Destiny
Some people say that there is something called destiny. Once I read that people are attached to someone by an invisible red thread, I think that it is a Japanese legend, that may sound a little silly, isn't it? A thread red destiny... destiny.
It may be that it was our destiny to find us in the way that we did, perhaps there is that possibility.
I lived alone, I was just lost in myself, I was a freak, a miserable bastard, despite having a family and live in a decent place, I felt that it was a rejection of the world, fellow of classroom, routines, friends to hang out, a girlfriend to hang out, drink to have something to kill, the time. I was a living dead, someone simply breathing and my loneliness, my solitude was getting bigger and I had something to feel alive.
The day I saw that video of yours, was so surprising to me, you were so amazing for me, so different from my world, so full of life, so expressive and creative, talking comfortably before the camera, as if you do not fear that you deem, as if were you talking to someone being safe from harm.
Your curious gaze, so beautifully blue green eyes. I cannot avoid to lose myself in them, I repeated this video several times, needed to burn in my memory your gestures, your voice, your laugh. I'm sounding like an obsessed, isn't it? I know it. I was obsessed with you and began to devour every video of yours, time passed as fast as I watched you.
After awakening, in classes, before bed, I could not help thinking about you and that smile drew on my face, was incredible, with just thinking about it, I was happy, was as if it wasn't so dark, and a small window is created on the walls of my mind and strained the light from there. You've brought that light.
I remember when I started to write, I tried to contact you, reviewing everything you said, on each photo that you took, every thought although it was insignificant. I was a very insistent boy and I needed that you surrender that insistence, had to begin to notice me and it was so. And I was happy for that reason.
You let that I could communicate privately with you, we write us a lot, I discovered that thanks to God we had things in common, I was too nice that we had many similar interests, then we begin to see in video calls, I remember that time, I was so excited, I had to let you know when start, I was so nervous that I didn't know what to do with my hair looked at myself so many times in the mirror before to be able to let know you that all was well and that we could already start talking. There I saw your huge eyes and jet black hair live, you smiled to see me and I said hello and I should have acted like a jerk, I think this are the few occasions that my mind can protect me and forgetting some details, just remember that I should act so embarrassing because you could not contain laughter, tried not to laugh, but a small giggle escaped your lips. Then you apologize to me, I felt ashamed, but it died to change by emotion, we are talking about fairly, but there were also moments of silence that were not uncomfortable, simply watched us and from my heart wanted to be able to touch you, you and I may not live to the end of the country why we had to live so far away? It was a quick thinking that I slip into my head while I was watching, my girlfriend of the time could not even be remembered when I thought of you.
Time passed and we apparently had a strong, good relationship, that's what I thought, I cannot speak for you, I don't know that you thought of me, many times you want to have a special power to read your mind. He had liked so much. I was wondering if it was equal in person to as eras with me online. I wanted that you so.
Remember the anxiety of buying train tickets, as my normal insomnia is heightened to finally meet you in person, at last I have you facing me and if things changed? If you didn't have chemistry? If you disappointed about me? If you could see through me and saw that nervous and insecure boy? Would you think that it was a mistake to see us? Would you think that you lost your time to expect me at the train station? Serious you friendly by education, then I would return home and everything would end up there? Think of those things tormented me too and I didn't want to give you account for this.
Take the train and the hour slow limping and I couldn't believe that it was finally going to see you, at last, would not have to settle for just seeing you on a screen, you'd finally be against me completely and this would be real, because for me to be in that train, it was as if some imagination, a dream. Actually I was going to find the person who was my obsession? Perhaps at this time he was in my bed dreaming all this and then would wake up disappointed. What I felt was too nice to be true
The trip was already over, passengers had reached that they parked train in the city of Manchester, again my anxiety grew, I did not know if already it was there waiting for me or you had done late, but so am I thinking things until it happens, I had my headphones but I heard someone calling me from the back, shocked tumbling and... Were you, looking even better than that screen, you hair black, blue eyes and skin like snow and also something taller than me? My heart wanted to get out of my chest, my heart wanted to scream and cry at the same time. It was something that had never felt before and before that I gave my account because we were embracing at the train station, forgetting the rest of the world, in a warm hug and it was as if our bodies were already known before, at no time felt uncomfortable.
Walk down the street, the wheel of fortune, Starbucks, that Bar, that kiss... are things that I keep in the depths of my soul, Manchester has a very important part of me, so I can't help but feel something in my being when I hear the name of that city.
Can you remember how we played in the snow? It had never much fun me, I could not believe something so simple could create so much joy in me, but was not the city, was not the snow, were you that caused that I enjoy me with the simplest and thanks to the gods, you were much more amazing in person, you were truly unique.
You were a fortress in me, before that we were in person, you encouraged me to go with my video channel, I wasn't sure of it, I wanted to do it, but I felt that it would be a failure, but you, you convinced me telling me that if I wanted to do it, I should just do it and always starts with a step at a time and I got my first video and that was going to be the beginning of my character on the internet.
Sometimes to allow new things, you have to let things you had before, so I told my girlfriend that ours was not working, that we were both too young to continue with a long relationship, confrontations I never liked, and therefore use the Charter to be gentle and polite. She left and you could enter my life without guilt.
You were next to me in the decisions of my life, when I had the existential crisis continue or leave the University and I simply frustrated and exploding, why not leave me, my wonderful Phil? In your place I would have thought that this guy has many problems and had my bags packed, but there were you, next to me, telling me that all would be well, not I should go mad for something so and don't you know that your words were like balm to my soul, and take that decision to those studies that up to this moment I have no regrets.