Update: 12/27/13 –noticed a lot of this didn't make sense, so I tried as best as I could to make it better. Don't think I succeeded though… But basically; this story is about Jesse re-discovering himself. Enjoy!
It felt like, as if, I've been stabbed several times. I couldn't quite determine how many times though, as the pain overwhelmed me.
My hair had turned skyward; electricity somehow contained it in the slight breeze, even if we were inside of a building. The bangs, (that appeared out of the blue), somewhat covered the blood that currently trilled down my nose as my body shook down from its previous high. Chucking my knuckles into my mouth, I bit down as hard as I could, trying to stop myself from yelling out cusses.
I looked over to her, noticing the dire need for comfort was awful to say the least; Rachel needed someone to understand what was going happening to her, both emotionally and physically.
Jesse is that person.
The beauty couldn't help but shake violently, the shock fully taking charge of her own body. The results were in, the battle was over, the aftermath was said and done- and no one on my side was found victorious.
The opposing team was crowding together to celebrate the massive effort that they've put in to torture us (/but mostly me, I was the one who'd left the past behind in bliss). Bouncing around with joy, happiness overflowing their veins, as they put on huge smirks only to direct them at my limbing body. Red fell down from above, it soon covered them, as well as my fellow comrades from my line of sight, my vision becoming blurry and unfocused.
The loss was an impact, but the destroyed hopes and dreams were the stinger, the bone crushing feeling it left was unavoidable. I've disappointed not only myself, but the unsuccessful achiever that I now have become to know. I screwed it up, I damaged it all. Not for them. Not for my supposed friends. But for myself, and whoever I may be now -another dream fell from my grasp, something that seemed to be happening a lot these days.
'Could I, dear lord, be the victim of an intense disaster?' No answer was received, no god was found. I'd just gone against my own belief, just for the wish of dying and leaving this earth, and not even God was going to give it to me. They were looking down upon me with their grim chins held high. I managed to be presented with something far greater though. 'What?' -you may find yourself asking. Well, I only share everything if my humanity is still intact. But at this particular moment in time, I find myself to have none. It seems to appear as if I have none, because of the re-discovering I've just gone through.
Then it all made sense; the world wasn't in such a turmoil, my current world was -but it was something that I've never considered to be true. Life wasn't all show faces and vocal training –it wasn't something to throw out of the door, because I'm definitely not Jesse St. James, I'm just Jesse. I'm not my father, or as my ancestors, the St. James. Because I'm not a saint, I'm a sinner. I follow no man's path; I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest. I'd rather love young, than love accordingly. I'd rather believe in nothing, than something fuelled with lies. I'm the guy that wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone intentionally to gain any form of achievement, being in love wasn't any acting exercise, I promised not to play with her heart (and I won't)
-therefore' I'm Jesse, I think.