Clark wanted to scream or cry, he wasn't sure which one to do first. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this hurt, but it was slowly killing him. He stood in the middle of the woods where Lex had told him to meet him about two hours ago. Clark knew something was wrong from the tone of Lex's voice, but he never thought that it would be this bad. He figured that Lex just needed some where to go to talk or even to cuddle a bit, something they haven't done in months. Clark was excited to finally get some alone time with his boyfriend. Lex had been working so hard lately Clark was beginning to think that he had forgotten all about him. When he reached the clearing of the woods, Lex was already standing there waiting for him. The look on his face was less than inviting, and he seemed cold and distant. A chill ran down Clark's spine as he stared into his lovers eyes. The warmth and care that usually was there was completely gone, and Clark suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable.
"I didn't think you would actually show up." Clark stared at Lex with confusion. The way he was speaking and acting gave Clark the impression that they had gotten into a huge argument, but Clark couldn't even remember the last time they talked long enough to have any kind of an argument.
"Why wouldn't I? Lex, what's going on?" He watched as his posture froze into that of the business man that he was. Clark could feel the air around him grow thick and cold, as an impending doom was approaching.
"Clark, we've been together for almost two years now, and it's been great. Unfortunately these past couple of months has been very busy for me. They made me realize that it's practically impossible to hold a relationship and a business life all at once. What I am trying to say is. I think it's time we took a break." Clark could feel every muscle in his body tighten, and his chest constrict. He was scared to breathe as it would make him realize that this was all real. He tried his hardest to control the wave of emotions he was feeling as he answered his former lover.
"I-is it something I did?" Clark's voice came out small and weak, but he just couldn't care. His whole world was being pulled from underneath him, and it was making him sick to his stomach.
"No. We just don't have time for each other anymore. Our relationship is no longer a top priority for me. I just think it's time to move on." Clark scoffed and rolled his eyes. He could feel his throat constrict as the tears began to form, but he refused to cry in front of the man that was breaking his heart into a thousand pieces.
"You speak of it as if it's some kind of business proposal. Do you not love me anymore?" Clark's breathes were now coming out short and shallow, so that when he spoke his words sounded choppy and inconsistent. He watched Lex's eyes to see if he could find any form of emotion in them, or any speck of love that used to shine in them. He wondered when his Lex had changed into someone that was no longer his. Clark waited for Lex to respond to the question. For a moment he was positive he saw some kind of pain pass through Lex's eyes, but as soon as it appeared it was gone.
"No… I don't." Clark could see how hard it was for Lex to say those words. He knew deep down that Lex was lying, but it hurt all the same. He wondered what was so important that Lex had to lie and break up with Clark. Clark wanted to argue back, and call him out on his faulty lies, but he could no longer speak. The tears had begun to pour out of his eyes uncontrollably, and sobs were escaping his throat.
"Your only 17 Clark. You're still so young. In a few years this will no longer matter." He moved closer to Clark, and for a moment Clark was positive that he was going to put his arms around him and hold him tight like he used to, but instead, he patted Clark on the shoulder and walked back in the direction of the mansion. Clark stood there with his mouth wide open in complete shock. More and more tears came. He wanted to super speed out of there, but his legs felt like complete jelly. He sunk to the ground onto his knees, and sobbed into his hands.
"Lex…no." Clark closed his eyes tightly trying to block out the reality that his life had just spun into.
CHAPTER 2: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan and Martha sat at the kitchen table, eating their meat loaf in silence. It had been almost 12 hours since Clark had left that morning to the mansion to see Lex. He would always call to check in and to let them know he was alright, but today he had failed to do so. Martha had spent the better part of an hour calling Clark's cell phone, and panicking every time she got his voice mail. Jonathan eventually had to calm her down, and comfort her before she completely broke down. They both hadn't spoken for hours, waiting for the house phone to finally ring with word from their son, or even better, for Clark to walk through the kitchen door with an apology and a sheepish smile on his lips for making his mother worried.
"God Jonathan, I can't wait any longer. I'm calling Lex." She stood up from the table abruptly, and practically sprinted to the phone. Just has his wife picked up the receiver with a shaking hand, the screen door creaked open. They both froze in their positions and waited to see Clark's large form slowly come into the dining room. Martha let out a huge sigh and ran to her son.
"Oh Clark I have been worried sick." She wrapped him in her arms, and was glad to have her baby home and safe, but when Clark didn't hug her back or offer words of comfort she knew something was wrong. She moved a step back from him, but was still close enough to hold on to his shoulders. Jonathan moved closer to his family as he looked at his sons red rimmed eyes with worry.
"Clark, are you alright son?" Clark looked away from his parents, and did not respond. He moved away from his mother's grip and slowly made his way up the stairs to his room. Jonathan and Martha stood at the bottom, staring at their son.
"Jonathan, you should go talk to him." He nodded his head but made no movement to follow his son.
"Let's give him some time. He'll come to us when he's ready." Martha knew her husband was right, but the feeling of desperation to make her son happy was too strong for her to stay calm.
Clark closed the door to his room and locked it tightly. He knew he was worrying his parents, but he just didn't have the strength to tell them what had happened. He did not want o face it himself, and he knew that if he spoke about it, it would make it that much more real. He stripped out of his jacket shoes and pants and climbed into his bed. After lying in the woods for hours, he knew any other human being would feel cramped and sour, but he felt nothing; not inside or out. He curled himself into a fetal position as he tried to hold himself together. He could feel a raw opening in his chest, which was threatening to break him, if he even thought of Lex. He closed his eyes tightly and slowly fell into a restless sleep.
CHAPTER 3: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lex rifled through the papers on his desk. Trying to find the right documents. He was already a half an hour late for a meeting with his father, and he could feel the panic rising in him. He had tried his hardest to just focus on his work, and not the total agony he had been going through since he had broken up with Clark. He spent the entire night formulating the speech he was going to say in front of the board, but when he read it over it made absolutely no sense. He was too wrapped up in the pain that he had caused the one person he had ever truly loved to even think about statistics and money. He couldn't sleep since every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the look on Clark's face when he told him he no longer loved him. He had never seen Clark really cry, and the sight was completely unbearable. All he wanted to do was go back in time and take it all back, but he knew that it was impossible. He had to keep reminding himself that he did this for Clark's own good. Their lives were just too different. Clark was still in high school, while Lex was getting ready for a big corporate sell out that could possibly change his entire life. He knew that Clark was too young and naïve to make the decision, so he had to make it for the both of them.
"Do you not love me anymore?" Those words kept plaguing Lex. He knew it was harsh and unwarranted telling Clark he no longer loved him, but he also knew it was necessary. If Clark thought even for a second that there was a way to salvage their relationship, then he would never give up. But by telling him that he no longer loved him, it made it into a clean break, something that Clark could not fight against. Lex finally found the files and picked them up into his shaking hands. He tried to take a deep breath, but he could feel himself losing control of himself, as his pain was getting the best of him.
"Lex, what the hell is taking you so long?" When the sound of his father's voice came booming through the study doors, Lex completely lost it. The files went flying out his hands and tears began to fall from his eyes. He looked at the mess he had just created and became frantic. He got down on his knees, in his 3, ooo dollar suite trying to gather up all his hard work.
"Lex? What's the matter son? What are you doing?" Lex wanted to answer his father, but he was now beginning to hyperventilate and could no longer think straight. Lionel bent down and scooped his son off the ground by his shoulders.
"Maria! Get him some water. Lex, just calm down son." Lex tried to breathe, but the sobs began to escape. He hated breaking down in front of his father, but he just couldn't control himself. A moment later Maria came in with the water, and Lionel practically force feed him it. His breathing began to return to normal, but his head was still not right.
"Go without me dad…I need to be alone."
"But this is your merger Lex. What do you want me to tell them, that you had some kind of nervous breakdown?!" Lionel stood up and stared and Lex with a disapproving glare. Lex could feel his blood begin to boil. He had already lost complete control of his other emotions, and anger was no exception.
"Tell them whatever the fuck you want to! Just GO!" Lionel showed the faintest hint of surprise at his sons' response, but without another word he turned on his heels and left Lex to his own misery. Lex stayed on the couch, wallowing in the memory of his lost lover and best friend.
"I'm so sorry Clark."
CHAPTER 4: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clark groaned as the morning sun showed through his window brightly. He put the blanket over his head as he tried to hide from the fact that today was a whole new day that he would have to face without Lex.
"Clark! You're going to be late for school!" He rubbed at his over tired eyes, as he sat up in his bed. He could still feel the swollen pain in his chest, but he tried his hardest to ignore it, as he stood up from his bed and went through his morning routine within seconds. When he came down the stairs he was a little surprised to see his parents waiting for him at the bottom of the steps.
"Hey sweety, how are you feeling?" Clark reminded himself that he needed to stay as composed as possible.
"I'm fine. I didn't mean to worry you guys. I guess I was just a little tired." He watched as his parents glanced at each other unconvinced that he was truly alright. He walked around them and grabbed his book bag from the kitchen table.
"I should go, I don't want to be late for school." He quickly super speed out of the house without a second glance at his parents.
When he got to the high school, he immediately made his way to Chloe and Pete, who were waiting for him at the front of the school as usual. It almost surprised him that nothing else in his life had changed, even though everything that happened seemed so significant.
"Hey, you didn't show up last night." Chloe stared at him crossly as she waited for an explanation. Clark had been so lost in his own misery he couldn't even remember what he had forgotten. Chloe sensed this, and decided to explain. "You promised me you were going to stop by last night to edit my article." Clark sighed and rubbed at his face.
"I'm sorry Chlo. I got a little distracted last night." Pete glanced over at Chloe as they both saw the pain in their best friend's eyes at the same time. Chloe softened her hard look and moved closer to Clark.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Clark desperately wanted to tell his friends what was wrong, but he just couldn't get the words out.
"I can't right now…but I will. I promise." They both nodded their heads as they watched Clark's face contort with whatever was bothering him. Pete clapped Clark on the shoulder and began to steer him towards the class.
"Come on bud, let's go." Clark let himself be guided into the room. He knew sitting in history would be torturous. Lex's favorite subject was history, and almost every day after school, Clark would go to the mansion, and talk about his history class with Lex, and usually they would make love after words, as history seemed to turn Lex on. This thought almost brought a smile to Clark's face, until he realized that he was no longer going to have that. He suddenly longed for Lex's kisses, and his touch. This longing made the hole in the center of his chest throb, until he was almost positive that he was not able to keep himself together.
"Clark man, you okay?" Pete snapped him out of his almost break down, so he was now able to focus on something else. He smiled at his friend and nodded his head, as he turned all of his attention to the teachers' lecture.
CHAPTER 5: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lex had fallen asleep in his sitting position on the couch. He was startled awake by the maid entering through the front door.
"Clark!" Maria jumped back as Lex called out his name. She grabbed at her chest, as he scared the living day lights out of her.
"I'm sorry Mr. Luthor, but Mr. Clark is not here." Lex let out a deep sigh as he rubbed his face with his hands. He waved his hand to dismiss Maria. All he wanted was to be left alone. He knew he had completely messed up his entire life, but he knew it was all for the best; at least, that's what he wanted to make himself believe. Lex stood up from the couch, and groaned as his back cracked from being in the same position for far too long. He slowly made his way up the stairs to the master bedroom. He decided that the best thing he could do was take a few days off to compose himself. He needed to be in complete control before he even thought of presenting himself in front of his company.
He stripped away all of his clothes until he was left only in boxers, then climbed in to his oversized bed. He lay on top of the covers, while he imagined a time when Clark would be lying next to him with his gorgeous body glistening in the morning light. He closed his eyes as he pictured Clark's radiant smile, and laugh. Clark always loved having sex in the morning because he said that Lex's scent would linger on him for the rest of the day. Lex had laughed at Clark, in a playful manner, when he said this. The truth was that Lex loved it for the same reason. He groaned as he tried to keep back the tears that once again were threatening to fall. He rolled around on the bed and was disappointed to find that they no longer smelled like Clark. In fact, they had not smelled like him in months, and he knew it was his own entire fault. Lex had been a complete jerk to Clark since Lionel had come to Smallville. His father knew nothing about Lex's relationship and he was determined to keep it that way. All he wanted to do was protect Clark from his father's wrath, but instead he ended up hurting Clark more and more. For this reason Lex had decided that it would be better for the both of them if he just ended the relationship, but something even worse happened.
Lex rolled onto his side and stood up from the bed. He wanted so badly to call Clark and tell him that it was all a big mistake, and that he still loved him and needed him, but something inside of him kept him from moving that extra step to his cell phone that lay on the ground.
"I can't do it. This is the right thing." He turned his back on the phone and walked into the bathroom. He needed to take a scalding hot shower and possibly pop a few muscle relaxers if he wanted any type of relief from the pain in his heart.
CHAPTER 6: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The rest of the day went by like a blur for Clark. His mind had completely gone astray after too many classes left sitting idle. Now, every thought he had was centered on Lex, and everything that Lex had said to him the day before. He was surprised that he was able to control himself under such torture, but the fact that he knew Lex was lying was the only thing that was keeping him going. He saw that momentary lapse of apathy in Lex's mood just before he told Clark he no longer loved him. He had been with Lex long enough to know that he was always the most vulnerable the moment before he told a lie. He spent the entire day trying to figure out what was going through Lex's mind that would lead him to break up with Clark. He knew that it had been a rough couple of months for them, but Lex always seemed to care about Clark, and never showed any signs that his feelings towards Clark were dwindling. Even the fact that they hadn't made love in weeks didn't deter Clark's judgment in the fact that Lex did indeed still love him.
By the time the last bell rang to signal the end of the day, Clark was heated. He stormed out of the building in a rage that almost left the door hanging by its hinges. He didn't care what Lex's reasons were, he was going to get him back even if he had to beat sense into him first.
"Clark! Where are you going?!" Clark didn't even bat an eyelash as Pete yelled after him. He could feel their worried gazes burning into his back, but his mind was only focused on getting to the mansion as fast as possible. As soon as he was out of sight, he super speed the rest of the way. When he got onto the mansion grounds his head felt like it was on fire. He knew he needed to calm himself down before he confronted Lex. He didn't want to do anything stupid. He swung the mansion doors open and walked right up to the study doors. He took one more deep breath before swinging those open as well.
"LEX!" he stopped dead in his tracks when he realized the person standing behind Lex's desk was definitely not Lex.
"Well, Mr. Kent. It's been a while." Clark watched as Lionel stealthily closed a file on his son's desk. He took note of it, but made no indication that it was of any importance.
"I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I really need to speak to Lex." Lionel stopped for a moment and seemed to find something amusing. He then turned back to Clark with an all knowing smile.
"From what I understand, you and my son are very close friends." Clark nodded his head, but did not dare to say anymore. He knew that Lex had not wanted Lionel to know about their relationship. At first Clark had been offended by this, but after a few more encounters with the famous Lionel Luthor he stopped objecting to it.
"Maybe you could explain to me why my son turned into an emotional wreck right before a big meeting yesterday. He couldn't even stand on his own two feet." Clark swallowed hard as he tried his hardest to fight down his own raging emotions. This news relieved him because it meant that Lex was indeed still in love with him, and he was suffering just as much as Clark.
"I have no idea Mr. Luthor, but if you tell me where he is, I could talk to him for you and find out what's wrong." Clark tried to keep as calm as possible, but the evil sneer that came off of the man in front of him, was enough to make even Gandhi uneasy. He watched as Lionel seemed to mull this idea over in his head. He tapped his fingers on the desk for a moment before straightening out and taking a few steps towards Clark.
"That won't be necessary. Just tell him he better straighten up before the big meeting tomorrow….or else." He gave Clark one final grin before retreating out the study doors. As soon as Clark was positive the man was truly gone, he let out the breath he was holding the entire time. He leaned against one of the chairs in front of the desks as he tried to regain his composure.
"Mr. Clark?" his head snapped up at the sound of Maria, the maid, calling his name. She was standing at the balcony with a bundle of towels in her small, tan arms. "If you are looking for Lex, you will find him in his room." Clark nodded a thank you to her, as she retreated through one of the many doors of the mansion.
When he was sure he wouldn't trip over his own two feet, he began making the slow trek up the winding stairs. When he reached the top he had to stop once again and take a deep breath.
"Just relax Clark." He made his way down the hall, with one hand supporting him on the wall. When he reached the door to Lex's room, he paused for a moment, and then lightly tapped on the half opened door.
"It's okay Maria, I don't need anything." Clark cringed out the sound of Lex's voice. The last time he had heard him sound that way was right before they started dating. It had been a very stressful time for the both of them, especially for Lex. He had taken to knocking himself out with pain killers and muscle relaxers to calm himself. The last time Clark heard him sound so out of it, he had practically overdosed on a bottle of Vikadin. Clark had to rush him to the hospital, and he watched as they pumped his stomach free of the vile poison. After that Lex had promised Clark that he would never take another pill like that ever again, he had also promised Clark that he was never going to leave him either. Clark sighed heavily and slowly opened the door to the room. He was not surprised in the least to find Lex, half passed out on the bed practically able to keep awake. At the sound of the door creaking open he turned his head and looked up at Clark groggily.
"Clark?" his voice came out a confused whisper. He looked at Clark up and down, and then broke into tears. He tried to reach out for Clark, but lost his balance and fell to the ground from the bed. Clark immediately walked over to him and crouched down to his lover. Lex's eyes were red rimmed and full of pain, much like Clark's were at that same moment.
"I'm so sorry Clark." He said this through a long sob that made him lose his breath. Seeing Lex in such a broken state made Clark completely lose it as well. He began to cry silently as he gathered Lex's body into his arms. Lex tried his hardest to wrap his arms around Clark's neck and hold on tight, but they just kept flopping down to his sides. Clark placed him on the bed, and then lay down next to him.
"How much did you take?" Clark tried to say as soothingly as possible, so as not to startle the sobbing man lying curled up next to him.
"Not enough to kill me unfortunately." Clark let out a sigh and stroked Lex's cheek.
"Don't speak like that." Lex looked up into Clark's face and slowly brought his own hand up. He tried his hardest to coordinate his hand to Clark's face to wipe away the tears. It was slightly sloppy, but Clark could still feel the love even from that small touch.
"Everything I said was a lie Clark. I still love you. I've always loved you." He buried his face into Clark's chest as more sobs escaped his body. Clark tried to control his own sobs, but they were just too great to hold back.
"I love you too Lex." Both boys cried in each other's arms until they drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER 7: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Lex woke up his head felt much clearer than it had when Clark had showed up earlier. He sat up abruptly from Clark's grasp as he felt slightly disoriented. He looked out the window and was surprised to see that it was already very dark.
"How do you feel?" Lex was startled by Clark's voice, but quickly recovered when he saw his angel's face staring up at him. He sighed deeply as he lay back down so his face was only mere inches away from Clark's.
"Better. How about you?" Clark shrugged his shoulders as he let out a shaky breath. Lex knew that he would not be able to handle seeing Clark cry again so he did the first thing he could, and captured Clark's perfect lips in a soft but love filled kiss. Clark wrapped his arms around Lex's waist as Lex wrapped his own around Clark's neck. They pulled each other in closely as they savored each other's smell and touch. When they parted from the kiss, Clark had a small smile on his lips that Lex was hoping for. He then became serious once again, but he no longer looked like he was going to break out into tears.
"Why did you lie to me?" Lex sighed heavily as he moved his hand to stroke Clark's cheek.
"I was scared that our lives were becoming too different. I thought that it would be too hard for you to handle not having me there as much, and I couldn't stand the idea of hurting you anymore." Clark looked at him with a confused but mocking glare.
"You do realize you hurt me more than you ever have?" Lex nodded his head, and placed his palm on Clark's cheek, as he tried to soak up his beautiful warmth.
"I was also worried about my father. With him being around so much lately, I was worried he would find out about us, and ruin everything. I couldn't risk losing forever. So I thought, maybe by ending the relationship I would only lose you for a while instead of for the rest of my life….it was stupid." Clark nodded his head in agreement, as he watched Lex come to the realization that he had acted upon pure stupidity. "I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to hurt you the way I did." Clark gave him a small smile, and then gave him a brief kiss.
"Just promise me, no matter what, you'll never leave me again. I can't take it." Lex could see the sincerity in Clark's eyes, and immediately promised. He would do anything to never see that sadness in Clark's eyes ever again.
THE END