe book."
"Alright, I'm avoiding your parents," he said. "But I'm man enough to admit it. After denying it at first."
"And that counts for what, exactly, in your head?"
"I'm sure it counts for something. If I had any married, male friends I might be able to tell you what." He sighed. "Come on. As long as you're here you can help me dish up."
They carried plates full of pasta and a bowl of cheese out into the lounge/dining room, interrupting the minutes of completely sterile silence they had left their parents and friends in.
"Dinner is served," Lor announced. "So we can all come and have stifling conversation over here."
"Oh thank god," Reggie muttered as she shot across the room. "I don't know how I let you talk me into this," she said to Lor under her breath.
"You have only yourself to blame," Lor told her.
"This all looks very nice," Daniel said. "What are we having?"
"It's pasta with a vegetable and mustard sauce," Phil said.
"It's very nice," Lor assured them.
"You cooked?" Daniel asked Phil. "How…modern."
Phil made a noise somewhere in the back of his throat that could have been interpreted as a sigh.
"Dad, you know I can't cook," she told him.
The words regular married couple shot through her head.
"You did, once," Reggie pointed out.
Dil shuddered and seemed to slump in his chair a bit, going pale. "We weren't going to discuss that ever again!"
Phil and Lor glared at him, but he just grinned broadly in response.
8 - * - * - 8
Dil leant back in his chair a little, rocking it back and forth. With Daniel outside having a cigarette, Simone in the bathroom and the 'regular married couple' in the kitchen preparing tea and coffee, it left just he and Reggie out in the dining room.
"So, I think it's going very well," he said, catching himself before his chair toppled over backwards.
"You'll break your neck doing that," she said, even as she started doing the same. "You ever wonder why they invited us to this?"
"A bit," Dil admitted. "I think we're meant to be helping."
"Oh," Reggie said. "Well, I didn't get that memo."
The sound of the front door cut off any response Dil might have made, and moments later they were joined by Daniel. "I'm a little surprised to see you both here tonight," Daniel told them without preamble. "I didn't know you were a couple."
"A couple?" Dil asked, as Reggie's chair dropped back to earth with a very loud thud.
"Well, yes. I mean, here you are, together. I should have seen it coming, after all - you rarely see one of you without the other. It's nice that Phil and Lor have found some...couple friends. I think that's a good sign for a marriage."
Dil and Reggie exchanged glances. A million thoughts zipped between them, and, for once, they came to a completely silent accord. They turned with unrehearsed but perfect co-ordination to face Daniel again.
"Oh, I see what you mean," Reggie kicked them off. "Yeah, well, 'couple' is a strong word. I mean, we come over here together for the...parties, but really, Phil and Lor are the only couple that come."
"I should have known it wasn't the usual Friday night when they said you guys were joining us," Dil said. "I mean, I know that they're pretty - open - but I was just thinking, you know, there are limits."
"Definitely," Reggie agreed. "I don't want you going home thinking that it's just a free-for-all," she assured Daniel. "We all behave very responsibly. And within the rules."
"And the instant anyone at all says perameceum -"
"Excuse me," Daniel said, standing up from the table. As Reggie and Dil's recital had gone on and on, he had simply grown paler and paler. "I'll just see if Simone is okay." He walked out of the room as if all his limbs were asleep but he was trying to leave as fast as possible regardless.
The instant he was clear of the room, Reggie and Dil broke down into hysterics, high-fiving each other and practically falling over onto the table in the attempt, which was how Phil and Lor found them.
"You think we want to know?" Phil asked Lor.
"I'm betting not."
8 - * - * - 8
"So, recap," Phil said as he dried a coffee cup. "We defied tradition by the fact that I cooked."
"Correct," Lor agreed, dipping a desert bowl in the sink.
"Your mom thinks the unit smells like paint."
"Yes."
"And that I should be looking to pursue a 'real career'."
"Exactly."
"And Reggie and Dil implied to your father that we host swingers parties."
"Mmm-hmm."
"What one do you think lost us the most points?"
Lor rolled her eyes. "I think us hiding in here doing the dishes while they're still out there digesting desert probably isn't winning us anything."
Phil shrugged. "Well, the dishes have to get done. Otherwise we'd be in a messy house and that's not the behaviour of a regular married couple."
"I'm growing deeply, deeply resentful of those words."
"Regular married couple?"
"Exactly. You know what? We live together, we're happy. We are a regular married couple. No matter what my parents say. Our marriage is not to impress them. It's for us. And who cares if it measures up to what they think it should be or not."
Phil threw his tea-towel in the air and wrapped his arms around his stunned wife. "Oh thank god. I was getting worried that you were taking this all seriously."
"God no," she said, fielding the tea-towel and drying her hands so she could hug him in return. "I don't care if we're like all the other married couples or not. I'm just happy to be married to you."
"That makes two of us," Phil said. "Our marriage is our marriage." He pressed his lips to hers, pulling her off the ground slightly and leaning her against the sink behind her.
She surrendered the the kiss for a second, before something occurred to her and she pulled back sharply. "There's people out there."
Phil shrugged. "Yeah?"
"My parents are out there."
"Well, they'll understand," he said, pressing home for another kiss. "After all, I'm sure they've made out in the kitchen at a dinner party. They're a regular, married couple..."
"And that image in my head just killed the mood," Lor told him.
Phil deflated, slightly. "Bugger."
"And anyway," Lor said, "it probably wouldn't help our reputation as swingers and all..."
8 - * - * - 8
Well, there it is. Episode 1, done and dusted. We hope you enjoyed it. Coming up next week is episode 2: 22 Minutes Underground. In the meantime, be sure to let us know what you thought. Every bit of feedback helps.