SweetDreamer92: No my other HMGB story isn't on some unforgiving hiatus I just wanted to do this one at the same time, I've been writing more and more.

Disclaimer: I don't own HM in any way.

Warnings: AU I suppose, adult themes, adult language, alterations,OOC, depression, self harm, attempted suicide?, alcohol abuse The story gets a little dark so if you aren't comfortable with that turn back now.

I don't know why but I think this couple is just as fun to write about as Chelsea and Vaughn is for me anyways.

ONE...prologue part one...

Ivan's POV

Dear Ivan,

I didn't want to do this at least not like this anyways, there are reasons why we can't be together and the biggest one is you.

I think...that line hurts the most...

I have never had feelings for you and I feel a little bad seeing that I may have led you on, but you were just someone I could talk to. You're a great guy but you aren't good enough for me don't take that the wrong way.

Take that the wrong way? Is there a right way to take "you're a great guy but you aren't good enough for me?".

I value our friendship and you have so many good qualities but at the end of the day I couldn't imagine spending my life with you.. So I'm returning your blue feather I hope you can find someone but please, don't look my way anymore.

Love, Freya.

P.s. One final thing, look at me and look at you, I mean really it should be obvious that we don't belong together.

"Is this really a letter from Freya? I thought we were good friends...but I can't say that I've ever seen this side of her."

I crumpled the letter and threw it on the ground, my chest felt heavy I swallowed the lump in my throat. I suppose I should get over it but I feel I would have to be emotionless or close to it to over look this. It wasn't just that her words were cruel, she had also shredded the blue feather. I rolled over and stared at the little white kitten Gretel had given him for my birthday last year. Zeke licked my cheek, if not for him I wouldn't have noticed I had started crying. Had I seen one of my students crying over a lost friendship I would try and console them and remind them that they can do better. I bit my lip until it bled wondering why the same words were useless to me now. I reached in my drawer and pulled out a feather shaped letter opener that belonged to my father. I stared at it and felt my heart aching.

I missed my parents every day but I had never missed them more than I did now, I coughed as the silent tears overpowered each other until sobs shook me to my very core. I felt Zeke climb on top of my head and bat at my hair as if trying to soothe me. The action made me think of Gretel and I sobbed harder. I kept her at arms length thinking I had a future with Freya. I clutched the letter opener tighter, part of me wanted to go see Gretel but I couldn't do it, I couldn't put on some fake smile and act like nothing was wrong.

I clutched it tighter and tighter until I felt the sharp sting in my hand I dropped the opener and stared at the red line on my hand. It was almost like every red drop took a bit of pain with it, I suppose it's true...physical pain is far easier to handle. I slid my sleeve up to make what I felt easier to handle drop by drop.

...

A month had gone by without leaving my room, I used my laptop to keep up with my students in the city and gave work sheets to Dirk to hand off to the kids. I guess I shouldn't have let this control me like this and I can say that I sort of see that now but every single time I got up to get dressed and walked to the doorknob I couldn't take it. It was easy to be by myself, I told Dirk I was very sick and I wasn't sure what I was sick with, I didn't want anyone else to catch it. I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on but I was glad he gave me this chance to deal with this on my own.

It wasn't like he had to know what I was doing to make it better, I pushed myself up and glanced at the full body mirror resting against my wardrobe. I hadn't looked at myself in the time I'd been in bed. I was a bit thinner, there were dark circles under my eyes, my hair was longer and wild. I looked like hell and it really did seem like I'd been sick all this time. I got up to shower and passed the picture I had from when Freya seemed almost perfect I picked it up. It made me wonder if I was really feeling heartbroken over lost love or if I was delusional.

I swallowed, it had to be love, is it possible for anyone to feel like this over delusions or am I also off in thinking like that? I jumped as someone knocked on the door.

"Ivan?"

I turned toward the door.

"Ivan are you getting any better? Freya's worried sick about you she wants to see you."

I frowned.

"I'm fine."

"She wants to talk to you should I let her in?"

I set the picture down perhaps I was idiotic in hoping that there was a mistake that she had been drunk when she wrote that letter and was here to fix the problem.

"She can come in."

I leaned against the dresser and watched her walk in.

"Ivan why are you avoiding everyone?"

"I needed some time to myself."

"Oh is that right? Good I was hoping you weren't in here moping about me turning you down that would be silly."

I bit my lip she must have noticed because the once pretty face twisted into an ugly expression.

"You were weren't you? Ivan you're pathetic, so I don't want you it's nothing to be upset over."

"That isn't the point, don't you think you took it too far?"

She put her hands on her hips.

"Not at all, you didn't seem to be able to take a hint."

"A hint? When have you ever told me that you weren't interested? Was it when you came over for dinner all of the time? Or when you brought me countless bottles of herb perfume over the years for my birthday? Oh I know it must have been when I asked you to marry me at dinner with Dirk before I even had the feather and you said 'yes' you're right I should have known you didn't want me."

She rolled her eyes.

"Well now you know."

"Freya what's the matter with you? Why are you so cold now?"

"Does it matter? If you were too stupid to see how I was then then you deserve whatever you might be feeling now. Now stop being a moron and return to your life."

I swallowed and glared at the floor.

"Oh by the way, Gretel should be back tomorrow, I must have forgotten to tell you she had to go help a friend this past month. Oh that's right, I just told her you were busy and weren't able to say good bye to her it was easy to convince her knowing you remained devoted to me this entire time."

She laughed and turned on her heel to walk out of my room, no wonder she hadn't come by to visit I would have to give her some flowers to make up for being an ass. Thinking about seeing her almost stopped me from grabbing the letter opener, but I realized she might hate me.

As much as Freya's change in personality hurt, it hurt far more to think Gretel hated me at all. My arms were getting sore and handled very little I picked up the last bottle of wine I'd saved from Gretel's yearly gift. They were never birthday presents she always gave me the first bottle of wine from the first grapes of the year.

I wonder why she chose that specifically.

...

The next morning I got up and got ready to return to my students in the city, I walked downstairs and eyed the man in the kitchen. Dirk looked up.

"Bro!"

"Is something wrong?"

"That's what I'm here to see, my name is Dr. Hardy your brother called me to look you over, if you could come over here I can examine you quickly and you can return to your day."

I sighed and nodded.

After the examination Dr. Hardy frowned.

"Have you always been anemic?"

I shook my head.

"Well conditions like these don't just appear out of no where."

I glanced over at Dirk who looked worried.

"I'm fine Dirk,doctor I've just been sick and in bed for a month I'll be fine, but I really should return to my students."

"I don't think you should be going anywhere, it could put unnecessary stress on your body."

I sighed, there was no way I was returning to my room I watched Zeke bounce the stairs it appeared my room was even overwhelming for him.

"I need to get some fresh air."

Hardy nodded.

"Yes but I don't think you should steer far from the town, stay around here for another week, after that I'll return and see if you are really well enough to return to work."

I suppose that was sort of good, Freya still had to leave, I could work up the nerve to be alone with her, we worked relatively close in the city so I was bound to run into her before and after work even if we didn't walk together.

"Yes Dr. Hardy."

"Good, young man make sure your brother doesn't skip any meals and gets a lot of rest, I will leave some bodigizer it works on everything where I come from take a bottle in the morning and before bed."

Dirk nodded and he pulled several colored bottles out of his bag he handed one to me clearly expecting me to start today. I downed the terrible tasting contents and wondered if having to take this was revenge for all the times I'd forced medicine down Dirk's throat when he was a kid. After the doctor left Dirk handed me a cup of tea.

"Hey Gretel should be back want me to ask her to come over?"

"I'm not invalid I can walk..."

"You look terrible, I don't think you should be walking around so soon, at least wait until tomorrow."

"Dirk..."

"Oh I'm sorry so all the times you quarantined me in the house you were sprouting bull shit and I can do what I like when I'm sick?"

I frowned.

"Fine..."

He grinned.

"I'll tell her to come by just relax and tell me what work to take to the kids."

I nodded and thanked him he only smiled and left me alone with my thoughts.

End Chapter

SweetDreamer92: I admit it I feel miserable for doing this to Ivan but dammit I wanted some drama and I think I got it -_- so yeah...also like I always Hansel and Gretel are siblings they have family members from another game blah blah blah see you around.