Disclaimer: Ownership is neither claimed nor implied.
A/N: Before the funeral they were all in danger of falling apart, after it, someone did…
"Why?" Quinn sobbed, her face pushed up against Santana's shoulder. "Why would he even…I don't get it, I thought he was so much stronger than that," she cried, looking at her friends, hoping they would have some answers, find some in the choir room that they knew so well.
"I don't think he..." Rachel's voice broke as she tried to speak, tried to defend the love of her life, protect his memory.
"It started after the gun thing when he got kicked out of the army," Puck admitted quietly, his jaw clenching as he tried to keep hold of the emotion that was threatening to bubble over, tried to keep it in tight. "He lost all confidence in himself, he'd lost the army, his chance to make things right for his dad, you," he told Rachel, stopping only just short of accusing her of breaking Finn's heart. "He was totally devastated about that Cody, Jody guy, whatever his name is," he told her, vaguely hoping it hurt her to hear it.
"But he ended things with me," Rachel cried, puzzled, distraught. "Why would he blame me for something that was his doing?" she demanded, her heart was beating erratically, she thought it was going to implode, break, stop.
"He didn't end things with you," Puck cried, disgusted at Rachel's lack of understanding. "He let you go so that you could chase your dreams, your dreams, he only ever wanted the best for you," he shouted, angry at Rachel, at all of them who were looking at him like they were confused, puzzled. Hadn't any of them understood that? Hadn't any of them realised that? Were they all that stupid?
"Well it sure felt like he ended things when he shoved me on to a train bound for New York. Alone," Rachel screamed, her fists beating on Puck's chest, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks.
"Rachel, Rachel, shhhhhh," Quinn murmured, pulling Rachel backwards into her arms, holding her tight, giving her comfort. Rachel sagged back against Quinn, weary, defeated.
"Then there was the thing between him and Ms P," Puck said as if Rachel hadn't just gone into meltdown already, shaking his head, still a little bemused by that, Finn had never chased cougars before, that had been his thing. "Mr Schue found out and…" he shrugged.
"What-what thing with Ms Pilsbury?" Mercedes asked nervously, not entirely sure that they should know, Rachel looked like she'd been slapped.
"It was nothing, just a kiss for fuck's sake," Puck sighed disgusted at Finn for making such a big deal out of it. "But Mr Schue didn't think it was nothing, he told him to leave, didn't want anything to do with him, Finn was devastated. Everything he'd known, everything he'd ever loved was gone, he had nothing," he told the group of friends who were listening avidly, all needing to give a reason to Finn's actions, find an answer for this tragedy. "And it sent him over the edge."
"But you knew about it," Quinn said, her eyes narrowed as she stared at Puck, wondering why he'd never told anyone else. "You knew what he was doing."
"Of course I knew," Puck retorted. "He was my best friend, why the hell do you think I moved into his dorm with him, huh? What? Did you just think I wanted to sample college life for myself?" he scoffed, shaking his head in disgust.
Sam, Quinn and Rachel all joined hands, others did the same, they all looked at each other, guilty glances showed how each of them knew they'd failed their friend. "Why didn't you do something about it, tell us about it, if you knew?" Quinn threw back at Puck, deflecting some of the guilt that he was heaping onto all of them.
"Because I thought he had a handle on it," Puck cried as he sat down heavily on the tall stool, all his strength seeping out of him. "He promised he was getting help, he promised that he'd stop," he said, looking at Quinn with watery eyes. "He promised me, Q, he promised."
Quinn stepped forward, stepped up to Puck and hugged him close, her arms around his head, pressing his face to her chest, bending over him slightly, Puck's arms wrapped tight around her waist, taking the comfort from her as he wept silently into her. Santana stepped up close, one arm around Quinn, one hand patting Puck's shoulder, each of their friends came closer until they were all together in a mass hug, each of them giving and taking comfort from each other.
Puck, Mike, Sam, Jake, Ryder and Mr Schue stepped slowly along the aisle, each pace measured, carrying their friend Finn Hudson to the altar, to his funeral and his final place of rest, their burden a welcome weight on their shoulders. Puck knew that his face was wet, that his tears ran free, he didn't care, he stared ahead unseeing, he didn't hear Mercedes' mournful song as she welcomed Finn into the arms of the Lord or whatever she was singing about, he didn't smell the flowers that filled the place, he didn't hear the muffled sobs and sniffles of the people gathered in the church, he only heard his friend's voice echoing in his head...
"…Quinn's pregnant, she's keeping the baby…"
"…no, they're both lying to me, tell me the truth, just tell me the truth…"
"…you're supposed to be my friend, how could you do this to me again…"
"…we can win this, I believe in us, we can win…"
"…I promise, I won't go there again, please don't tell my mom about this…"
"…party, party, party, I can party allllllllll night…"
"…makes me forget everything, I need it, Puck please don't, it's mine, no, I need…"
Puck came to abruptly, awareness of his surroundings, of the occasion, suddenly hitting him right between the eyes. He took his place in the front pew next to Quinn, felt her warm hand sliding into his cold one. Puck glanced to his side and saw Carole, Burt and Kurt, saw their pain, he felt Quinn's hand in his and squeezed it, thankful for her presence. Puck tried to concentrate on the service, tried to celebrate the life of his best friend…
Six months later…
"Puck?" Santana asked hesitantly as he answered his phone.
"Yeah, s'up?" he asked tiredly, blinking, trying to make sense of his surroundings, realising he was at home, in his bed, alone.
"It's Quinn," Santana sighed, feeling slightly ashamed at betraying her friend, worried that she was going to ruin their friendship for forever.
Puck was immediately on the defensive, he felt a jolt of fear ping in the pit of his stomach. "What about Quinn?" he asked, his mouth dry.
"She's…she's…remember the skank phase?" Santana asked, unsure exactly how to put it. "Like the stuff she did when she was really depressed, the tattoo, the hair, the father figure boyfriend?" she listed.
"Yeah," Puck replied, any number of possibilities flitting through his head, wondering what the hell Quinn had done to herself.
"Well, she's…she's…" Santana tried to say.
"She's what? What's she done? Is she hurt? Is she ok? What?" Puck demanded, his pulse beating so hard he felt sure that Santana would be able to hear it.
"She's got herself a new boyfriend," Santana admitted with a sigh.
"That's it?" Puck asked, relief surging through him along with a side order of jealousy. He swallowed hard. "So?"
"It's one of her professors, she's in danger of getting kicked out of Yale," Santana added.
"Fuck," Puck sighed, falling back on his bed. "Where is she right now?" he asked.
"She's here in New York with me for the weekend," Santana told him quickly, hoping that he would come too and help to sort Quinn out.
"Keep her there, I'll let you know when I'm arriving," Puck said, sitting up again and glancing round his room. "Later," he added before he ended the call. "Sarah?" he shouted. "Will you be ok on your own till mom gets home?" he asked his sister.
"Sure," Sarah replied, looking at her brother as though he was an idiot. "Why? Where are you going?" she asked.
"To see a friend," Puck replied as he threw a few clothes in a bag, sniffing a shirt to check for the level of cleanliness, it was about a three - one being just laundered and five being disgustingly dirty - Puck shrugged and stuffed it in the bag.
"You're a slob, you know that?" Sarah added in disgust. "There's no wonder that Quinn always leaves you," she added with an honesty that is only acceptable among siblings.
"Thanks brat, tell mom I'll call her tomorrow," Puck replied, kissing Sarah on her head before he left, throwing his bag into the truck then climbing in beside it. "And don't eat chocolate for breakfast," he warned. "Do you want me to call Jake to come over and sit with you?" he asked as he backed off the driveway.
"No, just go, go see Quinn," Sarah called as she waved to her brother.
"Who said I'm going to see Quinn?" Puck asked with a grin, revving his engine as he waited for his sister's reply.
"Your smile," Sarah told him, "the only time you've smiled since Finn is when you've been with Quinn," she answered. Puck grinned at her and waved as he drove away, his smile getting wider and wider as he left Lima and headed to New York. Maybe Sarah was right, his smile might be connected to Quinn after all.
"I don't want to go out," Quinn pouted, she only just managed to stop herself from stamping her foot like a three year old.
"Well you're going," Santana replied as she fixed her lipstick, "we're going and so are you," she insisted with a glare. "It's open mic night," she reminded Quinn, "we can have a little drink, sing a little song, get down tonight," she quipped with a grin.
"Fine," Quinn sighed, checking her face in the mirror, glad she'd allowed Santana to dress her, she wanted to be a sex mad luscious bitch tonight, maybe she'd find some mindless, faceless hunk who could give her a night of passion, a night of pleasure to make her forget everything.
"Oh my Lord," Santana cried an hour later, hardly able to keep upright, screaming with laughter. "We have got to have a go tonight, that was diabolical," she screamed, almost hysterical at the out of tune wailing of the last singer.
"Thank you, thank you for that," the DJ said with more than a hint of sarcasm as the guy stepped off the stage, his beer ears rendering him oblivious to how bad he really sounded. "And our next victim, sorry our next contestant is…oh, I don't have a name, well, here he is, Mr No Name," he called, clapping to encourage the patrons of the bar to do the same.
"You never said, you never said, you never said that it would be this hard,
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you hear me, when I call your name
And when you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low,
Can you hear me, when I call your name
When I call your name
Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you hear me, when I call your name
So can you hear me, when I call your name
And when you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me, when I call your name
You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
When I call your name
You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
When I call your name
Yeah
And when you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me, when I call your name
And when you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me, when I call your name"
As the song ended, every single person in the bar stared in silence for just a few seconds then the place erupted. Puck stood on the stage, his eyes locked on Quinn, he knew that she knew he was singing to her, he acknowledged the cheers and praise of those who appreciated a good song sung well.
"What's your name dude?" the DJ asked, thrusting a microphone in Puck's face.
"Puck," Puck replied, still staring at Quinn.
"Just Puck?" the DJ enquired.
"Yep, just Puck," Puck confirmed with a smile just before he left the stage. "Hey," he said quietly as he reached his friends.
"Noah," Rachel said warmly, reaching out to hug Puck. "It's great to see you," she sighed.
"Have you got anywhere to stay?" Kurt asked a little worriedly, biting his lip nervously.
"I was sort of hoping that my friends in the city would take pity on a poor country boy from Ohio," Puck said sheepishly, looking down at his feet, embarrassed a little.
"Of course," Santana cried, clapping her hands excitedly.
Quinn gulped nervously. Where would Puck sleep? Could she manage to hide till he'd gone? Stay out of his way? Oh God, this was great, just fucking great. No doubt he'd want to dissect the night of Finn's funeral and the week that led up to it. So she was weak and he was a magnet that she couldn't resist the pull of, it didn't mean anything, it never meant anything. It hadn't meant anything on senior prom night either, or when she'd tutored him through that stupid geography test. Or graduation night. Or the weeks following till she'd left for New Haven. Or Christmas vacation. Or when they'd both gone to McKinley to help Finn with the next generation of New Directions. It had been fun hiding it from everyone, even being really mean to him in front of his brother, but it didn't mean anything and she had someone now, yes he was a bit older than her, yes he was married but who cares, he's sophisticated, well educated, caring, gentle, boring, old, selfish, not Puck, ugh. Quinn sighed. No one would ever be Puck. Except for Puck.
"It's a cool apartment," Puck praised with a nod. "Are you sure you don't mind me crashing here?" he asked as he dropped his bag to the floor beside the sofa.
"It's cool Puck," Santana assured him. "We'll jiggle around in the beds a little, we'll manage," she said with a grin. "Rachel? Can I have a word?" she asked, pulling Rachel towards the bathroom.
"Excuse us," Rachel said over her shoulder, grinning at everyone. "What?" she asked Santana crossly the second they were out of earshot of their guests.
"Can I share with you tonight?" Santana asked hopefully. "Get real," she sighed and rolled her eyes when she saw the look of mistrust on Rachel's face. "Blaine is sharing with Kurt, obviously, so if I share with you, that leaves only my bed available for Puck and Quinn, they'd have to share," she explained. "And you know what will happen if they're in a bed together," she added, her face as expressive as her eyes. "Maybe this is what she needs to sort things out, fix things for her. She needs him," Santana insisted when it looked like Rachel would refuse. "You know they're right for each other, it's just a matter of time," she insisted.
"And timing," Rachel added with a nod. "Fine, you can share with me," she agreed. "I must say Santana, I'm impressed, I never thought you'd do something so unselfish."
"They're two of my best friends," Santana replied with a shrug, "I hate to see them both so unhappy, they're only good when they're together," she said then mocked herself. "Oh God, I've turned into Lady Hummel, it must be the freakin' water in this damn city," she grumbled, stomping back to the living area of the huge loft. "Ok, who wants a drink?" she shouted lifting a bottle of tequila high in the air.
"Well that was particularly unsubtle," Quinn grumbled as Puck closed Santana's bedroom door behind them, shutting out the rest of the apartment but not the sound of Kurt humming a particularly annoying Barbra Streisand number or Rachel adding the lyrics.
"It's a bed to sleep in," Puck replied, shrugging his shoulders a little. "Better sharing with you than with Rachel or Kurt," he added with a grin. "And maybe Santana was afraid of turning straight if she had to share with this," he said with a grin, nodding down at his body.
"Don't go getting any ideas," Quinn muttered as she turned her back and started to pull her dress over her head.
"No new ideas going through this head, don't worry," Puck murmured, licking his lips and looking Quinn up and down. "No new ideas at all."
Quinn glanced over her shoulder and saw the look on Puck's face, the smirk. "I didn't say new ideas, just ideas, don't even think about it Puckerman," she whispered as a smile spread across her face. "Don't even think that you can touch this," she added as she turned around and faced Puck full on, sliding her hands down her sides, her hands landing on her hips, one leg sticking out at a jaunty angle.
"I wouldn't dream of laying these hands on you," Puck agreed, feeling his body tingling in the most delightful way. "Think you can keep your hands to yourself?" he asked as he tugged his shirt over his head and dropped it at his feet. "And I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable all night, it's a good job I took the time to put some boxers on," he added with a lift of his eyebrow as he tried to hide the smile. Puck heard Quinn's swift intake of breath as he dropped his pants, he smiled even more, barely able to keep from laughing.
Quinn grunted and climbed in one side of the bed, Puck climbed in the other. Silence descended as they lay side by side, barely breathing. Puck tried to will his body to settle down, gritted his teeth and tried counting sheep, anything to take his mind off the fact that Quinn was laid beside him. Puck's hearing seemed to have increased to almost superhero levels, he could even hear Quinn blinking. "You're on the wrong side," he murmured, turning his head to face Quinn.
"We don't have sides," Quinn replied through gritted teeth. "Yes I know," she wanted to scream, she felt like she was on the wrong side, she'd always slept on the other side of the bed whenever they'd shared before.
"I can't sleep on this side," Puck sighed as he turned over slightly, pushing up on his elbow, leaning across to Quinn. "Nope, just can't do it, I won't sleep," he added, sighing even more. He moved suddenly, stretching across Quinn, his entire body brushing over her. He stopped the second he was directly above her. "You don't mind swapping, do you?" he asked, looking down into her shocked face. "God you're beautiful," he sighed and bent his head to kiss her.
Quinn lay mesmerised, barely able to breath. She looked up into Puck's laughing eyes, felt the heat of his body stretched along the length of her, felt the hardness of his body against hers. Quinn couldn't stop her body from undulating towards Puck, her hands touched his face, cupped his cheeks. Puck lowered his head, his lips met Quinn's sweet lips, he tasted the tequila and her lipstick. Beautiful.
Puck kissed his way down Quinn's luscious body, removed her bra with expert precision, knelt up to divest her of her panties. "Mmmm," he groaned and grinned up at her. "Still gorgeous," he told Quinn then bent to reacquaint his tongue with her body.
"Please," Quinn groaned breathlessly as she tugged at Puck's hair, pulling him up and away from her. She sat up a little from the pillows as she met Puck, their lips joining, she groaned again as she tasted herself on his lips, on his tongue.
Puck growled as Quinn's hand trailed down his stomach to stroke over his boxers, she squeezed and stroked. "Ahh," Puck sighed, kneeling up to lift his hips closer to her, closer to her lips. Quinn didn't need a written invitation, her tongue twirled and stroked down his abs to the waistband of his boxers, she pushed them down, recoiling a little as his erection sprang up to meet her lips.
"Mmmm," Quinn moaned as she opened her mouth wide to accept him in. Puck's breath caught a little as his fingers tangled in Quinn's hair, guiding her, controlling the speed and angle that his dick fucked her mouth.
Puck pulled back and bent to kiss Quinn, tasting himself on her lips and tongue, moaning at the loss of sensation on his burning flesh. He used his body weight to push Quinn back against the pillows, pushed his boxers even lower as he settled between her thighs. "Tell me now if you really don't want this," he groaned as his dick nudged her slick entrance. "Tell me now, Quinn," he growled.
"I want you, I need you," Quinn moaned, her hands grasping Puck's hips and pulling him even closer, thrusting her hips up towards him. "Ahhh," she cried as he sank into her, she clenched tight around him as if afraid he would pull out. "Oh God," she sighed happily, "oh God, Puck," she moaned.
"Shhh," Puck hissed, aware that the rooms in the loft were only partitioned areas, even though they had walls and doors, nothing actually reached the ceiling. He bent his head and sealed his lips to hers, keeping their sounds in as much as he could.
"Told you," Santana murmured to Rachel, feeling satisfied with herself."
Puck rocked hard against Quinn, he pushed up on one arm, his other hand thrust between them, his fingers strumming her. "Come for me," he groaned, his teeth clenched together, slamming hard into her. The second he felt Quinn tighten round him he let go, thrust everything into her that he'd ever held back. "Nughhh," he grunted as he felt his release blast into her, inside her, his head pressed tight into her shoulder. "We can't let this go Quinn, there has to be more for us," he insisted, sliding to the side and drawing her into his arms. "I know you have this guy," he added, rolling his eyes because he didn't really know what to call the professor, "but he's not the guy for you, Quinn, you know he's not, you know there's only one person who'll love you like you should be loved," he said with a hint of a self conscious smile.
"I know," Quinn sighed, she closed her eyes, felt them burning with unshed tears.
"So are you done with the professor?" Puck asked, needing to be sure.
"Yes, I'm done with him," Quinn replied, her voice a husky whisper. "And I think I'm done with Yale for right now," she added. "I need to focus on me right now, I can't concentrate on my studies."
"How about you transfer?" Puck suggested. "There are really good schools all over the country, we can live anywhere."
"We?" Quinn asked, unable to hide the smile.
"You know it's inevitable," Puck answered with a smile, "just give in gracefully," he advised, bending to kiss her again, losing himself in her mouth.
"Are you sure you want to transfer to OSU?" Judy Fabray asked her daughter as she unpacked her belongings in her childhood bedroom.
"Yes mom, I'm sure," Quinn replied, an unfamiliar sensation of belonging warmed her entire body. "Puck is taking online classes at Findlay Community College, he's staying right here in Lima," she explained. "I want to stay here too, I don't want to be apart from him anymore, I don't want to be away from everything I know and love, I want to be here mom."
"So you're official?" Judy asked, resignation appearing on her face.
"Yep, we're official," Puck replied as he brought more of Quinn's things into the room, he smiled at Quinn and hugged her as she walked into his embrace.
"As long as I know, then at least I won't have to pretend I haven't seen you when you sneak out of here in the mornings, Noah," Judy teased.
"Does that mean he can stay over?" Quinn asked, pouncing immediately on her mother's momentary weakness.
Judy looked at the two of them, saw the love on both of their faces. "I guess it's something I can live with," she replied, still with a hint of teasing in her voice. "I was scared for you Quinnie, after Finn died, I thought you'd fallen apart, but I guess you hadn't, I might have known Noah wouldn't allow that to happen."
"I think I did for a while mom," Quinn admitted, "I couldn't find my way, not till I heard him call my name."
Puck swallowed hard, emotion rising up inside him. "I'll never let you fall apart, I'm here for you," he assured Quinn huskily. "Always."