26 September 2013,
There are some things I think I'll never understand about Gilbert. Things like how he views breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There are certain foods you should and shouldn't eat for those meals. Like left over steak for breakfast! And not just that it's left over and it's a dinner item, no, he eats it cold. He eats it cold for breakfast. Occasionally, I'll come home (like today) and he'll have somehow beaten me home, and I'll find him at the table eating cereal. When I ask him what he wants for dinner, he'll reply with that sexy stupid grin of his and say 'This is dinner, Luddy'. A, it's not dinner and B, he knows I don't like him calling me Luddy!
Even though those things drive me nuts, there is a lot I love about my brother. He may be hot headed but he'll be the first one to make sure I'm okay and relaxed. He'll be the first one to jump to my defense. He'll be the first one to actually stop and think about what's going on and find something to do to take my mind off of the elections or the wars that are going on. Silly things like take me to lunch, to a park, to the beach, on a weekend camping trip. He'll do that even when I dig in my heels and protest that I don't want to go, when he and I both know I really do. Or he'll find something for bath water to help relax my muscles.
I worry about him too, some days. Some days he just seems like he's not here with anyone. He looks lost and like he's in a completely different time. When I ask him about it, he just shrugs, saying he has no idea what I'm talking about. He was like that tonight after I ate dinner and he was watching the Tv. I don't even know what was on, but when I got into the room the Tv was black and he was just… Sitting there. I had to actually stand in front of him and put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention back to me. It took maybe an hour for him to return to his usual self but even then he was almost a muted form of himself. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. But he's sleeping peacefully and I should be too.
-Ludwig
Ludwig sighed and closed the journal, taking off his glasses to rub his temples, feeling exhausted. Something had been bothering Gilbert recently. It had only been in the past month or two. He would avoid certain topics or not go to certain places all together. At first, he'd enjoyed having the Prussian home more, but then he started to worry. Gilbert had never been one to not do anything. He'd always jumped head first into projects, volunteer work, part time work, you name it! He'd been that way since a few years after they had been unified. It had only reminded him just how in love with the man he'd been since he was a child.
Climbing into bed after turning off the lights, Ludwig smiled softly, feeling Gilbert roll over to lay against him on instinct. Or, that's what he thought. The albino did that most nights in his sleep, but this night, he was very much awake and aware. "You were up for a while, Ludwig," the man muttered, cuddling into the German's side, lightly trailing his finger's on his brother's side.
Closing his eyes, Germany chuckled, giving the slightly shake of his head in amusement. "And so were you if you're awake now."
"No," he yawned, "I woke up about ten minutes ago. My personal pillow and space heater was missing. It's very hard to sleep without it." Came Gilbert's lightly teasing reply. He was used to hearing that from his partner. During the winter months, Ludwig made sure they went to bed together, even if he had to be on his laptop to finish up his work, just so the other had his "pillow and space heater". Honestly, he spoiled Gilbert sometimes, but it was worth it every time he got a smile, kiss, and more from the man.
"It's not even that cold out yet…"
Gilbert was silent for a long moment after that. Ludwig was beginning to wonder if he'd fallen back to sleep when he finally spoke up. "It can be. Not physically but sometimes I just feel cold. Usually with fear…" His voice was soft at first, and then he gave a sad sort of snort, and then the white haired nation rolled over to lay on top of the larger male. "I have survived much longer than most thought I would. I don't fear death, I don't fear disappearing, I fear something else completely. And don't ask what it is because I won't tell you yet." His brother was also good at knowing when he'd speak up it seemed. Just another thing Germany loved about Prussia.
Wrapping his arms around the smaller frame, he picked his head up enough to kiss the top of Gilbert's head, then pulled the blankets up to his shoulders. "I'll be here when you're ready to talk about what you fear, Gil. I promise. Now let's get to sleep. A certain cousin is expecting us in his state for Oktoberfest tomorrow night." That was the only time Bavaria and Gilbert fully got along. During that time of the year when even Gilbert would outdrink his stick-in-the-mud brother. It was always a sight to see, the centuries long rivals, doing "battle" to see who would get wasted first. Of course they paid for the bill of what they drank and offered to others else they knew they'd be in trouble because Ludwig was not paying for that bill.
Gilbert didn't make a reply after that, and was soon a dead weight being on the German's chest, a weight he didn't mind in the slightest. Rubbing his back idly, he finally fell to sleep, thoughts swirling in his head about what his brother was in fear of. A man that didn't seem to have any real fears admitted he was afraid of something. The possibilities were endless and the thoughts ranged from a fear of butterflies to a fear of nuclear war or an asteroid obliterating the planet. None of those sounded like his brother in the slightest.
The rest of that night passed with no incident, and the next few days flew by in a blur of dirndls, lederhosen, beer, beer, beer, and even more beer. Oktoberfest, Bavaria's largest party of the year, and the only time getting sloshed before 18:00 was acceptable. Gilbert seemed to be in his proper state of being again, and he and Bavaria only once almost came to blows, but it turned into a laughing fit and a pile on the floor. The German nation was still confused how that even happened. They went from yelling, to almost butting heads, then the state got a weird look on his face, said who knows what, got a nod from Gilbert and then they were on the floor in a heap. When he later asked both of them what happened, neither man would give him an answer. The only thing Bavaria would tell him was that it was a laughing fit of actual joy and that he was told something that was just that good.
After the days of hangovers, and still trying to find out what his brother and cousin kept giving each other weird looks, Ludwig was happy to go home. A good night sleep and then it would be back to work. The elections were over, Merkel was still chancellor and the FDP (for the first time since it was seated in 1948) was out. The next few years would be telling… And most likely as headache inducing as every year before it. So long as he had his family, and Gilbert, around he would get through it. Just like he had for so long now.
"West, that was a lot of fun. Next time I'm bitching about Bavaria, remind me that this was an awesome few days, and that he's at least slightly cool." Gilbert said as they got ready for bed. A shower together, then brushing of teeth and getting into pajamas was their normal routine. Sometimes with a little more added in. This hadn't been one of those nights. Both men were tired from the days of drinking and celebrating and being up way too late and up much too early.
"I will remember that. I'm glad you had fun, Gilbert. You've seemed not yourself recently. I know I'm preaching to the choir though. We talked about that a few nights ago. And I won't push you for answers." Ludwig pulled back the blankets on the bed and got in. As nice as the bed had been at Bavaria's location, nothing was quite as nice as their bed at home. Watching his lover, brother, partner, and boyfriend of ten years, he pulled the man closer to him, tickling his sides a bit when he got into bed.
"Ahh! Ludwig, stop!" Gilbert laughed, wriggling away from him, giving that wonderful smile he gave when plotting his revenge. "Jerk."
"I love you too," the blonde smiled, giving the other a gentle kiss. "I love you so much…"
"I love you too, Lud. I really do…" Gilbert fell silent, hugging his brother as he seemed to drift off into thought. It hadn't missed either one of them that it was going to be 24 years since the wall came down, and 23 since reunification. For the past ten year, they'd been together with such a strong bond; he didn't think anyone else would ever have something like they had. Ludwig just held his boyfriend, closing his eyes as he took in the man's scent, as always feeling comforted by his presence.
When he felt Prussia trying to move away, he let go of him, a small pout on his face as he opened his eyes. They'd finally adjusted to the darkness, the only light was coming dimly from the electric clock and the half-moon outside their windows. As always, the moon made it seem like Gilbert was glowing, and his eyes shown surprisingly brightly given their dark red tint. Propping himself up on his elbow, he was trying to figure out what his brother was doing as he seemed to be searching the nightstand drawer. There was nothing in there other than a spare set of reading glasses, a notebook, pen and an extra phone charger should he need it. Ludwig would know having been in there the day they left for Munich. "Hey Gil, what are you looking for in there?" He asked.
Gilbert only gave a grunt in response, and then he heard a small cheer-like sound come from the Prussian, who then closed the drawer and laid back down. Grabbing his pillow, he moved it closer to the larger nation, and then hugged him gently. "So, you want to know what I've been so afraid of the past few months?" He asked gently, his right arm under the pillow as if it were a pillow for his pillow.
Nodding his head, Ludwig hugged him back, kissing his forehead gently. "Only if you want to tell me."
"Well, good, because I do," the former knight said, shifting so his right arm joined his left to be bent in front of him, snuggling into Ludwig's chest. "I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid of disappearing before now. I won't be doing that until you do though. And then I was afraid you wouldn't love me for long after we got together. That was a huge mistake on my part. Because we've been together for ten years, eleven in March. So, what I'm afraid of now, my fear, is rejection." Gilbert went quiet and looked at his brother as he waited for some kind of reply.
"Rejection? Rejection from who? Other nations? The people? Family?... Me?" Germany asked softly, his voice wavering a bit when he said "me". Was Gilbert worried he'd still be rejected anything after ten years? Was his still worried that he'd grow tired of the man he'd grown up under, the love of his life, his everything? "Gilbert, what is-" He was cut off, not by Gilbert speaking, but by what he didn't say as he brought his left hand up.
Ludwig looked at the object, and then to Gilbert, back to the object and then to his boyfriend once again. "Is that-"
"Yes it is. And I've had it for years…" Gilbert admitted softly. The gold band glinted lightly in the moonlight, and he could tell there was something inscribed on the inside of the band, but he hadn't reached out of it yet. "I've been worried about this for a few months. And I know in two days it will be 24 years since the wall came down. I swear this isn't meant to overshadow that. I just haven't, you know, had enough nerve to ask. Bavaria actually helped me calm down enough about asking- Which I haven't actually done yet, have I?" The shy smile on the Prussian's face made Ludwig melt on the inside.
"You don't have to. You don't have to ask because I'm already saying 'yes'. Yes I will marry you, Gilbert." Ludwig covered Gilbert's hand with his own, giving him a deep kiss. That's what he'd been so worried about? That he'd say no to being married? What a stupid, wonderful, pain in the ass and everything good in the world man. This man who confused him with his odd eating habits, who never feared anyone or anything (for no good reason), had held off proposing because he thought Ludwig would say no. Feeling the smaller hand leave his, the German broke the kiss as the ring was slid onto his finger.
"Thank you…" His fiancé- That had a wonderful ring to it (no pun intended) - whispered softly. It didn't take long for one or two kisses to mold into what felt like a never ending kiss. Clothes were discarded as carelessly as the blankets were knocked from the bed. Warm hands left trails of fire on their skin. Soft and loud moans, words whispered, and names called were the notes and orchestra to their symphony. Why wait for their marriage day to enjoy the christening of belonging completely to one another in a new way? By the time they were well and done with the nights events, both knew there would be no getting up in the morning, and (as much as they didn't want to) both men got up and took a shower.
When the bed was remade, both got in, arms and legs tangling together like two people who were newly in love. The excitement had never wavered in the past ten years, but the excitement of knowing they had a wedding to plan, had them both excited like little children. A few more kisses and yawns later, and Gilbert was asleep, Ludwig not far behind him. Even though he knew it was impossible to actually feel the words inscribed on the ring, Ludwig could feel them against his skin, a promise and statement like none other: "Fur immer und Allertag", forever and always.
A/N: As seen on the Germanfest blog for a submitted fic. I figured it would be a good one to put up for my first fic on my new account.