Dragon Age:
A Warden's last Wish
The rain came down in a steady rhythm. Dark clouds drowned out the stars, and distant lightening danced through the thunder heads, leaving behind faint growls of thunder.
The cabin was enough to keep out the rain, and sturdy enough to withstand the winds. The bed stuffed with bird down, and the blanket was warm, as was the arms that had her folded tight against a strong chest. Protected, guarded, loved. She would've slept peacefully on such nights, lulled by the sounds of the storm and calm tempo of his heart and breath…
But she was afraid to close her eyes, afraid of what would await her in her sleep.
She raised her eyes too look up at him. Long strands of pale gold hung in his face, his lashes resting against his cheek. She could always tell when he was truly asleep, because it was the only time when his lips parted ever so slightly, and there was a soft snore that would escape every few breaths. It was actually adorable, and she would often lay still just to listen, to watch him, and wonder how it was she managed to catch herself this man.
Her fingers caressed across his skin, finger tips brushing down his collar bone, over his heart, where she paused, feeling the steady beat underneath skin and muscle. Scars, some faint, some small, others bold or fresh, dotted his flesh. In the flashes of light from the window, she could make out some, but her fingers could easily follow the knotted skin as well.
She pulled herself closer, so that she tucked her head under his chin, and slipped her arms around his back. He would always comment on how well their bodies could fit together, and though she was sure he meant this as some crude joke, she would never say how much she agreed with it. It felt right being close to him, it felt like there was nothing that could pull them apart, as if they were one creature, separated into two forms.
A bolt of lightning struck close by, and the blast of thunder that followed shook the entire house. Her breath caught as her body jumped, suddenly alert as she jerked up, her hand instinctively going for the dagger hidden under the pillows.
But there was no danger. The thunder slowly died away, but her heart rate continued to pound in her ears, blood and adrenaline rushing through her body. Tense, she looked around the bedroom. There was, of course, nothing there that warranted her fears. Her shoulders slumped, and she scrubbed on her face with her hands. She was exhausted, and yet she still feared her dreams.
Peeking through her fingers, she looked down at her partner. He was still asleep, his arm draped over her lap. When he slept, he slept soundly. It helped that they had worn each other out pretty well earlier, she supposed. She silently wished she could sleep that well.
She pushed off the blanket, and slowly slid off the bed, allowing his arm to drape across her side as she walked towards the window. Standing behind the drapes, she looked outside, watching the wind bend the trees, and the rain turn the trail to mud.
Her mind wandered.
She wondered what had become of her companions. It had been a long while since she had gotten word from them. She'd run into a few people with stories, received a few letters or messages, even invitations to royal gatherings. But those had stopped coming.
The wind was changing. Something new was on the horizon. She could feel it, like something was building and boiling under the Earth, and threatening to upset the balance of all of Thedas.
She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling her skin starting to crawl as a chill traveled down her spine. She felt very sick all of a sudden.
The bed creaked, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shift in the bed. Noticing her missing, he looked over his shoulder to see her standing there.
"Such a shame there is no moon," he muttered in a sleep muddled voice, "To see your naked skin colored by its glow would be a welcomed sight to wake to indeed."
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, "I'm afraid there is only the lightning tonight."
"And neither would do you justice anyway," he waved his hand to dismiss it, tucking one of his arms under his head as he watched her. His gaze traveled over her body, down her bare back, over her long legs. But his coy grin slowly faded. He quickly realized something was troubling her.
He sat up, "What is it?" he asked in a serious tone.
She shook her head, "Nothing. Just a little frightened by the thunder."
He pulled off the blanket and rose out of the bed, walking up behind her. His hands snaked around her waist, pulling her back against him, and he placed a soft kiss on the nape of her neck, "You've never been afraid of the storms before. If I remember correctly, you sleep better, even."
The fact that he knew this spoke volumes for how close they had become over time. She smiled despite herself, and reached up to place her hand on his cheek, turning her head about to kiss his waiting lips.
"What is it, my dear?" he asked in a whisper like tone.
She leaned back against him, her head cradled against his neck. Her mask broken, the fear and worry became plain on her face. "I'm scared…" she muttered to him.
"What could frighten the Hero of Ferelden?" he tried to keep his tone light, but seeing how distraught she was shook him to his core.
"…Zevran…" she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. He felt the warm tears touch his skin, and didn't hesitate to embrace her tightly, holding her to him while he gently stroked her soft hair.
"What's wrong?" he asked her, worry in his tone, "What happened?"
She sobbed quietly, and shook her head, "The nightmares…I don't want them to come back, Zevran. I don't want them to come ever again!"
His hand froze on her hair as he realized what she was speaking of. His expression darkened, and his stare focused out the window, at the rain that blurred the glass.
"Why did we go near that damn mirror!?" she cried angrily, "I should've dragged Tamlen from that cave! I should've—"
Zevran pressed her roughly to him, "Hush!" he told her sharply, "Stop that! Don't ever second guess yourself!" He pulled her back just enough so he could look at her face. Her cheeks were flushed red, that was plain even in this low light, and she sobbed softly, tears streaking down her cheeks. He cupped her face in his hands, rubbing the tears away with his thumbs.
"My lovely Warden…" he whispered, smiling softly, but masking his own sad tone, "What is done is done. It cannot be changed now."
"But, I—"
He silenced her with a kiss, long and passionate, giving her no chance to speak, barely a break to breathe. Their lips melded together, tongues intertwined, and when they parted, they were breathless.
"Had you never become a Grey Warden," he said, "We may have never known each other. The Blight would've never ended, and destroyed us both. This fair land, our home, it would not exist, it would be nothing but darkspawn tainted wastes."
She sniffled, and he smiled, resting his brow against her's, "You saved me, my love," he whispered to her, "Without you, I would have never been free. I would have never known salvation, or forgiveness."
"Zev…" she covered her face with her hands, her tears continuing to stream down her face.
He kissed away the pesky drops of salt water, then her closed lids, "Don't be afraid," he whispered, his arms wrapping around her shoulders, "I owe you my life, and it's yours. For as long as I draw breath, I will forever be yours."
She tucked her head against his chest, her arms tightly wrapping around his back, holding herself as close as she could. They stood there like that, holding one another, not speaking, just comforting, being comforted.
The storm was calming outside. The thunder quieted, the lightning lessened, and the rain became like a gentle melody.
As she calmed, her eyes began to sag. Exhaustion was dictating that she sleep. He noticed this.
He dropped one arm to link under her knees, and lifted her up, carrying her back to the bed, and laying her down under him. She stared up at him with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, and he could only think of how beautiful she was.
He kissed her again, softer this time, but none the less passionate. Her hands traveled across his abdomen, over his chest, up his throat, and rested on his face, holding him in place as she returned his kiss with as much fire as he gave.
When they broke apart, she looked at him with eyes he knew, eyes he loved. Vibrant, alive, defiant, and strong. But the vulnerability was still there, as it had always been, protected deep within her, and only allowed to be shown to him. It was a side of her that needed, wanted, protection. And he gave it, willingly, openly.
Lovingly.
"Zevran…" she said his name almost like a whisper, a spell.
"Hmm?" he answered, turning his face towards the hand that gently caressed it, slender fingers tracing his cheek bones, his eyes, his lips.
She was quiet for a moment, steeling herself, preparing her next statement, "…I don't want to die in the Deep Roads."
He stared down at her, uncertain what she meant at first. Then, he recalled what she had told him before, about the fate of all Wardens. A secret she disclosed to him despite the laws of her Order.
"When the corruption takes me…"
"Don't," he pulled back.
"Zevran, please," she grasped his face in both of her hands, and he seeing the pleading in her eyes, he could turn away from her. She swallowed a lump in her throat, "…when it happens…I want you to do it."
His entire body seemed to just sink, as if his will left him. He looked at her with utter sorrow, the idea bringing him more pain than he could describe. "I don't know if I could…" he warned.
"I don't want it to be anyone else," she said with a shake of her head, "I don't want to die alone in the Deep Roads, surrounded by darkspawn. I don't want it to be like that," more tears began to slip out of her eyes, "…I want to die with you, in your arms. I want it to be your face I see last, so I can go to the Beyond without any regrets."
He looked at her with ache in his eyes. She knew what she was asking, and knew that it would tear him apart inside to know her final wish. He seemed to wrestle with himself for a few, long moments. Then, with a bob of his throat, he leaned back down, and kissed her softly, as if fearing she would shatter. Tears streamed down her face, and she returned his gentle kiss. She ran her fingers across his strong arms, to his hands, where she intertwined their fingers together.
This was his promise. He would never speak it. He couldn't. She knew he would bury it deep in his heart, hidden from himself for as long as he could deny it.
His body rested over her's, feeling his weight against her frame.
"…we'll find a way," he whispered, "There has to be another way."
She smiled, but didn't say anything. She buried her face against his neck, hiding under his pale hair, and closed her eyes.
The rain continued to patter against the window.
His heart and breath lulled her to sleep in his arms.
And she did not dream…
"O Falon'Din
Lethanavir-Friend to the Dead
Guide my feet, calm my soul,
lead me to my rest."